Chapter 36: how to request sex and fail

As angry as I am, but I still have to apply for an university this week or at least talk to representatives. And as Marina dreamed of going to Oxford, I feel like that would be a good place for me. She would have persuaded me to go to the same place so we wouldn't have to leave each other. But peace doesn't last long, especially not when I stand at Oxford's information desk and am joined by someone else. „Emilia", Polo approaches me, „How are you doing?"

„Seriously?", I scoff, „How can you even dare to ask that?" „I'm serious. I hope you're fine." I just shake my head and look at the information paper again hoping that he would leave me alone. „Can we talk?" „What about?", I laugh ironically, „About the fact that you should be somewhere else?" „No, I.. I need your help. Carla and I both have different statements. Ander and you, you could-"

„Let me tell you one thing. I would never betray my best friend like that. Don't ever talk to me again. You deserve everything that happens to you and more. You should be in jail, Polo. Instead you're here at the information desk where Marina would stand now and my brother is far away because you never had the balls to admit it. I lost my best friend and my family to you. So please, stay away."

After talking to Guzman and Samu again, I've decided to at least try and talk to the police. I already know that I don't have a chance as I had drunk a lot of alcohol and consumed some weed with Valerio that night which other people could confirm. Of course, the police officer told me that they couldn't use my statement in court but it was worth a try. Only if Ander confirms what I've said, we would have a chance.

„Hey", Guzman and I greet Ander before the lesson starts. „Hey." „I just wanted to tell you something. If there's at least the tiniest bit of decency left in you, you go to the judge and-"

„Guzman, you wanted to be nice", I remind him so we don't push Ander away from us. „I have to leave", he just replies to us. „I'm talking to you, asshole." „Guzman!" „It's not a good timing." „Whatever you say, fuck you", Guzman hisses angrily before he leaves us alone.

„I'm sorry. I told him to be nice. It's not your fault." „I really don't care, Em."

After Carla said that she has only made up the story about Polo and that she lied, Samu and I were equally angry. I didn't even hear more of what they said. My veins were throbbing and I had to leave or else I would have probably slapped someone in court.

„Were you serious about leaving?", I ask mom as soon as we're home. „Whatever you want, Emilia." „Samu?" „Let's think about it first."

„Hey, are you okay?", I ask Ander when he storms out of the room in which the students talk to the representatives of the universities. „Why would you care? Leave me alone." „I just want to help you, Ander. Did you go to the doctor?", I change the topic as I didn't know anything knew about this topic. „Why do you act like you care?", he snaps back.

„Ander, I know Guzman wasn't nice to you but that's not my fault. If anything happens, you can talk to me." „Yeah, I've seen that. You just come aroung to fuck but even that isn't good enough for you and you run to Guzman." „What? No. I don't run to Guzman." „It doesn't matter."

At least now I know that I can leave with my family and see Nano again. However in the evening, when we planned our departure, Samu changed our plans again and tried to convince us all to stay. „Samu, you were the one who wanted to leave yesterday", I remind him.

„To be honest, Pilar, I don't care if we leave and I know that we can trust the kids so I want them to stay here. If you want to leave without them, fine. But I understand what Samu is saying and they get great education here. We shouldn't take that away from him." Wow, this is probably the first time that I see my parents talk to each other like that. As surprising as it is, I'm glad that they found back together and how my dad has changed for the better.

„But who takes care of you?", mom asks worriedly. „Mom, who cares about whom?", Samu counters with another question. Both my mom and dad nod and for the first but for the moment last time, the four of us hug each other.

Ander

can you come over?

Em

I thought you're angry with me

because I just want to fuck?

I am

but maybe that's what I could need right now

and don't act like you don't want it

okay fine

but no talking

fine

no talking

As soon as I arrive at the Munoz' home, I follow Ander up to his room. Before one of us can make a mistake by asking how we're doing, I kiss him quickly. „Em, hey, uh, can we wait a moment?" „Wait a moment?" „Yeah, I'm not in the mood right now." I sigh, „Alright. Should I leave again?"

„No, it's dark outside and it rains. Stay here over night." „That's not a good idea, you know that", I hesitate. „Do we have another plan?" „Okay, but-" „No talking, I got it."

When I wake up the next morning, I realize that I let that mistake happen. I didn't only sleep in Ander's bed but also in his arms. This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. I just have to do something to prevent this moment from being romantic. So I move my hand down his body and start massaging him. „Em, not now. I'm not feeling well."

As much as I would like to ask what's wrong, I keep my mouth shut. As soon as I ask that, I let him in again. And that can't happen. What we have now, it's only about sex. „What? Is that another try to make me stay and talk? Fuck, I should have known it. Well done, Ander. We won't even fuck around anymore." „Em-" „No, leave me alone."

„Samu, why the hell are you printing this? We don't need someone as a sub-tenant", I wonder when I see him and Rebe in school talking at the printer while he is cutting small stripes out of the paper. „Yes, we do. Or did you forget that Mom left to be with Nano and we're alone here?"

„I could call dad. They probably just forgot to talk to us about it. You know how quick it happened." „No, Em. We will do this on our own. I'm done asking him for money." „We're a family, it's okay to ask for money."

„Guys, as much as I love your sibling discussion, I've got the perfect sub-tenant for you", Rebe grins and walks outside as we follow her. „If you sell the car, you can live with them for a year", Rebe suggests Valerio. „I'm not asking a friend for money. That's stupid", I shake my head. I would also not demand any money from Rebe or Lu if they ever needed a place to stay.

„Oh yeah, and how do we pay the rent then?", Samu questions me. „How about asking our parents, dumbass?", I reply ironically, „Oh, excuse me, you like it the hard way." „You know what I say to that?", Valerio adds, „I don't sell my dignity." „You lost your dignity two and a half lines before, my cutie", Rebe shoots back and Samu and I let out a laugh remembering her story. „Sorry."

„Also, a life with dignity means to live under a roof not a car, even though it's great." „It's a dream and I-" „Valerio, seriously, you can come and live with us at any time", I interrupt him before he can say anything sarcastic again. „No, but no thank you, Em. I mean living with you? Definitely yes. Giving up on my life full of luxury in this car? No." „Well, you've got my number."