Chapter 38: 37 | a dash of salt

Jo

"I THOUGHT YOU forgot."

Flynn frowns and crosses his arms. "Why would I forget?"

"Today's almost over," I say quietly. "I wasn't expecting anything from you anymore."

"Well, it's a good thing it's not over yet."

I bite into the cake and grin. "Not too sweet, not too salty."

He smiles and nods. "I know. I made sure of that."

"You made this?"

"No but I was involved in the baking process."

I tuck my hair behind my ears because the breeze is making it go haywire. "What did you do aside from occupying space in the kitchen?"

He laughs quietly. Thank God. I don't want to have to wake anyone up. "I sprinkled a dash of salt."

"Really?"

"Sure. That's what my mum said to do." He pauses, like he's finding the right words to say, then he gestures to the sidewalk. "Walk with me."

"Where are we going?" I ask even though I'm following him already.

We walk further away from my porch and commence our journey on the quiet streets of Lakeville. Under the streetlights swarmed with insects on the sidewalk, his face is clearer and the dust of freckles on his nose are more pronounced than they usually are. His hair is messy but it's messy in an attractive way and a lock of hair falls across his right eye. When he catches me staring, I look away and pretend I'm cleaning off the cake crumbs that may or may not be on my face.

"We're going to get some food." He says. "I'm hungry."

I raise a brow at him. "Aren't you stuffed from dinner or something? Who goes hungry on Thanksgiving?"

He looks at me and then he lifts his thumb to my cheek and brushes it back and forth. "What the fuck happened?"

"Huh?"

"Have you been crying?"

Oh. Maybe I didn't wash my face well enough.

I take a hold of his wrist and take his hand off my face because I'm hot enough to melt on the ground. "It's been a shitty day." I sigh. "My brother's home."

"I'm assuming he's the owner of that truck in front of your porch?"

I nod. "I woke up to a dangerous low, was set up on an insulin pump at the hospital, found out my douchebag brother stole from me and then turns out my dad is living happily with his second family a few miles away from us. Those were the highlights of my day. Wonderful, isn't it?"

He shrugs and his tone sounds playful. "Happy Thanksgiving."

I laugh and nod. "Right. Thanks for being so thoughtful."

"I'm sorry about your dad though." He sounds annoyed. "That sucks."

It does suck. I still haven't fully processed it. It's like I'm going through a state of denial because one thing I never expected my dad to do was abandon his family for another. He had no right to do that. He had no right to give me hope with his yearly messages. Absolutely no right.

I don't want to talk about my dad anymore so I change the subject. "Aren't you supposed to be at her party?"

He nods and keeps walking at my pace. Our hands brush every now and then and the tingling feeling that comes with his skin against mine rushes up my body. I tuck my hands into the pockets of my jacket and breathe in and out.

"Like I said, I was supposed to bring a date."

"She didn't let you in because of that?"

"No. Actually, she was thrilled when she heard I didn't have one."

My lips twist into a distasteful frown. "Of course she was."

"I wasn't going to show up at a party without my girlfriend, Jo. Besides, it's your birthday. It's supposed to be about you."

The words girlfriend and you make my heart do a little backflip even though I know the first part isn't real. I bite down hard on my lip to prevent a smile from spreading on my face and focus my attention on the light buzzing going on in town. Only a few shops are opened tonight so a few people are going in back and forth.

"Who knew you could be so considerate?"

He grabs my arm and pulls me back to him and that's when I realize I've walked away from him in my flustered state. "Stop doing that."

My cheeks have gone pink. "Doing what?"

He points at my mouth and draws a smile with his finger. "Stopping yourself from smiling even when you want to."

"I wasn't—"

"I find it cute but really, I just want you to smile at me when I talk to you. You know, like you do whenever Prince Charming is around. You have no idea how that makes me feel."

I glance at his hand on my arm and look back to his face. I feel warm all over for some reason. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you sound jealous."

He stares at me for a beat and then he drops his hand from my arm. He shoves his hands into the pockets of his hoodie and nods to a space behind me. "We're here."

The over-thinker in me has reared her ugly head but I turn around quickly and for a moment, I forget about her and focus on the food stall in front of me. Mr Chen isn't here anymore but an exact replica of him, only younger stands right in his spot behind the makeshift counter and beams at us.

He sells the spiciest and the most delicious ramen I've ever tasted. I mean, come on, the name of his stall is literally 'THE SPICIEST RAMEN YOU'VE EVER TASTED.' I turn around and see a tiny smile at the corner of his lips.

"How did you know?" Is all I ask.

"I mean, apart from the obvious name, you mentioned eating spicy noodles with your brother on your birthday. Now I'm not your brother and I'm never planning on becoming one, but being in his place doesn't seem too bad."

I smile with an evil glint in my eyes. "You asked for it."

I order two food boxes of Chen's recipe and my mouth almost waters when he hands them to us. The steam wafts up my nose and memories with Drew are as clear as day. Flynn pays him and I rip off the tape between the chopsticks and repeatedly tap mine with his in a challenging manner.

"Don't be weird," he snorts and separates his chopsticks. "How hard can it be?"

Flynn's first sign of defeat is in three minutes. It comes in the form of a sharp cough.

"You okay?" I ask even though my eyes are laughing at him. I take two scoops into my mouth as I watch him struggle.

"Yes," he says. He clears his throat and clenches his jaw. His eyes are a little red at the corners. "I'm thoroughly enjoying myself."

"Oh?" I grab some of the chilies from my food and drop them in his as we walk. My tongue burns but I don't let it show because I still want to see him suffer.

He glares at me as I effortlessly eat some more but he doesn't notice the bead of sweat that runs down my ear and disappears beneath my shirt. After a few more minutes, his eyes water and his nose slightly runs while I laugh and cry at the same time. My nose is also running but at least, I've not given up like he has. I wipe my running nose with an handkerchief and close my eyes tightly before throwing my head back and drinking the rest of the soup.

"What the fuck?" He looks at me like he's about to cry.

"I win." I pant in between laughter. "I get—" I stammer and pant desperately for water. "I get to pick what drink you'll have."

I grab his arm and we somehow find ourselves in a small grocery store.

"Hi," Flynn slams his hand on the counter, alarming the girl behind it. "Can I stick my head inside your freezer?"

I shove him aside and the flustered girl's attention lands on me. She looks no older than fifteen. "A cold skimmed yogurt for me please and he'll have hot water."

"Witch." He turns around and makes a beeline for the refrigerator but I do something entirely out of pocket to stop him from getting to his destination. I grab his arm and lock myself around his body. It's supposed to be a barrier but really, I'm just hugging the shit out of him.

"I explained the rules, Cauley. We had a deal."

"But I can feel my brain slowly frying up."

I laugh against his chest. He smells so good. "Too bad you lost."

He doesn't say anything after that and when I stop laughing, I listen closely and at first I think the loud thumping in my ears is my heart but when I press my head further in his chest, I realize it's his and not mine. I look up at him and find him already staring at me.

"Your heart is going crazy."

His eyes dart around my face. "Yeah, no shit."

An abrupt clearing of throat behind us makes me untangle myself from his hold as fast as someone who's almost been shocked by electricity. The girl awkwardly looks at us and drops the bottles on the table. "Sorry. Didn't wanna interrupt."

"No, it's fine," I say but I sound weird. "Um, thanks." I grab the two bottles and place the water against his chest. "I changed my mind. You can get an ice cream. Meet me outside."

I don't wait for a response before bolting out of the store and releasing a withheld breath on the sidewalk. When I think about how his heart raced and how he looked at me as if he wanted to kiss me, I swallow back a groan at how pathetic I feel on the inside. Like I want to jump his bones. What kind of person am I? This time, I don't stop myself from groaning out loud and cursing myself in my head.

"Something wrong?"

I turn around sharply and meet his towering form in front of me. "Nope. Did you get your ice cream?"

"Mhm," he takes a scoop in his mouth and holds out another tub in front of me. "Got you another one. Chocolate chip."

Of course, he's not going to make this any easier. He remembers my favorite ice cream flavor. Great. Very great.

"Thanks," I say awkwardly as I pry it off his hands.

He looks down at his watch and looks back at me. "There's a meteor shower tonight. If you want, you could see it with me. Think of it as a last minute birthday activity."

Right. There is a meteor shower tonight but I'd been too distracted by how awful today was that I barely remembered.

"It's not twelve yet?"

"We've got roughly an hour left."

I lick my lips and give it a little thought. I want to witness the shower tonight but being in the same space with him for too long, messes with my head sometimes. Still, I take a deep breath and grin. "Let's do it."

∞

THIS TOWN, FROM its obvious name, was named after a lake. Three men, all foreigners were said to have come from different parts of the world in search of a stable source of water after a drought had sucked the water dry. This lake was a concealed treasure waiting to be found and somehow, it gave birth to a small town of five thousand.

I don't know how true the story is but that's what we were told as kids and it's what we've grown to believe. Frankly, I find the lake enchanting. It's beautiful and easily one of the most eye catching places to visit as a tourist in Lakeville.

On our way down the dock, Flynn and I don't say a word to each other but the silence is comfortable and relaxing. The sky is starry tonight and the closer we get to the lake, the more beautiful it becomes. The clear water reflects the stars above and it becomes sparkling under the moonlight. The breeze is gentle and each sway caresses my skin. The trees are tall and wide while the vast body of water stretches further into the horizon.

"It's beautiful." I say, because it is. The view is breathtaking.

Flynn nods and then we take a seat at the edge of the dock. I take off my shoes, drag my pants to my knees and sink my toes into the water. Flynn does the same and then I lean back on my arms and listen to the buzzing of the fireflies and admiring the lights they emit as they fly between the bordering trees.

"Once in a while, I come here to think. Or to feel something when I realize I'm numb again."

I turn to him. "Again?"

"Yeah." He answers.

I dangle my legs in the water and arrange my thoughts. I think about his sister and my mood comes crashing down but I don't want him to notice that, so I think of something to say.

"Every now and then, my dad took me to the park to have some father-daughter bonding session or whatever he called it. I was really attached to him growing up so whenever it was time to visit the park with him, there was never a moment of hesitation with me. So one day, as always he told me to get dressed so we could leave for the park. I just got diagnosed and I was still struggling. Plus, he'd lost his job shortly before my diagnosis so he had a lot of time to spare.

"I was on the swing and we were talking about everything and nothing and then he got a call. He told me he needed to see someone and that it would take a while. So, to make things faster for me, he told me to close my eyes and count from one to hundred and that by the time I got to hundred, he'd be standing right in front of me. So I did. I closed my eyes, counted and when he wasn't there after a hundred, I closed my eyes and counted again. And again and again, until I was the last kid left and I started to cry."

I still remember my mum crying and throwing her arms around me when the park attendant kept me with her since the park was already closed. That was the last time I saw my dad. The last time I felt his touch and the last time I saw his smile. It's funny because even after everything my brother revealed today, I still want to listen to his voice and wrap my arms around him.

"I blamed myself for his disappearance. I blamed my diabetes. He'd just lost his job, he wasn't at his best financially and all of a sudden, I came with a burden. I thought it was my fault. Drew said we were too much for him. Maybe he was talking about me."

"Shit excuse for a shit dad." Flynn says without an ounce of hesitation. "And I'm sorry but I'm not taking that back. No-one should start a family if they aren't ready to be with them through thick and thin. Nothing is your fault or anyone else's in your family, for that matter."

It's not like I hadn't considered the fact that he may have been living with another family in Appleton but there was hope that it wasn't going to be the case. So when Drew laid it all out tonight, I was more disappointed than surprised. And that disappointment hurt harder than it would have been if I was surprised.

I look back at the sparkling lake and I lift my legs out of the water and unzip my jacket.

"What are you doing?" He asks even though he's respectfully looking away while I take off my clothes. I'm impressed but I don't speak on it. Instead, I shrug my jacket and shimmy myself out of my jeans, until the only thing I'm left in is my underwear.

"I'm going for a swim. Would you like to join me?"

"No," he shakes his head adamantly. "And I think the water's too cold."

"I think it's perfect."

"I can't swim, Jo."

"You can't or you won't?"

He looks at my face and the hesitation on his face is so obvious. He's struggling and I don't want to push him but he's never going to admit why he doesn't swim anymore if I don't do something.

"I haven't swam in a while. I might be a little rusty."

"You'll adjust after the first few strokes."

I let out an exaggerated sigh and get to my feet. "Fine. If you say so."

"Jo."

I close my eyes and fall right into the water. I don't dive in like I'm supposed to and I don't resurface immediately. My hair floats around my face as I sink down and the water is indeed cold enough to bite my skin. Still, I don't make any attempts to swim and I'm sinking as fast as a rock but for some reason, I'm not scared at all. When I look up, I see his feet moving around and then I don't see them anymore. I close my eyes and hold my breath, flailing my legs a little bit because the slightest sense of panic rises once I see how deep I'm getting but it falls through immediately I feel a strong arm encircling my waist.

Flynn pulls me up and swims as fast as he can to the surface and I explode, breaking it into tiny drops with an instant rush of ragged breath flowing through my lungs.

"That was fun." I look at him and find him wet and shirtless and he looks mad, which makes him look even more attractive.

"Are you insane?" Flynn asks, bewildered. I've never seen him look so scared and annoyed in his life. Maybe I am a little insane. But I feel a tad guilty as well.

I draw in exaggerated breaths and laugh a little as he takes me back to the dock.

"It's not funny, Jo. You could have drowned. Were you trying to kill yourself?"

I cough repeatedly and I don't realize how cold I am, until he drapes my jacket around my shivering form. Still, there's a smile on my face. "I knew I wasn't going to drown. You pulled me up. I knew you could do it."

"That's the most stupid thing I've heard you say," he scolds. Clearly, he doesn't find this as amusing as I do. "And what would have happened if I didn't come in?"

"I would have swam up myself eventually."

"No, you could have fucking drowned." He grits and I shrug.

"But I didn't, did I?"

He shakes his head once. "No, you didn't. But I did and I know what's it like to feel your life slipping away from you."

AN: great. we're getting somewhere. merry christmas :)