Jo
"MORNING!" MUM CHIRPS excitedly as soon as I trudge down the stairs and I mumble a half-hearted greeting in response. As usual, I kiss grandma on the forehead and take a seat on the breakfast stool before stuffing my plate with pancakes, eggs and bacon.
I ignore their piercing staresâMum, Drew and grandmaâand I carry on with my breakfast like they don't exist.
"You okay?" Mum asks and I nod without looking up at her. She's still staring at me and I know she won't be satisfied until she gets a valid answer from me, so I decide to cook up a lie.
"I'm on my period," I say, forcing a smile and pouring myself a glass of juice. "You know how these things go, mum."
Drew clears his throat and I narrow my eyes at him before going back to my food.
"Do you need some Advil?" She asks.
"Nope." I say, getting to my feet and moving towards the kitchen to open the cabinets. "I'm good. By the way, where's Woody?"
"Oh, he didn't stop by for breakfast," Mum says. "He left early cos you have a ride now."
I loose my appetite immediately after that and I hastily spread the jam over the slices of bread and drop them in a plastic bag. "That's okay. I'll walk."
She raises a brow. "Flynn's not coming?"
"He won't be coming from now on."
"Did something happen?" She asks with a frown. "I could take you."
"No," I shake my head adamantly. "Nothing happened and you don't need to worry mum. Like I said, I'll walk. I need it." I say smiling a little to ease her worries before hoisting my bag higher up my shoulders and moving round the island. I don't entertain any more conversations or questions after that because I'm frankly not in the mood, so I wave at them before turning around and leaving.
I plug my earphones in and climb down the porch before trekking to school. It's December so of course, it's cold and freezing but thankfully, the semester will be over soon so I won't have to endure this torture for so long anymore. Throughout my journey to school, all I can think about is just one boy and as annoying as it is, I can't exactly help it. And it gets worse once I join the throng of students in the hallway and notice a few stares here and there thrown at me.
Amanda is waiting for me at my locker and once I push through the crowd, I see a particular look of concern on her face and it doesn't make me happy at all.
"Good morning," I say, forcing my locker open and unzipping my bag.
"It's not true, is it?"
"What is?" I ask, even though I'm very aware of what she's talking about. I pull out my history textbook and my journals before placing my calculus textbook back into my locker.
"You broke up with Flynn." I hear Cass's voice next to her and I sigh before pinching my nose with my fingers.
"Is that what he said?" I ask, shutting my locker and spinning around to face them. Amanda frowns like she's not understanding anything and she fiddles with the strap of her bag while Cass hugs her books to her chest.
"I don't know. It's what everyone's been talking about so probably yeah. Look, that's not the point. Are you okay?" She asks, looking at my face before exchanging looks with Cass, who looks equally worried. "What happâyou know what? You don't need to talk about it. We just need to know if you're okay."
I take in a deep breath and purse my lips into a thin line. "It just didn't work out." I shrug, turning on my heel and heading towards English. The fact that they're showing this much concern makes me want to cry a river and I'd prepped myself in the shower against shedding tears at school today.
They catch up with my stride and for a moment they don't speak until Cass says, "Well, that's a bummer." And then Amanda sighs and says, "We could always have ice cream at yours later."
"And maybe see a horror movie." I'm surprised this idea comes from me because I've never actually entertained anyone in my house before except for Hana and Flynn. I've never brought friends to my house before and it lifts my mood a little bit.
"A Quiet Place."
"The Nun." They both say at the same time as soon as we approach the door to English class and I smile as I open the door.
"Or both." Someone says wrapping an arm around my neck as we enter and Cass grimaces as soon as we see the culprit.
"It's a girls night. Don't be weird." She says and Khalid scoffs.
"Who says I'm not a girl?"
Amanda laughs and I grin as well but my smile drops when a couple of students don't bother to hide their pointed stares and when I look away, my eyes meet Flynn's and even though I already miss his intense green eyes, my heart drops to my stomach when I see Semia sitting right next to him.
That was quick.
My mood drops considerably after that and even when Khalid decides to sit with us and crack some jokes, they notice my change of mood and they don't bother me anymore. They're just sitting next to each other but, God, it hurts. It hurts. Each time she leans towards him and says something in his ears, it hurts. And occasionally, when he tries to smile a little, it hurts even more. So for the rest of the class, I keep my earphones plugged in like I always used to at the beginning of the semester and I don't talk to anyone. But I'm not invincible anymore and with each period that passes and with each stare I receive, I hate it.
I don't join them for lunch. Instead, I grab my bag and head towards the resting area. There are a few students lying on the grass so it doesn't take me too long to locate a spot away from the sun. I plop down on the grass, take out my sandwich and try to enjoy Elton John in my ears. But it doesn't work. So I take out my journal and start to write whatever comes to mind.
The music in my ears is low enough for me to hear the girls that sit at a couple of meters away from me and my hand stops moving when I hear my name in full.
"She's gutsy, I'll give her that." The first one says and laughs. "I don't know who she thinks she is. Acting all high and mighty."
"It's funny cos Flynn doesn't date. You don't know how many times I texted him, Sloane. He's never into anything more than a hookup and then all of a sudden, she comes around and he's a dotting boyfriend. And she breaks up with him. Why would anyone do that?" The owner of this voice is so annoyed and so nasally, it makes me cringe.
"Beats me. I'm not sure what attracted him to her in the first place. She's barely got any tits."
I turn up the volume on my phone and drown out their conversation because listening to them will do me no good. Especially since I'm trying not to cry at school. Not more than a minute later, I feel a body crash next to me and once I see who it is, I look away and continue with my handwritten words.
"What the fuck do you want?"
"Relax," Craig laughs. "I won't bite. Not now, at least."
I grit my teeth and decide to leave because if my mood wasn't ruined before, it's definitely ruined now. I pack up my stuff and shove my things into my bag but he grabs my wrist and stops me.
I breathe in deeply and wrench my wrist away from him. "What. Do. You. Want?"
"My ex-girlfriend is the talk of the school." He shrugs. "I should be worried."
"I was never your girlfriend. Not to you."
He doesn't respond to that. Instead, he says, "I'm surprised you weren't dumped. You have a thing with being fooled. Guess you've been doing some learning. He would drop your ass at the end of the day. We're not that different."
"He's not an ass." I say. "You're definitely not the same, Craig. You're just jealous of him. You've always been."
"We can never be friends, can we?" He says out of the blue and I blink as though he just said something entirely foreign.
"Not after what you did to me."
"I'm sorry." He says without hesitating anymore. I've waited for months to hear this but now that I do, I don't even feel a thing. "I'm a dick, I get that but I want to move past it. Every time I see you, I justâyou don't know how much guilt I feel whenever I see you, Jo. And I'm sorry." When he looks at me, I'm reminded of how much I used to be crazy about him and how it was easy for me to fall into his trap. I'd grown to resent him afterwards and it felt good but now, I just don't care anymore.
I don't care if he apologizes or if he doesn't. I don't care if he's remorseful or if he's not. I don't care if he wants to be friends or not. I just don't care anymore and honestly, that feels so much better than harboring feelings of hate towards him.
I carry on with my packing and once I'm done, I get to my feet and discard my plastic sandwich wrapper in the nearest trashcan before turning to him. "I can't ever be friends with you, Craig but I'm sure you already know that. And honestly, I don't give a shit anymore. Just don't bother me again." And after that, I turn around and leave.
I don't know how I manage to survive for the rest of the door but after classes, I find myself heading towards Debate Club and for the first time in forever, I wish I could skip it and head home. I really don't want to talk to anyone especially if I keep seeing things or hearing things that remind me of Flynn. I close my eyes and send a silent prayer, hoping he doesn't show up today because he normally doesn't show up at our club sessions.
By the time I walk in, everyone is here except him and I've never been more grateful. But it doesn't last long because as soon as I turn around to close the door, a hand stops the door from getting completely shut and when I open it wider, I see him standing right in front of him.
He has no expression on his face but when he looks at me, my heart picks up its speed. Like it always does when he's around. He doesn't move and after a few seconds, he walks closer to me until he's completely in my space and then he leans down and murmurs in my ear, "You want me to get in or what?"
The hairs at the back of my neck stand at attention and it's only when he leans back, that I realize I'm blocking his path by standing directly in front of me.
Fuck. "Right." I awkwardly say, rolling my lips together and stepping aside for him to pass. When his cologne follows him as he breezes past me, I realize how much I miss him. He can't be doing that. He shouldn't be doing that. He shouldn't be that close to me when everyone thinks we broke up. I ball my hands into fists to control my nerves and then I shut the door and spin around to face them.
It's quiet all of a sudden and they're all staring at me.
Probably waiting for me to start but Flynn is staring at me differently. He's watching me and twirling a pen in between his fingers and I look away from him and smoothen my brows anxiously.
"Mrs Lendermann is having her baby soon. She's due in about a week so paying her a visit at the hospital after her delivery is a must." I clear my throat and try to rearrange my thoughts. "Yes, um, she's invited us all to her vow renewal. She mailed that to me last night so yeah, it'd be nice to show up."
Usually, Khalid would have made a gesture by now and Cass would have snorted or something but they just nod and the tension in the room is so thick that it slightly unnerves me.
"Alright then. The winter formal is coming soon. We should come up with debate ideas for spirit week."
"So no one is going to talk about the elephant in the room?" Mel questions and pops a gum loudly.
Khalid looks round and turns to Austin. "I don't see an elephant. Do you?"
Austin shakes his head sharply and Cass and Amanda shrug. "Neither do I."
"Ugh, don't be losers." Mel complains. "Why'd you break up?"
I point at the door with a stern look on my face. "Mel, this is a debate club. For debate."
"Yeah, so?"
"Mel," Cass groans and places her hand on her forehead like she's developed a headache. "Now's not the time."
"If she won't answer me, he will." She turns to Flynn and I feel myself grinding my teeth. "Why'd you break up?"
"Mel." I say. "Enough."
"What?" She laughs and flips her hair aside. "You don't think everyone here is curious?"
I don't say anything because I know she's not wrong. I run my hands down my face and sigh.
"You won't give me an answer." She shrugs. "So you won't mind if I moved to him, would you?"
"I don't care what you do." I force out but internally, I'm loosing it.
When Amanda and Cass shoot her death glares, she smirks and shrugs nonchalantly. "What? He's hot. Everyone wants him. Your loss."
"You mean, his loss." Amanda corrects. "Jo is amazing. You'd know that if you weren't being a bitch to her most of the time."
"I second that." Khalid says, raising a hand.
"Third." Cass says.
"Fourth." Austin mumbles.
"Fifth." Flynn nods while twirling his pen and looking at her. "You can't argue with that. She's fucking amazing."
Of course, he'd make me blush in a situation like this. "There you go." I say to her and she scoffs but her face is red hot from embarrassment.
"Whatever."
After that, I don't do much anymore because being in the same space with him for too long without touching him makes me feel antsy so I dismiss them way before the meeting is supposed to end and I hurry out of the club before I do something embarrassing.
Amanda and Cass meet me outside and they both lead me to Cass's car at the parking lot.
"I'm so excited," Cass squeals as she hops into the driver's seat. "It's been such a long time since I had a girls night. I don't feel like a girl anymore."
Amanda says something that makes them both laugh but I've zoned out of the conversation because right outside the window, Flynn walks out of the hallway and just before he takes two steps, a mound of red hair already skips her way towards him. She's in her cheerleading uniform and she's smiling at him with perfect boobs and all and when I remember the gossip at the field, I close my eyes and look away because now that I'm alone, with two familiar people in the car, I'm starting to tear up.
"Can we stop by Sprouts?" I ask and I hate that my voice breaks but there's nothing I can do about it now.
"A cup of coffee would go a long way right now."