The past several days of training have been intense. Even though by now my muscles are used to the strains of exercise, I'm feeling an overwhelming urge to hide under my bed covers with a chocolate doughnut.
Not that they provide those here.
"Are you sure they don't have any doughnuts around here?" I ask Martina as we walk outside, enjoying the warmth of the late morning.
"Whitney, for the thirty-seventh time, no, there are no chocolate doughnuts here," she replies, looking like she wants to fling herself off a cliff from my annoying questions.
"Just making sure," I hum, trying to ignore my chocolate cravings. Fail.
"Hey, how about if weâ" Martina says, but I cut her off.
"Oh God, Martinaâno, no, no," I say, hitting my hand against my forehead. "It must be coming."
"Wait, what?"
"The tiredness, the chocolate doughnut cravings..." I grab onto her arm, and her lips curl into a smirk, realizing what I mean.
"Congratulations Whitney, another month, and you are not pregnant," she answers. I groan.
"You look lonely," I hear Martina say, and I look up to see her talking to Willow who is sitting on one of the chairs by the fire pit, her elbows on her knees and hands on her face.
"Kind of," she answers with a small smile, brushing a lock of bright blonde hair from her eyes. "I have no one to talk to."
"Where's Adriana and her herd?" Martina asks.
Willow shrugs. "Beats me. They don't really care about anything except their pathetic drama."
Martina scoffs. "You're telling me. I shared a womb with her; she's probably been starting drama since way back then."
Willow laughs so much at that statement her cheeks turn pink. I find myself laughing as well, while Martina just smiles complacently.
"Do you want to come come with me and Whitney to find some coffee or soda?" Martina asks Willow. "I'm need something good to drink."
"Oh, so you'd be willing to venture off to find drinks but not my chocolate doughnuts," I mumble to Martina, and she snaps her head in my direction, throwing her hands up.
"I bet if we snuck into the kitchen, we'd find some, trust me," Willow says to me, weakly smiling.
"Well then, don't mind if I do," I reply, dragging Martina behind me while Willow tries to catch up to us. We walk in a line to the Central Building, hurrying down to the dining hall and kitchen.
I remember the lounge room Axel showed me a few days ago and know for sure there's something good to eat or drink in there, but I know I can't show them that place.
"Is there anyone in there?" Martina whispers, glancing at Willow who has cracked open the swinging door to the kitchen. Willow turns around and shakes her head, motioning us to come inside. I quietly slip in there, realizing the kitchen is much bigger than I thought.
Willow opens the pantry and Martina pulls open the chrome fridge, while I prop myself onto the silver countertop to see if they find anything. I hear something clank in the fridge and Martina pulls out three bottles of iced coffee, setting then down on the counter and popping one open for herself.
"I found them!" Willow calls and pulls out a box of mini doughnuts, flavored powdered sugar and chocolate.
"You're a lifesaver," I tell her as she holds open the box for me. I take two for myself, and Martina grabs a powdered sugar one. Willow busies herself with trying to get the stubborn cap off the bottle of iced coffee.
"The people here are hypocrites," I say through a mouthful of doughnut, spewing some crumbs onto the counter. "They makes us eat tasteless food every day while they hide doughnuts in their pantry? I actually liked smoothies at one point."
"Or maybe you're not the only girl who gets chocolate cravings?" Martina suggests, nudging my side.
"It's funny because I've always been a vanilla person," Willow states, staring at the box. "Chocolate tastes weird."
"You are breaking a part of Whitney's heart by saying that," Martina says jokingly to Willow.
"My apologies," Willow tells me, and soon enough we're all laughing, bits of powders sugar flying out of Martina's mouth and a dribble of coffee running down Willow's chin.
I look up and realize how funny this is. A little while ago I didn't know Martina and I couldn't imagine myself getting near Willow, let alone spending voluntary time with her, but now the three of us are in a kitchen we're not even supposed to be in, stealing doughnuts and drinking coffee.
It feels almost as refreshing as this iced coffee in my hand.
I stop laughing when I hear a noise outside the kitchen. Both Willow and Martina notice as well, and we fall silent.
"Oh gosh," Willow whispers as the door opens to the inside. At first I think it's one of the ladies who work here but realize I'm very wrong only a few seconds later.
"What are the three of you doing in here?" Axel asks us. My cheeks instantly flush as I realize I'm sitting on top of the counter with half a doughnut in my hand, and he's staring straight at me.
"Getting junk food," Martina responds without a care in the world. She sticks her hand into the box and grabs another mini doughnut.
"Well give me one then," he orders her with a small smile. I look down at the counter, anywhere but his eyes.
"Be my guest," Martina says, holding the box out in front of him. He takes a chocolate one and finishes it in one bite.
"You girls better get out of here before anyone else finds you," he says, looking over each one of us, his eyes stopping on me. Both Martina and Willow hurry in front of me, and I slowly walk behind them. Axel stops me by placing a firm hand on my shoulder.
"You've got doughnut on your face," he says, his fingers brushing the edge of my lips.
"Thanks," I answer sheepishly. "Why'd you come over here?"
"The truth?" he asks. "I was hungry myself. Didn't expect you three to be raiding our stock of snacks."
"Oh totally," I answer. "Because all of us are so satisfied with snacking on spring mix."
He rolls his eyes at me, something I've gotten used to him doing. "Look, I needed to find you anyway. We have a workout planned."
"Right." He had told me yesterday to meet him by the large oak tree at three. I look down at my phone screen and see it's 2:58. "I forgot."
He glances at the door and then back at me. "You can't bail on this one. You're going to love it."
"Really?" I ask hopefully.
"Nope," he replies. "We're running."
I force a smile; four weeks here, and while I may be good at running, I have yet to learn to love it.
Maybe this will be it.
***
"You know, there aren't many workouts left anymore."
After weeks of running, boxing, and trying some exercises I'd never even heard of before, I'm actually disheartened by this statement.
"I wish you wouldn't have to remind me," I answer Axel as we're running down the long empty road surrounded by numerous trees, the same one we had to run down during the first diagnostic workout.
He turns his head to me, a slightly puzzled expression enveloping his face. "You mean you'll miss these workouts?"
I nod. "I thought I'd never actually learn to like exercise, and now it's somehow enjoyableâoh God, I'm becoming you."
He laughs, his eyes seeming to brighten as he does so. "I have that effect on people," he answers with a wink and picks up his pace, motioning for me to do the same.
Birds chirp in the air, and the sun shines through the spaces between trees, a light breeze blowing. I close my eyes, enjoying the moment that feels like sweet serenity. You can never appreciate the simple beauty of nature until you actually go out in it.
"There's a turn," Axel says, my eyes snapping open to reality again. I round the corner and see it's the one that leads to the beach. I wonder why we're going here.
"Why the beach?" I ask, tucking a few stray strands of hair behind my ears. After a few more steps, my feet hit the soft sand, the grains spraying my ankles. We hobble our ways to the much stiffer sand by the shoreline.
"We're running through every place we ever ran through," he says, and my mind travels to the many times we've spent here, sometimes just running up and down, up and down.
"You know, you actually came off as pretty full of yourself when we first met," I state as he speeds ahead of me. I go farther.
"If I came off as someone who had no idea what the hell he was doing, you wouldn't have ever been convinced you'd even get anywhere working out with me," he replies defiantly from behind me.
The run down the beach seems to go by so quickly that even when we're nearly back to where we started, I hardly feel tired. Axel surprisingly is the one bending over to catch his breath and I'm left standing beside him, my eyes wide open.
"How is it that you're the one out of breath?" I question as he straightens up, placing his hands against his hips and squinting from the sun.
"It's the old age," he jokes, kicking away a mound of sand. "Everything starts going downhill at twenty-one."
"You're not old," I remark, folding my arms across my chest. "Older than me, yeah, but not old-old."
"I'm a little flattered an eighteen-year-old thinks that. On the inside, I feel like a senior citizen."
"Then I guess you're just one of those really attractive old men." The words escape me before I can catch them and stuff them back into my brain. A self-satisfied smirk overtakes Axel's face, but he doesn't comment, his ego boosted enough.
We jog across the grass near the far end of the camp in the direction of the trail on the hill. I touch my face, remembering the way his lips felt against my cheek. I feel like there are too many places at this camp that remind me of times we almost kissed: his room, the lounge, this hill.
I'm hoping I can scratch off the "almost" soon...
The first part of the trail isn't as steep as the top, and I navigate through it easily, trying to avoid the patches of long, prickly grass. I squeal when it tickles my ankles, an oddly sensitive part of my body. I take a break from jogging and begin to walk, only unfortunately, a bee finds it to be the perfect time to whir by my ear. I scream and sprint away from it, hiding behind Axel.
"Just a bee, Whitney," Axel hums as he passes by me.
"Just a bee," I mock his voice from behind him, scrunching up my face.
We continue to alternate between walking and jogging, the end seeming like it's a mile away. I stop and take a breath, bending over and resting my hands on my thighs. Axel stops.
"The top isn't far," he says, grabbing a hold of my hand and pulling me up over the steep ridge. There is that view again: the kind that you'd imagine is only found on the tops of calendars, immortalized in a photo forever.
We're both breathing heavily at this point and take a few moments to catch our breaths and regain our composure. We stare at the view for a long time, not saying anything.
He then looks over at me and back at the view. "I could stay up here for a long time," he says softly. "With you."
I look down at the ground. "So could I."
He takes a few steps towards me, until there's hardly any room between us. He tilts up my chin, his thumb brushing my jaw and his fingers dancing against my skin. "Do you remember that day the power went out?"
I nod, laughing slightly as I remember my reaction when the lights turned out.
"Yeah, well there's something we didn't finish there." His eyes are set straight at mine, and I can't seem to look any other way. He leans closer.
His lips brush against mine within seconds, his hands cupping both sides of my face. I close my eyes and feel our lips move together quickly, one of his hands slipping into my hair. I rest a hand on his chest and tilt my head back slightly, letting him kiss me harder.
I don't know how long we continueâmaybe seconds, maybe minutesâbut time doesn't seem to exist as his mouth moves heatedly against mine and my hands roam his chest. He finally stops and rests his forehead against mine, both of us out of breath as if this was more of a workout than that run, before he steals another kiss from me.
"Now that is how to end a workout," he says, brushing away a few strands of hair from my face.
I'm breathless as we begin the trek downhill.