Jo
"IT'S FUCKING LOUD in here," I say to myself, looking round and interlacing my fingers together. Flynn was right. It's freezing and it's so loud but his hoodie is so warm and comfortable and I don't regret putting it on.
Amanda rushes back with two buckets of popcorn and two milkshakes. She breathes out and scowls. "This is one of the reasons why I hate game days. The queue is always so freaking long."
She hands mine to me and brushes her hair away from her face. Her braids are out so she's sporting her natural curls and it looks so good on her.
"Thanks," I say, sipping from the straw and sighing in delight.
"Come on," she says, pulling my hand. "Cass kept two seats for us."
I follow her and ignore the stares that are blatantly directed my way as we head over to the bleachers. The girls who stare at me don't even bother to hide it and once we spot Cass' dark waves, I speed walk to our seats and scowl.
"God, can they just stop staring? It's annoying." They've been at it since Amanda dragged me away from Flynn when we arrived at the parking lot while he went in to cheer his best friend up. And well, dress up.
"You look stunning," Cass says with a grin. "Plus, the owner of that hoodie is pretty obvious. It's only natural they stare."
"Same thing I said," Amanda laughs and then she forces my lips into an awkward grin with her fingers. "Ignore them and enjoy the game. It's going to be fun."
That's when I notice how oddly excited she looks. I turn to Cass who has a knowing look on her face and raise a brow. "What's up with her?"
"One of the guys asked for her number last week after lunch." Cass blurts. "Tony or something."
"You broke up with Jude?" I ask, referring to her long distance boyfriend and she nods.
"Two weeks ago. We both knew it wasn't working out anymore," she says and sighs. "Distance is a bitch. It ruins things."
Distance is a bitch.
"And besides," she continues, feigning a clueless expression. "With Tony, it's nothing serious. Innocent phone calls and all."
"Sure," Cass and I say at the same time and then we burst into laughter. She scoffs and sinks further into her chair before shooting us a fake glare.
There's a pep rally going on so it's loud and students are hollering and cheering and it even gets louder when the cheerleaders sashay in with their pom poms and the school's cheerleading outfit. When I see a flash of striking red hair, I unconsciously sit straighter in my seat and a frown mars my face.
"I didn't know Semia was a cheerleader now," Amanda says, echoing my thoughts and Cass nods.
"I heard she joined last week or so. She seems pretty good."
She does. The more I stare at her, the more I see how beautiful she is. Her skin is flawless and her curls keep bouncing gracefully with every move she makes. She's not the star cheerleader but she's the only one my focus is on. When I turn to the side, I see some boys ogling her and I'm suddenly not surprised that Flynn liked her in the first place. The mascot runs out in a red and black bulldog costume when he joins the rally, the show the cheerleaders are putting on slowly comes to an end.
The only thing running through my mind is the fact that Flynn is under that costume and now, there's a round of games going on, on the field but my focus remains on Semia. And she's staring at that bulldog costume with so much intensity that makes me slightly mad.
I slouch further into my seat and avert my gaze from the field. The only thing I do is stare at random people while sipping on my milkshake and then of course, I allow myself to be immersed in so many hurtful thoughts that I completely zone out from everything else.
"Hey," someone nudges me at the side and when I look up, I see Flynn looking down at me. "Are you okay?"
I look from him to the field and then I realize the mascot leaning forward and accepting kisses from the cheerleaders isn't him at all. When I look back at him, he's taking a seat next to me and brushing his hair away from his face.
"I thought you were on the field," I say, sounding weird. God, I really need to pull myself together.
"Westley really wanted to be the mascot for tonight's game. Plus, he's been practicing for a while and I really just go there to have fun. So why not?" He shrugs and I nod slowly. I don't know why, but that information makes me less sulky than I was earlier.
"It's started," Amanda squeals and I lean forward to see them run out from the door in their red and black football gears while Carter is in the lead, of course.
"Are you sure you're okay? You look a little pale." Flynn says in my ear. "Do you want to leave? We can leave right now."
"I'm fine." I say, clearing my throat. I don't know what exactly the problem is that makes me feel like I'll burst into tears soon but I need to cheer up if I'm going to last throughout this game without being a burden to anyone.
"PMSing," I smile a little. "That's all. I'm good."
He nods but doesn't look convinced. "Okay."
"Okay."
The game starts and even though I'm clueless 98% of the time, my mood gets lifted whenever Amanda and Cass jump up and cheer or when Flynn laughs next to me. Towards the end, I begin to get more invested in the game and within minutes, it's over. We won. The school is on fire. Everyone jumps up from their seats and screams are bursting my eardrums. I get up too and I cheer because like I said, I feel better and lighter already.
For once, I feel a sense of pride when I look at everyone in my school and I laugh when Amanda and Cass turn towards me and wrap me in a group hug, all the while jumping and laughing. When they let go of me, Flynn wraps his arm around my waist and kisses me hard and my heart races while my stomach drops because I feel two things at the same time.
"I need to tell you something." He says excitedly in my ear over the noise because of course, some people are staring at us. "Not here. Later tonight."
"Okay." I say and he pulls me out of the bleachers and takes us towards the field. Amanda and Cass are right behind us and they shove themselves into the crowd that has formed around the football players. I step back a little because I get uncomfortable in large crowds and I smile and wave once I see Carter waving at me with his arm around Flynn's shoulders.
The crowd moves away from the field eventually and I follow them in once I look round and discover that I've lost him because once again, that feeling of discomfort comes back especially when some of them unabashedly stare at me as I move in between them in the hallway. Or maybe it's the hoodie they're staring at. I don't know but honestly I don't care.
The hallway that leads to the locker room is noisy and crowded and they're a couple of cheerleaders scattered around with some football players. When I stare at them and how easy it is for them to converse among themselves and laugh at each other's jokes, that's when I realize how completely out of place I feel. I grin a little when I see Amanda shuffling on her feet while talking to Tony who's leaning against the wall and staring at her face.
I see Carter heading towards the locker room door and I quickly rush towards him and call his name. He turns around and wraps me in a hug.
"We won," he beams and I laugh when he lets go of me.
"I'm aware."
"There's an after party at my house. Are you coming?"
"Um, I don't know. I'll think about it." I say but internally, I know I'm not going to show up.
"You should come though," he says. "It's like a ritual, really and Flynn always shows up."
I nod with tight smile."By the way, are these all Flynn's friends too?" I ask, referring to most of the people cheering in the hallway. The popular crowd, if you will.
"Our company," he says, nodding. "We hang out with most of them. Why'd you ask?"
"I was just curious." I say, smiling half-heartedly. "Also, do you have any idea where he is? I think I lost him at the field."
He frowns. "He was here a while ago. Try going outside. He's probably looking for you as well."
I let out a sigh of relief and congratulate him once again for their win before turning around and promptly exiting the hallway.
It's actually so cold outside and even though Flynn's hoodie is warm and comfortable, it doesn't cover my face so I still feel it biting at my skin. A couple of heys are thrown my way as I move around and look left and right and when I don't see Flynn, I bring out my phone and shoot him a text.
"Hey," a voice says and when I look up to see who appeared in my line of vision, I see Daniel staring at me with his lips drawn in a secretive smile.
"Hi." I say, deciding to call Flynn instead.
"I'm surprised to see you here," he says. "This doesn't exactly look like your type of scene."
That's because it's not.
"What?"
He shrugs. "I'm just saying. Anyone could see it. It's not mine either."
I raise a brow. "Then why are you here?"
He looks back at the class building. "I had some articles to pick up for next week. The game ended while I was on my way out and then I saw you. Alone. Surprisingly. So I stopped by to say hi."
I scoff. "What are you trying to say?"
He smiles. "I'm not trying to say anything, Jo. I'm only telling you what I observed on my way here. That's not bad, is it?"
I lick my lips and shake my head before typing out Flynn's name and tapping on 'Call'. Daniel starts to talk but I'm not listening because when I look behind him, I see a flaming red hair that hunts my dreams and I see the owner of that hair standing close to a wall while conversing with a boy, who's a head taller than her. The more I stare at them, the more I realize that's obviously Semia and the boy she's talking to is Flynn.
"Jo?" Daniel calls beside me but I don't respond. I only stare at them and I don't stop staring even when he nods at something she says and then she leans forward and hugs him with everything she has.
Daniel snickers. "Took him long enough."
She leans up on her tiptoes to kiss him and that's when I look away. Because all of a sudden, my eyes start to burn. I toss my phone into my pocket and hastily move away from the field.
"Josephine," I hear him call behind me and I stop walking and look up, blinking rapidly so that a traitorous tear won't fall.
"Hey," he says, grabbing me by the elbow and spinning me around to face him. He touches my face and frowns. "You just saw me with Semia, didn't you?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Wait," he says, like he's out of breath. He looks absolutely confused. "You don't actually think I let her kiss me, do you?"
I school my expression into the best poker face I've ever mustered. "What I think doesn't matter."
Daniel suddenly speaks next to us. I didn't even know he was still here. "So is this a good time to remind you of our date next week?"
"What the fuck are you on about?" Flynn spits out, shooting daggers at him. "And what the fuck are you doing here?"
His lips pull into an amusing grin. "Your girlfriend didn't tell you she agreed to go on a date with me? Tsk, tsk. Must be one hell of a relationship."
Flynn looks at me but I don't say anything because all I can see is Semia leaning up to kiss him. It doesn't stop replaying in my head like a broken record. He grabs my hand and pulls me away from the field and without a word, he leads us to the parking lot.
"I didn't let her kiss me." Is the first thing he says once he pins me against his car. "Why in hell would I do that?"
I believe him but I wish I didn't. It would make things a lot easier.
"I don't care." I lie through my teeth.
He frowns. "You don't?"
I shake my head. "I don't. Like I said, it doesn't matter. None of this was real in the first place."
I don't like the way he looks at me now. Like I just broke his heart. I don't like it at all. "So you really did agree to go on a date with him?"
"I didn't." I say truthfully. "But I was going to." That's a lie but who cares anyway?
"We got what we wanted, didn't we? She's obviously seriously interested in you now, Craig's left my back and Daniel has noticed me. Mission accomplished." My mouth doesn't stop running because that's what I do when I don't want to get hurt. I hurt other people regardless of who they are.
"None of this was real to you." He says like he's not sure he heard me well, the first time.
"None." I'm grateful my voice doesn't break because I want to cry. And to add gasoline to the fire, I say, "We had fun. That's all."
When his face turns to stone and he nods, that's when I feel a tear starting to form. "Right. Get in. I'll drop you off."
I turn around and block out the loud chatter of adrenaline-filled students around me before opening the door to the passenger's seat and sitting down. I tell myself it's for the best even though the drive to my house is uncomfortable and absolutely suffocating, regardless of the song playing from the stereo.
Once he stops the car at the front of my porch, I grab my handbag and for some seconds, I don't move.
"You have no reason to pick me up for school anymore. I'll find my way like I always do."
He doesn't look at me but he nods. The silence is killing me and ripping my heart out from the inside. I caused this though but it was necessary.
"That's it." I say and unzip his hoodie. "Oh and the session ends next week since we're turning our papers in before the semester ends soâ"
"I'm not going to show up," he says. "We can end that now since we're ending things."
A lump grows in my throat and my heart sinks. "Sure. Why not? You're good enough to get a B so I guess that's good enough."
I shrug my arms out of his hoodie and fold it into a neat pile before placing it at the backseat. I breathe out slowly and open the car door.
"See you at school." I say with a forced smile and then I slam the door shut and after the first two steps on my porch, I actually start to cry. It's funny because I feel more hurt right now than the thought of him actually kissing Semia. I head up the porch and dry my eyes before opening the door.
Fortunately for me, Drew isn't in the living room, lazying his life away so I head up the stairs and crash on my bed. Cutting things off with him is better now than going in too deep when what we have is just an act to make the people we like jealous but the more I lie in bed and cry in my dark room, the more I discover that maybe I'd been in too deep for a while without even realizing it.
AN: updates every weekend nowâ¤ï¸