Chan pulled into the driveway of Diana's apartment. Even after a year later, the route was imprinted in his brain.
Killing the engine, he stepped out of the car. He hated that he had to bail on Veronica today. The image of her standing there holding out his jacket kept flashing before his eyes. He wondered if she had managed to catch the bus back home. Pulling out his phone, he quickly sent her a message:
Did you reach home?
He waited a beat, hoping for the three dots to float on the screen, but they didn't. Pressing the buzzer next to Diana's name, he waited for her to let him in.
The door clicked open a second later. She lived on the fourth floor. Chan rushed up the stairs, taking them two at a time and found the door to Diana's apartment open. He let himself in.
Diana was sitting on the couch in her living room. Her eyes were red, and she was nibbling at her thumb. When she heard him approach, she got up and threw herself against him.
His nerves short-circuited at the contact. He felt his heart skip a beat. The familiarity of her body, her smell, and her being was overwhelming his senses. He was too stunned to even hug her back.
"What happened?" He finally managed to say. "You sounded so distressed over the phone."
Diana moved away, just as quickly taking herself away from him.
She sniffed. "I had a fight with Mom," she explained. "And it got very ugly. I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to talk to someone who'd understand."
He understood what she meant. They had known each other for 15 years now. They had a five-year-long relationship. There was nothing they didn't know about each other. They had seen each other at their worst. Diana's relationship with her mother was usually pretty good. They talked on a regular basis and got along well. Especially since they two only had each other after her dad passed away a couple of years ago. But now and then, the two would get in a fight. When two people knew each other that well, they knew exactly where to aim to cause damage. That was Diana and her mom.
Chan led her back to the couch and asked, "Why did you guys fight?"
Diana wiped her eyes. "She has issues with everything I do. She does like my degree or the fact that I chose to go backpacking through Europe. She called it," Diana used air quotations, "wasting my time and running away from my life."
Diana's mom, Bella, was a bigshot lawyer in the city. She worked to help immigrants fight for their rights. Diana had confided many times how she knew she could never fill in her mother's shoes. That Bella's legacy was a heavy crown to bear, especially with Diana not choosing to pursue law herself.
"Hey," he said, gently rubbing her arms. "That is not true. There are so many ways you can make a difference in this world. You don't have to be your mother, Diana."
Diana just nodded her head and put her face in her palms. He didn't speak for a while. Letting her take her time. He snuck a look around. The apartment looked the same as if frozen in time. He remembered decorating the place with her when Diana first signed the lease. The absurd paintings she wanted to hang and the countless arguments they had over the furniture alignment resolved themselves as soon as Diana kissed him. Too many memories. He felt like a photobook.
"I just wish," she said, her voice muffled by her palms. "She could understand that too. I try and try and try. But she doesn't listen. She calls me obstinate, and yet she's the one unwilling to even look at things from my perspective and understand me."
Chan got up and went to the kitchen to get her a glass of water.
"She thinks she knows what's best for me," Diana continued. He checked if Veronica had replied. She hadn't. "I am not a kid anymore. I am doing my Master's. I live on my own. She has to respect that."
He gave her the glass of water and took his seat beside her. His phone vibrated in his hand. It was Veronica.
Got stuck at the inn
Will leave late :(
He checked the time. It was close to midnight now. He wondered what work Veronica had found to do when she had been ready to go home.
He was about to type a reply back, asking her not to take the bus back so late and that he would come to pick her up when Diana said, "We fought about you too."
He put his phone down. "About me?"
Diana sipped the water he had brought and nodded. "She thinks I sabotaged our relationship. That I should've been patient and understanding."
He gulped. "What did you say to her?"
Diana let out an unamused chuckle. "That she's wrong. Our relationship ended because we both wanted different things in life. We were tired of the monotony. Right?" She was looking at him, asking for his confirmation.
But that was not how Chan remembered it. There had been nothing mutual about their breakup. Their relationship had ended because Diana felt trapped. Caged. It hadn't been a discussion. She had told him that she wanted out. And Chan had moved aside, letting her walk out. He had been just getting back at his feet. His mom's health was better, and the doctors hadn't found any new complications. He had been thinking of going back to school, maybe even moving out when Diana dropped the bomb on him.
But in that moment, he knew she needed his support, not criticism. "Yeah, of course," he agreed, his voice sounding hollow to his ears. Diana smiled faintly at his reply and squeezed his hand lightly.
"Thank you for coming over," she said, her eyes roaming over his face. "I know it was late, but I knew you'd understand."
For a moment, everything felt like before. Like the breakup had never happened. It was just the two of them. The girl who had picked him, the new kid, on her team for dodgeball in sixth grade. The one who stayed up with him all night when he was afraid he'd fail his history final. They had meant so much to each other for so long that Chan didn't know how to go about feeling nothing for her.
"I was wondering," Diana started, scratching her arms. A nervous habit. "If we could try being friends? I know I vanished for a year, and I didn't reach out even once. I don't harbor any delusions. I know we can't go back to the way things were before. But I still want you in my life, Chan. You are my oldest friend. And I want to keep being friends despite our history."
She looked at him expectantly. He agreed. She was his oldest friend. He thought he had lost her, but there she was, offering him a chance again. Even if it was just friendship.
"Yes," he replied, his lips curling into a smile. "I would like that."
The smile that broke on Diana's face made his heart cinch. "Good. Great."
The two of them sat there in her living room, feeling a bit awkward. It was going to take time to navigate being friends again.
"Did you eat?" He asked, wondering if the fight with Bella had killed Diana's appetite. Also, he knew she had a weird eating schedule.
"No," she answered. "I was about to cook, but then Mom called."
He got up and offered his hand to her. "Let's go make something."
ð¤
The next morning, when Chan woke up on Diana's couch, he realised what an absolutely stupid mistake he had made. His back groaned in protest as he got up. His neck felt like a wooden plank. As he tried working out the kinks, he checked his phone.
A couple of messages from his mom. Two from Han asking if they could practice at Chan's place this week. None from Veronica. He called his mom.
"Channie," his mom answered. "Where are you?"
He ran a hand over his face. "I am sorry, Mom. I know I should've messaged. Something came up."
"Is Veronica okay?" she asked. He heard a sizzling sound, and he wondered what his mother was making. His stomach grumbled in response.
"Yeah," he replied. "She's okay. Diana had a fight with her mother. She just needed a friend to talk to."
He didn't need to see his mother's face to know the expression she was wearing when he said that. It was the same look she had when she found out that she had to go to the principal's office because Hannah got sent to the ER for eating too many marshmallows on a bet. The expression read: I am disappointed but at the same time not surprised, you are my kid after all.
"Oh," She said. "Is everything okay with her?"
He hummed in response. "I will see you for breakfast. Love you."
Dinner last night had turned into drinks which had turned into watching a movie Chan couldn't even remember the name of. He heard footsteps coming from Diana's bedroom. The door opened, and she walked out, rubbing her eyes. "Morning."
"Good morning," he greeted back, getting up. "Thanks for letting me crash. I should go now."
Diana scrunched her eyebrows. "But let me at least make you breakfast."
He was already getting his keys and putting his shoes back on. "Mom's making this elaborate brunch," he half-lied to her. "And she needs me to get some stuff from the supermarket."
"Okay," Diana replied, her tone unsure. "But I will see you again?"
Chan blinked. "Of course." For a moment, he was conflicted. Should he hug her goodbye? A handshake would be too formal. He decided to smile and gently pat her on her arm, taking a rain check on the hug. It was too early in the morning, and the last thing he wanted was to assault his senses and nerves by getting in close contact with Diana again.
On the drive home, he tried to analyse how he felt about last night. It felt weird to have spent the night at her place, even though he had done it countless times over the past couple of years. He hadn't even drunk that much last night, but he felt wiped out. Sleeping on that godawful couch didn't help either.
They had agreed to be friends and he was happy with that decision. He did miss his best friend, and even if they couldn't go back to the way things were, Diana's friendship meant so much to him. But suddenly, being this close to her again after a whole year of zero contact was jarring. It made his head all fuzzy, unable to decide what he wanted.
As he sat in the car outside his house, he tried to rearrange his thoughts before going in. He was so lost in his head that when he heard someone knocking on the car window, he jumped. It was Hannah.
She laughed as she opened the door and got in the passenger seat. "Are you okay?"
"Oh yeah," he replied. "I just got scared when I looked at your face."
Hannah smacked his arm. "What are you even listening to?" She pointed to the radio and changed the station. "Since when were you in Christian rock? Is this a cry for help?"
He killed the engine, shutting down the radio. "I don't know. I wasn't paying attention."
Hannah turned and stared at him. "You," she said, surprised. "Mr. Music-is-an-education-and-an-art wasn't paying attention to what was on the radio? Did you get your head checked?"
He groaned. "It's been a long day, Hannah." He truly loved his sister, but at this moment, the love was looking more and more faded.
"It's 10:30 in the morning," she deadpanned. "Mom's making Jjajangmyeon, you hungry?"
He was just happy to be out of this conversation. "Starved."
The two of them made their way to the front door. He felt Hannah sneaking looks at him but was glad that she didn't ask any more questions. The house smelled amazing, and he heard his stomach grumble. Lucas was at his swimming practice with their dad. Berry heard their footsteps and came running to greet them. He managed to scratch her head a couple of times in between her, trying to lick him.
Once Berry was satisfied with the attention she got, she went away, padding to the kitchen. No doubt asking his mom for leftovers.
Chan dragged himself upstairs to his bedroom. He was desperate for a shower and a change of clothes. When he stepped out of the shower, Berry was sitting on his bed, playing with one of her toys.
He heard a knock on his door and went to open it. It was his mom. "Mom," he said. "I was just coming downstairs. Do you need help with anything? Also, you have a checkup scheduled on Friday next week. Just reminding you."
His mom reached out and cupped his cheek gently. "I remember, Honey. You don't have to look out for me. I am the parent."
He exhaled. He knew he wasn't the parent. But he couldn't help it. He was the oldest kid. It was his responsibility. "Oh, and." He clicked his fingers. "Lucas has a debate that Friday, but I told him that I would go so you don't have to worry about it."
"I thought your father was going," his mom said, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
He started drying his hair with a towel. "The swim team is having extra practice for the tryouts in October."
She narrowed her eyes slightly and opened her mouth to say something, but then Hannah called out, "Are we eating? I am hungry. Starving. Can't lift my fingers anymore."
He put the towel on the heater to dry it out. "Let's go. Hungry Hannah is scary.
As Chan was lying on his bed after breakfast and watching the ceiling lamp, he picked up his phone and texted Veronica:
Did you ever get home?
He watched as little dots appeared on his screen as she typed back a response.
Would you believe that I just woke up?
It was a long day. And then you decided to go
back in to do more work. Psychotic.
The bed feels too comfortable to get up
and I am too tired to make breakfast.
Too tired for coffee?
Can't believe I am about to say this
but yes :(
He got an idea. Quickly grabbing his keys, he went to his car. Twenty minutes later, he was outside Veronica's apartment with muffins and croissants. A lady was walking out with her dog. He slipped in after her.
When Veronica opened the door, the surprise on her face made his day. She stood there, blinking at him as if he were an apparition.
"What are you doing here?"
Chan raised his arm, holding the packet with baked goods. "I come bearing gifts."
"I-What? How?"
"You said," he said as Veronica let him in. "You were too tired for coffee, and that meant contingency plans needed to be put in place."
She looked like she had just woken up. Her hair was a mess, falling out of the hair tie. She was wearing an oversized shirt with cartoon kittens on it.
"Go back to bed." He put his hand on her shoulders, turning her around. "I will bring you some coffee."
"But Chan," Veronica said, protesting against his dragging attempts. "You don't know how strong I like my coffee."
"If it looks like it might blacken my insides," he commented, making her sit back on her bed. "I know I have the recipe right."
Before she could utter another word, he was going into her kitchen. He made the strongest batch of coffee he had ever made, placed the muffins and croissants on a plate, and made himself a cup of tea. All the anxiety and unease that was bubbling under his skin had receded, and he felt like he could breathe easy for the first time since yesterday night. He liked taking care of people. When he was useful to the people around him. And there was something about taking care of Veronica that brought him extra pleasure. Like when you were eating chocolate and you thought that was the last one, but then you went to the fridge and found another piece. It was just special.
He carried the tray with the food to her room. Veronica got up to help him, and the two placed the tray on the bed. The muffins smelled divine, and as Chan tore into one, he felt the chocolate explode into his mouth.
"Oh god," Veronica moaned. "Maybe I am just too hungry, or these are the best muffins I have ever had."
Her cat must have heard them talking because a second later, she padded into the room, meowed at Veronica, and jumped on the bed. She sniffed at the assorted baked goods before settling next to the tray.
"What possessed you to do this?" Veronica asked, sipping her coffee. She nodded in acknowledgment. "Not bad, Chan. Not bad."
"Well," he said, scratching his ear. "I was at home and was looking for a reason to get out. Then you sent the text, and I just wanted to do something nice."
She took a bite out of the croissant. "You have been doing me too many favors. It is not fair."
He tsked. "Friends don't do favors. Friends are just there. What was it that you said, 'Friendships offered more grace', right?"
Veronica stopped chewing and looked at him. "Yeah, I said that." Clearing her throat, she sipped her coffee. "But let me at least take you out for dinner. A thank-you dinner, please?"
He tried to put up a fight. Dinner was unnecessary. He hadn't done anything any other person wouldn't do for a friend. But Veronica insisted, and then she tried to speak with an Australian accent until he gave in. "Okay, sure."
"Cheers, mate!" She responded, keeping the accent. When Chan gave her a look, she just smiled and took another muffin. "How does next Friday work for you?"
He had Lucas' debate that day, but he was sure he could make time in the evening. "Sure! I am attending Lucas' debate in the afternoon, but after that, I am free."
"Debate?" Veronica asked, "What's the topic?"
He thought hard. He remembered Lucas telling him, but the words were escaping his mind. "I don't know, he told me, but I- Oh, yes, I remember. It's about how violent video games might lead to violent tendencies in the people playing them."
"Because of the General Aggression Model suggested by Anderson and Bushman?" Veronica asked. She picked up Pumpkin and started playing with her. Despite the protests by the cat, she seemed to enjoy it.
"What?" He asked, sipping his tea.
"There are studies that show that violent video games play a role in affecting a person's internal state. It's a really interesting topic."
"Do you want to come?" Chan asked. "You might enjoy it. And then we can go to dinner afterward."
Veronica opened and closed her mouth, thinking. "I can leave early on Friday, I think. Are you sure?"
"Yes," He nodded enthusiastically. "It would be fun!"
"Okay then," she smiled. "It's a date."