Jo
I'D WOKEN UP this morning with a damp pillowcase beneath my head while the rest of my body was on fire. It felt like I'd been tossed into Dan Brown's Inferno towards the early hours of the morning but luckily enough, the glucose gel on my night desk was there to save the day.
I don't usually like lows at night or in the wee hours of the morning. For me, it feels like I've started my day on the wrong path and then just like that, the rest of my day becomes a big pile of shit. But then it got better, because while I was preparing to go and shower, my phone rang. It was Daniel Corrigan.
The hard-to-get girl facade I'd been putting on last night had been tossed to the wind when I heard his voice again. He apologized, told me he had some stuff to deal with and had totally forgotten about our plans for coffee. I appreciated his honesty and when he went on and on, it felt like I'd never been mad at him in the first place. Like a bucket of cold water had been poured over my head. And when he asked if we could do this again, sometime, I'd said yes without any hesitation.
I don't exactly remember the time I started developing feelings for Daniel but I'm certain it was around that period in junior year when he was contesting for president at the school paper. He'd submitted a piece on Gender Equality in the school paper during the campaign and just like that, I'd grown to like him even without knowing what he was like. It was the most phenomenal thing I'd ever read and it was honestly a breath of fresh air to see someone voice out views so similar to mine. Craig came in shortly after that newly developed crush and for a moment, I was blinded by the shininess that came with him, that I'd forgotten all about Daniel.
But after he left, it was restored with a vigor I didn't know I had because after the call had ended and I'd gotten into the shower, I'd been doing some thinking.
Apparently, he's had only three girlfriends since freshman year till date and I know all three of them. Maxine Ross, Hailey Javhi and Sara Melbourne. And they all share similar characteristics.
1. High on the social ladder.
2. Have a knack for writing.
3. Beautiful and dark-haired.
Which tells me one thing. He clearly has a type. Flynn had said he's interested in meâwhatever that's supposed to meanâ but he doesn't seem to put an effort and that's probably because I don't completely fit in his typa-girl-I-date list because I'm not popular. Not even in the slightest. And I don't really want to be. But if people think I'm with Flynn, word will get out. I'll somehow be boosted from level zero point five on the social ladder to level ten and then it would work. Now that I think of it, I'm sure Flynn probably knew this and had suggested we take it up a notch because of one of out of three of his reasons. He did mention he knew him or something. He likes girls he can see but can't touch.
The thought of the whole mysterious, quiet girl thing I've got going in school getting shattered slightly makes me nauseous and I shake my head immediately. If I really want that smart, suave hell of a gentleman called Daniel Corrigan to really notice me, then this shouldn't be a big deal. God. I scrub my face a little harder. I sound desperate.
Deciding to think of something else as I get out of the shower, my mood considerably dampens when I realize what today is and where I'm headed after breakfast. Every weekend, Talia has Eloise and Otis pick up donated books from her usual supply sites such as elderly book clubs, churches, homes and whatnot. Sometimes she does it herself but she has assigned Otis and I to do the job this weekend. And I was excited about it until she'd mentioned getting them from the library at Lakeville University. They'd offered to generously donate used literature texts to the bookstore and she'd been so excited but I wasn't. Because that meant that I'd somehow have to see Drew but I was planning a way to escape that.
Somehow, mum heard from grandma who claimed Talia had mentioned it in her book club and as much as she tried to hide it, she'd been antsy all through dinner last night. She was even mad I hadn't told her about and I had my reasons.
As I walk down the stairs and the rich smell of chicken enchiladas fill my nose, I roll my eyes. Reason number 1. Mum is probably doing a hundred things at the same time. An apron is tied around her waist and her hair is in a ridiculously messy bun. One hand is stirring with a ladle in the pot and the other is trying to wrap the enchiladas in foil packets. The whirring of the blender is almost deafening and grandma turns up the volume of The Bachelor to the highest while King barks in protest.
"Maybe she'd listen to you if you advised her to slow down," Grandma says over the noise, annoyed, and goes back to her knitting.
Mum ignores her and throws a tired smile my way. "Good, you're up."
"Jeez mum, it's not like he's coming home from war or something," I say, unable to hide the annoyance in my voice as I step closer to the kitchen island.
Mum laughs but I don't think it's funny at all. There's so much she's doing just because she thinks my trip to the university is somehow another way of me visiting my irresponsible older brother.
"He might as well be," she chuckles and I roll my eyes when she's not looking. Reason number 2. There's nothing more I want than to desperately switch places with Eloise right now but this comes with the job and I have to do it. "Come over and help me wrap the rest of these."
I slowly walk over to her and take a spot next to her in the kitchen before getting to work. She's making the fruit juice Drew usually likes with that not-too-smooth-not-too-rough texture that has me brushing my teeth in annoyance anytime I drink it. With the number of rolls she made, you'd think we're having a thanksgiving. It's absolutely ridiculous.
"I've been so worried about him, you know," she says. "I don't know if he eats well enough or if he's healthy most of the time. You know how he is with excessive phone calls and I really don't want to come off as the obsessive mum. I know neither of you like that." Reason number 3 and counting.
Not in this case, I want to say but I don't. Mum isn't obsessive and as much as she likes to be with us most of the time, she likes to respect our boundaries as well so she doesn't come off as 'that mum'. Her words, not mine. Andrew is something else though. He doesn't check up on anyone and doesn't like anyone checking up on him. And when he does call, it's a gruff demand for more money like he always does when he's squandered it all away.
"I'm meeting the doctor today," I say, changing the topic. "You know, monthly checkups and stuff. See if there's any changes and all of that."
She nods. "That's good. Just let me know if anything comes up, okay?"
"Sure thing mum."
After all's said and done, she offers to drop me off at the bookstore, since she packed quite a load of stuff for me to deliver to him. I begrudgingly take them out and wave her goodbye.
"Josephine," she says, her voice light. I frown. Anytime she calls my name like that, it's to probably say something I don't like. "Be nice to your brother, okay? Promise me you will."
See. Something I don't like.
"Fine." I turn around and walk into the store without waiting for a response and then I hear her car zoom off.
There's only one customer in the storeâan old man that seems that find it hard to choose between two editions of the same bookâ which means Eloise and Otis are the only ones around. I'm grateful for that.
Eloise is sporting a cup of steaming coffee in her hands once I get to the counter and she smiles once she sees me. "Good morning, Jo-Jo."
I smile albeit my sour mood since she insists on calling me that. Otis rounds the counter and drops his empty styrofoam cup into the holder before giving me a friendly pat on the head. Then he glances at everything I'm holding.
"Whoa," Otis laughs. "It's one visit to the library."
"Told you my mum would make a fuss about it," I grumble and take the last cup of coffee from the cup holder.
"Oh yeah, Talia's here." Eloise says, confirming my suspicions about her presence especially with the free coffee on the table. She always brings that with her whenever she comes by the store.
On cue, Talia emerges from her little office with her six foot-something son tailing behind her. He's impossible to miss in an unusual white Tee and dark jeans and now that I look at both of them together, I realize they look nothing alike. Apart from the dark brown hair and tan skin, he looks nothing like his mum. Which leaves me to conclude that he takes more of his dad's looks except the shape of his lips. Those are his mum's too. The incident at the aquarium comes to mind. I push it in the farthest depths of my brain.
I'm not particularly surprised to see him here since he pops in randomly so I raise my eyebrows at him when he raises his first. I guess that's our form of greeting.
"Jo," My boss greets with a wide smile and I smile back and throw a 'good morning' her way.
"There's been a slight change of plans for our pick up today," she says and my chests lifts a bit, hoping she'll tell me Flynn or Eloise will go instead but it comes shattering to the ground when she says, "Otis is coming with me to book club today. Flynn will be going with you instead which leaves Eloise to take care of the store while you're all out," she turns to Flynn with her hands on her hips. "Right Tris?"
"Mum," Flynn shoots her an irritated look because of the name she called him and Eloise and Otis snicker next to me. The corner of my mouth lifts without my permission.
Talia grins wickedly. "That's that."
"Um, I need to go to the hospital before I leave," I say sheepishly when all eyes turn to me. I've been able to let go and tell them all about my chronic illness and they've been nothing but sweet to me. As ironic as it sounds. It was a breath of fresh air when I told them because I'd expected them to treat me differently like other people have in the past when I tell them I have diabetes but it was nothing like that.
"Oh, that's good. He wanted to visit the hospital too. You both can go to the University right after that," she says and I nod.
I bring up one of the bags and unzip it because I don't feel like giving them all to Drew. "Does anyone want to indulge in some baked tortillas? My mum made an abundance of them."
I don't even need to finish talking because I start distributing them to everyone around me. Including the indecisive old man who eventually decides to buy both of the books. Talia leaves some minutes later with Otis behind her and then it's just me and Flynn inside his car. Alone. Again.
He thrusts a paper towel at my face and I narrow my eyes at him. "What?" I ask, mouthful.
His eyes move from my face to my hands that are currently stuffed with half-eaten enchiladas. "Leave a stain and you're dead."
I roll my eyes and attempt to get the towel from his grasp. Just then, a glob of sauce rolls down my fingers and splatters on his pristine seat. We both stare at it for some seconds and then I look up at his face. He looks like the end of the world has officially come and he groans in annoyance as he wipes it off. It only smudges a lot further and his frustration is my joy because I can't help it, when a chuckle slips out of my mouth.
He looks up and glares at me.
"Sorry," I shrug in the most unapologetic way before grabbing my milkshake and sucking the straw into my mouth.
"You'll pay for this," he says and I nod absentmindedly.
"Sure."
"I'm serious."
"Sure."
He sighs and puts the key in the ignition. I grab my phone and I'm met with Amanda's daily onslaught of texts since she caught me and Flynn in a very compromising situation.
Amanda: I knew it.
Amanda: It was bound to happen
Amanda: I saw it coming.
Amanda: Damn, I should be a psychic.
I roll my eyes.
Jo: Nothing is happening.
Amanda: Denial, they say, is usually the first stage.
Jo: Are you drunk?
Amanda: Wya rn?
I bite my lip and stifle a sigh. She'll read this someway again. Still, I say,
Jo: In a car.
She attaches a smirking emoji.
Amanda: With who?
I sigh audibly.
Jo: It's not what you think.
She cries.
Amanda: WHAT IN THE STAR-CROSSED LOVERS SHIT IS GOING ON? YOU SNEAKY BITCH, tell me everything
I snort and decide not to reply before tucking my phone into my purse. When I look back up, Flynn is giving me a strange look.
"What's up, Tris?"
He narrows his eyes at me and clenches his jaw. It's nice to pull his legs like this. The rest of the ride to the hospital is silent except for the occasional songs from the stereo but I can tell there's something on his mind. I'm curious as to what he needs to do at the hospital but then again, it's a hospital, so yeah.
As soon as recklessly parks his car in the parking lot, I roll my eyes before getting out and heading in. Everything hits me at once: Antiseptic smell, sickly people, nurses and doctors in white and blue. For some reason it excites me because I always imagine myself in this scene a few years from now.
The trip to Doctor Lin's office is a short one so I don't waste any time getting there. Her office is small but conducive and well ventilated. Like most doctor's offices in Lakeville. She's sitting behind a fairly arranged desk and she's dressed in her usual white overall. Blonde hair and blue eyes that I can never forget. She squints when she sees me and then she grins and gestures for me to sit down.
"How have you managed to grow taller within the last time you were here and now?" She teases and I grin and tell her I've been doing fine.
I hand over my diary that has the daily records of all my blood sugar levels and all the lows and highs I've gotten in the past few months. The usual routine happens after that and she advices me to be a little more careful especially since I've had more lows than I usually do whichâI knowâis entirely my fault. She also suggests I talk to my mum about switching to pens or a pump and I nod even though I know I won't tell her. Insulin prices have skyrocketed in the past few months and that alone is a struggle even though she doesn't complain.
Dr Lin dismisses me after telling me to come often and I promise her I will before leaving her office, glad that there are no complicated adjustments to my arrangements. I see Big Barry on the way out and my smile quickly dissolves into a frown. Shortly after I was diagnosed, Doctor Lin had advised my parents to enter me in a diabetic support group. That's where I met Hana. That's also where I met Barry or Big Barry as he likes to be called.
Unlike the two-legged lively bud I remember, he's wheeling himself around while conversing with a nurse and one of his lower legs have been amputated. Different emotions hit me at once but the one that lingers the most is dread. He doesn't see me so I sneak out of the door before he can raise his eyes to look at me. If he does, what would I say? How do I react without being weird or bursting into tears? Acting like I don't see him seems like the best option to me and I ignore the guilt in my chest as the elevator doors snap shut. For the rest of the ride down, I'm lost in thought.
It isn't uncommon to get a foot amputation if you're diabetic. Diabetes is one of the leading causes of limb loss and it always starts with a diabetic foot ulcer. It's one of the things mum is always scared of and it's one of the reasons why she didn't let me out of her sight during the first year after my diagnosis. Seeing Barry scared me and I had automatically been transported to a future without a lower limb. Doctor Lin's medical advice comes to mind as I exit the hospital. Proper shoe wear, Regular clinic visits, Immediate report if I noticed any discomfort in any of my legs.
I take a deep breath before heading to the snack machine, grateful the old thing is still there, and then I toss some coins in and watch my favorite potato chips drop down on the tray. I think of Flynn and then, being the extremely nice and thoughtful person I am, I pay for another one and grab the two chips from the tray before turning around and almost bumping into an amputee with crutches on each side.
"I'm so sorry," I whisper and she smiles and waves it off before slowly trudging towards the vending machine and I rub my cheeks to add some color to my face because I'm sure I just went white. I don't know what it is with me and bumping into amputees today but I think it's time I get the hell out.
I swallow and try to think of something else to get rid of my destructive thoughts but something else freely presents itself as I step closer to the parking lot.
Flynn is leaning against his car, arms folded across his chest and his undivided attention is on the redhead in front of him. Semia is dressed in denim shorts that hug every curve and an off-the-shoulders chiffon top and she's twirling her hair as she speaks. I've realized she's fond of doing that and I roll my eyes without even knowing why. As I stare at her from a distance, I also realize she's not that tall, since Flynn is almost a head taller than her. I look down at my legs and frown. All of a sudden, they look too long and I feel too tall and I wish I were somehow shorter.
Semia is the first to turn her head to me and then Flynn slowly does. I look comical, standing at a distance and clutching two bags of chips in one hand while wistfully staring at them. Semia's displeasure at seeing me does not go unnoticed so I guess it's time to put my YouTube tutorials to good use.
"Oh hey, Jordan. Didn't see you there," she grins icily and I narrow my eyes at her. I guess this should be the time I take on the role of the jealous girlfriend considering their proximity but I decide not to do that.
Instead, I shrug and say, "Josephine."
"What?" She asks in that nasal voice of hers like she didn't purposely say my name wrong.
"My name is Josephine."
"That's what I said."
"No," I say calmly. "You called me Jordan."
She shrugs like it's not a big deal. "Same thing."
"Not really," Flynn says instead and bites the corner of his lips like he's trying not to laugh at my facial expression.
Semia flushes but she shrugs it off with a playful grin.
"Took you long enough," Flynn says walking over to me and hooking his fingers into the belt loops of my jeans and tugging me towards him. He leans down and I cross my fingers and expect him to kiss me but he doesn't. He goes for my forehead instead and I try really hard not to go rigid. He leads me to the passenger's seat while Semia is a hawk in this distance.
In my defense, I'm very sure I didn't take that long in there but I don't know if he eventually went in or not. If he did, that's probably where they met or maybe they just met here. Either way, the way she watches our every move irks me. Like she's trying to detect what's real and what's fake.
"Bye Shantel," I wave at her as Flynn opens the car door.
She didn't like that. Not one bit. I grin.
"It's Semia."
Flynn rests an arm on the car door and raises a brow at me. "I thought that's what you said."
I poke my cheek with my tongue and shrug. "That's what I said."
"Huh," he says in mock confusion. Then he turns to Semia who looks like she might rip my hair out anytime soon. "Sorry, I guess you must have heard wrong."
I'm having too much fun with this, so I slyly wave my fingers at her and slide into the car before Flynn bids her goodbye. She gives me the determined I'm-going-to-steal-your-man glare and I look away because it sears its way into my brain.