Chapter 40: brothers

At the party of Carla's new friend, Ander and I behave slightly normal again which was good for the moment. We sit at the bar and enjoy our drinks. But what I like even more is that he lays his hand on my knee again and I can finally rest my hand in his neck again and pull him closer so we can share a passionate kiss, not the unemotional ones that we had in the past months. "I've missed this", I smile as soon as we pull away.

„Me too, amor", he replies loudly as the we wouldn't hear each other in a normal volume over the loud music but his face expression changes, „I think we might have to stand up." „If you want to leave-"

„It's not about that. And please stop worrying at least for tonight, okay? It's about Guzman, he's planning something. Come", he explains to me and turns to Guzman as soon as we are close to him, „Guzman, stop it. Come on." „Excuse me, do we know each other? Are you a friend of mine? No. Then leave, finally. Piss off."

Ander understands and quickly goes away but I hold Guzman back. „Why don't you leave him alone?" „Fuck, he deserved it. I'm not commiserate with him." „He's fucking sick, Guzman", I spit out angrily with a nervous look into Ander's direction. I should have thought about what I would say before I do so.

„What do you mean, sick? What did you say, Emilia? What's going on?" „It's leukemia", I admit and bite my lip as I'm nervous for both Guzman's and Ander's reaction. „Fuck", Guzman hisses and follows to where Ander went, the bathroom. I'm quick to do the same. Shit, I shouldn't have told him. I mean, Guzman deserves to know, but Ander should have been the one who tells him. Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut? Damn.

„Did you have to keep this a secret as well?", Guzman snaps at Ander. „Did you tell him?" My heart cracks a bit more when I see the look that he gives me. I wish I hadn't talked so fast. „I'm sorry, I couldn't let this stay between you two", I try to explain how it happened, „You're best friends. This shouldn't be a secret."

However, Ander shakes his head and snaps at me, „You were supposed to keep your mouth shut. That's my problem." „What did I do that you stopped talking about everything to me?", Guzman goes on instead and looks extremely disappointed. „Nothing. Guzman, nothing bad. And you were right. I haven't told anyone about Polo and it's killing me now. I deserve what happens now."

„Is that why you quit chemo?", I gasp and take a step further to the boys but Ander's head shoots up and he glares at me angrily. „What, you don't want to do chemo?" „Leave, Emilia. Piss off", Ander suddenly hisses at me. I just stand there for a moment thinking of a way how to apologize or show him that I only had good intentions but it wouldn't change anything. I know it's my mistake and when Ander says I should leave, it's probably better to do so. At least Guzman turns around and gives me a look which tells me that he will talk to Ander on his own and tell me about it later on.

„He's going home", Guzman informs me after he's finished talking to Ander and comes back to the bar with me, „I asked him to take you with him but he said you should enjoy the rest of the night and I should take care of you." „That doesn't sound like he's angry with me", I wonder and take a sip of my gin.

„Is gin your new favorite drink or do you drink it only when I'm around?", he ignores my indirect question. „I just enjoy it", I shrug my shoulders. „Yeah, what else?" „Guzman, what are you trying to prove?", I roll my eyes not understanding what he thinks will happen tonight. „Em, you know exactly what happened at your dad's place. Don't act like you forgot about it."

„I really don't understand what your aim is. First, you're angry with me for being with Ander and critise me for saying that you and I are best friends. Then, I tell you about his secret and it looks like you two finally get along again. But still you're talking to me about our afternoon like that?"

„I told you about my opinion. It's still the same. Just because Ander is ill, doesn't mean I change my opinion. You two are not good for each other, at least not at the moment. He always worries about you putting to much effort into your relationship and still treats you bad while you are always trying to please him and forget about what you want. You're both stubborn and at the moment, it doesn't look like you help each other a lot."

„So what, Guzman? Tell me, what should I do? Leave him?", I yell at him over the loud music and gesture wildly. „Be with me", Guzman replies calm but within a second he grabs me and kisses me. And although I knew that it was the wrong place as well as the wrong time, I gave in. I let Guzman kiss me and I replied to kiss by deepening it and laying my arms in his neck while he placed his one hand on my waist and the other one on my upper leg pressing me against the bar.

„Guzman, Guzman! Have you seen Carla?", we are interrupted by Samu and let go off each other quickly. „Wait, Em? Why the hell would you kiss my sister, man? Let go-" „Samu, calm down", I try to deescalate the situation before anything could happen.

„Correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't it you who even dated my sister?", Guzman states. Well, he's got a point and Samu knows that which is why he ignores the taller boy and only speaks to me. „What's going on with you and Guzman? Weren't you with Ander earlier?" „It's complicated." I appreciate the word complicated. It can be used whenever you just don't know how to explain a situation. Basically, always. „Em, please-"

„Correct me if I'm wrong", I repeat Guzman's words, „But isn't it you who's dating Rebe but running after Carla? Compared to me, you're dating someone. Ander and I don't know what's going on right now. So please don't come up with any smart words." „I just.. I mean, you're right. But I'm worried about you. You haven't been at home and I don't know what's going on anymore, mom and dad are not here-"

„I'm also worried about you, you dickhead. You're the one who's freaking out about Polo and Carla. Please, can we just talk tomorrow instead of here? It's loud and late and-" „Fine. But please don't do anything that you might regret." „Same for you, Samu."

„What a lovely relationship between you two", Guzman comments as soon as Samu left the bar. „You know what he's like. He's trying to protect me. You're actually quite similar when it comes to that." „You and everyone else. I know. He's a better brother than me", Guzman nods slightly, „Forget it about it. Are you going to come home with me?" „Guzman-"

„What? Was last time not good enough?", he replies cheekily and grabs me at my waist again giving me a passionate kiss before I could deny it. I instantly lay my hands back into his neck and pull him closer to me already feeling his length against me as he presses himself closer to me.

„A good preview?", he grins again as he stops for a second but I shake my head slowly. „Not good enough." „Ouch", he pretends to be hurt so I hug him. „I'll see you tomorrow, Guzman." „Have a good night, Emilia."