(Can we talk about the fact that I tried being cool by kind of having a theme with this cover and MLB's but now it just looks like I'm a creep. Fun.)
__
January 10th (Sent at 11PM)
I think I'm in love with him, Jake.
I don't know what it is about him.
He just makes me feel so good and I can't explain why.
He gets me, he understands when I need him, when I need to be alone. He knows where to put his hands on me, if I need to be comforted or if I need to feel loved and appreciated.
The words he says. Fuck. Sometimes I just feel like he should have taken Creative Writing instead. He's so good with his words. Everything that comes out of his mouth sounds like poetry, even if they're just two words. To me they're the best two words in the English language.
It sounds stupid, cliché, cheesy.
I never thought it would be like that between the two of us. Ian of all people? We barely have anything in common.
Did I ever tell you of that time I met his family for the first time? They were all so goddamn happy. Smiling, loving, caring. Mine are like that, but they weren't always like that.
Speaking of which, since I'm sure you're sick of all this mushy bullshit, my parents are thinking of moving into a smaller home for Nic. I told them they were out of their minds, little kid's gonna love living in a mansion later on. I know a small part of me did.
Nic is strange. I know he's only a year old but he just seems to see everything. Like he knows what's going on. He smiles when I hold hands with Ian, or the rare occasions I let him kiss me in anyone else's presence. Nic smiles, like he already knows what love is.
College isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Actually, it's kind of fun. I don't go to too many parties, and Ian doesn't either, but sometimes when we both feel stressed out we go out and dance a bit. Ian ends up tipsy almost every time we do. I'm starting to get used to it and it doesn't bother me anymore.
I never seem to get him out of my head. You can tell, I'm sure. I practically involve him in everything I say. He's everywhere.
How's Raphael? Did you two get to spend Christmas together?
-Nate
January 11th (Sent at 8AM)
Nate,
Raph is great. He had to spend Christmas with his family and I stayed at the library for most of the night. I don't know if I like him anymore. He seems so distant lately, even after we kissed a second time and he admitted to having a crush on me. He likes me back, but things are rough for the both of us and I'm not sure this is the right time for us to be together.
I'm almost done with school while he's still trying to figure things out in his junior year. I'm thinking of getting my masters. I really want to, Psychology has always been so fascinating to me but I might take something else entirely. What do you think? I was contemplating between Management and Sociology. I hear both could help in my career. Maybe Education? I enjoyed the time I spent tutoring you. Was I okay at it though? Let me know.
Sorry this was a rush, I'm swamped with school work. Don't forget to update me on everything.
Jake
Febraury 15th (Sent at 4PM)
I still hate Valentine's day. I didn't mind it when I was single, and I thought it would get better once I was in a relationship, but it isn't.
Don't get me wrong, Ian was great the whole day yesterday. Everything he said and did just melted my heart and turned me into a puddle of putty.
It was the feeling once he was out of my sight that made it so terrible.
We're both busy with our own things, but every time he left for class or ran to the supermarket for milk or something, I always missed him a lot more than I ever missed the presence of another human being.
I'm sorry. I must sound like a dick, I know things between you and Raphael have been bumpy but I just needed to get that out there, you know?
Mom and Dad's anniversary was also a few days ago, and we got to celebrate it at one of their friends' restaurants. Fancy but great food. Maybe we can stop by there when you come visit. When is that, by the way? It feels like ages since I last saw your face.
Gotta go, Ian is being an asshole again and won't leave me alone.
Tell me more about Raphael. We need to fix things between you two.
-Nate
March 23rd (Sent at 11AM)
Nate,
I know in the previous email you mentioned Nic looking a lot like your mother, but that sounds absurd. He's barely one years old. How old is he? I need to know to send him something for his birthday. That kid is an angel, I swear. I'm sure he'll grow up to make you all proud.
Last week, I bumped into this guy at a café and he looked almost exactly you. It scared the shit out of me. It was only when he noticed me staring, and he spoke out that I realized his English accent was so thick that it couldn't even be you trying to tease me.
I still can't get over it. He even had the same shade of brown hair you do.
Unbelievable.
Raphael is being Raphael. Sometimes I wish I could just get up and leave, forget about him. Get over him.
I can't.
He's everywhere I go.
Sometimes I think I even dream of him in my sleep.
It's creepy and I hate it, but he's just so...there.
I wish things between us were easier. Simple. I like him, he likes me...We live happily ever after.
Anyway, I need to get to my next class soon. This whole school thing is killing me.
I'm genuinely sorry you still have years to go.
Jake
-
I shut my laptop and sighed, letting my head fall between my hands.
I felt tired, sluggish, unable to move from my position on my desk.
My dorm room was so small, especially now that I actually had to share it with someone.
Dan wasn't bad, I was just tired of constantly hearing about his latest conquests.
Especially if he was telling me they were going to stay the night.
Then I either had to miraculously find another place to stay for the night, or plug in my music and blast it on full volume the entire night.
Unfortunately, it was almost always the latter option for me.
I peeled myself off my desk, grabbing my laptop and taking it with me as I dragged myself to my shoe-sized bed.
I flopped down on my sheets, sliding in before I turned on the screen again.
Nate was online and had already emailed me a reply back.
My eyes stared at the green button beside his name.
He was awake.
It was a rare moment when the two of us were both on at the same time.
He was talking to me via the messaging bar now, also realizing I was online.
He was asking me about Raphael. How I first found out I liked him because apparently, I'd left that detail out.
I filled him in with a heavy heart.
I talked to him, sending him smiles and light hearted responses.
While all I really felt like doing was crawl up in a ball of self-pity for always lying to him.
Because there was no Raphael.
It was always just Nate.
Never anybody else.
I wonder if anyone saw that coming.
Hope you guys like this one and thanks for reading <3