The first week of classes proved to be exhausting. With everything that happened over the weekend, mixing with her nerves, Catherine hadn't been able to get more than a couple hours of sleep a night.
After Jackie called her nonstop, she had to cave and write back to ask for some space. When she finally returned to her office after her final class on Friday, she spotted a vase of flowers sitting on her desk. As upset as she was, she was relieved to see them. Although she had asked for space, it hurt that Jackie had listened, especially considering she had yet to explain herself.
She smiled as she removed the card, but it soon disappeared when she saw they weren't from Jackie. They were from the staff, welcoming her and congratulating her on her first week.
"You survived!"
When Catherine turned around, she saw a fellow professor standing in the doorway and smiled.
"I did. Thanks so much. This is so sweet of you all," Catherine replied.
"You're welcome. I hope the first week wasn't too rough."
"It's taking some adjusting, but I'm incredibly grateful to be here," she smiled.
"We're grateful to have you. Have a good weekend."
"You too. Thanks again."
****
Catherine turned around and began packing her things when she heard another knock. As nice as it was to have friends co-workers, she really just wanted to get home to a warm bath and a glass of wine.
When she turned around, she saw Jackie standing there and her heart dropped. They just looked at each other before Jackie revealed a plant she had hidden behind her desk.
"I see someone beat me to the punch," Jackie said, offering a small smile as she looked at the flowers. "Can we talk?"
"Not here. You shouldn't be here," Catherine said, fumbling with her papers.
"You didn't give me a choice. You wouldn't return my phone calls."
"Doesn't feel good, does it?"
"I'm really sorry that you drove all the way to LA. If I would've known..."
"Jackie, I'm serious. You shouldn't be here. This is my job."
"Please. Just give me a minute to explain. I gave you the space you asked for, but you really need to hear the whole story."
Catherine hesitated before finally asking her to shut the door.
"I'm sorry that you drove all that way. If I knew you were going to do that, I would've answered my phone."
Catherine continued rustling around her desk.
"Catherine...Please..."
"Why did you ignore my calls?" Catherine quietly snapped and looked at her.
"I knew you would be upset about me missing my audition, and I just couldn't handle disappointing you again."
"You know, when you got into that accident, I swore I would never hold back my feelings for you again. No matter how scary it was. But now-"
Catherine began to choke up and tried her best not to.
"I never expected you to hurt me like this."
"What did you see? I didn't even see you, and if Rachel said something... She was just drunk so I offered her to stay."
"She stayed the night?"
Catherine couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"This is all a misunderstanding. Why don't you just tell me your side first?"
"I drove to LA after no one could get a hold of you all day. I still have the key to your apartment from when you asked me go to your apartment to get your clothes while you were in hospital. I checked your apartment first and then the local spots. As I was walking down the street, I literally watched you ignore my call as you led a girl into your apartment at midnight. Do you have any idea how that felt?"
"It was Sarah."
"I don't want to know her name."
"Catherine!" Jackie yelled, coming over to her and grabbing her arm.
"Keep your voice down!" She hissed. "And don't you dare touch me," She said while jerking her arm free.
Jackie grabbed her shoulders and pushed her against the wall.
"Catherine, it was Sarah. The barista I introduced you to at the coffee shop. We had a few drinks and she was too drunk to drive, so she slept in my bed while I took the couch."
Catherine looked at her in disgust.
"She slept on your bed?"
"No. I mean yes, but I wasn't in there. I would never do that to you! She's just a friend and she's straight!"
"How do you know? Did you try something?"
"Catherine..."
"What if she wasn't straight, Jackie? Would you have?"
"You know I would never do that to you."
"Do I? Because I'm not sure I know you at all anymore."
Jackie became silent, dropped her arms from Catherine's shoulders and backed out. Catherine could tell she hurted her feelings. Voices began to gather in the hall and she opened her mouth to speak, but Jackie spoke first.
"I know. I need to leave," Jackie said, as she turned and left.
****
Catherine stayed pressed against the wall, inhaling deeply as soon as Jackie left. She was trying to subdue the tears in case someone saw her when she was leaving.
When she got home, she looked around the street for Jackie's car but didn't see it. She wasn't sure if she would be there or if she would be on her way back to LA. When she opened the door, Ethan greeted her. Dropping to her knees, she rubbed his ears and kissed his head because she really needed his love.
She poured herself a glass of wine and undressed, singing into the warm bath. Taking a long sip of wine, she grabbed her phone from the ledge and scrolled through, making sure Jackie hadn't tried contacting her.
By 11pm, she came to the conclusion that she wasn't coming. She turned off the light and headed to bed. Just as she turned off the last lamp, she heard what she thought was knocking on her front door, but it was so soft that she was uncertain.
Pausing for a second, she heard it again and made her way thought the dark living room. She slowly opened the door, only partially and hugged it; using it as a sense of security.
Jackie's face was solemn.
"I didn't want to- I couldn't leave without..." Jackie struggled forming a sentence. "Catherine, I swear on my whole life that nothing happened; nor did the idea even crossed my mind. I realised how awful it looked, considering my behaviour that day, but-"
Jackie sighed and looked off to the side.
"It's just...I have been trying so hard to work on myself. I've spent the last week locked in my apartment just working on those scripts, not touching one drop of alcohol because all I want is to get back to myself, and to get back to you. But then I got to that audition and everyone was staring at me and whispering. The things they were saying about me. I couldn't do it. I was so upset at them and I was so upset at myself. The last thing I wanted was to disappoint you, so I turned my phone off and I made a mistake. I turned back to the me that you hate. I went to the liquor store and drank all day, then went to the coffee shop where Sarah saw me and she kept me company the rest of the night. But it was strictly platonic, I swear. If I would have known you were there...Have you seen her? She's not even that attractive and I mean, look what I have with you. You're gorgeous and your dimples make my heart explode every time I see them. Also your heart and your sense of humour. I don't know why you're with me or why you put up with me these last couple of months, because I can't even stand myself."
Jackie was going on and on without taking a breath or looking at Catherine one. She was just nervously rambling. She was talking a mile a minute, which was beginning to melt Catherine's heart. Catherine just stood there and listened, considering this is the most Jackie had spoken in months.
"But hearing you say you don't know me anymore?" Jackie finally looked at Catherine and placed her hand over her chest.
"That kills me. I'm still here. I'm still me. I'm still porcupine and I miss you. I miss us. I have fucked up in so many ways and all I want is to-"
Before she could go on anymore, Catherine came out from behind the door and pulled her into her; holding her tightly. After Catherine closed the door, she could only see the silhouette of Jackie standing by the couch, biting her lip and nervously looked around.
"I know, it's still a mess. I've just been so preoccupied with school."
"Like I could judge."
Ethan came into the room and went straight to Jackie. She knelt down and greeted him.
"Hey buddy, I missed you."
As she was getting back up, she put her hand on her leg and grabbed a box behind her; shifting her weight.
"Are you okay?" Catherine asked, moving towards her and putting her hand behind her elbow for support.
"Yeah, it just gets stiff. I should probably do these exercises they taught me more."
Jackie glanced at Catherine's hand on her arm and slowly looked up at her. Catherine slid her hand up to the bottom of her neck and leaned in, pressing her forehead against Jackie's.
"I'm so sorry. I really am. For everything."
"I know."
Catherine slipped her hand a little further up until it rested at the base of Jackie's head, leaning in to kiss her. When they parted lips, Jackie immediately pulled back into her, returning her kiss and with more passion this time.
As Jackie placed her hands around Catherine's neck, Catherine leaned into her and moved her hands down to her body. Jackie stumbled backwards and Catherine extended her arms behind her, placing them onto the edge of the box to catch her balance; but need estimated its sturdiness. The top box caved in, causing Jackie to fall back into it and Catherine tumbling on top of her.
They both began to laugh as Catherine got off her.
"Are you okay? Your shoulder?" Catherine asked.
Jackie laughed, "I'm fine. Just get me up."
Jackie was holding her hands up for Catherine to take hold, but when she tried to pull Jackie up; she wouldn't budge.
"My body has become one with this box," Jackie laughed hysterically.
Catherine tried again to pull her up but failed. Mostly due to neither of them having the strength from laughing so hard.
"Okay, okay. One more try," Jackie said.
This time they succeeded.
"Are you okay?" Catherine laughed, as Jackie stood to he feet.
"I think so," Jackie giggled.
"Maybe we should get out of this danger zone."
Catherine grabbed Jackie's hand and led her back to the bedroom. As they passed the kitchen, she looked back and smirked; but saw the blood on Jackie's arm in the glow of the light.
"You're bleeding," Catherine said, lifting the sleeve of Jackie's shirt. "Come on. Let me clean you up."
Jackie squinted as her eyes adjusted to the brightness of the bathroom.
"I know I have band-aids somewhere around here."
"It's really not that big of a deal. It's just a scratch."
"Ah ha! Here we are."
Catherine cleaned the cut before placing the band-aid on it. Then she kissed it gently.
Jackie smiled at her.
"Always fixing me."
"Someone has to," Catherine grinned.
****
When they got to the bedroom, Jackie sat down on the bed. Catherine took her face in her hands and slowly kissed her.
"You didn't have a bag," Catherine blurted out during their mid-kiss.
"Huh?" Jackie mumbled and was confused.
"You didn't have anything with you. Do you have to be somewhere?"
"I don't want to be anywhere but here."
"Jackie..."
"I have an audition tomorrow."
"What time?"
Jackie just smirked, "It doesn't matter."
'You can't miss another audition."
Jackie just kept smiling.
"Catherine, I don't care," she said as she took her hands. "I don't want that life anymore. I missed the flight anyways."
"Don't say that. You're just having a rough time."
"Yeah, I am and it's not worth it. Look what it's doing to me. Look what it's doing to us. Look what it I did to us."
"It's you passion. Speaking from someone who almost lost theirs, you will regret it if you walk away again."
Jackie just looked at her.
"Now, what time is it?"
"Noon," Jackie muttered unwillingly.
"Okay then. We will get up early and I will make sure you go through with this one," Catherine said, moving the hair from Jackie's eyes and smiled.
Catherine then grabbed her laptop from the night stand and opened it. She started to book two flights for first thing in the morning.
"Make them both round trip," Jackie said as she leaned over her shoulder as she watched.
"You don't have any other auditions coming up?"
"No."
"Are you lying to me?" Catherine asked sceptically.
Jackie reached her arm over in front of her and held out her finger.
"Pinky promise."
Catherine looped her pinky around Jackie's and laughed.
Just as she was finalising up their reservations, she felt Jackie's breath in her ear.
"Hurry up."
Shivers went down her spine when she felt the warmth in her ear.
"I'm trying."
"You're...not...going...fast...enough," Jackie said, pausing between each word to kiss Catherine on the neck.
As soon as she hit confirm, Jackie reached over her and closed the laptop. Then pulled Catherine backwards onto the bed.
****
After being up all night, they were both in rare form for the plane ride. Catherine helped Jackie with her makeup to look as awake as possible, as they both chugged their coffees on their way to the audition.
Once again, Jackie was greeted with looks and whispered as she waited. This time she had Catherine by her side though.
"Why don't we just give them new material?" Catherine leaned in to Jackie's ear and whispered.
Jackie looked back at her with confusion.
"What do you mean?"
Catherine placed her hand on Jackie's knee and smiled. Jackie looked down at it and then smiled back. She suddenly understood what Catherine was doing. Catherine then took Jackie's hand and sat that way until Jackie's name was called.
She kissed her on the cheek before Jackie got up, noticing the wondering looks of the other girls' faces. When Jackie's audition was over and she came back out, Catherine stood and linked her arm around Jackie's as they left; leaving the entire room of girls with shocked expressions.
"Oh my God!" Jackie exhaled as soon as they were out the door. "Their faces!"
"I know," Catherine laughed.
"And you're okay with this?" Jackie asked.
"I'm use to the looks, and I don't care anymore. I'm not worried about Stanford. We're not doing anything wrong."
Jackie's face lit up and she kissed her on the cheek. It was the happiest Catherine had seen her. Then Catherine took hold of her hand as they started to walk down the street.
"So how was it?"
"I think it went really well!"
"See, you still got it," Catherine said, jabbing her elbow into Jackie and winked.
****
Before catching a plane right back to Stanford, they stopped by Jackie's apartment. After getting out of the car, Jackie linked her arm through Catherine's.
"So...will you do something for me?"
"Maybe..." Catherine responded, looking at her hesitantly.
"Can we stop and get a cappuccino?"
Catherine flashed her an unpleasant look.
"Jackie, I don't want to get into that."
"Please," Jackie begged. "I just want you to see it was nothing. It will help us both feel better about the situation."
"Fine, but only if you don't say anything."
"I promise."
As they arrived at Jackie's favourite coffee shop, Jackie held the door open for Catherine as they entered.
"Hi Jackie!"
"Hey Sarah, you remember Catherine."
Sarah looked shocked yet excited.
"Of course! Hi Catherine, I'm glad to see you and I know Jackie is too," she winked.
Catherine smiled and suddenly felt ashamed of herself. It was silly to think Jackie and Sarah were fooling around behind her back.
"It's good to see you too," Catherine replied and smiled.
****
After Sarah hugged them both goodbye, Jackie turned and nudged Catherine once they were out the door.
"See."
"Okay, I admit it. I was being foolish."
"It's okay. I was being a jerk."
Stepping inside Jackie's apartment was still a mess. Bottles everywhere.
"I'm sorry. I was a mess and didn't have time to clean up," Jackie said bashfully.
"Jackie," Catherine said before pausing. "Do you need help with this?"
"No of course not. Just give me a second to throw this all away."
"That's not what I meant," she said, grabbing her arm.
"Oh," Jackie looked down at the bottles in her hands. "No, I don't think so. I know it looks bad and I've been using it as a crutch, but I don't need  it."
Catherine looked at her with worry.
"I promise. If I feel like I do, I will tell you."
Catherine trusted her but hoped it was true.
****
After packing some of Jackie's things, they headed to the airport and went straight back to Stanford. As soon as they got back to the apartment, they collapsed on the bed. Both of them were exhausted from the chaotic day.
Before falling asleep, Catherine heard Jackie whispering to her and felt her hand tucking away the hair strand in front of her face. Her eyes grew heavy and closed, but she managed to open them slightly.
"This is it," Jackie said.
"What?
"This is it. No more bullshit. I promise."
"You're making a lot of promises today."
"I know, and I'm going to prove them."
"I hope so," Catherine whispered before falling asleep.
A/n Thanks for reading my story. Please vote and drop a comment. Comments will help me a lot more than you might think. â¤ï¸