Jo
I WAKE UP to the blinding lights in the hospital. I blink once and then twice and then I feel a warm palm engulfing mine and when I turn my head to the side, I see my dad. He's smiling at me but he looks like he's about to apologize for something.
I lift my head and the image dissolves and the next thing I know, I'm staring at my mum. I look down at my hand and see that she's the one holding me and I close my eyes and drop my head with slight disappointment.
"You're awake." She says, stroking my cheek with her thumb. "Don't scare us like that again."
I don't open my eyes as she speaks but I hear another familiar voice and I know it belongs to Dr Lin. I open my eyes and direct my gaze to hers.
"Good afternoon, Jo. It's a good thing your mum brought you in as soon as she could. Why didn't you tell her you'd run out of glucose?"
"I forgot." I lie. Maybe I was trying to hurt myself. Maybe I wasn't.
Dr Lin nods but I'm sure she doesn't believe me. "You know carelessness and diabetes don't go hand in hand. You're only going to hurt yourself if you're not careful, Jo. Okay?"
I nod and mum gives me a cup of water. I take it gratefully and sigh. I just want to go home.
"Alright." The doctor smiles. "We're just going to set you up for an insulin pump so you don't have to use the conventional syringe anymore. It's easier, less painful and it might take you a few days, but you'll get used to it jutting out your stomach."
That's the first good news I've heard today. A small genuine smile lifts my lips. I turn to mum because I know how expensive it is to get me a pump and I squeeze her hand gratefully.
"You don't need to thank me, honey. I've been planning this for a while now." She says. "I just want you to be more comfortable. I know you don't tell me but I see the look on your face each time you hold that syringe up."
"So we're just going to forget this happened this morning and start your day all over again." Dr Lin says. Then she gives me a curious smile. "Your mum tells me it's your birthday today."
It's impossible for me to forget that I spent most of my day at the hospital today but I let her talk anyway. I nod again because honestly, I don't really feel like saying anything, partly because my throat is still a little dry and partly because I just want to get today over with.
"Happy birthday Jo." She grins and I forcefully grin back. "You're stable now so I can let you go early and carry on with your birthday and Thanksgiving celebration. Sound good?"
Another nod.
"Good." She shuts her binder and then she turns to my mum. "Mrs Pryce? Can I see you?"
My mum nods and caresses my hand one more time before leaving the room with the doctor. I close my eyes and rub my hands down my face. I'm sure I've ruined everyone's day at home already. We're supposed to be having funâno matter how dry it isâsince it's Thanksgiving but my singular careless mistake, has already cost us more than half of the day. I open my eyes wide and stare at the ceiling because I could already feel tears welling up behind my eyelids and crying will not solve anything. So I stare at the ceiling and wait for my mum to return and try, like Dr Lin said, to forget about the last few hours even though I know that's practically impossible.
â
WHEN MUM GETS closer to our porch, I notice an old beat-up 1995 Ford F-150 sitting right on where she usually parks. My brows furrow on their own and mum looks confused as well as she parks right next to it.
"Who's this?" She silently asks herself as she turns off the ignition and I shrug, because I'm also confused.
"Did you invite any of your friends for Thanksgiving?"
She seems to have forgotten I have very few friends so I shake my head in the negative. "You?"
"No." She says and then she opens the car door. "Let's go see who's in there with your grandma."
I open the door and before I close it, a very light tingling sensation travels up my body from the infusion set on my stomach. Dr Lin says I'll get used to the pump eventually so I ignore it and close the door even though it still feels like a weight in my pocket.
Mum goes in first and I'm right behind her but I stop immediately I see who's sitting down with grandma on the couch. Mum can't contain her shriek of excitement and immediately, Drew gets to his feet, she basically jumps into his arms and wraps her arms around him. He laughs and hugs her back, meanwhile I just stand there dumbfounded and then my silence begins to grow into annoyance when I see mum touching his face and repeatedly asking if he's okay.
He's wearing wash jeans and a Lakeville University sweater and his hair is still unkempt. I don't know if looking haggard is his new style but I find it really irritating. His beard is rough and his eyes are sunken but he's wearing a smug smile and he's wholeheartedly enjoying the attention mum is showering on him. I don't blame mum though. She hasn't seen her son in a long time but I've seen him. And I know he's a prick.
That's why when his eyes meet mine over mum's shoulder and his last words at his college come into mind, I grit my teeth and slam the door shut.
Mum slightly disentangles herself from his hold and turns to me. "Jo, your brother's home."
"I know. I see that." I sound rude but God, I want to punch a hole in his face. I turn towards the table and search through the mails just in case dad has sent his yearly gift cards but I don't see any. All I see are flyers, Thanksgiving cards from mum's workplace and pending debts.
"Hi sis." Drew finally has the guts to say while fixing his hands into his pockets. I send him a threatening stare and then I walk right past him and stomp up the stairs to my room before slamming the door shut.
Mum knocks on my door a few minutes later but I don't respond.
"Be nice to your brother, Jo," she solemnly says. "We haven't been together like this in a while."
I don't answer. I grab my laptop and click Microsoft Word but her words are echoing in my ears.
I hear her sigh and then she speaks again. "Dinner's by six today. I'm halfway though with cooking that turkey you like."
"Okay." Is all I say because food makes me happy and responsive and then I hear her footsteps fade away. Once she leaves, I close my laptop and bury my face in my hands. Then I cry.
I don't know why I'm crying but I'm crying anyway. Maybe it's because Drew has appeared like an angel in disguise to my mum or maybe it's because of what happened this morning. Maybe it's because I've not received dad's messages even though they always come around seven a.m and it's already half past four or maybe it's because I want to talk to Flynn but I can't because after discovering his sister has cancer, I've come to realize that he has enough problems on his hand to deal with than listen to a random girl dump all her issues to him over a voice call. Maybe Drew's right. Maybe I am a child and maybe I pester people too much because right now, I don't feel 18. I feel like the kid my dad abandoned in the park.
My phone dings and I dry my eyes and pick it up. Amanda has sent me a confetti emoji and she just changed the name of the group from Debate club to Happy birthday Captain.
I smile a little, because I'm surprised they know but I remember Mrs Lendermann brought me a cupcake last year while we were having practice so maybe that's how they remembered.
Amanda: You're all IDIOTS!!! I can't believe you guys slept off before 12ð
Khalid: Shut up. You did too.
Amanda: sHuT uP yOu DiD tOo
Cass: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR BELOVED CAPTAINâºï¸
Austin: What's happening?
Khalid: Read the heading, stupid.
Austin: Oh, happy birthday Joð
Mel: Who's Jo?
I roll my eyes even though I'm smiling.
Amanda: Jo, we planned to wish you at 12. Khalid messed up.
Khalid: how is this any of my fault?ð
Cass: Amanda's right. You were supposed to give us the go ahead like we planned.
Khalid: Slip of eyes.
Amanda: He thinks he's funny.
Cass: Sorry I laughedð
Amanda: Happy birthday Jooo!!
Khalid: We love you and your wicked ways Jo
Mel: ðð
I smile and send them a thank you message before engaging in their banter a little bit. Eloise and Otis text me shortly after that and then when I ask how they knew, Eloise tells me Flynn told them this morning. I bite my lip hard as I send them appreciative messages even though I'm a little antsy since he hasn't sent me a message yet. But I try not to think about it too much because honestly, he's not obligated to do any of that.
But you're friends.
Yeah, well, even if we're friends, he might be busy with his family today. He did say his house is usually full on Thanksgiving. He might be too busy babysitting to remember to text me. Besides, he has a party to get ready for tonight at Semia's place. Forget it, Jo. Get a grip, jeez.
Once the clock strikes half past five, I drag myself from the bed, take a shower and pull my hair into a messy bun. I'm dragging a pair of shorts up my legs when mum knocks on the door and tells me dinner is ready.
I walk downstairs and head towards the living room to go through the mails again. I search through it twice and my eyes sting when I don't see the usual yellow gift cards and flash drives.
"Jo?" Mum calls from the kitchen and I take in slow breaths before planting a lopsided smile on my face. I turn around and head towards the dining room before giving grandma a hug at the dining table. She looks at me and gives my hand a little squeeze before I take a seat. Unfortunately for me, it's right in front of my brother but I ignore it once I glance at the amount of food on the table. Mum leans over and wears her oven mitts before opening the oven and lifting a huge turkey in a pan.
The aroma makes me smile a bit as she places it right in the middle of all the food before beaming at all of us.
"There's so much food." I say, looking round because it's usually not this much when my brothers not around. But obviously, mum thinks of this as a welcome home dinner. She might as well hang a banner outside that signifies Drew's home.
"It's Thanksgiving." She says like we've had previous Thanksgiving dinners since dad left with the table overflowing with food. "It should be."
Grandma blesses the food and we dig in but I'm silent as I eat because mum keeps drilling Drew on how school has been for him.
"What are your friends like?" She asks curiously and I roll my eyes to the back of my head.
"Mom," Drew laughs. "I'm twenty."
"Yes," she nods. "Twenty year olds can still have bad friends. Right?" She turns to me.
I shrug like I couldn't care less but I remember his friends. The ones from his Instagram that cheered him up to squander his money and drink to stupor and the ones that ambushed him immediately after he left me in front of the food truck in his school.
Drew tenses up a little and I don't know if mum notices it but I do and I give him a look but he doesn't return it.
"They're okay," he shrugs, pushing a spoon of rice in his mouth. "I've missed your food, mum."
That distracts her immediately. "I know," she smiles. "You'd get more of it if you visit more."
He smiles but I know it's fake because I know he won't be coming back anytime soon. If he can fool everyone here, he can't fool me. I know he's here for a reason.
"By the way, I saw a cake in the fridge. I thought it was usually cookies and pumpkin pies for dessert."
This time, grandma speaks. She narrows her eyes at him and points her fork to his face. "You don't remember your sister's birthday?"
I'm not surprised. I chew some more of mum's juicy turkey and watch his face morph into surprise. He turns to me.
"Today's your birthday?"
I don't hide my discontentment. "Why are you here?"
"What?"
"Jo." Mum scolds but I'm not having any of it. Not today.
"Why are you here, Andrew? You're not here because you miss any of us or because you miss mum's cooking. Why did you randomly decide to show up after ignoring us and hibernating in school for two years?"
He looks pissed off now. That's good. That's what I wanted. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"What do you want?" I taunt. "What? Is it money? Are you broke again?"
"Stop it right now!" Mum seethes and I clamp my mouth shut and watch a smug smile grow on his face. My face is tight with anger and his growing smirk makes me wonder what is going through his head now.
"I'm not going to tolerate fighting over dinner. Get a hold of yourselves right now." She sighs and then she looks at me. "Jo, mum said Drew's been waiting for us since we were at the hospital. It's been a while. Don't give him a hard time."
Don't give him a hard time.
I chew harder than normal after that and exactly three minutes after, her words register in my brain.
"Grandma," I say calmly. "How long was he here before we came back?"
He clears his throat and gives me a look. "Why does that matter?"
We share a look and my jaw hardens. Oh hell no.
"What's wrong?" Mum asks, oblivious to this staring contest and I abruptly get to my feet and run to my room. Once I get to my room, I open my closet and search through my pile of clothes for the small box Drew and I made when we were eight. We made two of them. One for him and one for me and it was solely to keep any treasures we found. It could be as mundane as a colored stone or as precious as a dollar note from my dad. As I grew older, it became a stash for the money I made from part time jobs. A savings box if you will.
I bring it out and open it and the first tear drops from my eye. Drew's stolen out of it within the time he came home and we did. Liquid hot rage flows through my body as I shut my closet and walk down the stairs. Mum gets to her feet once she sees how red my face is and Drew remains unbothered.
"Give it back." I grit and he looks up at me.
"What are you talking about?"
Mum grabs my shoulders and tries to make me look at her. "Jo? What's going on?"
"He stole my money. Tell him to give it back."
"What money?"
"I knew you were here for a reason. You came home because you knew it'd be too soon to ask mum for money again so you came to my stash and you took it. I worked my ass off for it and I need you to give it back."
"Drew?" Mum turns to him with a raised brow.
He sighs. "Look, I need it more than you do, okay?"
"Andrew, give your sister her money and I'll give you what you want."
He shakes his head adamantly. "It's not going to be enough."
"Do you think I give a shit?" My voice gets louder with every word. "Return my money."
"Andrew."
He gets to his feet. "You don't understand."
"Understand what?" Mum is pissed now.
"I'm in trouble and I need that money more than you do."
I walk closer to him and grab his shirt. "I'm not going to let you leave this house with half of my life's savings. I never asked you to get into trouble."
"Your sister was right," Mum says with a hurtful look on her face. "You're here for money."
He clenches his jaw. "Mum, don't look at me like that."
"Then I suggest you get some self-respect and get a damn job instead of coming home to steal your little sister's hard-earned money. I give you everything I have every time and I let you get away with a lot of things but I'm not going to let you steal your sister's money. I did not raise a thief."
"And what does she need it for? Huh?" He looks at me and frees himself from my hold. He looks crazed. "What? To accomplish silly little daydreams? You really think you're going to become a doctor, do you? You want to follow after the footsteps of your precious dad? You think you're better than me, don't you?"
"Shut up." I say but my voice is breaking.
He laughs. "He failed, you hear me? He fucking failed. And what did he do after he failed? He abandoned you and I and he ran off with some chick and started another family somewhere else."
My ears are ringing. "What are you talking about?"
"Mum didn't tell you? She didn't tell you he left because we were too much for him? She didn't tell you he sent divorce papers a month ago? He's got another daughter like you, Jo. He's got another freaking son and he's doing fine so I'd suggest you set achievable goals and wake the fuck up, because trust me, he's not coming back. But you probably already know that since he didn't send his pathetic messages this year."
I don't see mum coming closer but I see her raise her hand and slap him across his cheek.
Grandma gets startled immediately and she starts to fidget because she doesn't recognize Drew and I anymore.
"Upstairs, right now." She grits and he touches his face.
"I'm not a kid, mum."
"Upstairs."
He scoffs and storms upstairs. Mum looks at me as she picks grandma from the chair but I don't look at her. I swallow and turn around before heading up the stairs.
Immediately I get to my room, I fish out all the cards and rip them into irreplaceable pieces before dumping them all in my trash can. My chest hurts as I look at them and the only thing I desire is to set them ablaze. All this time, he'd had another family in Appleton and I was here pathetically wishing he'd come back someday.
I drag the dull glow-in-the-dark stars and dump them into the trash can. I dig through my clothes and dump all of his old NYU sweatshirts into the trashcan, hoping I'll never see them again. When I'm done, I'm breathing hard so I collapse on my bed and I stare blankly at the ceiling.
My room feels different now that the ceiling is bare. It feels emptier than usual and it feels cold but it makes me feel empty. I remain there for about thirty minutes because my day is officially ruined. I don't realize I'm crying or how long I've been crying until mum knocks on my door.
I don't respond though. I remain still and listen to her voice.
"Don't cry yourself to sleep, honey. I'm sorry I kept this from you but I'll explain everything whenever you're ready to listen. Okay?" She waits for a beat and when I don't answer, she continues. "Happy birthday honey. I'm sorry your day was ruined. I'll make it up to you, I promise."
Now, that makes me cry. I hide my face in my pillow and cry like a baby once she leaves. I've never cried so much in one day like I've done in the past twenty-one hours.
I don't know how long I cry for but eventually my face dries up because my head starts to pound. When my phone dings with a notification, I don't pick it up because I'm not in the mood for any conversation. But when it dings the third time, I grab it and glare at the screen but my glare dissipates when I see who it is.
Flynn: Jo
Flynn: Are you still up? I hope you are
Flynn: If you are, look down your window.
I quickly clean my eyes and leap out of bed while holding my phone to my chest. I drag my curtains and lift the window binds and then when I look down, I see it. Or him, rather.
He's standing right next to the bushes around my porch and he's close enough that I can see him right beneath my window. He's holding a cupcake that has a single burning candle on it and when he looks up at me, he gives me a dimpled smile that melts the ice around my heart and nods for me to come outside.
I rush into the bathroom and wash my face because even with the storm in my head about my dad, my heart manages to beat as loud as a drum because Flynn is waiting for me outside. And here I was, thinking he forgot.
Luckily, the lights are off which means everyone has gone to sleep. Of course. It was a shitty Thanksgiving after all. Still, I descend the stairs slowly and like a thief in the night, I head towards the door and open it quietly. Once I'm standing on the porch, I turn around and walk towards Flynn. The night is chilly and a cold breeze is blowing left and right so I hug my arms tighter around myself and meet him there.
The candle light flickers off so he brings out a lighter and lights it up again.
"Here," he says as soon as I'm standing in front of him. "Make a wish."
I bite my lip because I'm smiling too damn hard so I close my eyes and think of something very random even if nothing almost comes to my head at the moment.
When I open my eyes, I blow the candle and grin. He takes out the candle and tosses it away, before dividing the cake in half.
"Hi," he says, staring at me as he gives me the first half.
"Hi."
He slides his fingers through my hair and pulls me closer. Then he presses his lips on my forehead and places an open-mouthed kiss for a few seconds before pulling away.
"Happy birthday Josephine."
AN: usually, i don't like using emojis in my writing but it seemed necessary for their group chat. vote and comment <3