Chan couldn't remember the last time he was this happy. Or content. His heart felt like an inflatable balloon in his chest. He couldn't stop replaying the last fifteen minutes in his head. He could still remember the press of her body against his. The hotness and urgency of her mouth. She had kissed him back. He still could not believe it.
"Why do you keep looking at me?" Veronica asked, her cheeks rosy. They were sitting in her room. Her on the bed and him in the chair. Chan shrugged. "I just like you a lot."
Veronica shook her head, unable to conceal the small smile forming on her face. She sipped some coffee from her mug. "Me too."
He felt his lips stretch in a wide grin. "You do?"
Veronica rolled her eyes. "I was kissing you fifteen minutes ago, I think that fact is pretty well established." She exhaled, putting her cup down. He watched her arrange her thoughts, her expression pensive. "Are you sure about this?"
For a moment, she let him see all the doubts and fears on her face. Chan got up from the chair and sat beside her on the bed. Pumpkin meowed at him in response before settling herself in his lap. He grabbed her hands in his and squeezed gently. "I know you feel like you are too tough to love. And that breaks my heart because if you saw yourself the way I do, you would realize just how extraordinary you are. So, you can ask me this question a hundred times, and every time, my answer will be yes."
Veronica looked at him, and he tried his best to make her see how serious he was about this. He didn't ever want her to doubt that he didn't want to be with her. And he would do everything in his power to show it to her every day.
"Now," he said, changing the topic. "Are you hungry? So far, three cups of coffee and zero amount of food have gone into your system."
"Just the thought of food makes me want to throw up," Veronica groaned. "God, last night was so embarrassing." She leaned her head on his chest, hiding her face. "And you saw me throw up. Disgusting."
Chan laughed, gently patting her head. "And after all that, I still want to kiss you."
She raised her head slightly, eyes narrowed. "Don't be cheeky."
"What can I say," Chan whispered, slowly leaning down. "I am desperate."
Veronica put her hands around his head, her lips meeting his. Chan felt his whole body react to her touch. He was a live electric wire. She pulled him down with her, her back flat on the bed. Chan cupped her cheek, trailing kissed down the side of her jaw to the spot between the crook of her neck. She let out a soft moan. Her hands on him were urgent and warm as they slipped past his hoodie.
His mouth reconnected with hers with a passion he hadn't felt in a long time. Kissing Veronica felt surreal. He wondered why they hadn't been doing it all this time. He wanted to explore all parts of her, hear her exhale softly under his touches. She tugged him down harshly, intensifying the kiss, and Chan realised that this girl under him carried the power to break him down and mold him back up. It felt exhilarating.
When they finally broke apart, Chan didn't move away immediately. Balancing himself on his hands, he reached down and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. "I want to do this all day."
Veronica snickered. She reached out and ran a hand through his hair. He brushed his lips against her palm. "I am actually a little hungry."
"Breakfast?"
Veronica nodded, pressing a chaste kiss on his lips. "Breakfast."
He rolled off the bed in one smooth motion. "Give me twenty minutes."
Veronica leaned on her elbows, her hair a complete mess. "Let me come with you."
Chan shook his head. "Relax. Just wait and enjoy."
Before she could protest more, he left the room. Quickly taking inventory of her fridge, he got to work. It took him some time to find where everything was kept in the kitchen, but soon he found his rhythm.
When he carried the tray of breakfast into Veronica's room, the expression on her face made it all worth it.
He had managed to make eggs with spinach and mushroom along with toasted bread spread with avacado.
"This smells so good," she commented, making space for him to sit beside her. "And you got me coffee."
The two of them dove into the food, famished. Chan ate a bite from the toasted bread. "Can I ask you something?"
Veronica looked at him. "Yeah?"
He cleared his throat. "Last night, you said something."
"I was drunk out of my mind," she replied, eating the eggs. "I am pretty sure I said a lot of weird things."
"No, it was something specific," he said, putting his bread down. "You said something about being told to your face that you were an unwanted kid."
Veronica stopped chewing. The thing had been bothering him the whole night. He didn't need to be a genius to know who had said that to her.
"I," Veroniva replied, letting out a hollow laugh. "I don't remember that. God, I was saying anything."
Chan cocked his head to the side. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."
Veronica looked around the room, her lower lip trembling. She took in a deep breath. "I don't want to talk about it because if I did, I would crumble."
Chan grabbed her hand and kissed the back of her palm. "Take your time. And even if you crumble, I will catch you."
ð¤
"You look exceptionally happy tonight," Hannah commented, her eyes narrowed. They were sitting around the dinner table eating pizza.
"I do?" Chan asked, eating a slice.
"Yes," she replied, taking a sip of her soda. "It's annoying."
Their mother tsked from the other end of the table. "Don't say stuff like that, Hannah. It's good if your brother is happy."
"Ha," Chan said, snapping his fingers together. "She likes me more."
Their mother made a face that clearly said god-save-me and got back to her food.
"How is college hunting going?" Chan asked his sister. Hannah had finally decided her major: Filmography. And was now looking at the universities that offered it.
"Terrible," she grumbled. When she didn't elaborate, Chan didn't push further. Hannah liked to solve her own problems. She might cry and curse, but she always figured it out in the end.
"Mom, don't forget -" he started, picking up his phone and opening his calendar.
"That my doctor's appointment is this Friday," she finished his sentence. "I remember, Love."
When his mother smiled at him, Chan remembered the conversation she had with his father. Was he overbearing? Did he care too much? Was it annoying?
He had tried to forget that conversation, but it was hard. Especially looking at his mom right now. He could see the concern in her eyes.
He finished his food quickly. Once he was done, he excused himself from the table, going up to his room. Lying on his bed, he was playing with one of Berry's rubberballs. Throwing it up in the air and catching it.
Was he holding on too tight? It wasn't that he didn't think about moving out. But every time he thought too hard, he felt everything slipping away from him.
He was afraid. He had to admit it to himself. Afraid of his mom getting sick again. Afraid of not being prepared. He thought that as long as he stayed here, with his family, nothing bad could happen to them.
He was so lost in his thoughts that he forgot to catch the ball, and it fell on his face. Suddenly, the walls felt like they were closing in on him. He sat up, taking deep breaths.
He needed to get out. Pulling out his phone, he typed a quick text to Veronica.
Ice cream?
He watched the screen as three bubbles appeared.
Ice cream :)
A small smile came on his face as he got out his room, grabbing the keys to his car. He stopped at the grocery store to grab some ice cream. He got Veronica belgian chocolate, and for him, he got the blueberry.
Veronica was waiting for him, leaning against the front door of the apartment.
He raised up the bag containing the ice cream container. "Couldn't stay away for more than five hours." He gave her a quick kiss before stepping into the apartment.
She laughed and closed the door behind him. He pulled out the containers and stuck two spoons inside it. He could feel the choking feeling leaving his lungs. Making him lighter.
Veronica grabbed her cup and took a bite. "Oh, this is so good. And you remembered my favorite flavor."
Chan grinned, watching her face. "Looks like you are more happy to see the ice cream than me."
Veronica licked her spoon, and Chan had the sudden urge to lean down and kiss her. "Don't be stupid. I am more happy to see you because you bought me ice cream."
Before Chan could figure out the meaning of her sentence, she left the kitchen. He grabbed his ice cream and went after her, gently shaking his head.
"So," Veronica started, scooping some ice cream in her mouth. "What's up?"
Chan settled on the chair, sighing. He didn't say anything immediately. Processing his thoughts and what he wanted to say.
"I want to move out," he said, eating some ice cream.
"Of your parents' place?"
He nodded, watching her reaction. She just looked curious. "Why?"
"Because," he explained. "According to my parents, I need to move on."
Veronica just kept looking at him, waiting for him to elaborate. "And I agree with them. When Mom first got sick, it shook us all. Dad just completely focused on helping her. He practically moved into the hospital. And I dropped out of university because my family needed me."
He looked outside the window, staring at the raindrops sliding down its pane. "Even though she is all better now, I don't know, I am still holding onto everything so tightly. It's like I have this fear in me that if I left and anything went wrong, I would be my fault. Because I was too selfish to just think about myself."
"That's not true," Veronica said, eyebrows scrunched.
"I know," he agreed, smiling sadly. "And I am tired of feeling that way."
"I understand it, though." Her face was thoughtful. "You went through something you had never imagined in your wildest dreams. And it is bound to leave some scars."
But how could he explain it to her how scared he was of losing his mom again. That sometimes when everyone was asleep, he went into his parents' room just to make sure that she was still there. That even after his mom got better, it instilled a fear inside him so deep that he wanted to protect everyone he loved. To keep them happy.
Veronica must have seen something on his face because she said, "You can't protect everyone, Chan."
"I know," he replied, getting back to his ice cream. Shocked that she had read him correctly. "But I can love them. Doesn't that count for something?"
She got up from her bed and padded to where he was sitting down. Squatting before him, so they were face-to-face, she said, "Of course, it does. But you have to keep some love for yourself in the process. Otherwise, you'll soon realize how hollowed you are. How drained."
Chan didn't say anything then. Just let her words wash over him. She was right. He knew that. "That's why I want to move out."
"Well," she replied. "I can help you with that."
"You can?"
She nodded. A small smile on her face. "I know there are two units empty in this building. One on the first floor and one above mine. But if moving in the same building is too soon for you, I can ask around the inn. Maybe someone knows something."
Chan thought about living in the same building as Veronica. Of the possibility of seeing her even more. It made him happy.
"Living here sounds really good," he replied earnestly.
"Yeah?" She sounded surprised, as if she had expected him to shut down the idea.
"I would get to see you more," Chan said, bringing his lips down to her. "How could I not want that?"