Chapter 48: breakups

Ander's POV:

I swallow as I put Em's phone back to where it laid. Guzman and Lu. Why would Em have to decide between Guzman and I? And what does she have to tell me about them? I mean, it's pretty clear what happened but how does Lu know about it? Did Em tell her before she told me? Is she in love with Guzman? Why is she waiting? And what about New York?

„Hey, babe. Is everything okay? You don't look good", Em asks me softly as soon as she comes out from the bathroom and sees me. „Yeah", I nod automatically. If she doesn't tell me, why would I have to explain her what I've just read? The only person that might tell me now might be Guzman.

As I've read the messages, I knew that Guzman would be at the party of Carla's friend. It's not the best place to talk to him but I need someone to tell me what's going on between them. I already see him and Em standing at the bar and talking but as soon as she's walking away, I go over to him. From what I could see, they looked pretty close, closer than usual.

„We need to talk", I tell him seriously as soon as I stand in front of him, „Can we go somewhere?" „Sure", Guzman replies confused and follows me to the outside of the house, „What's going on? Did the hospital call you?" „Do you love Emilia?" „What?" „Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. Do you love her?"

„Ander, I'm-" „How often did you hang out with her? Was it about sex only?", I continue not caring about an apology. „It's.. we've had sex yes.. but it's not only about that. She.. I'm sorry." „What does she feel for you?" „She doesn't know it I guess. I've been waiting for her to tell me about her feelings. Ander-"

„Just promise me that you won't hurt her. She's been through enough shit", I state coldly and leave quickly. As soon as I realize that I lost her to best friend because of my own behavior, I need to be home and calm down. Then I will think about a plan about what do with her although I've got no idea what is right and wrong or what I should do. She probably doesn't even love me anymore. I'm in a bad mood constantly and treat her like I don't care about her. But I know that I love her and that's why I should let her go.

„Where have you been?", Em asks me as she comes home, „I was worried when you didn't reply to my messages." „We have to talk." „Start then." She looks confused and skeptical at the same time, probably doesn't expect me to be so serious about us right now. „I'm seeing Alexis, we've been together for a while", I tell her quickly so I don't overthink.

„What are you saying?", she whispers and the way she looks at me feels like a dagger right through my chest. She doesn't deserve it. There's a difference in me cheating on her or her doing it. I told her I couldn't have sex because I feel week which is true but I couldn't give her what we both need and now she believes me thinking that I did it for someone else. I know that she was only hanging out with Guzman because I was treating her like I did.

„I should have told you weeks ago but those tests.. It doesn't matter. I can't lose any more time, I want to end this", I continue quickly not wanting to hurt her anymore but also I want to get over with it very quickly. „Are you joking?", she questions me, her voice already cracks. Shit, I have to think of an easy excuse. I didn't expect her to be hurt like that.

„He understands me. We speak the same language", I lie, „Both of us understand what it's like with fucking cancer. You and I don't." „That's not true Ander, no. I may not understand what you feel like but-" „Why do you think did I ask you to meet others? Because I felt guilty and cheated on you. I thought when you do something that I did, it's equal."

„So you have sex or what?", she asks again. I know that look on her face. She wants to know everything. She needs to know whether it's me or her, what she did wrong and how she can change it. „Cheating isn't only about sex. I just want to be with him and talk to him. I'm sorry", I reply quickly again and hope that she will accept it soon enough. „What should I do now? What are we supposed to do? Ander, I love-"

„It's better if you don't say that. I don't want to lie to you, the earlier you leave the better. We can talk tomorrow but I'm tired now. You can sleet at home or at your dad's place." „So that's it?" „That's it."

Emilia's POV:

„Em, what happened?", Samu asks me as soon as he opens the door as I stand in front of him with my bag. „Ander broke up with me. Can I come back?" „Of course, your room hasn't been touched", Samu quickly nods and lets me in. Of course he doesn't also hesitate to give me a bottle of beer so we sit down on the couch. „If you don't want to talk about it, we can be silent", he offers me but I feel like I need to talk to at least one of my brothers right now.

„He told me that he's been cheating on me with a guy whom he met at the hospital. And it's.. I don't know why I'm even upset about it." „He's cheated on you?", Samu repeats loudly, „Just because he's sick doesn't mean he can cheat on you! Of course you're upset." „No, no. Don't you remember the one night in the club? Guzman and I were kissing. I shouldn't even be mad at Ander."

„As much as it confused me to see you with Guzman, it's just been a kiss. There's a difference between cheating on someone and just kissing someone else." „It wasn't only a kiss", I admit just right before Samu jumps up from the couch and becomes louder. „Guzman and you have had sex?! He's touched my sister? I'll-"

„No, you won't do anything, Samu", I snap at him harshly and pull him to the couch again, „First of all, I've known Guzman since I was a little child. He would never hurt me. Plus, I wanted it. He didn't force or persuade me to do anything." „Are you going to be with Guzman then?" „I've got no idea. First, I need time. But there's one thing that I really have to do. I will let you know when I know if it'll work."