I'm the luckiest man in the world and you won't change my mind.
I held Lexi in my arms while she slept peacefully in her bed. The only thing that would improve my mood even more would be if she moved back in with me. However, we said that we would take things slow, so I'm crashing at her place for now.
She was released from the hospital today, and after I helped her unpack, she said she was tired, so we laid down. She fell asleep with her head on my chest almost before I got even comfortable.
I like to think it was because she felt safe with me, but it could have been because of the pills they gave her at the hospital and general tiredness.
But a man can dream.
I spent two days by her side in the hospital, and even though it is one of the most depressing places, it was time well spent. We talked a lot and clarified everything we needed. I think we'll be fine. No, I know we'll be fine.
*****
I woke up the moment Lexi tried to sneak out of bed. I grabbed her hips and pulled her back to me, making her giggle. She gripped my chest with her hands to keep her full weight from crashing into me, even though I wouldn't mind.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"Toilet." She laughed. "Am I not allowed?" She raised an eyebrow with humor.
"Not if you're trying to sneak out like that."
"I didn't want to wake you. You slept so peacefully." She turned her head to the side. "We slept almost all day."
"Is that supposed to be a complaint?" I reached up to her face, brushing a lock of her hair behind her ear.
"Nope." She shook her head. "I haven't slept this well in a long time."
"Me neither." I smiled. The last time when she lived with me. "Are you sure you don't want to move back in because I'll feel better knowing you're..."
"I know, it's just..." She breathed out. "It's a lot now, and if I had to think about moving again and having to..."
"Lexi, hey." I stopped her. "Got it, I won't ask again."
"Thank you." She smiled. "But I'd love to go back there. I missed Sunny."
"Oh, about that." I laughed nervously. "There was a minor incident but everything has been fixed and Sunny is fine."
"Minor incident?" She raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"Didn't you want to go to the bathroom?"
"You are lucky." She pointed her finger at me threateningly and got off me. "But we'll talk about that later.
"I'm already looking forward to it." I gave her a narrow smile.
Shit.
I'd be lying if I said I was 100% fine. I'm not, but at least I can admit it, I take it as progress. But I still have a heavy feeling in my heart and I don't think I can just get rid of it.
But I'm only human, so I have to learn to live with it. This time I won't let it consume me. For the people around me, but also for myself.
"Are you sure you want to go? I wouldn't mind a movie and some junk food." I turned my head from the mirror to Finn, who was leaning against the door frame.
"I feel better." I smiled. "And I miss them."
"Then we'll go." He pushed himself away from the frame and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders, my back to his chest. "But we can leave whenever you want."
I looked at both of us in the mirror and smiled at the sight and also at Finn's words. What did I do to deserve it? And how is it possible that he hasn't run away from me and my craziness yet?
"Thanks." I grabbed his crossed arms on my chest and kissed his knuckles. "Finn?"
"Yes?" He gave me a quick kiss on my temple.
"Do you think short hair would suit me?" I turned my head to the side while looking in the mirror.
"Short hair?" I nodded. "I think you will still look beautiful." He said with a smile.
"Really?" I slowly turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck, looking straight into his eyes.
"Of course, sunshine." He ran his hand over my face. "A big plus will be that I won't wake up with all your hair on my face."
"Hey!" I playfully punched him in the chest. "That happened once."
"That you know of." He laughed.
"Finn!" I hit him again.
"Okay, okay, no more jokes. I think you'd look breathtaking, as always, but we don't have time for you to play hairdresser, we've got places to be, and people waiting for us. "
"I'll just throw something on and we can go." I stood on my tiptoes to give him a quick kiss on the lips and slipped out from under his arms.
"You're not going in that?" He followed me back to my room.
"Seriously?" I snorted and looked down at the gray sweatpants and tank top I was wearing.
Four days after being discharged from the hospital, I'm going out for the first time, of course not in what I'm currently wearing.
"Of course not." I stopped at the closet and took out a white dress that reached the middle of my thighs and had a smaller neckline.
"Do they have a zipper or something you need help putting on?" Finn closed the door to my room behind him.
"Good try." I laughed. "Turn around." I showed a circular motion in the air.
"Nothing I haven't seen before." He muttered under his breath, but not quietly enough. That's why a pillow flew on his head the moment he turned around. "Hey! What was that for?"
"Stay there and don't move," I said in the most serious tone possible.
To be honest, I don't feel the most comfortable in my own body. I've lost quite a lot of weight and I don't look very attractive. Even though I know Finn wouldn't judge me, I can't bring myself to let him see me even half-naked.
I quickly threw off what I was wearing, put on a white bra, and put on the dress.
"I'm done." I pulled my hair out from under the fabric of my dress. "What?" I asked as I saw Finn's eyes nearly falling out.
"You're going in that?"
"What's wrong with it it?" I frowned, suddenly regretting my choice.
Is the dress too short? Do I look bad in it? Is it the color? Cut?
"You're going to freeze." He walked over to my closet and started rummaging through it. "Summer is over, I don't want you to get sick."
"Oh," I said surprised.
"Don't get me wrong, you look stunning and I'm sure you're comfortable in it, but I wouldn't be comfortable all evening if I knew you were cold." He turned back to me, holding a pale blue sweater in his hands. He walked up to me. "Up." He nodded at my hands and I realized he was trying to dress me and even though I had my own hands I let him. I threw my arms up in the air and Finn pulled the sweater over my head. "You look warmer now." He smiled.
I turned to the mirror I had in the corner of the room and it genuinely didn't look as bad as I thought it would. I also have shoes of this exact color, so it matches.
"Thank you." I turned back to him. "I feel better." I pulled my sleeves down as much as possible.
"Let's go." He grabbed my hand, intertwined his fingers with mine and we walked out of my room.
We were standing at the bottom of the stairs when I realized that I had forgotten my phone and wallet.
"Put your shoes on for now, I'll get them for you." He ran back up the stairs.
I picked up my shoes which were the exact shade of my sweater and started to put them on.
"Lexi?" I looked up at my father.
"Hm?" I finished tying the laces and stood up.
"This is for you." He handed me a white envelope and I knew what was in it by how thick it was. "It should be everything."
It was the money he took from me. The money that was supposed to pay for my mother's hospital bill.
But since that was taken care of...
"Keep it." Dad's eyebrows almost flew through the roof. "Maybe you could use it for some sort of rehab program for..." Alcoholics. But I didn't have to say it out loud.
"Are you..."
"Just promise me you won't buy alcohol with it or lose it at poker."
"I don't see them anymore and I've been sober since..."
"Then you can keep it. Just don't make me regret it." I smiled.
Do I believe him? I'm trying. And even though it's more than he deserves, I can't help it.
"I got it." Finn came down the stairs and quickly put on his shoes. "We can go."
"Have fun." Father smiled.
"Thanks." I grabbed Finn's hand and we walked out of the house together, heading to his car. As we both sat down and pulled out of the driveway, I spoke first. "Maybe I should get my driver's license."
Who are you and what did you do with Lexi? First the hair and now this? We don't like change, remember?
"Absolutely not."
"What? Why not?" I frowned confused.
"Because you have me. If you need a ride somewhere, I'll drive you." He almost whispered the next sentence. "I feel useful then."
"Oh." I didn't even try to hide my smile. "Okay then."
Finn placed his hand on my exposed thigh. "I was talking to my brother by the way."
"What did he say?" Finn briefly mentioned to me that his eldest brother was responsible for the fact that Finn fought for me, that he was the one who spoke to his soul. So I have him to thank for getting us back together.
And possibly being alive.
"That we should visit them in New York. He would like to meet you." He looked at me nervously.
"I still haven't decided when I start work, but maybe at the end of the month." I raised my shoulder over it.
"So you wouldn't mind?"
"Should I? I'd like to meet your family. Even though I've already met Kai."
"Are you really okay with that?" He asked again.
"Why do you...Oh." Mafia.
"Exactly." He laughed nervously.
"But it's not like I'm suddenly going to be followed just because I'm with you." I laughed, but my smile quickly faded when I saw Finn's expression. "Right?"
"Chances are slim. I'd like to say people are afraid of Killian enough not to go after his family, but..."
"Oh then stop the car." I interrupted him. "We are done."
The steering wheel almost flew out of Finn's hands. "What?"
I suddenly felt really bad.
He looked at me and breathed a sigh of relief. "Jesus, Lexi, you almost gave me a heart attack." He squeezed my thigh. "You can't talk like that."
"Too soon?" I raised an eyebrow.
"It will always be too soon. In fact, you should forget the words we're done and breakup completely."
"So I'm trapped in a relationship with you?" I smiled.
"It could be worse." He lifted his shoulder over it.
Trapped in a relationship with Finn? It doesn't sound as bad as it probably should.
Actually, it sounds like a dream. A really good one.
*****
I missed this. Our evenings together.
And what's better is that our group has grown. Not only Finn joined us today, but also Zack, Penny, Destiny, and Ellie. I hadn't seen most of them since the funeral, so it was pretty cool to see them again.
We sat at the largest table in the bar where Adrian and Destiny worked. Everyone was sitting in their pairs. Me with Finn, Zack with Luca, Stefan with Destiny, Penny with Lincoln, and that left Adrian and Ellie sitting next to each other.
There was the main conversation that involved almost the entire table, and then smaller, side conversations like Lincoln and Adrian discussing some plans for the upcoming weekend.
"I'm going to go to the bathroom," I whispered to Finn next to me, who nodded and placed a quick kiss on my hair before standing up and heading to the restrooms.
I did what I needed to do, and when I left the cabin, Ellie was standing by the sinks.
"Ellie, everything okay?" I went to her and washed my hands.
"Yeah, it's just...I haven't had a chance to talk to you and you haven't picked up or answered my messages since...so I thought that..."
"Don't take it personally." I interrupted her. "I didn't write back to anyone, not just you, I was in a bad place and..." I shook my head. "I was planning on stopping by at the cafe, but Finn wouldn't let me out of the house ever since I was released from the hospital."
"Oh, so you're not avoiding me?" She frowned.
"Of course not, El, why would I?" I grabbed hers with already dry hands. "Is everything okay?"
"I thought you were avoiding me because of," she swallowed hard, "Jeremy."
"What do you mean?"
"He was driving to see me when . . ."
"Oh no, Ellie!" I stopped her immediately. "None of this was your fault."
"Wasn't it?" Tears welled up in her eyes. "If we weren't going anywhere, he wouldn't be on that bike."
"Ellie, you can't think like that. I've been where you are, and trust me, it won't turn out well. It wasn't your fault."
"When you didn't text me back, I thought you hated me."
"Oh no." I hugged her tightly. "That's not what happened. I'm sorry if you felt that way. I was dealing with everything, and I didn't even think you could think something like that. I'm so sorry."
I know one thing for sure. We can never know what is going on with someone unless they tell us.
And I was glad that Ellie came to me because I feel like she needed a friend to talk to about what was bothering her.
I'm glad I was that friend.