I stepped into the back of my shoes, listening to Nate rattle on about beating me in Call of Duty the second he gets my playstation up and running. Sorry to let him know I'm not playing. I have a project due in a couple weeks that I needed to start. I have to get through at least half of it today, because I know I'm gonna forget it at some point. So if I already have most of it done, then I can spend the night before it's due finishing it. That is, if I don't finish it today and forget later on.
We both shrugged our bags off and let them fall to the floor heavily. My school bag and Nate's duffel. He plans on staying the weekend, so I stopped over at his place after I got off work and picked him up. That was after I asked my mother, of course.
I stared at my best friend blankly when he shoved his coat into my chest for me to take.
"You're the host." He said in a 'duh' tone, giving me a look.
I rolled my eyes and snatched the heavy thing from his hand before pulling the coat closet's door open and hooking the collar of his coat over the hanger on the other side of it. I shrugged mine off next and hung it next to his, then busied myself with chucking our shoes inside the closet and pushing the door closed after.
"You said your mom's home?"
I nodded, "Yeah, just shout, she'll come out of wherever she's hiding," I snickered, looking over my shoulder to check that the front door was locked before I walked up next to him.
We glanced at each other for a second, smirking, then tilted our heads back and boomed at the top of our lungs, "MOM!"
Ever since I could remember, Nate and I had always done this whenever he came over. It was something that started in first grade when he first started coming over. I was usually the one who called her, but then he started joining in. So it became a thing.
We fell into a fit of laughter; hunched over and shoving at each other playfully as we headed for the kitchen.
And as you'll have it, my mother was sitting at the breakfast island, a steaming mug in one hand held up to her lips, and an open book in the otherâtotally unbothered. It's like she didn't hear us come in. But I know she did, she just stopped acknowledging us since a couple years back and wait for us to come find her and annoy her like we usually did. I catch her running sometimes when we come over, it's comical.
I grinned as I rounded the marble counter and threw my arm over her shoulders, "Hello," I drawled, peering at her book pages, "What are you reading?" I tilted my head until my temple was resting on her hair.
"Erotica," she said easily, while I fought the bile rising up my throat.
I held back a gag, stepping away from her and briefly catching Nate's awestruck gaze, as I clutched my throat, shuddering repulsively. I wish I could say I was forcing this reaction but I wasn't. It was entirely real, because my mother has never said anything like that around me before. And if I was being honest here, I'd say she's been a lot more open vocally ever since I turned eighteen. Although, this was very new.
"Christian!"
I turned my attention to her, a distasteful look on my face because of the amount of energy it was taking me not to vomit on the tiled floor.
"It's a cookbook," she stressed, shaking her head at the look on my face. She shook the paperback in her hand briefly, drawing my attention to it. Fine Wine & Foods. "Can you read?" She retorted, setting it down on the counter.
"Then why'd you-" a shudder wracked through me, cutting off my protest.
I barely got to see her shrug since my eyes had closed of their own accord. "Because you find it funny coming in here everyday and making a ruckus."
"Because I love you!" I exclaimed, "You're obviously trying to kill me!"
"Lower your voice," she said calmly, sipping from her mug.
God, I hate when she has that damn thing. She has a lot more sass when she's drinking something.
I grunted, dragging my feet to the opposite side of the counter and sitting by the head of the island.
"Water?" Nate suggested.
"Please," I rubbed my forehead to ease the pressure that had built in my skull, "My blood pressure just went through the roof."
He laughed and grabbed another bottle of water from the fridge. He made his way over and set mine on the counter, sliding it to me, before twisting the lid off his.
"You're honestly spending too much time with Ari." He mused.
I stopped as I was opening my water and come to think of it, that is something she says a lot. It mostly had to with me though. I stress her out, I guess. Or so she says.
My shoulders lifted in a nonchalant shrug. I didn't say anything, but I didn't disagree.
"Speaking of her," my mother set her heavy, ceramic cup down, "Her birthday is in a couple weeks, right?"
"Two weeks actually; April 15th. Why?"
Her eyebrows raised and Nate let out a low laugh, his head falling forward as he leaned onto the counter.
Mom shook her head, but answered anyway, "I wanted to get her something, but I'm coming up blank. I do have a number of things I know she'd like, I just have a hard time picking."
I shrugged, "Just get her some headphones."
If I could think up better word other than appalled to describe her expression that would be it. "I'm not getting her headphones." She eyed me like I was stupid. It's not like I know the girl or anything. "Don't be insensitive."
I laughed because she's acting like I don't know who Ariana is. "Mom, she will literally marry you if you get her some headphones."
She was obviously about to knock the idea down again, but Nate cut in with a sheepish look, "It's not a lie. She went through so many earbuds since September, it's crazy."
I gestured to Nate and gave her a look.
And stubbornly, she shook her head, "I'll find something else. Those aren't good for her anyway. Do you hear how loud she turns those things up?"
"Actually, headphones are a lot better than-"
"I'm getting her something else," she cut me off with a glare.
I laughed and nodded, "Okay," I crossed my arms and sat them on top of the counter, "What were you thinking of getting her?"
"Well, I was going to get her a Barnes & Noble membership, since she likes reading."
I took her brief pause to say something. "There you go," I waved, "You can get her that."
She kept going, "And a gift card there so she can get some books." She was in deep thought about it and I don't understand why. It shouldn't be a question if Ariana would want this. "But it's not good enough."
I gaped at her incredulously, "Mom, she'd love that. What do you mean?"
Her eyes zoned in on me and narrowed, "I don't believe you know her as well as you think you do."
The laugh that came from me was mixed with the small amount of amusement and disbelief I felt. On one hand, I was a little shocked she was going to such lengths to find a gift Ari would like, and on the other I was confused as to why. Because my mother never makes a big deal out of these things. I didn't even expect her to get Ari anything. Maybe she liked her more than she wanted to give away. It'll be nice for Ari to know, sometimes she still thinks my mom has it in for her.
"Mother," I started slowly, leaning across the counter, "Ariana comes to school with a new novel every couple of days. And instead of eating lunch, she tries to ditch and go to the library."
"That's not a lie either." Nate backed up what I said.
My mother stared at me for a long moment, not blinking. I held her gaze.
She finally looked away, and said, "Still not good enough."
Nate bellowed a laugh while I tried to hold back my own. I've never seen my mom stress over gift giving. Not even for me. Even for my other friends' birthdays, she easily picks out something for them and they always love whatever she gets them. Now I'm actually helping her out and she doesn't want to listen to me, even though I see the girl everyday.
"Fine," I shook my head with a laugh, "Hope you find something. But I need to talk to you about something."
Her eyes that were on her mug, snapped up to me at that. I don't know what she saw on my face, but it made her say the ugliest thing.
"Don't tell me you caught something." Her tone was harsh, and I drew back defensively.
I cut off whatever nonsense she was spewing before it got too out of hand, "Mom, I didn't catch anything!" I spoke over her, my hands held up in case of an attack, "Why must you think everytime I have something to tell you, it has to do with sex?"
"Because you're an 18-year-old boy. And I remember those." She nodded.
"Okay..." I drawled, "Well, it's your lucky day, this has nothing to do with that," I waved at the air like the topic was a fly, "It's about college."
She sets her mug down and sat back, "Oh. What is it?"
I was already panicking. My hands were getting clammy and I could feel my face flushed from anxiety.
"I decided to major in... photography..." I made a face only because I could feel her hitting me with just her gaze.
She's never made me feel as if I couldn't do what I loved, but I was sure about being an electrician and that's what my mind had been set on. She knew that. I tried to stick to it and I like it, I'm just not committed or passionate about it like I want to be.
"Okay."
I blinked a couple times before leaning forward, "Excuse me?"
Her arms crossed and she shrugged, "I knew you were going to change your mind. It was just a matter of when. My bet was on three to four months into your freshman year."
"So... you're not mad at me?" My eyes went over to Nate. He was just staring at me. I hadn't told him about the decision either. I thought this was the perfect time. Good thing this is considered good news now, because it gets worse.
She frowned, "'Course not. Do you know how many kids go to college not knowing what they want to do and end up dropping out? You work very hard, Christian, and I'm sure you'll make it work for you."
"O-oh," my gaze fell to the counter and I felt myself relaxing gradually, "I'm not just focusing on photography anyway, I'm gonna um..." I scratched behind my ear, "I'd like to minor in Design and Tech. Pretty sure I have enough skills to get into that easily."
"That's actually pretty cool," Nate nodded and I grinned.
"It is..." I trailed off, nodding.
"Spit it out, Christian," my mom pushed. She will never adhere to calling me Chris.
I didn't look up when I said, "I wanna go to Parsons."
The silence was deafening after that. But I couldn't help that that was it for me. I tried really hard to get into my other choices but Parsons was at the top of the list and a couple levels higher than the others even though I never came out and told my mother that directly. I haven't heard back from them yet, despite all my other letters, and I think it's the interview that's keeping that from happening. I've already scheduled one and it's in a few weeks.
"New York."
I swallowed hard, and nodded, finally meeting her gaze. I felt a little guilt seep into my nerves when she wasn't looking at me. "I spoke to dad."
"That bastard," she hissed under her breath but I heard it.
"Mom." I shook my head, but pressed my lips together against a smile. Nate had his fist pressed against his lips to stop from laughing and that made it harder for me to keep my composure but I managed.
"Listen," I pleaded and she finally looked at me. Her expression was blank. "He promised to hook me up with a place. You know how expensive dorms are and I don't think I could live with him and... y'know," I nodded, searching for some warmth in her expression. I came up empty. "So he said he'd get me a place and help with my tuition for school, and just... help." I reached across the counter and let my hand fall to the surface when she didn't even glance at it, "I just thought, it'll be a good weight off your shoulders, y'know? You've been there a lot, raising me and giving me everything I want without even asking him for a thing. It's his turn now." I chewed on my bottom lip until it felt like it would split and start bleeding, "And I haven't told him what's happening exactly. I just said, if I get into to Parsons and I decide to go. So nothing's confirmed yet."
This was the hard part. Even though the school's like two hours away, it was still the farthest I'd be living away from home. We all thought I was gonna go to the community college close by while I'm living here, so it's a bitter wake-up call for my mom. Our relationship was one where we're tied by the hip you could say. I depended on her for everything growing up, so it must be hard for her to come to terms with my dad being an option for anything when it comes to me.
When she finally let out a huff and leaned forward, I sighed in relief. She took my hand in both of hers and patted it.
"It's not like he abandoned you anyway. I guess..." she made a face of distaste, "he can... help out however he can." I couldn't help my grin. She held up her finger, "One wrong move and I hit him with the biggest lawsuit he'll ever face in his-"
I didn't wait for her to finish her threat before I was around the island and pulling her into a bear hug. I didn't want to question what she thought he'd do to deserve a lawsuit.
"Oh yeah, group hug!" Nate wrapped his arms around her on her other side and I laughed.
He smacked my arm and held my bicep, "I support you, man."
"Thanks."
This actually went a lot better than I thought it would.
When I pulled back, I felt refreshed and relaxed. This has been on my conscience for a little while and I'm finally over with it. All I have to do now is just get in.
"Also," I started, "I scheduled an interview for some time in the next three weeks. Well, it's kind of a portfolio review slash interview, which I'm pretty sure is gonna determine if I get accepted or not, since I haven't heard back from them yet."
"Wait, are they coming here or..." Nate asked as he rummaged through the pantry. He came out with a huge bag of potato chips.
"It's here," I told him, looking down at my mom who was a bit too quiet, "And they get to see the forbidden room."
She reached up and pat my torso, "Yeah, don't call it that." I chuckled and she asked, "What day?"
"Forgot, but I think it's on a Tuesday. I have it written down somewhere."
She nodded, "You'll do great. Now if you'll excuse me." She removed my arm from around her shoulders and slid off the stool, "I have to make a phone call."
My eyes went to the ceiling and I stepped away, giving her room. She was about to go call my dad. I knew she was bitter about it. But she also knows this is what I wanted and if I didn't, I wouldn't be doing it.
"Don't give him a hard time!" I called after her as she left. She waved over her shoulder.
Her childish side has always been amusing. She hasn't spoken to my dad in months, possibly a year, and now she's gonna go let all her anger out on him for 'taking me away'. I just knew it.
"Poor man." Nate muttered through his chewing. I looked over at him and he was staring at the exit of the kitchen my mother had disappeared through.
I grinned, "For his sake I hope he gets a gut feeling and not pick up. But he will."
"Beat you upstairs," he rushed out quickly, taking off.
I didn't think twice before sprinting toward the stairs.