It hurt to see her in that hospital bed. I didn't care that all the doctors and nurses said she would be fine, she wasn't even supposed to be here.
And maybe if I had fought for her a little earlier, this wouldn't happened.
After paramedics came to Lexi's home and took her, they did various tests on her at the hospital to make sure she was okay. They constantly took her temperature and checked vital signs such as blood pressure, pulse, and breathing.
The beeping of all those machines annoyed me to the point of insanity, but as long as they beeped in a steady rhythm, it meant everything was as it should be.
The doctors and I were waiting for her to wake up. They so that they can properly examine her and see if there will be any lasting effects, and me because I love her and I will not move away from her until I know she's okay, and possibly not even after.
Her father left some time ago. He talked to the doctor, who assured him that he didn't need to be here, so he left. But I couldn't.
"Well, she's lucky to have you." I heard a woman's voice from the door and shifted my attention away from Lexi.
A young nurse with brown hair and work clothes was standing in the doorway.
"It's late, you should go home and rest. Leave your number at the main desk and we'll call you as soon as she wakes up."
"I want to be here when she wakes up." I tore my gaze away from her and looked back at Lexi who was lying peacefully in bed. She was a little pale, which was normal, but she was also much thinner than the last time I saw her, I wondered when was the last time she had eaten properly or taken proper care of herself.
More than once my gaze slipped to her hands, where she had infusions, but also her scars. I didn't overlook the fresh wounds and it hurt that I couldn't be there for her to stop her.
"We have strict rules about evening visits."
"Are you kicking me out?" I frowned.
"I should." She nodded. "But I'm sure she'll feel better waking up with someone familiar by her side." She nodded her head at Lexi. "Don't wander the halls at night unless you have to. The nearest vending machine with coffee and some food is at the end of this hall. And when she wakes up, press that red button on the wall." She pointed to my right hand where the red button was next to the bed.
"Thank you," I said honestly. I was glad she didn't try to throw me out, because I wouldn't move from this place no matter what she tried.
"Of course." She smiled and quietly closed the door behind her as she left.
I moved the chair I was sitting on closer to the bed and grabbed Lexi's hand, kissing her knuckles. "Come on, sunshine, come back to me," I whispered. "I need you."
Something tickled my arm. I was afraid it was a spider or something else, but when I finally got woke up and my vision was clearer, I found the cause.
Finn had his head resting on the hospital bed, next to my hand, which he breathed onto while he slept. He looked uncomfortable in the chair he was sitting on, but still slept soundly.
The sunlight was falling through the window into the room, which told me that it was probably morning.
Wait.
Why am I in the hospital?
Slowly everything started to come back to me, but I still couldn't remember how I got here. And I also didn't know why Finn was here.
But I was glad to see him. I missed him.
Despite the fact that I wanted him to let me go, my feelings for him did not just disappear. I may have buried them deep inside, but that's what I do with all emotions when I'm not ready to deal with them.
At least you admitted it, that's progress.
I raised my hand to his face, running my fingers through his hair. I rolled them off his face so I could see him better, but my touch woke him up.
Finn slowly began to open his eyes.
"Hi." I didn't talk to him, didn't answer his messages and calls for how long? And the first thing I said was hi?
"Lexi?" He straightened up in his chair and that's when I noticed a sleep print on his face. "When did you wake up?" He reached somewhere towards the wall to my left.
"A few minutes ago, I wasn't..."
"Are you in pain?" He cut me off. "Do you remember what happened? Are you uncomfortable?" He threw questions at me one after the other and I didn't know which one to answer first.
I was saved by a doctor who entered the room. "Look who finally woke up." She smiled. "Miss Pierce, how are you feeling?" She walked over to the bed and grabbed the card that was at the foot of the bed reading it.
"Um," I looked at Finn who looked a lot less peaceful than he did a few minutes ago when he was sleeping, "fine, I guess."
"If you're up for it, I'd like to give you a thorough examination to make sure you're really okay. Some blood tests, skin tests, CT scans, and MRIs."
"MRI?" Finn frowned. "Isn't it used for brain problems or something? Does that mean..."
"Everything just as a precaution, I assure you that you have nothing to worry about." She tried to calm him down with a warm smile. "We just want to make sure nothing has any permanent effects."
"Permanent effects?"
"Finn." I caught his hand when I saw that he was getting nervous. "I'm gonna be fine."
"If you'll excuse me, I'll go order you for tests. The nurse will come and take you in a while." She smiled and left the room.
"Lexi?" I tore my eyes away from the door behind which the doctor went and turned to Finn.
I let go of his hand when I realized I was still holding it. I have no right to touch him, I was the one who broke our relationship. "I know you probably have a lot of questions, and you're probably disappointed, but..."
"Disappointed?" He cut me off. "I'm angry. Angry at myself for not stopping it somehow. Lexi you could've died."
I closed my eyes with. "Sorry, I..."
"I don't know what I would do then, okay? I was lost when you left, if something happened to you, I don't know what..." He shook his head and took a deep breath. "Please don't leave me." His eyes began to glisten with tears. "I can't lose you." His lips quivered. "I know I don't deserve this, but please don't leave me. I'm begging you."
"I left because I thought it was the right decision, I was trying to give you a chance at a normal life where..."
"Lexi, I can't live a life without you. I don't want to live a life like that."
"I..."
"I love you, can't you see that? And I was an idiot to let you go. I won't make that mistake again."
"Finn..." I tried to say something to him again, but he continued.
"I couldn't get you out of my head for months and truly I don't even want to. You are the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. You are my light in this disgusting dark world. When I came here I was ready to die in that apartment. Alone. But because of you I started to feel something I couldn't explain right away but suddenly I wanted to live. I wanted to live so I could spend time with you and I realize it's probably not healthy to depend on someone like that but I don't care because while you were in my life, it made sense. So when I saw you lying in that shower half dead," a tear rolled down his cheek, "I knew that if you didn't survive, neither would I."
"Please don't say that." I shook my head at the mere thought of something happening to Finn.
"I don't know where our relationship stands right now, Lexi, but I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to fight for what we have, even if you might not. I'm going to fight for both of us. You can push me away, avoid me, hate me, but I'm still not going anywhere. "
"I can't hate you, Finn, you know that." Or at least I hoped he knew. "I left because you were getting bad. You were devastated while you were spending time with me. And it was all my fault..."
"Lexi..."
"Please let me speak." I interrupted him. "You took care of me, and it was destroying you, even if you couldn't see it, I could. You were getting worse every day, just like me. And even though I love you, I still think it was a good decision, that I left. You were destroying yourself while you tried to fix me, and I won't let you destroy yourself. I couldn't live with myself."
"Wait..." He took a step back. "You...you love me?"
"That's what you got out of that?" I raised an eyebrow.
"You love me?" He asked again as if he didn't believe the words were coming out of his mouth.
"Of course I do, but sometimes it's not everything. Love can't..."
"I know that love doesn't fix everything, it doesn't heal everything, but it gives us a good base to start on. All I ask is that you give us another chance. Please."
Part of me wanted to fight against it and another part wanted to fight for him.
Like a coin, everything has two sides.
If we were to get together and encounter anything like that again, no one can guarantee that it won't turn out like the last time. I don't want Finn to fall back into what he struggled to dig himself out of.
But I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss him. That I didn't miss waking up next to him and going to sleep with him. That I didn't miss our conversations and our time together. That I didn't miss his smile and laugh.
But was I ready to risk everything for a smile and a laugh?
"Lexi..." I was snapped out of my thoughts by Finn's voice and his hands on my cheeks. I didn't even notice when he approached. "Give us a chance and I promise we'll be fine. Us against the world, sunshine." He smiled. "And we'll win. Every time. What do you say?" His eyes were filled with hope and I would never be able to destroy it.
"Okay." I slowly nodded and smiled.
"Okay?" His face lit up. "Are you serious?"
"Mmm." I bit my lip. "Us against the world."
"Oh god, I love you." He lowered his head and connected our lips in a soft but passionate kiss.
"I love you too," I whispered as we pulled away.
"And I'll make sure I deserve it. Every day."
*****
After two days of being monitored in the hospital, they finally let me go home.
During those two days, Finn hardly moved from me. The guys came to visit me a few times and I thought I was going to get a lecture, but everyone was calm. Maybe it was because I was lying in a hospital bed, so they took pity on me and will give me the lecture later.
I felt better, my head was clearer than in previous weeks. It could be the pills that they gave me in the hospital, but I think that my condition has improved overall.
"Let me help you," Finn said after opening his car door for me and carefully pulling me out. For two days he treated me like I was made out of porcelain, afraid that I would fall apart if he touched me in the wrong place.
"You want to carry me straight to my room?" I said with a laugh because I meant it as a joke. "Finn, no." I pointed my finger at him when I noticed his serious face. "It was a joke. Don't even think about it."
"Too late, sunshine." He laughed and closed the door behind me. "I'd be happier if you came back to my place." He looked at the house in front of us and frowned.
"Baby steps." I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. "Let's go." I grabbed his hand and started pulling him into the house.
As soon as we entered, my father came out of the kitchen. "You're home." He walked up to us and hesitated for a moment before hugging me. "How are you?" He murmured into my hair.
"Better." I smiled and pulled away from him. I noticed Finn's uncomfortable expression.
"Are you hungry? There's some food in the fridge, I can heat it up for you."
"Thanks, but I already ate. Finn stuffed me with fries and a burger the moment we left the hospital." I smiled.
I'm not very picky when it comes to food, but hospital food? Nope, not a chance.
"That's good." He looked at Finn. "Thank you."
"It was nothing." He cleared his throat. "I'll go get your bags from the car." He pointed behind him.
"Thanks."
"Of course." He kissed my forehead before disappearing through the door.
"Lexi?" I looked away from the door.
"Hm?"
"I am glad that you're okay."
I don't know why, but I needed to hug him again, so that's exactly what I did.