âGuzman, are you coming to the party? Em is making me go so I don't sit alone at home", Ander asks him the next morning in class. âWhy don't you ask your friend Polo", Guzman replies coldly. Great, they can't deal with each other again. Guzman could for once and all stay calm about this topic and Ander should have talked to Guzman about meeting Polo. âI've seen you yesterday and you seemed to enjoy it a lot. Or not? We just forget everything and act like nothing has happened? Probably I shouldn't have forgiven you that quickly", Guzman continues.
âGuzman", I warn him feeling sorry for Ander already as Guzman does not know when to stop.âNo, Emilia. It's fine. You know, the difference is that you were the only one to answer my message and talk to me instead of him", he blurts out and points to Polo when saying his last word. âYou went to Guzman yesterday?", Ander looks at me confused, âYou said you would meet your brother. Why would you lie?"
âHe wanted to talk", I sigh and point to Guzman looking at him angrily, âHe was angry when he saw us and I thought it's best to talk about it to him in that moment so you don't have to worry about it." Well, at least I know how far Guzman would go now. And I'm honestly quite disappointed that he would blurt it out like that. âAnd why would you lie about it then?" âI didn't want to make you worry about it", I reply quickly. Luckily, Guzman understands that he's gone too far now and keeps his mouth shut.
âThere he is. Come on", I let Ander know that Guzman finally arrived in the club in the evening. We've been waiting for him to come so we could ask him if we would still come to the hospital and support Ander. However, Ander didn't want to ask him thinking it was too much so I tried to encourage him. âAre you coming to the hospital tomorrow?", Ander finally asks him as soon as Guzman walks by. âI'm pretty sure that you've already got a friend that can go there with you", Guzman replies coldly.
âBeing angry is a luxurious feeling that I cannot afford right now. It's not possible because I've got no idea how long I will be here. You don't want to see me anymore even if I don't have a lot of time to live anymore? If you had known about Marina, wouldn't you have rather stayed with her even some things that she's done annoyed you?" With that, we leave and let Guzman stay where he is. I prepared myself to talk to Guzman as well but Ander already said everything that was needed.
âDon't worry, go home. You don't have to stay", I tell Ander when he becomes tired at the party, âAre you awake when I come home?" I still have to meet Lu as I promised her to do so earlier. Afterwards, I would go to Ander's as well. âI can't even dance then I can't have sex", he mutters. âI didn't mean it like that but it doesn't matter", I simply reply. What I actually meant was if he planned to stay awake at home or if I would go back and be quiet when I enter the house. âNo, it does matter. Maybe we should realize that someday. Listen, if you want to meet someone else as well, it's alright. I don't care about it."
âWhat are you talking about, Ander? Why? Is it because of what Polo said about Valerio and Caye?" âI know it's not ordinary but I want you to be happy. Whenever you are sad, it's because of me. Do you think I like that? âNo but I don't know, Ander.. I don't understand it right now. I thought we were getting closer again. And yes, I am sad sometimes. I'm still thinking about Marina and I'm scared of losing you but I'm worried, not sad because of you."
âWhy do you think I was so distant all this time? You broke up with me, Em. I was so scared of you doing it again", he admits but quickly shakes his head, âForget about it, it doesn't matter." âNo, we can talk about it if you want. I'll come home with you." âIt's alright. Go talk to Lu", Ander tells me with a light smile and gives me a kiss on my forehead.
âWhat were you talking about?", Lu asks me as soon as I walk over to her and take a sip of her drink. âAnder was suddenly suggesting that I could also meet someone else", I reply confused and shrug my brows, âI've got no idea why he would say that. It's not like we were talking about it before." âMaybe he's seen you with Guzman."
âNo, Guzman and I.. we met at his place and at my dad's place-" âYou brought him to your dad's place?", Lu questions again. âWe wanted to leave school early and his house is empty so it was the best place to go to." âIf you're sure that he hasn't seen the two of you, I've honestly got no idea what else might be going through head."
âI just hope that he doesn't feel guilty for anything. He's always saying that I look sad or worried and yes, I am sad and worried but I'd rather be there for him." âSo you're not going to New York with me?", Lu chuckles with a mixture of humour and sadness.
âI haven't decided yet but I'm still thinking about it", I let her know, âYou're a good friend, Lu."
After I've seen the way that Carla behaved in Chemistry class and how Lu helped her, I began to worry about Carla as well. We might not have been talking to each other for weeks since I was still hurt by her helping Polo covering up the truth about Marina's death. It's not only about Marina, but it ruined my family as well. Nano is somewhere and cannot come home, Samu's heartbroken. And I miss the times with my brothers the most. But nobody can give it back to me. Still, Carla has been one of my best friends for years and I couldn't ignore her knowing how bad she's feeling right now.
âWhat's going on with you?", I ask her as I see her standing at her locker. âWhy would you talk to me?", she acts cooly and tries to pretend that everything's fine but I know her. âCarla, we've been friends for many years, I know when something is wrong. Plus, you behave really odd these days." âIt doesn't matter." âOf course it does."
âHave you forgotten about what has happened? You hate me. It doesn't matter what's going on because it's not your business." âI don't hate you. I needed distance. That doesn't mean that I leave you alone when you look like this", I snap back and point at her face which looks like she hasn't slept for weeks. âYou're just like your brother, has anyone ever told you?", she replies, âBoth of you don't know when to stop. It's hopeless and you're wasting your time."