The night was slowly coming to an end. The day's been over for a while since it was almost 3 a.m. so obviously it wasn't my birthday anymore. These people like to go to extremes though, so here we are. The grown-ups had already left to go crash around 12:30, and some of our friends had already curled up in a corner as the rest of us tried to clean up some of the mess.
A couple minutes ago, I went to the bathroom, and on the way out, I happen to bump into Chris on my way out, and then I started talking.
"I don't think we should keep doing this," I told him. "My dad was suspicious and it's not really because of that, but when he brought it up, I felt so sick to my stomach. That's why I left the table this morning."
He nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "The whole day, I had this guilt ripping at me every time I looked at my mom, or yours. That's why I was... a little harsher than usual. I could... control myself that way." He had a sheepish look on his face that made me smile. "But I didn't want to bring it up until tomorrow or somethingâafter your birthday."
"It's been after my birthday for like three hours," I said, trying to lighten the mood. He cracked a small smile but kept his eyes lowered.
I reached out and took his hand gently, my fingers tickled his palm and his hand twitched.
"I just don't like hiding stuff like this from my parents, and I know my mom won't be very understanding about it, so I thought..."
He looked at me then and reached up to trail the side of my face gently with the tip of his index finger until he held my chin. "I know."
As I stared into his eyes, and his expression in the dimly lit hallway, there was a sinking feeling in my stomach. He didn't look hurt or heartbrokenâhe was actually fine. It's the tense bubble that we're smothered in that's making this harder than it needs to be.
"I'm sorry," I said softly. "I know I keep... doing this and-"
"Shhh." He shook his head and placed his hands on my hips. He pulled me closer before stepping back and moving his hands to hold my arms. His head dipped and he held my gaze and said, "Don't apologize. You don't need to because I was going to bring this up anyway."
I couldn't help that I was tearing up, and I don't know why. "This just- it isn't fair to-"
"Ari," he cut me off again. "Ba-" he paused, biting his lip.
My eyes went to his mouth and my memory started going AWOL with all the times I've kissed him. I fought everything in me not to pull him into the bathroom behind me.
"If I recall correctly, I'm always the one starting all our... sessions." His voice went deep on the last word and his eyes moved to my lips before he met my eyes again.
My body was hot, and I tried my hardest not to let that overwhelm me because I would not be accountable for my actions if anything drastic happens.
"Except the first one," I muttered, breaking eye contact. "Which started this whole thing."
He hummed and straightened himself. When I felt him straighten and move closer, I looked up at him. His arms went around my waist and my protest disintegrated as I stared at him with my mouth open and my mind focused on one thing.
"I'll never complain about that," he said lowly. One of his arms dropped from my waist and I felt him take my hand. Slowly, he lifted it to his lips and kissed the inside of my wrist. "It was the most exciting kiss I've had. Shame I won't be getting any more."
I blinked.
He really hates making my life easy.
"Maybe in two years," I said before I could stop myself.
He let out a low grunt and looked away briefly. His eyes met mine again as he said, "You think I can wait that long?"
A small, nervous laugh was my response, but only because I wanted to play off this tension building inside me from his words. He was really laying it on thick and I thought we were both on the same page.
"You really don't have to. It's not like there's anything special about me, Chris." I didn't think when I said it, and it wasn't until the awkward silence followed that I really heard what I'd said.
Way to sound mad insecure, Ari. I'm sure that's attractive.
"Ariana," he said lowly, but his voice was firm.
Lately, there have been minor moments where he'd call me by my full name. Mostly, it's been 'Ari', and he's been getting acquainted with calling me 'babe'. The only times he calls me by my full name is either when he's being playful, or he's full-on pissed or serious. I'm guessing this is one of those times for the latter.
"It's no big deal, let's just forget I even said that."
My face was burning from embarrassment and I kept my eyes away from his.
I tried to walk away only for him to pull me back. "Ariana-"
"Okay, would you stop calling me that," I said, irritably. I didn't mean for it to come out snappy, but my shame mixed with anxiety-fueled my response.
But that just ended up making me even more ashamed and I sighed loudly, forcing myself to relax.
"Ari," he said, but his voice was softer and kind of amused.
His thumb nudged my chin, forcing me to look up at him. I got my answer by the small smile on his face.
The pad of his thumb traced along my jaw when he spoke. "Everything about you is..." His eyes flickered before he stared into my eyes. "Stunning. You think you're some plane Jane, but you're notânot to me. You're amazing and beautiful, and I'm honestly so grateful you're in my life."
My chest was on the verge of caving in, and breathing was not as easy as it's once been. He didn't even glance away from me once and I couldn't look away. He legit just told himself to snatch my life, and he did.
Other than my dad, Chris was the only other male that's ever referred to me as beautiful. And I don't know why, but lately, he's been making it a habit to remind me whenever he can. The more he does that, the harder it is for me to resist him, and stop myself from passing out.
"I don't know what I'd do without you." His hand cupped my cheek, his thumb brushing gently.
We'll both be finding out soon.
I shook my head quickly and smacked his chest. I stepped away and said, "I wish you'd stop saying stuff like that when I'm trying to stop this whole thing from... going further."
His eyebrows raised. "What is this 'further' you're referring to?"
That's when I started to leave because that's not a conversation we'll be having without this 'further' happening right there in the hall.
"I'm leaving before someone pops up out of nowhere." I waved over my shoulder.
For the rest of the weekend, his answering laugh and previous words were what sat on my conscience.
â¤â â¤
Two Weeks later
For the first time ever, I was dreading the weather getting warm again, and only for one reasonâI can't wear clothes I used to. And not because they're too revealing (I don't have much of those anyway), but because they can't fit anymore.
I didn't gain fifty pounds, but I'm pretty sure it was a good twenty to thirty, and that's enough for me to not be able to fit into most of my clothes and be comfortable. Most of my clothes were already tight, to begin with, because that's how I liked them. The other clothes that would fit me without a problem would be the one or two shorts and crop tops I bought two sizes larger to wear around my house. And let's not forget sweatpants and sweaters, but it's getting hot, and there's no way my mom's buying me more clothes and I'm not asking her to.
So, I found myself not having much to wear for the upcoming week with the weather predicted to be between fifty to seventy degrees.
Today, it's supposed to go up to sixty-five and I was so close to bringing a change of clothes with me because it's not like my mom would see me in them, but I'm not like that.
What I did find were some light-washed ripped jeans that once hung low on my hips and a loose crop top. It was comfortable enough and I wore a sweater in the morning to hide that it showed some of my stomach, from my mom. It wasn't hard since it's still chilly in the morning. As for the pants, I stood in front of my mirror and gaped when I pulled them on, and they fit a little snug. Before, I couldn't keep them on me without a belt and now they're hugging my thighs and behind like I washed them five times in a row.
It really shows that I was starving myself before I met Chris, or that the fucker was fattening me up on purpose. He did say he liked my weight, but I don't give a damn what he likes, the selfish asshole.
Still love him though.
But on a happier note, he got into Parsons. His face when he told me was gold. He was so happy, and what could I do but be happy for him. As much as I'm going to miss him, I'm still excited for him to start college and start doing artist-y stuff.
Other than him, only a couple of our friends are going to New York for college, because they're rich. Thion and Sean are going to NYU, Nate's going to Columbia (the nerd), and Julia... wait for it... is going to fucking Parsons. I was so jealous, and I had no clue she was going, but she said it was a last-minute decision. She's going for fashion design, which is pretty dope, the chick's wardrobe is like a runway, so I really wasn't surprised when she told me. She's one of the best-dressed people in our school from what I've seen.
But at least Chris won't be so lonely up there, and he's gonna have his own place, so they can see each other a lot more than if all of them were dorming.
Now, I'm just going to have to keep myself together whenever I find out they're having parties without me. But until then, I'll be worrying about matters at home.
More than halfway through the day, we had a fire drill, and like protocol goes, we all found each other after teachers took attendance. Not all of us did though, it depends on where our classes are at the time.
The drill went off when we were in our fourth class which, for me, Thion, Chris, Julia, and Carlos was Economics. So of course, Thion was here, so was Jess, Marianna, Carlos, and Chris and Julia were out there somewhere.
Right now, they were talking about all the traditions they have. They had a good amount, and it was nice being a part of them without even knowing they were.
I was standing in front of Thion and his arms were wrapping around my chest from where he was behind me.
"Oh, shit, yeah," Thion said, moving one of his arms to point at Mar like he just remembered something. "Gardening. Tomorrow."
And just like that, I could see the imaginary light bulb lighting up over their heads.
"What?" I said when they were too busy basking in their forgetfulness to elaborate.
Thion's hand wrapped around my neck and my eyes widened dramatically as I stared at the others. They made suggestive sounds and whistles as Thion tilted my head back so I was looking up at him.
"Aight, aight, shut the fuck up," he said, giving them a look and moving his hand from my neck. His arm went back across my chest.
I grinned up at him. "Don't be choking me in public."
He looked down at me with a blank look. "You tryna get me killed," he retorted, and I laughed.
He's still stuck on Chris having feelings for me, but he's an affectionate guy at heart, he can't help it. He's such a great friend though.
"I'll tell y'all when he comin', keep goin'," Jess said playfully.
Thion looked at her and said, "You ain't shit."
My grin got bigger as they laughed.
"But anyway," Thion started, rolling his eyes playfully. "Charlotte's big on gardening and shit, so every year around spring, we set a date to go over and help her get all her flowers and seeds planted. It's just another excuse for us to fuck around, and it's fun, so if you wanna join..."
"Please, please, please!" Mar exclaimed.
"She's definitely coming, it's not a question." That was Jess.
"Or," Carlos emphasized, "she can decide for herself."
I righted my head after getting my fill of Thion's face. Not gonna lie, he's fine as hell. Especially with his curly man bun and a jawline that looked to be carved by all the angels in heaven. If he wasn't friends with Chris, he could definitely get it.
I smiled at them widely and reached up to hold Thion's arms as he rocked me.
"Kay, kay."
They cheered dramatically and Jess asked about some game that's supposed to be going on tonight since it was Friday.
That reminded Marianna about some party and then they started getting into it about which one they should go to. Either way, I was staying home.
I tilted my head back to look up at Thion again. "You should unzip my sweater," I said since his arms were already covering the zipper at the base of my neck.
He looked down at me with a blank stare and I grinned after realizing how that sounded.
"You really tryna get me killed, huh?"
"I'm hot."
He nodded knowingly and said, "You are." And we both grinned at that. "But there's no way I'm touching your sweater."
I rolled my eyes playfully and turned to face him. "You aren't really scared of him, are you?" I asked seriously, lowering my voice. I unzipped my sweater and fanned it out to get some air under my crop top.
He sucked his teeth and pursed his lips. "Man, I'll whoop that boy's ass if he comes at me wrong, but," he paused, and I pressed my lips together against my laugh.
He leaned down with his voice lowered to say, "I know he likes you-"
I tilted my head back and rolled my eyes. "Come on. You're still on that?"
He gave me a look. "I've known him since middle school and I know when Chris wants somebody, Ari. He doesn't have to tell me. I know I shouldn't be saying this, but y'all getting on my damn nerves, acting like you don't want each other-"
"Thion, shut up." I cut him off again with a face.
He shook his head. "No, I'm not gonna shut up, dummy. Both y'all stupid and some people are gonna end up crying if they don't come clean." He holds his hands up and takes a step back. "Just saying."
I eyed him as I pulled my pants up to get rid of the exposed skin everybody could see. "I hate you."
He bit his lip with one of those smiles that could just melt me. He reached out and took my hand, "Love you too, girl." I fought back a smile as he slowly started to twirl me. "Now, let's talk about this healthy weight you been puttin' on."
I laughed loudly and he added, "Especially back here. What you been doing?"
I spun around and smacked his chest halfheartedly. I was half gaping, half laughing at his statement, and he grinned at me while doing weird stuff with his eyebrows.
It's not like I could disagree cause he's not the first person to say I wasn't just putting on weight on my thighs. My mom keeps squeezing my butt when she brings it up like she's trying to figure out if I got it done or something. I don't see the big deal. I'd just like to gain my weight in peace, but everybody wants to talk about it and make it awkward.
I pressed my finger to his chest and hissed out, "I swear if you're saying what I think you're saying ima smack you so hard-"
"Y'all getting that workout-"
"Nathion, shut up!" I punched him in the stomach, but enough to actually hurt him.
He stumbled back, doubled over in laughter. I shook my head, trying to keep a straight face and ended up walking away.
"What?" Jess looked between the two of us, but I didn't have the guts to actually say out loud what he was insinuating.
"He's a dumbass, and I don't want him anymore," I said playfully.
"C'mon, Rianna, you know I'm just fucking around," Thion said, looking more than amused.
I was about to flip him off when the crowd started moving, so I took it upon myself not to speak to him after that.
It was midday Saturday when my mom and I left our house and started our journey over to Charlotte's. It was sixty-five degrees out and I brought a bag with some clothes and toiletries because I'm gonna need them by the end of the day.
"Time to garden, time to plant, let's put some seeds in the ground," I sang as I skipped down the driveway.
I grinned widely at the familiar faces that were already outside. There was a little table set up with beverages and a couple people were already in gloves or holding gardening tools.
"Hello, people," I drawled, stopping by Julia. I rested my chin on her shoulder and she hugged my head then turned to kiss my temple loudly.
"Excited, are we?"
I watched her slip on some gloves. "Yeah, I've never done this before."
She turned to me with a disbelieving look and I nodded. "Well, you're in for a treat," she said and nodded toward the house. "Set your stuff down and come get some gloves."
"Kay, kay." I pulled back and made my way up the porch steps when Chris came out of the house with a couple other guys flanking him.
I didn't waste time pushing my bag into his chest, and he took it reflexively.
"Host," I said with a large smile and sent him an air kiss before spinning back around.
"What? You are the host," I heard one of the guys say, followed by laughing.
I briefly heard Chris telling them to shut up before they got even louder.
I was a giggling mess until I almost bumped into my mom on the way down the steps. She was standing there, giving me a look. My smile simmered and I pursed my lips.
Sighing heavily, I turned back around and stomped back up the steps. I narrowed my eyes at the smug smirk Chris was wearing and tried my best not to let my eyes stray to his arms and chest. He was wearing a tank top, so it was harder than usual to keep my eyes on his face.
He held my bag out when I got close and I all but snatched it from him.
"Nice to see you," he said teasingly.
"No one asked you," I said hardly, but kept my voice low.
He chuckled and so did the others who heard me.
"Latoya, how you been?"
I rolled my eyes at that. Chris is such a suck-up, it's pitiful.
Or he can just be respectful.
No, the devil ain't.
The next person I saw, made this whole thing a lot more enjoyable, though. Nathion. I've been giving him the silent treatment since yesterday, but Thion isn't like other men. He doesn't give a damn. But I'm convinced he'll break soon.
He's making his way to the exit as I'm coming in. He just righted his head after putting something in his mouth and that's when his eyes met mine.
I eyed him and said, "Nathion."
He smirked as he chewed and nodded. "Sup, baby girl."
My eyes are gonna end up falling out of my head if I'm around these people much longer at how many times a day I roll them. I just want him to suffer at my dismissal, but it's something about these boys when they know they're attractive.
He too chuckled at my dismay and reached out to nudge my chin as we passed each other. I smacked his hand away, smiling at the sound of his laugh.
Damn fucker.
My smile grew at the sight of Charlotte when I went into the lounge and went to go annoy her for a good five minutes.
When I went back outside, equipment and plants were being transported all over the place. I quickly got some gloves and went over to Julia. She was still standing by the table, talking to Iseah, who was leaning in a little too close.
I won't be the one to tell him she has a boyfriend though.
"Kay. What do I do first?" I stopped next to her, pulling my gloves on.
She turned to me and placed an arm around my shoulders.
"So much to do," she said dramatically.
Charlotte's one of those people who loves flowers. In that, I mean, flowers had to be planted around the perimeters of her property, and even that space on the sidewalk where grass was by the curb.
And the best part is, she didn't do anything. Nor did my mom, or Jess's momâyeah, she was here too. This whole thing is more a bonding ritual for the rest of them than it was to plant flowers. But it was really nice that they take time out to actually do stuff like this together. The moms just constantly had food and drinks out then watched us do our thing.
We planted so many different flowers and seeds that I lost track of most of them. We even planted vegetable seeds in the small portion where she had reserved for a vegetable garden.
It was some time around 4:30 when everything started to wrap up and we were all putting away all the equipment. Not long after that, we were all sitting on the lawn, drinking different stuff and cooling off before figuring out what we'd be doing next. I think it's obvious most of us are going to be leaving and we're dreading it.
Today was the most exercise I'd had since... ever, and I'd been sweating like a pig. I was looking forward to jumping in the shower, but I was gonna wait until everyone left so I didn't miss anything.
We sat outside, telling stories, and laughing for about three hours until the grown-ups came and started sending everybody home, except those who're staying at Chris's. My mom knew what that meantâI had to stay over too.
I went into the kitchen with a tired grin. "This was awesome."
Charlotte smiled. "Yeah, I stopped doing my own gardening four years ago. Now I just watch. It's a blessing and a curse."
"Do you know if all the bathrooms are taken? I smell like a sewer," I exaggerated. But I really wasn't the best-smelling person out there right now.
My mom made a face and Charlotte laughed.
"Unless Christian's already up there, his bathroom's open."
I drew back, glancing behind me. Right on cue, Chris came into the kitchen, with Nate and Sean next to him. I cackled and sprinted out of the room. I'd just snatched my bag up from the couch in the living room and was almost halfway up the stairs when my name was shouted.
Laughing loudly, I picked up my pace, even though my chest and legs felt like they were on fire.
"Ari, don't even think of going into my room!" He said loudly and I heard his feet on the stairs. "What the- get off me!"
"Run, Ari! Lock the door!"
I glanced over my shoulder and some of the guys were holding back a struggling Chris on the stairs. I almost crashed from laughing so hard, but I pushed myself to keep going until I was in his room.
When I got there, I closed the door but didn't lock it. I wasn't that much of a bitch to lock him out of his own room. But I did lock the bathroom door after me though. His bathroom door was one of those sliding ones, so hopefully, it'll stop him from being able to kick it down easily.
I fell to the floor dramatically when I was safely inside and rolled onto my back. I stared at the ceiling for a couple minutes, gaining back my breath and the feeling in my legs, before creeping over to the tub and turning the water on.
I'd just stripped off my shirt and was fanning myself when Chris came beating down the damn door.
"Ariana, I swear to all the gods in the world, I will kill you if you leave a mess in there!"
I smiled mischievously and made my way over to the door slowly.
"Have I ever left a mess, Chris?" I retorted, and he went quiet.
Exactly.
After a moment he said, "Clean up after yourself." He was a lot calmer now, so I guess he just remembered who he was dealing with. I always clean shit up when I come here, and he knows that.
This was the first time I'm showering in his bathroom though and that's probably what tripped him up.
"I always do," I sang. I turned away from the door and made my way over to the tub while taking my shorts off.
I pushed the glass door open wider.
"I'll be in here a while!" I shouted and grinned when he groaned loudly and banged on the door.
I was sure I've been in the shower for an hour and a half, but it's when I got out that I ran into some problems.
I was only in my panties and a sports bra when I unlocked the door and slid it a little to the left, peeking through the open crack.
"Chris?"
I opened it more when there wasn't a reply and pushed my head out. "Hullo, Chrissy?"
The only reason this was happening was because my dumbass didn't think that the clothes I had weren't sleeping clothes. Chris didn't have towels in here either, so I was temporarily half-naked. I could always put on the clothes I brought and change later, but I'm lazy so...
To make things worse, I left my phone downstairs, so it's not like I could call my mom.
The room was deserted, and the only light was from the last of the sunset outside his huge window and the lights strung up across the ceiling. It was really pretty, but I didn't have time to admire them againâclothes have to be on first.
I decided to take a leap and slid the bathroom door the rest of the way and hurried over to his closet. I gripped the handle and pushed the mirror aside, quickly pulling out one of his drawers he always went into or t-shirts and snatched up the first one.
And because life hates me, it was on the wrong side.
"Really?" I muttered, bouncing lightly on my feet in anxiety as I turned the shirt inside out. "Come on, come on, come on." I took a step back and pulled it on, but the second it went over my head, my eyes caught something in the mirror, and I let out a small cry.
I spun around, pulling the shirt down hurriedly. "You scared the crap out of me. Can you make noise?" I kept pulling at the shirt, only to find out it hardly covers the bottom of my ass.
Out of all the shirts he has, this one chose me today.
I fidgeted slightly, still trying to pull it down even though it's not going anywhere. "Sorry, I didn't have clothes and I would've asked but I left my phone..." I trailed off when Chris started making his way into the room.
He shook his head. "No problem. Need some bottoms?" He smiled in amusement, his eyes moving to my legs.
His hair was darker than usual, and he was in some joggers and a white t-shirt, telling me he gave up on waiting for me and showered in another bathroom. He looked so fresh and clean, and the way his hair flopped against his forehead was so hot, it was unforgivable.
Since it started getting warmer, he told me he was running again and working out, and it was definitely showing. He's doing it on purposeâtrying to make himself even more irresistible.
"Hey, hey." I snapped my fingers and he slowly moved his gaze back to my face his smile getting wider. "Don't be a pervert."
His eyebrows raised and he stopped a couple feet away. He pressed his hand to his chest. "I'm the pervert? Like you weren't the one ogling my junk that one time-"
"Okay, you walked out of the room like that, it caught me off-guard."
He licked his lips slowly. "And you think this hasn't caught me off-guard?"
My mouth fell open as I tried to find something to say. But I couldn't. I ended up forcing a laugh. "Okay, Chris." I waved him off and turned back to the closet.
I breathed deeply, momentarily forgetting what drawer he has his shorts and shit in. Hopefully, he couldn't feel my anxiety, because I was very nervous. I've never walked around a guy half-naked, and he wasn't making me more comfortable. But I was trying to play it off until I got some clothes on.
"Chris," I whispered when I felt his hands on the sides of my thighs, pushing the shirt up.
I started shaking when his hands skimmed my hips and the waistband of my underwear, then pulled me back against him, before moving up to my sides. I don't know what scent he had on, but it was suffocating me in the best way. I leaned back into him, breathing deeply, and loving the feeling of him pressed against my body.
"You didn't touch me though," he said, and I felt his breath against my neck, making me tilt my head. "Guess that's the only thing that's different."
His lips brushed against my neck and my legs almost gave out.
I turned around, but it would have to take a lot for me to pull away. He leaned in almost right away and pressed his lips against mine softly. My eyes were barely open, and my head was swimming.
"Sorry, I-"
I cut him off by kissing him again, just as soft as he did a second ago, I couldn't help it. I seemed to stop thinking whenever he's this close.
We hovered like that for a small moment before he pulled back.
"I should, um- you should put some- we should go downstairs."
I nodded, feeling his fingers press into my skin like he didn't want to let go, and I really didn't want him to. He caressed my skin and pulled me closer, kissing me again. My hands rested on his biceps and I pushed myself closer, letting myself get lost in him and how sweetly he was brushing his lips against mine.
"Yeah," he muttered when we pulled away.
He took some steps back before dropping his hands quickly. His eyes ran over me and he leaned forward before he took another step back.
I swallowed hard, pulling the shirt back down when he looked away and tried to stop my chest from heaving.
Stop acting like a bitch in heat.
But I am!
"There's," he paused, closing his eyes tightly and pointing at something inside the closet. "There's PJ bottoms and basketball shorts in the bottom drawers, take whatever." Then he turned around and practically sprinted out of the room.
I gaped at the closed door and slowly turned back to the closet.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck."
Maybe this was worse than I thought.