Call me superstitious, but entirely too many ghouls and goblins are out this Friday, the 13th. Look, towering at the edge of the cafeteria wearing a pressed black suit with a striking red tie is the King of the Vampires. He's a tall, boyish fiend with mesmerizing hazel eyes that lures all his victims into a deep trance.
But sitting next to him now is his next target, a girl with an even darker soul, but if I was suspicious, I might call her a witch. When she awakens from the intoxicating fumes tomorrow, the girl will be a husk of her former self. The truth is I don't know if I should Kill Bill or the huntress that apprehended his soul.
"Curse you, Donovan," Roxane seethes into her cell phone. "You fiendish bloodsucker."
"Out of all the tables here, I willingly agreed to sit at this one." I scoff, still imagining Count Donovan.
Chloe plucks the pepperoni from her slice of pizza, tossing each one in her mouth. "Is this part of the book? I thought this was a love story?"
"Um, yeah. Yeah, girl, it's totes chapter 9 of my book, but either they have a beautiful happy ending, or they don't won't get one at all." Roxane squeaks, ripping the lid on her container open.
"I'm starting to think I really sat at the wrong table," I mutter, making a cross with both my index fingers.
"Roxane," Chloe demands. "Look into my eyes. Do you want to have another monster movie marathon?"
Suddenly, Roxane eyes widen in genuine terror as her vision locks on Chloe. The two girls continue an intense staring contest until Roxie cracks and starts whining about how she hates scary movies.
When her brother, Luke, was younger, he secretly watched Wrong Turn with some friends. Sadly, Roxie walked in on them and threatened to snitch if Luke didn't let her watch the cannibal movie with them. Eight years later, she's still afraid of getting her face chewed off and, strangely, anyone who wears overalls.
"Fine," she pouts. "I recorded a voice memo and sent it to Donovan."
"How many times?" Chloe massages her temples.
"I barely text him," Roxane says. I only left under two hundred text messages, and you know how much I love to text. I left a few voice memos and like five video voicemails on FaceTime? But I swear when I sent the last one, I saw him taking notes in Algebra Class."
Without another word, Chloe confiscates her phone. "You'll get this back at the end of the weekend, and if you use Luke's phone to talk to Donovan, then I will add his to the pile. Do you understand?"
"Yessssssssss." Roxane sulks, stomping her feet.
"I don't even get that many messages in a year."
Even when the Dragon Queen returned my cell phone, I didn't have a single text message, phone call, or even a notification from social media. Gawd, even my relatives love Alexis more than me. I'd be offended if I gave two shits about half of them, but I don't care for their judgments. I always told them if they wanted to be loose-lipped then I'll gladly exchange insults like an underground battle rapper.
"Obvious," Roxane says, taking my phone from the table. "You didn't even flip your hair or look into Brandon's eyes. My gawd girl do you have any game?"
I take my phone and watch the first episode of the newest soap opera, The Ebony and Brandon Saga. "Well, I didn't realize I was being watched; otherwise, I would've put on quite the show."
"Skip to the last seven minutes," Chloe says, winking playfully.
"Did you forget I lived it?" I ask sarcastically.
Chloe smacks my forehead. "Keep talking, and I will lock you in the hall closet with Brandon."
"She gets a warning," Roxane yells. "Wait, tell Charlie hears about this abuse, young lady."
"Can you stop drooling over my dad?!" Chloe exclaims, shivering as she thinks about the two of them together.
I ignore their detailed bickering to watch the last seven minutes of Naija's twisted new reality show. My eyebrows arch together as Chloe takes Naija's phone, promising to capture an unforgettable plot twist. Instead of having her girl gang surround her, she left them and waved at Brandon from the shore.
Brandon stepped out of the water with an amused expression even after we just had a huge argument. Is it weird I love how he smiled at Chloe despite everything? He's the definition of a social butterfly down to the boyish laughter he expelled after she practically dragged him inside his house.
Curious, I scrunch my face as virtual Chloe pointed the camera at the glass screen door. I was sitting outside on the porch when she recapped the star moments for Brandon that Naija and Sienna were able to capture on camera. Then she switched to the front camera, slyly directing her phone to record Brandon's reaction as he watched me sitting alone on the porch.
He bit down on his bottom lip, silently gazing at me with an expression I couldn't read. His jaw tensed as he breathed heavily through his nostrils. By the time I screamed at the top of my lungs, Brandon's face completely changed. Then Chloe switched to the opposite camera and quickly stopped Brandon from walking through the screen door.
She handed him Naija's phone, instructing him to wait until 'the closer' had an official discussion with her new friend. Then, when I reach her 'Friends before Ho's statement,' I genuinely laugh so hard my side starts hurting. It wasn't just what she said but the two gang signs she flipped to the camera as she stuck her tongue out the corner of her mouth.
Before I realize what's happening Roxane takes the camera from Brandon. Then Chloe introduces him to me and again to the viewers. I'm only aware of this because she switched to the front camera to pose like she was about to take a cute selfie. She quickly turned the camera back to us, but not before doing a selfie montage.
Chloe elbows me and pauses from eating her pizza. "Now you can see how you fucked up in HD."
"What are you insinuating?!" I yell, watching the last minutes of the video.
"In-sin-uating?" Roxane questions. "Is that right?"
"Yeah, it's when you find another way of insulting a particular quality about someone without coming out and just saying it. Now Ebbs thinks I'm insinuating that she blew it with Brandon when clearly I said it to her face." Chloe explains, taking a sip of water.
"Oh, Brandon's the type of guy you get on your knees and beg to stay. You hold on to that boy like the last Louboutin handbag in the mall." Roxane exclaims, eating a container full of purple seedless grapes.
"Roxane texted Donovan 200 times today, and even she knows you're helpless," Chloe says, waving Roxie's phone.
"Hey," Roxane crosses her arms. "It was under 200!"
Brandon confessed his feelings again for the third time since I watched the live stream on Naija's page. Then I went to where she posted the same video on her account to memorialize our relationship. And now I'm trying to figure out why he walked onto that porch in the first place. So many thoughts are swirling around inside my head it's hard to focus on the video of us playing directly in my hand. Here I am screen recording a guy I never had the slightest clue about deciphering any reasoning behind anything he does.
Now I'm left thinking, did he do it to protect me?
Was it hard for him to be around me?
Does he even care about me?
Was anything he said even true?!
Can Brandon fall for someone like me?
"What was I supposed to say?" I whisper, turning the phone over on the table. "Ten minutes ago, he told me he could never fall for someone like me."
"He said he couldn't see himself with someone different. Now will you stop inserting words into the boy's mouth because we both know he said that because his feelings were evolving." Chloe challenges.
"Fine, what if he said it just for the camera?"
Chloe gives me a pointed look, taking my cell phone. "Then ask him how the hell the world ends because he's been talking about enlisting since last year."
Roxane picks her phone up from the lunch table. "Oh lookie, a friend request from Ebony Phillips, but oh. Is that funny-looking cartoon supposed to be your profile picture? How is this the only post? Building a life for you to share online is going to be challenging."
"What's happening?" I ask, genuinely lost.
"Brandon just said, hey stranger with a cute winky face," Chloe shuts my mouth close and continues. "I think we should ask if he's enlisting in the military because of one video. There isn't even a pair of golden tits bouncing in his face."
"No," I whisper. "Who the hell said you could message Brandon on my Facebook page?! Do not respond."
"I sent that text message way before I told you about it, but his answer wasn't what I expected." Chloe smiles, sliding the phone in front of me.
"Read it." Roxane squeals.
I read the entire thread loud enough for everyone at the table to hear. "This had to be a typo. There's no way he wants to spend the weekend in Los Angeles with me. I just came outside the house."
"What are you even waiting for? There's nothing to talk about. Just jump." Roxane blinks rapidly in shock.
"You do realize whether you decide to go or not will either cement your friendship with Brandon or your relationship." Chloe says.
The latest topic for the rest of lunch wasn't a debate on whether I was going with Brandon. That decision was already made without my input because, apparently, an antisocial loner doesn't get to vote on social etiquette. When we moved on to discussing what strip of slutty fabric I was going to wear on those long days and nights. I assured the wiggling eyebrows it doesn't matter if I'm in nothing but tube socks past ten o'clock, Brandon won't see my shadow.
That didn't earn as much respect as the feminist crowd chanting for an encore in my head, but at least I tried. So, apparently, I'm still dressing like a stripper at nighttime, but it's fine because when I get cold, I can cuddle with Brandon for warmth. Provided that I've come to my senses and kicked those fem batches straight to the curve. Again, Roxane's words not mine.
I toss my garbage into the trash can and turn in time to watch Chloe's thumbs tapping away on my phone. "Will you two stop texting, Brandon!"
"Here," Chloe hands me the phone. "His parents expect both of you to arrive tonight."
"Why do you insist on ruining my life, tall menace?" I complain, following her outside the cafeteria.
"It's not like you haven't already moved into his mansion. It's late to be a chicken now." Roxane mocks, effortlessly twirling into her Biology classroom.
"I take it that the weather's stormy below," Chloe taunts. "But maybe your adoring fan club can help."
Over my shoulder is a group of four gossip girls lingering a few feet from our conversation. The girls are spread out as the flashes on their iPhones illuminate, nearly masking the snouty, stuck-up looks they exchange behind the cameras. Chloe takes another sip of the coffee she took from the teacher's lounge. Half of the foam cup is still filled with liquid, but it doesn't stop her from walking up to the closest girl at the end of the line.
Chloe expertly goes down the line, taking time to spill a few swallows on each iPhone until she reaches the end. "You girls should be more careful who you record. I hear coffees a bitch to get out of smartphones."
"What the hell?" The first girl questions in shock.
"You're paying for this!" The blonde screeches.
"Eww, it's all over my hand." says the third girl.
"My phone!" The cheer captain explodes.
"No flash photography, ladies," Chloe calls out as we walk further away. "Now, what were you saying before two of my murder victims, the one misdemeanor and my manslaughter, interrupted us?
"You're so hot when you're threatening my stalkers," I smile as Chloe laughs.
"Don't make me steal Brandon's girl."