Chapter 12: Chapter Twelve: Balancing

"Billy!" Dad called as soon as he got out of the car.

I turned toward the house, beckoning to Jacob as I pulled Bella along. I heard Dad greeting them loudly behind me.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't see you behind the wheel, Jake," he said disapprovingly.

"We get permits early on the rez," Jacob said while I walked in the door and flicked on the porch light.

"Sure you do," Dad laughed.

"I have to get around somehow." I recognized Billy's resonant voice easily. The sound of it made me feel suddenly younger, a child. Bella and I went inside, leaving the door open behind us and turned on the inside lights. Bella hung up her jacket, but I kept mine — Christian's — on. Then I stood in the door, watching anxiously as Dad and Jacob helped Billy out of the car and into his wheelchair.

I backed out of the way as the three of them hurried in, shaking off the rain. Bella was already standing at the stairs, waiting.

"This is a surprise," Charlie was saying.

"It's been too long," Billy answered. "I hope it's not a bad time." His dark eyes flashed up to me again and then my sister, their expression unreadable.

"No, it's great. I hope you can stay for the game."

Jacob grinned. "I think that's the plan — our TV broke last week."

Billy made a face at his son. "And, of course, Jacob was anxious to see Alexandra again," he added. Jacob scowled and ducked his head while I fought back a smile. Knowing he wanted to see me made me happy.

"Are you hungry?" Bella asked, turning toward the kitchen. She seemed eager to escape Billy's searching gaze.

"Naw, we ate just before we came," Jacob answered. I saw a blush creep up and touch the tanned skin of his ears. He would only give be a side glance.

"How about you, Charlie?" Bella called over her shoulder and she fled around the corner.

"Sure," he replied, his voice moving in the direction of the front room and the TV. I could hear Billy's chair follow.

I followed Bella into the kitchen and sat at the table to watch her cook. The grilled cheese sandwiches were in the frying pan and she was slicing up a tomato when I sensed someone walking in.

"So, how are things?" Jacob asked as he took a seat next to me at the table.

"Pretty good." I smiled. His enthusiasm was hard to resist. "How about you? Did you finish your car?"

"No." He frowned. "I still need parts. We borrowed that one." He pointed with his thumb in the direction of the front yard.

"Sorry. I haven't seen any... what was it you were looking for?"

"Master cylinder." He grinned. "Is something wrong with the truck?" he added suddenly.

"No."

"Oh, I just wondered because you weren't driving it."

I stared down at the table, running my fingers along the edge. "We got a ride with some friends."

"Nice ride." Jacob's voice was admiring. "I didn't recognize the driver, though, or the other one. I thought I knew most of the kids around here."

I nodded noncommittally, keeping my eyes down.

"My dad seemed to know them from somewhere."

"Jacob, could you hand me some plates? They're in the cupboard over the sink." Bella chimed, changing the subject.

"Sure."

He got the plates in silence. I hoped he would let it drop now.

"So who were they?" he asked, setting two plates on the counter next to her.

I sighed in defeat. "Edward Cullen and Christian Hale."

To my surprise, he laughed. I glanced up at him. He looked a little embarrassed.

"Guess that explains it, then." he said. "I wondered why my dad was acting so strange."

"That's right." I faked an innocent expression. "He doesn't like the Cullens."

"Superstitious old man," Jacob muttered under his breath.

"You don't think he'd say anything to my dad?" I couldn't help asking, the words coming out in a low rush.

Jacob stared at me for a moment, and I couldn't read the expression in his dark eyes. "I doubt it," he finally answered. "I think Charlie chewed him out pretty good last time. They haven't spoken much since — tonight is sort of a reunion, I think. I don't think he'd bring it up again."

"Oh," I said, trying to sound indifferent.

Bella stayed in the front room after she carried the food out to Dad, pretending to watch the game while Jacob and I chatted at the kitchen table. I knew Bella would be listening for any verbal cues that Billy would rat us out, so I focused on my conversation with Jacob. I was really enjoying it. It was a long night, though. I had a lot of homework that was going undone. Finally, the game ended.

"Are you and your friends coming back to the beach soon?" Jacob asked as he pushed his father over the lip of the threshold.

"I'm not sure," I hedged.

"That was fun, Charlie," Billy said.

"Come up for the next game," Charlie encouraged.

"Sure, sure," Billy said. "We'll be here. Have a good night." His eyes shifted to my sister and I, and his smile disappeared. "You take care, girls," he added seriously.

"Thanks," Bella muttered, looking away.

We headed for the stairs while Dad waved from the doorway.

"Wait, girls," he said.

I cringed. Had Billy gotten something in before Bella joined them in the living room?

But Dad was relaxed, still grinning from the unexpected visit.

"I didn't get a chance to talk to you two tonight. How was your day?"

"Good." Bella hesitated with one foot on the first stair, searching for details we could safely share. "My badminton team won all four games."

"Wow, I didn't know you could play badminton."

"Well, actually I can't, but my partner was really good," she admitted.

"Who is it?" he asked with token interest.

"Um... Mike Newton," she told him reluctantly.

Oh yeah — you said you were friends with the Newton kid." He perked up. "Nice family." He mused for a minute. "Why don't you ask him to the dance this weekend?"

I almost choked laughing.

"Dad!" Bella groaned. "He's kind of dating my friend, Jessica. Besides, you know I can't dance."

"Oh yeah," he muttered. Then he smiled at her apologetically. "So I guess it's good you'll be gone Saturday... I've made plans to go fishing with the guys from the station. The weather's supposed to be real warm. But if you wanted to put your trip off till someone could go with you guys, I'd stay home. I know I leave you girls here alone too much."

"Dad, you're doing a great job." I smiled, hoping my relief didn't show. "We've never minded being alone — we're too much like you. Besides, we have each other." I winked at him, and he smiled his crinkly-eyed smile.

Laying down in my room, my phone went off.

I didn't get to say goodbye. sorry.

I slept better that night, too tired to dream again. When I woke to the pearl gray morning, my mood was blissful. It seemed Bella was feeling good, too. The tense evening with Billy and Jacob seemed harmless enough now; I decided to forget it completely. I caught myself humming while I was brushing my hair. Bella was whistling along as she pulled the front part of her hair back into a barrette. Dad noticed as we skipped down the stairs.

"You;re cheerful this morning," he commented over breakfast.

I shrugged. "It's Friday."

I hurried so I would be ready to go the second Dad left, knowing Bella would be, too. I had my bag ready, shoes on, teeth brushed, but even though I rushed to the door as soon as I was sure Dad would be out of sight, the boys were faster. They were waiting in Edward's shiny car, windows down, engine off.

We didn't hesitate this time, climbing into our seats quickly. Christian grinned his crooked smile at me, stopping my breath and my heart. I couldn't imagine how an angel could be any more glorious. There was nothing about him to be improved upon.

"How did you sleep?" he asked. I wondered if he had any idea how appealing his voice was.

"Fine. How was your night?"

"Pleasant." His smile was amused; I felt like I was missing an inside joke.

"Can I ask what you did?" I asked.

"No." He grinned. "Today is still mine."

He wanted to know about people today: more about Mom, her hobbies, what we'd done in our free time together. And then the one grandmother I'd known, my few school friends — embarrassing me when he asked about boys I'd dated. I was relieved that I'd never really dated anyone, so that particular conversation couldn't last long. He seemed as surprised as Jessica and Angela by my lack of romantic history.

"So you never met anyone you wanted?" he asked in a serious tone that made me wonder what he was thinking about.

"Not in Phoenix." I didn't ever like the boys in our friend group back in Arizona and the others were typical party guys, also not my type.

His lips pressed together into a hard line.

We were in the cafeteria at this point. The day had sped by in the blur that was rapidly becoming routine.

I took advantage of his brief pause to take a bite of my bagel.

"We should have let you girls drive yourselves today," he announced, apropos of nothing, while I chewed.

"Why?" I demanded.

"We're leaving with Alice after lunch."

"Oh." I blinked, bewildered and disappointed. "That's okay, it's not that far of a walk."

He frowned at me impatiently. "We're not going to make you walk home. We'll go get the truck and leave it here for you two."

"I don't have the key with me, and I doubt Bella does, either." I sighed. "We really don't mind walking." What I minded was losing my time with him and I know my sister would feel the same.

He shook his head. "The truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition — unless you're afraid someone might steal it." He laughed at the thought.

"All right," I agreed, pursing my lips. I was pretty sure the key was in the pocket of a pair of jeans Bella wore Wednesday, under a pile of clothes in the laundry room. It was most like her. Even if he broke into our house, or whatever he was planning, he'd never find it. He seemed to feel the challenge in my consent. He smirked, overconfident.

"So where are you going?" I asked as casually as I could manage.

"Hunting," he answered grimly. "If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can." His face grew morose... and pleading. "You can always cancel, you know."

I looked down, afraid of the persuasive power of his eyes. I refused to be convinced to fear him, no matter how real the danger might be. It doesn't matter, I repeated in my head.

"No," I whispered, glancing back at his face. I cleared my throat to try to come off as nonchalant. "Besides, you made these plans so I wouldn't crash Bella and Edward's little date. How could I cancel on you? It'd break your heart." I tried to force out a chuckle, but it came out as strangled air.

It seemed what I said lightened his mood again. "Perhaps you're right," he murmured.

I changed the subject. "What time will I see you tomorrow?" I asked, already depressed by the thought of him leaving now.

"That depends... it's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?" he offered.

"No," I answered too fast. He restrained a smile.

"You'll know when I'm there, then. Just be ready." he decided. "Will Charlie be there?"

"No, he's fishing tomorrow." I beamed at the memory of how conveniently things had worked out.

His voice turned seductive. "And if you don't come home, what will he think?"

"I have no idea." I stammered, trying to answer coolly. His sultry voice had a whole new power over me. "He knows I've been meaning to do laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer."

He scowled at me, obviously not impressed by my joke at his alluring threat, and I scowled back.

"What are you hunting tonight?" I asked when I was sure I had lost the glowering contest.

"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far." He seemed bemused by my casual reference to his secret realities.

"Why are you going with Alice?" I wondered.

"Alice is the most... supportive of this little foursome we have brewing." He frowned as he spoke.

"And the others?" I asked timidly. "What are they?"

His brow puckered for a brief moment, probably remembering when he had let slip that he wanted to protect me from his family. "Incredulous, for the most part."

I peeked quickly behind me at his family. They sat staring off in different directions, exactly the same as the first time I'd seen them. Only now they were four; their beautiful, bronze-haired brother sat across from Bella, and their honey-blond cousin across from me, his golden eyes troubled.

"They don't like us," I guessed.

"That's not it," he disagreed, but his eyes were too innocent. "They don't understand why we can't leave you two alone."

I grimaced. "Neither do I, for that matter."

Christian shook his head slowly, rolling his eyes toward the ceiling before he met my gaze again. "I told you — you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me."

I glared at him, sure he was teasing now. He smiled as he deciphered my expression. "People are predictable. But you... you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise."

I looked away, my eyes wandering back to his family, embarrassed and dissatisfied. His words made me feel like a science experiment. I wanted to laugh at myself for expecting anything else.

"That part is easy enough to explain," he continued. I felt his eyes on my face but I couldn't look at him yet, afraid he might read the chagrin in my eyes. "But there's more... and it's not so easy to put into words —"

I was still staring at the Cullens while he spoke. Suddenly Rosalie, his blonde and breathtaking cousin, turned to look at me. No, not to look — to glare, with dark, cold eyes. I wanted to look away, but her gaze held me until Christian broke off mid-sentence and made an angry noise under his breath. It was almost a hiss.

Rosalie turned her head, and I was relieved to be free. I looked back at Christian — and I knew he could see the confusion and fear that widened my eyes.

His face was tight as he explained. "I'm sorry about that. She's just worried. You see... it's dangerous for more than just me and Edward if, after spending so much time with you girls so publicly..." He looked down.

"If?"

"If this ends... badly." He dropped his head and looked at his hands, as he had that night in Port Angeles. His anguish was plain; I yearned to comfort him, but I was at a loss to know how. My hand reached toward him involuntarily; quickly, though, I dropped it to the table, fearing that my touch would only make things worse. I realized slowly that his words should frighten me. I waited for that fear to come, but all I could seem to feel was an ache for his pain.

And frustration — frustration that Rosalie had interrupted whatever he was about to say. I didn't know how to bring it up again. He still had his head in his hands.

I tried to speak in a normal voice. "And you have to leave now?"

"Yes." He raised his face; it was serious for a moment, and then his mood shifted and he smiled. "It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in Biology — I don't think I could take any more."

I started. Alice — her short, inky hair in a halo of spiky disarray around her exquisite, elfin face — was suddenly standing behind his shoulder. Her slight frame was willowy, graceful even in absolute stillness. Edward was beside her, too, with my sister coming up and sitting beside me.

Christian greeted her without looking away from me. "Alice."

"Christian," she answered, her high soprano voice almost as attractive as his.

"Alice, Bella, Alexandra — Alexandra, Bella, Alice," he introduced us, gesturing casually with his hand, a wry smile on his face.

"Hello, Bella, Alexandra." Her brilliant obsidian eyes were unreadable, but her smile was friendly. "It's nice to finally meet you two."

Edward flashed a dark look at her.

"Hi, Alice," Bella murmured for us.

"Are you ready?" she asked Christian.

His voice was aloof. "Nearly. I'll meet you at the car."

She left without another word; her walk was so fluid, so sinuous that I felt a sharp pang of jealousy. My sister and Edward had seemingly said their goodbyes, because Edward followed Alice and my sister got up to wait for me closer to the cafeteria doors, giving me some privacy.

"Should I say 'have fun,' or is that the wrong sentiment?" I asked, turning back to him.

"No, 'have fun' works as well as anything." He grinned.

"Have fun, then. Go wild." I worked to sound wholehearted.

"I'll try." He still grinned. "And you girls try to be safe, please."

"Safe in Forks — what a challenge."

"For you two, it is a challenge." His jaw hardened. "Promise."

"I promise to try to be safe," I recited. "I'll do the laundry tonight — that ought to be fraught with peril."

"Don't fall in," he mocked.

"I'll do my best."

He stood, then, and I rose, too.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I sighed.

"I'll be there," he promised, smiling his crooked smile. He reached across the table to touch my face, lightly brushing along my cheekbone again. Then he turned and walked away. I stared after him until he was gone and then I went to join my sister.

I was sorely tempted to ditch the rest of the day, at the very least Gym, but a warning instinct stopped me. I knew that if we disappeared now, Mike and the others would assume we were with the boys. And Christian seemed worried about the time we'd spent together publicly... if things went wrong. I refused to dwell on the last thought, concentrating instead on making things safer for us all.

Bella was telling me about how she seemed to know that tomorrow would be pivotal for her relationship with Edward. Her decision was made and now she needed Edward to make his, apparently.

We went to class, feeling dutiful. I couldn't honestly say what happened in Biology; my mind was too preoccupied with thoughts of tomorrow. In Gym, Mike was speaking to Bella again; he wished us a good time in Seattle. Bella carefully explained that she had canceled her trip, worried about our truck.

"Are you going to the dance with Cullen?" he asked, suddenly sulky.

"No, I'm not going to the dance at all." Bella replied.

"What are you doing, then?" he asked, too interested.

I felt an urge to tell him to butt out, but took a breath and let my twin handle herself,

"Laundry, and then I have to study for the Trig test with Alexandra or we're going to fail."

"Is Cullen helping you study?"

"Edward," she emphasized, "is not going to help me study. I just said I'll be studying with Alex. He's gone away somewhere for the weekend."

"Oh." He perked up. "You know, you could come to the dance with our group anyway — that would be cool. We'd all dance with you," he promised.

"I'm not going to the dance, Mike, okay?" she said sharply.

"Fine." He sulked again. "I was just offering."

When the school day had finally ended, I walked to the parking lot with my sister without enthusiasm. "At least Eric isn't that persistent," I chuckled to Bella.

I did not especially want to walk home, but I couldn't see how he would have retrieved our truck. Then again, I was starting to believe that nothing was impossible for him. The latter proved correct — our truck sat in the same space that Edward had parked the Volvo in the morning. I shook my head, incredulous, as I opened the unlocked passenger door and saw the key in the ignition.

There was a piece of white paper folded on the driver's seat and Bella got in and closed the door before she unfolded it.

Two words were written in Edward's elegant script.

Be safe.

The sound of the truck roaring to life frightened me. I laughed at myself.

When we got home, the handle of the door was locked, the dead bolt unlocked, just as I'd left it this morning. Inside, I went straight to the laundry room. It looked just the same as we'd left it, too. I dug for my sister's jeans and, after finding them, checked the pockets. Empty. Maybe she'd hung the key up after all, I thought, shaking my head.

Following the same instinct that prompted Bella to lie to Mike, she called Jessica on the pretense of wishing her luck at the dance. I heard her explaining the cancellation of her day with Edward. Bella said goodbye quickly after and hung up the phone.

Dad was absentminded at dinner, worried over something at work, I guessed, or maybe a basketball game, or maybe he was just really enjoying the lasagna — it was hard to tell with him.

"You know, Dad..." Bella began, breaking into his reverie.

"What's that, Bell?"

"I think you're right about Seattle. I think I'll wait until Jessica or someone else can go with us."

"Oh," he said, surprised. "Oh, okay. So, do you want me to stay home?"

"No, Dad, don't change your plans. We've got a million things to do... homework, laundry... We need to go to the library and the grocery store. We'll be in and out all day... you go and have fun." I chimed in.

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely, Dad. Besides, the freezer is getting dangerously low on fish — we're down to a two, maybe three years supply."

"You girls are sure easy to live with." He smiled.

"We could say the same thing about you," Bella said, laughing. The sound of her laughter was off, but he didn't seem to notice. I felt so guilty for deceiving him that I almost blew her cover and told Dad anyway. Almost.

After dinner, I folded clothes and moved another load through the dryer. Unfortunately, it was the kind of job that only keeps hands busy. My mind definitely had too much free time, and it was getting out of control. I fluctuated between anticipation so intense that it was very nearly pain, and an insidious fear that picked at my resolve. I had to keep reminding myself that I'd made a choice, and I wasn't going back on it.

I was relieved that it was late enough to be acceptable for bedtime. I knew I was far too stressed to sleep, so I did something I'd never done before. I deliberately took unnecessary cold medicine — the kind that knocked me out for a good eight hours. I normally wouldn't condone that type of behavior in myself, but tomorrow would be complicated enough without me being loopy from sleep deprivation on top of everything else. Christian and I had only been truly alone with each other twice: once when he was saving me from his family and then again when we walked home together. Both times didn't last as long as I'd wished and I wanted to get my time's worth tomorrow, even though I didn't know when he would show up.

While I waited for the drugs to kick in — ignoring Bella's shocked face when she watched me shoot it back — I dried my clean hair until it was blown out, wavy in all directions, and fussed over what I would wear tomorrow. With everything ready for the morning, I finally lay in my bed. I felt hyper; I couldn't stop twitching. I got up and riffed through my shoebox of CDs until I found Avril Lavigne's Let Go. I put on her song Naked very quietly and then lay down again, concentrating on relaxing individual parts of my body. Somewhere in the middle of that exercise, the cold pills took effect, and I gladly sank into unconsciousness.

I woke early, having slept soundly and dreamlessly thanks to my gratuitous drug use. I noticed my sister was up, too, and in a frenzy. Though I was well rested, I slipped into her frenzy as well. I dressed in a rush, choosing a light lavender, V-neck dress I had worn maybe once before and then never again. The long, see-through sleeves bunched around my wrists and the dress flowed lightly to my ankles, not constricting at all. Bella donned a tan sweater and jeans.

I sneaked a swift look out the window to see that Dad was already gone. A thin, cottony layer of clouds veiled the sky. They didn't look very lasting.

Bella and I ate breakfast quietly, both of us too on edge to speak. I didn't taste any of it. I had just finished brushing my teeth and was heading back downstairs when a quiet knock sounded.

Bella flew to the door; she had a little trouble with the simple deadbolt, but she yanked the door open at last, and there he was. I saw her shoulders relax as she took in the sight of him. Then she looked down and cocked her head to the side.

"Alex..." she started and I stood up, walking to the door to meet her.

She turned with a package in hand, holding it out to me. It was a rectangular box about two arms in length with my name on the postal sticker, but no return address.

I looked up at her from the surprise parcel and she just shrugged and shook her head.

After greeting Edward and saying our goodbyes, they left and I rushed to the kitchen table to open the gift left for me.

Carefully cutting open the sides, I unfolded the cardboard to reveal a case. I grew giddy as I unzipped the case and unveiled a beautiful, black violin with a matching black bow. I pulled it out immediately and checked to see if it was tuned and it was. I pulled out rosin from a top compartment and tightened the bow, coating it before trying it out. As I ran the bow over the strings, a beautiful, echoing sound sang free. I awed in the beauty of the instrument and it's sound. I couldn't imagine who would have sent this to me, estimating the cost of the violin, but I was forever grateful. As a second thought, I pulled out the shoulder rest and attached it. Not wanting to miss this opportunity, I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text to Christian.

Stepping out for a little bit. Text me when you're heading over.

Not waiting for a reply, I slipped on a pair of white sandals and rushed out the door with my new accessory.

Walking on nothing but instinct, I made my way into the woods to try to find the clearing I'd accidentally stumbled upon weeks ago.

When I found the area, the fallen trees had disappeared. Now, it was just open and impossibly green. There was still dew on the grass from the night before and I breathed in the freshness of the air around me.

I took my sandals off; my feet were already wet and I figured it wouldn't matter if I had shoes on or not. Leaving by the edge of the wood, I walked to the middle of the small glade. Despite the forecast for good weather, the white wisps of clouds darkened to a dull gray, but no rain fell. I pulled my hair around to my right shoulder to keep it out of the way and put the violin on my left. Positioning my hand correctly on the neck, I brought the bow up to the strings and began to play. As I played, I felt a calm I didn't recognize cascade over me and I closed my eyes. I began to play from my heart, not worried about what notes I was hitting. As the song persisted, I found I could no longer keep still. The wind was blowing softly around me, pushing at my hair and my dress. I picked up my feet and tip-toed in circles, never stopping my bow. I felt the wet grass between my toes and continued to dance and play. To play and dance. It was beautifully raw and vulnerable in a way I'd never been before, not even alone with my sister. The forest was my audience and I could've sworn that even the insects stopped their chittering to listen. Opening my eyes again, I saw rain droplets seemingly frozen in air, but I didn't pay much attention — my song was reaching a crescendo and I didn't feel like I could stop my dancing. Spinning wildly around the clearing, I saw the trees swaying and heard the squish from small puddles on the ground as I glided over them. My surroundings seemed too blue and too green. It was as if magic had blended perfectly with reality to create this picture for me. I was flying with a beautiful noise and my dress was flowing around me. I knew I should've been cold, but I wasn't. I felt a home in between these trees with the key in my arms.

My piece ended with a dip toward the ground and I sat on the back of my legs, head bowed, holding my violin to my chest, panting. The spell on me broken as the music died.