Chapter 37: jealousy vs. stupidity

„Samu, why the hell are you printing this? We don't need someone as a sub-tenant", I wonder when I see him and Rebe in school talking at the printer while he is cutting small stripes out of the paper. „Yes, we do. Or did you forget that Mom left to be with Nano and we're alone here?"

„I could call dad. They probably just forgot to talk to us about it. You know how quick it happened." „No, Em. We will do this on our own. I'm done asking him for money." „We're a family, it's okay to ask for money."

„Guys, as much as I love your sibling discussion, I've got the perfect sub-tenant for you", Rebe grins and walks outside as we follow her. „If you sell the car, you can live with them for a year", Rebe suggests Valerio.

„I'm not asking a friend for money. That's stupid", I shake my head. I would also not demand any money from Rebe or Lu if they ever needed a place to stay. „Oh yeah, and how do we pay the rent then?", Samu questions me. „How about asking our parents, dumbass?", I reply ironically, „Oh, excuse me, you like it the hard way."

„You know what I say to that?", Valerio adds, „I don't sell my dignity." „You lost your dignity two and a half lines before, my cutie", Rebe shoots back and Samu and I let out a laugh remembering her story. „Sorry." „Also, a life with dignity means to live under a roof not a car, even though it's great."

„It's a dream and I-" „Valerio, seriously, you can come and live with us at any time", I interrupt him before he can say anything sarcastic again. „No, but no thank you, Em. I mean living with you? Definitely yes. Giving up on my life full of luxury in this car? No." „Well, you've got my number."

„What is going on between you and Rebe?", I ask Ander at his locker. „What do you mean?" „Oh, you don't want to admit that you've talked earlier?" „That doesn't mean that there is something going on. And even if, what's your problem, huh? You're the one who doesn't want to talk to me. Now I'm the stupid one if I just talk to someone else?"

„No, sorry, it's alright. But just to let you know.. your plan isn't working. You're not going to make me jealous and I'm not going to come back to you then", I snap back. „Fine", he shrugs. „Fine", I reply just as careless as he did but as soon as I've said that, I get the feeling that we've ended it now and I immediately regret it. Fuck.

„You! Stop", Lu exclaims as soon as we notice each other in the hallway. „You could have just said „Good morning, Emilia. How are you doing?", you know?", I reply bored. „Oh, believe me, this is a code red." „I don't even know what a code red is."

„It's the red little button that I have to push to stop you from falling in love with Guzman." „What?", I laugh, „Guzman and I? Lu, no need to worry about us. I wouldn't do that to you and more importantly, I wouldn't fall for Guzman."

„That looked differently two days ago. You were cuddling at the lake. Pretty romantic. It looked like a first date." „Hold on, Lu. Do you really think that if we would have our first date like this? Even if there was something between us, that's definitely not the way it would happen. But we're just friends."

„Then what was going on with you?" „We were talking about Marina and our friendship. Just some memories", I tell her softly, „You know I would never be with the guy that my best friend dated." „I don't care about that. I just don't want you to get hurt, that's all. And I'm sorry if I made you feel like I forgot about her. I'm here whenever you want to talk about Marina, I promise."

„I know, Lu. And you could have told me about you and your dad", I finally tell her, „I could ask my dad if he could help you pay for university. Our dads have always been good friends." „No, no, I could never ask you to do that. I applied for the scholarship", she admits, „But how do you even know about this?"

„Valerio." „Of course, Valerio."

„Hey", I greet Rebe the next morning in school nervously. „What's wrong?", she nods at me with her typical cool voice. „I just.. I've seen you talking to Ander. You looked pretty close. He told me there's nothing going on with you but if I'm right then.. please, just tell me. I'm freaking out on the inside not knowing if he's replaced me or-"

„Wait? Me as a replacement for you? Me and Ander?", Rebe laughs, „Oh my god, Emilia, I thought you're smarter than that." „What do you mean?" „You've got that boy wrapped around your finger. We were just talking."

„Okay then I need to find out what's going on with him, he's so aggressive these days", I worry. Shit, that's exactly an emotion I didn't want to feel anymore. „He didn't tell you?", she asks me looking surprised. „What do you mean, he didn't tell me? Did something happen to him?", I quickly ask but remember our situation a few days ago, „Wait, did he go to the doctor?"

„You got it, princess. But I'm not the right person to tell you. He has to do it." „Rebe, is it bad?", I still ask my voice cracking a little. She just replies by nodding and giving me a compassionate look. Shit..

„Oh and if you're jealous, you should feel like that towards Carla. He thinks she's hot", she suddenly grins probably trying to change the atmosphere. It's still interesting to see how fast Rebe can turn from happy to sad or angry and the other way around. „Thanks for being honest with me about his wellbeing."

„Hola, Azucena", I greet Ander's mom as she opens the door for me. „Emilia, I didn't think you would come", she replies surprised. I already know that she can't wait until I leave.

At the beginning of our relationship, her and Ander's dad never really liked me and both freaked out when they found that we were dating. During the past year, Azucena and I finally got along and I had the feeling that she even started to like me a lot. Now, she's probably thinking I'm the reason why Ander has been in a bad mood for months. And maybe she's right. But it's the fault of the two of us.

„I'll be honest. I know what's going on with Ander and as far as I know, he has told you already. I came to see him." „He's in his room." I nod thankfully and walk upstairs, then knock the door. Ander doesn't reply so I just open the door and find him laying on his bed staring at the wall.

„Hey", I softly start and sit down next to him, „How are you?" „Oh, are we talking about feelings again?" „I.. Well, I've talked to Rebe about you and her to be honest. I just needed to know if you moved on but she said that you only needed a friend. I asked her if it's about the doctor's appointment and if it's bad and she's sent me to talk to you."

„That doesn't explain why you would be interested in knowing how I am", he coldly replies. „Because I've still got feelings for you, isn't that obvious? Ander, you're my first love and the only boy I ever loved. Of course I care about you", I admit, „You know that I never meant to be such a bitch to you but what happened.. it broke me. I lost Marina and I lost you.. I made me lose you. I don't know who I am anymore. All I know is that you're the only person I want to be around."

„So now that you can talk about feelings again, we have to do it, right? I didn't feel well the past days, even weeks. But each time that I didn't want to fuck you, you ran out that door." „I know, Ander. I'm sorry for it. But I'm trying to be there for you now. What happened?" I see him hesitating whether or not he should tell me. „It's leukemia. Chemo starts next week."

I open my mouth to say something but I couldn't even think of the right words. I grab his hand and pull him into a hug as my tears drop down his shirt. „You're going to make it, amor. You're strong. And I promise, I'll always be there and support you and-" „No." He suddenly takes his hand out of mine and pushes me away slowly so he can look at me. „I know I've been a bitch, I get that. Still, I won't let you alone and-"

„It's not even about that. I saw you when and after Marina died. You became silent and distant. Marina's death broke you. You should go out, have fun and go on parties. Do so." „No, Ander, I-" „You can't change it, Emilia", Ander states coldly and stands up, goes to his door and opens it for me, „I don't want you here." „But-"

„Bye."