Hey guys, surprised to see an update? I am too. I might be having other writing jobs alongside this for the rest of the year so I thought it'd be better for me to increase my update frequency and finish this book on time so I don't leave y'all hanging when I get busy with other stuff. I declare this part OPENNNNNNN
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AMANDA'S POV
(Amanda Aderinsola Akinde)
I turn on my bed and open my eyes, immediately noticing a figure sitting beside my pillow. I switch on my bedside lamp to get a proper look at the silhouette but the lights don't come on. I crane my head to study the features of this strange form sitting with me. She has bantu knots on her head with baby pink hair clips placed at the two sides of her round head. I can't miss the familiarity of her skin texture when I graze my fingers over her plump ones. I look closer and I see her cheeks are wet with fresh tears and her nose is running violently
"I said I wanted to come with you" she says with venom on her tongue, a tone I had never heard her use with anyone
"I know, and I'm sorry" I feel my own tears coming up and bile rising in my throat. I place my hands on her cheeks
"But you let me die" She touches my arms and I pull my hand quickly, shocked by the unusual burning temperature of her palms
She stops crying and her face contorts into one of anger and heavy seething. I look away from her slowly and see the room is getting filled with dark fumes
"A-Ashley?" I call as the temperature of the room steps up at least 20 degrees
"You let me die" she says in a low evil tone I'm not even sure belonged to her
The smoke getting to my throat makes me start to cough and whizz painfully. I clutch my throat as the stinging feeling gets more intense, I roll over on the bed landing on the floor with a big thump that shakes me awake
I feel the pain of landing on the tiled floor by the throbbing feeling on my hip. I quickly sit up and switch on my bedside lamp, there is no Ashley, there is no smoke, just me and my room the way I slept in it. I feel tears brimming in my eyes and my heart rate increasing rapidly, I am having a panic attack. I stretch my hand to the top of my bedside desk dragging the cylindrical bottle of my pills down with me. I try to open the bottle but my hands can't seem to focus on the lid. I use my thumb to flick it open dumping all the contents on the floor by mistake. I shriek and cough as my breathing becomes more labored, I hold my chest lying on my side facing the grey wood of my bed frame. I feel my lungs giving up when I see a pair of feet burst into my room through the door. I close my eyes slowly, out of breath to keep fighting
***
"now she just needs some rest and a huge supply of nutrients, her body can't fight against anything if its not strong enough" I hear an unknown professional voice say
It felt like I was going insane, I could hear my mum's voice full of panic as she tried to keep me awake. I knew she gave me medicines but throughout I couldn't feel a thing, it felt like I was floating to the afterlife. She made so many phone calls I was scared that my entire family would be gathered in front of my bed waiting for my eyes to pop open. I don't want to wake up, I don't want to continue this, I want to give up. I hear muffled voices outside my door, one is my mum's I suspect the other to be the doctor's. Then I hear a faint and hurried "good morning ma" before the door is opened rather too quickly
"Oh my baby Trip" I open my eyes to a distressed looking Nancy whose shirt is untucked and her tie hanging loosely around her neck.
She walks over to sit on my bed pulling me into a gentle hug
"What happened?" She asks with concern in her tone
"I don't know" I say with my voice buried in her neck
"I called your mum from school to ask why you were skipping and she said you had a panic attack" she pulls out of the hug and cups my cheeks with her palms only to pull me back into a tighter hug
"I was scared Trip" she sighs "and instead of that nonsense admin officer Miss Lebi to give me an exeat out of school she said I had to wait till closing, I was so pissed" she hisses then helps me sit up properly in bed
"what caused the attack" she asks with an almost quiet voice
"I don't know" I tear my gaze away from her to the lamp beside her
She uses her index finger to bring my gaze back to her face.
"Hey" she gives a tight smile "its okay, I'm just glad you're okay" She grins widely and pulls me into another hug, what is it with this girl and trying to squeeze life out of me today?
"I was so scared, you won't believe I walked alone to the cafeteria and back. I was soooo bored" she drags on the 'so' with a little exaggeration. I laugh at her expression, still feeling a little ache in my head as I do so. My mum walks in dressed in a dark pink bubu, one she usually wears when she chooses to stay home from work.
"hey girls, how are you feeling Aderin" she uses the back of her palm to feel my forehead
"I'm better now" I mutter in response giving her a strained smile
"thanks for coming dear-"she starts to say
"-Idara" Nancy cuts in stretching her hand out for a shake
"Idara wow, nice to meet you" She smiles and shakes her hand firmly "is there anything you girls would like to eat?" she raises an eyebrow in question
Nancys phone beeps, she checks the message
"Salad mum and maybe a drink" my mum looks at me with a horrified expression
"Definitely not, your doctor said you need real food, don't worry I'll make rice for you instead. I'll add the salad on top" she pats my thighs a little too hard causing me to wince
Nancy stands up abruptly from the bed still looking at her phone
"Sorry but I have to go now, my cousin and the driver are waiting in the car downstairs" she bends and pulls me into a final hug "text me your locker combination in case you're not coming to school tomorrow so I can help you with your notes" she walks over my mum to give her a hug too. My mum gasps at how sudden it is but hugs back her tinier frame
She walks over to the door then turns slightly reading from her phone
"Erling says I should tell you to get well soon" She smiles and finally leaves the room
I smile awkwardly as she delivers the message, quickly switching it to a yawn so my mum doesn't notice. I am so not in the mood to be answering questions about boys. She scoots closer to me on the bed
"Aderin" she says with that 'Nigerian concerned mothers' voice
I sigh and stare into the space in front of me
"Yes mum"
"you have not been taking your medication" she says staring at me accusingly
I swing an arm lazily across the top of my head and close my eyes
"Sho fe pa mi ni?" (do you want to kill me?) her words are coated with pain and stress
I feel my eyes start to get hot, I blink back the tears threatening to fall, I don't give her a reply
"I was scared Aderin, your father was scared, your brother was scared. Why are you doing this to us?" her voice breaks at the end
My heart breaks at the intensity of her hurt, I don't find any words to say to her
"What happened?" She says, expecting a reply. "what happened Derin?" she repeats her question, firmer this time
"I had a nightmare, I saw Ash" I choke on my last words as the flood gates are open
"Oh my God" she pulls me into a hug
I grab her arm firmly as my sobs get harder. She rubs my back quietly allowing me to let it all out. She says some soothing words I don't pick amidst my loud sobs and grunts
"it's okay sweetheart, it's okay" she says repeatedly
We stay in that position for what feels like hours before my tears are finally dried up, a ringtone causes both of us to pull out of the embrace. I check my phone and see its Aaron calling, my mum nods her head and gets off my bed to go and make some food for me.
I pick the call up and his face pops up on my screen
"Rinsola" I see and hear the tension in his voice
"Tomike" I reply him
He rubs his eyes tiredly, he probably didn't sleep a wink throughout the night, world clock says it's 9 am in Massachusetts, I can't imagine how stressed he is
"how are you, are you feeling better now?" his husky voice says slowly
"Yeah I guess, no need to worry I'm fine" I sigh as I play with the seam of my duvet with my hands
"mum said you have been missing your doses, why is that?"
"I hate the way stupid drugs taste" I hiss under my breath
"The heck Rinsola" he snaps "you are risking your life because you hate the way the stupid drugs taste are you even listening to yourself?!" he yells the last part
"Why am I the only one taking anti-depressants? Didn't we all go through the same thing?" I yell back at him
"You're the only one having panic attacks" he yells back, making me go silent
He didn't just say that, no he couldn't have. My big brother who I constantly told all my life's troubles, my human diary couldn't have said that. When did he become so insensitive? I am hurt by his outburst but I don't feel my eyes getting teary again, I am tired of crying already.
"Aderin" he says in a quiet, almost apologetic voice
I don't reply him, I nod my head slowly then hang up the call
"you're the only one having panic attacks" it kept ringing in my ears again and again. Why wouldnt I be the only one? I was the one who killed her anyway
My phone rings a couple more times and I don't need to check to see it's my brother's number. He calls a few more times till he finally gives up calling, he'll probably send messages on WhatsApp. I make a mental note not to put my data on
***
I tie the laces of my white trainers and grab my black crop sweater from the hanger, throwing the hanger into my wardrobe without bothering to hang it as I shrug on my sweater. I have missed three days of school already, my mum insisted I stay home extra two days resting and eating, she stuffed two giant doughnuts and a glass of orange juice down my throat last night saying 'I needed to be strong to go to school'. I pick my small black backpack from my dressing chair as I settle on it. My eye bags are getting worse, anyone who took a second glance at me would immediately notice the discoloring. It's normal for someone who had malaria right? Nana told the school that I had malaria just as I told her to, I wasn't ready to start explaining anything concerning my mental health to prying students and teachers. I take a little concealer and rub it in so it doesn't look too obvious before dabbing it with brown powder, that should do the trick. I fold my bandana into a thin strip and tie it across my neck like a lady scout would, Nana wanted us to match so badly she made me wear it
I walk into my mum making toasts in the kitchen with a coffee mug in her hand. I take the coffee mug and drink in a mouthful of its content. I hand the mug over to her and run over to the sink to spill out the terrible tasting liquid
"Hey it's rude to spit out something you take from someone else ESPECIALLY when they don't force you take it, I have taught you that countless times" she hisses and drinks her liquid with her pinky raised high like a royal
"what is in that" I say feeling the bitter taste on my tongue
"it's a tea from Belgium, aunty Dolapo sent it to me, its very nice" she slurps loudly making me to almost gag
I take two sets of toasts and grab a box Hollandia yoghurt from the fridge pouring some inside a cup
I feel someone pull my head into a hug from the back and place a peck on my hairline. I relax into his hold as the strong scent of his cologne attacks my nostrils
"Good morning dad" I hug his broad back loosely
My dad flew in from Lagos two days ago when the whole situation went down, I felt there was no need but who was I to object? They might be trying to be subtle but I knew both of them were regularly listening behind my door and leaving the door slightly open when they exit my room so they could peep anytime they walked by. He is dressed in a white round neck top and grey slacks, looking very much like an older version of Aaron. Unlike my mum who is dressed in a black formal velvet Armani gown and silver stilettos, my dad looks very casual
He walks over to my mum and gives her a lingering peck on her lips, I avert my eyes from the awkwardness; old people romance is disgusting. She offers him some of the tea she is drinking but he politely declines and opts for sweetened yoghurt instead claiming he 'had too much tea to take in Lagos' I know it is because he secretly hates bitter things though
My dad drove us in his black sports car as he drummed on his steering wheel almost throughout the journey to school. We talked about everything and nothing, my parents throwing some inappropriate jokes about and the both of them laughing at my discomfort. It felt so nice for us to be in such an easy mood, my mum dressed for work, I dressed for school and my dad dropping both of us off with strings of hugs and kisses from both of them as I arrived my destination. My school was a good fifteen minutes to school but it felt like we should have just continued on the journey without making a stop at my school
I walk through the silver gates of the school aware that my parents are watching my back as I walk, are they expecting me to run away?
The school is bustling as usual, junior students are doing hand plants and warm up exercises on the field. My hands feel clammy on my bag straps as I feel a rush of nerves. I quicken my pace into the senior school building straight down the hallway to my locker. I punch in my security code and the locker makes its usual beep unlock sound. My eyes trail from the top to the bottom of my locker, I have never seen something more beautiful
Gold glitter decorated the edges of a huge black card board with white flash cards glued to the surface. I'd recognize those flash cards anywhere, Eddy always wrote every single assignment I missed on those cards. The top said 'FROM SHEFFIELD GUNNERS' in very bold block letters, I'm making a very sure guess that Nana organized the whole thing since it is her handwriting
'My babyyy I've missed you like wahhh. Welcome back my love '_ your one and only bear Nana
Her writing is the boldest and most noticeable since its placed at the top centre
'My child, please get well soon I've really missed your cute face.        (｡â¡â¿â¡ï½¡)'_ Eddy
'So short girls fall sick too? Come back to school abeg there's no one to bully'_ Erling
I nearly choke on laughter when I read his comment, he couldn't even at least try to be nice. I read through all the letters with at least thirty people's comments and signatures of others that didn't write their names at the bottoms. The entire swim team had their wishes and signatures at the bottom, even coach Ubong signed. Aidan, Amir, Hakeem, Hassan, Denaya and Denola all had their signatures at the top of the card, I have never even spoken to some of them in my life but they did this to welcome me? Okay Sheffield's hospitality is a hundred over hundred, I have never felt this much love from this many people before, I could almost cry from this show of affection. I can't miss the last persons neat cursive though, probably the smoothest handwriting I have ever seen
'If you're reading this you've probably resumed to school, welcome back to school and congratulations on your tests. Meet me at our spot at the usual time"_ Tâ¡ks
I smile at her replacement of her letter 'o' with her signature heart emoji instead. She could have just said meet me at the library but she said 'our spot'. It had me feeling good lowkey, I could feel my heart swelling and my eyes brimming with unshed tears
I slam my locker shut, my gaze falling on a pair of brown orbs beaming with her usual wide grin. I drag her slim figure into a bone crushing hug
'Thanks for everything Nana' she hugs me back equally as tight
I always thought I had the best collection of friends in Bolton, Kelly was my supposed best friend, now that I think about it, she never came over to my house even once but she always demanded that I came each time she had a little issue. Muna and Chris were even worse, I know they were only friends with me because of Kelly, nothing else. I always felt like a third wheel in all their conversations and outings, I never truly belonged to their crowd. The point when I needed them the most, none of them showed up, I only saw Kelly's mum once and that was during the funeral. The rest of them didn't show face at all and they were supposed to be my clique
Friends I've barely known for a month surround me and it feels like I belong here. Maybe Sheffield isn't so bad after all
***
Thats the end of this chapter guys, thanks for reading. Over 3000 words dayummm I should be given a Nobel prize
Lets talk about our chapter and characters as usual
First I must say Awwwww, Sheffield gunners are so cute (insert two puppy-dog eyes). That's something my high school classmates could have done, I remember the time I was in the clinic for just a few hours, I was swoon by their wonderful messages left with the nurse. Even some teachers and the principal wrote sef omo I was blushing
For those that didn't pay attention to the face claim and introduction, Aaron's (Trip's brother's) middle name is Adetomike or Tomike for short, in case you were wondering
Nana is definitely the best friend anyone would wish for, she's so sweet
Prayers for Trip everyone, her past is haunting her badly and she had a panic attack, that's serious
Panic attacks usually result in increased heart rates, labored breathing and on very rare occasions; fainting. Victims of these attacks usually have special medications they take to calm them down and at the same time not make them too calm that they slip into depression
Thanks for reading loves, vote and comment