Chapter 47: texts

Polo, Ander, his mom and I sat in the hospital on monday waiting for the doctor to tell us the results of Ander's chemo. It still felt weird sitting next to Polo but I began to accept it, especially since the reason is to support Ander. But seeing Guzman walking over made my lips form to a smile. He came. He's thought about what Ander's said and decided to come.

„I'll ask when it's our turn", Azucena lets us know and stands up so Guzman can sit down next to us. „Everything is going to be okay, you will see", I try to say something positive to Ander. „Don't say everything's going to be okay", he replies worriedly, „It brings bad luck." „We will see."

„My psychologist always says that you should expect the worst so you will see that the worst is often not as bad", Alexis tries to help as well. „That's only working if the worst doesn't mean death." „I mean when I was afraid of going to school or so." „What's the worst thing that could happen in here?" „When the doctor takes a look at your record and says „oh"."

„Great news, Ander, you are going to make a lot of people happy who are waiting for a organ donation by you", Alexis jokes and Ander and I laugh with him. „You're cured, Ramon. Oh, I'm sorry, that's not the right record." „Ander? You can come in now", the employee finally tells us so we wave at Alexis as a goodbye for now. „That'll go off alright."

„Sadly, I don't have good news. Chemo didn't work as well as we've expected. We have to continue with chemo and increase the intensity", the doctor informs us clearly. „For how long?" „For an unknown period of time until we receive good results." „What if that doesn't work?" „Let's not expect the worst already."

„Samu! What the hell?", I exclaim when I see him punching his fist against one of the lockers angrily. After Azucena has warned us that we might be expelled when we violate any more school rules. „What's going on, man?", Guzman asks as he pulls him away from the locker so Samu could calm down. „What do you care, huh? We're not even friends, Guzman and you are never at home, Em."

„Oh so I'm never at home. Have you thought about why? My boyfriend basically lives in the hospital", I justify myself whispering my next reason, „Plus, you made our apartment a drug lab. Excuse me if I don't want to live in one of those." Samu sighs and sits down so I turn to Guzman before sitting down next to my brother. „Can you give us a moment?" „Of course. But you know that we're all friends, right?" „A hundred percent."

„What's going on, Samu?", I ask him as soon as Guzman has left, „This not about Marina anymore, not only." „I'm sorry for snapping at you like that. I'm.. I miss Carla. And I've treated Rebe really bad." „It's okay to have feelings for two people at the same time, it's not your fault." „No, I.." „You?" „The police called me and offered me to let Nano come back if I.. if I help them with their investigations against Rebe's mom." „Samu", I sigh shaking my head, „Please tell me you didn't do what-"

„I did it for you! For us. I thought if Nano comes back it's getting a bit more normal. We could have been a family again." „Why do you talk like it won't happen?", I question skeptically. „They fooled me." „So Nano's not coming home?", I speak it out loud but my voice cracks. Sometimes I worried about him never coming home or never seeing my brother again but now it feels so real as if someone has taken him away from me. „Not at the moment."

„Have you talked to Carla? She looked pretty sad", I change the topic to stop thinking about my other brother. „I tried to.. I asked her so many times but she doesn't reply to my texts and whenever I see her or want to talk to her, she ignores me or runs away from me. I don't know how to make her talk to me." „Maybe you shouldn't", I sigh, „Samu, you're too good for these games. I know that Carla was or is my friend and I'm worried after seeing her like this but there's something behind it. She confessed that she was scared that you were gone because of her dad. What if he has threatened her again? Even if she liked you, she probably can't talk to you."

„Are you and Ander at least doing better?" „Ander and I.. it's complicated." „If you want to talk about it-" „I can't right now but I will", I nod. I couldn't just tell him that Guzman is involved now that him and Guzman are friends.

Ander's POV:

I don't mean to treat Em like I do. I know it's my mistake that I react angrily and annoyed very quickly and it's also my own fault that I'm afraid of talking to her about my emotions. I may look like I'm annoyed and don't even want to live anymore, but the reason why I act like this is the fear of losing all of this. Em, my mom, Polo, Guzman.

I'm glad she's here but at the same time I want to push her away so she doesn't have to worry about all of this. At least she's taking a shower now. When her phone rings, I take a look at it. We've been dating for almost four years, I think we trust each other a lot after all this time. She tells me about it anyways.

Guzman

Em

Have you decided yet?

You can break up if you want to

I need you to tell me who you want

- read at 4:36 -

Em, answer me, please

are you coming to the party?

I need to see you again

Why the hell is Guzman talking to Em like this? I won't lie and act like I don't know what's probably happened but why Guzman and why is he asking her so often? He's right, they could be together if they wanted. She wouldn't have to worry about him as much as she does with me.

Lu

have you decided between Ander and Guzman yet?

I don't want to worry you

but you should decide soon

and when will you tell Ander about you and Guzman?

it's only killing you if you're waiting any longer

do you know about New York, too?

You and me in New York sounds like a plan, right?