Jo
I'M BEGINNING TO regret agreeing to girls night because, one, I can't concentrate on the movie no matter how hard I try and there's a limit to how much ice cream I can stuff into my non-existent pancreatic stomach. And two, Cass's screams are louder than a fire alarm at midnight.
The lights in the living room are turned off for special effect with the only source of light being the dull glow from the kitchen. Cass, Amanda and I are snuggled under three layers of blankets because it's freezing outside and occasionally King struts over to join us but each time Cass screams, he scampers away. When I look back at the TV and see what will look like a jump scare approaching, I slap a hand over her mouth and of course, she screams in it.
"Cass," Amanda groans, rolling her eyes playfully even though her right knee has been bouncing since the movie started. "It's not that scary. Jeez."
"Sorry," Cass apologizes, shutting her eyes. "There's just so much blood."
"Again, if you wake my grandma, you're dead."
They both laugh and hopefully that chases some of her fear away. I stare at the empty popcorn bowl and then I grab it and get to my feet. "I'll go make some more popcorn. I'll be right back."
Heavy footsteps pound the stairs while I rip off the bag of corn and a shirtless Drew comes into my line of vision. He's holding a small bottle of alcohol to his lips and he's staring at my hands going into the microwave.
"You can't go somewhere without announcing your presence." I say referring to his feet. He shrugs and takes the bottle away from his mouth.
I look at his chest and grimace. "Go put on a shirt or something. My friends are right in the living room."
He walks over to the fridge and pulls it open. "Do I look like I care?"
I sigh because I know better than to argue with him. "How long have you been drinking for?"
"Not in the mood for questionnaires, Jo."
I snatch the bottle from his hand and pour the remaining contents into the sink. "Your breath reeks of alcohol. You think drinking everyday is healthy?"
He doesn't look bothered at all. "Go ahead. Tell mum. I hope she gives you a pat on the head for a job well done."
I glare at him. "You're so annoying."
"Yeah, so are you and your friends that just won't shut the fuck up."
"That would be me. Sorry." A meek voice says and we both turn around at the same time to see Cass hanging around the kitchen island. She looks like she has just been scolded and suddenly I want to hit Drew on the head.
"Sorry," she apologizes again and turns to me. "I just wanted to know if the popcorn was ready or not. Looks like it is."
I sigh and run my hands down my face before handing her a filled bowl and telling her I'll join them in a few minutes.
I nudge Drew on his shoulder with my palm and he reluctantly drags his gaze from her retreating form to my face. "Look at what you did."
He shuts the fridge and grabs the second bowl of popcorn on my hands before opening the cabinet and spraying an obscene amount of whipped cream on it. "Why are they here anyway? You never have friends over."
I fold my arms and school my face into a nonchalant expression. "Girls night."
"Right and my dad is Barak Obama."
"I don't care what you believe."
"Fair enough."
"And Woody?"
He frowns. "What about him?"
"Have you made up? I know he hasn't been showing up for breakfast like he usually does because of you."
"Or it could be that he's just realized he could have breakfast at his own place."
"Just drop your stupid pride and say hi to him. He's your best friend or at least, he was until you pushed everyone away."
He scoffs and pushes past me. "Go settle your boy problems before you try advising me on how to behave."
My face turns red. "I don't have boy problems."
"Sure you don't. I know when you like a boy." He tells me matter-of-factly. "I've seen it before. When you were head over heels for some punk named Craig."
I can't help the surprise that shows on my face. "We weren't even talking then."
"As much as it annoys me to say this, I actually read all your messages and listen to all your whiny voice notes and voicemails."
My heart lifts a little. "Then why don't you respond to any of them?"
He looks at my face for some seconds and then without another word, he turns around and heads up the stairs. This time though, he doesn't pound the stairs and makes a noise like he earlier did.
Confused, I make my way over to the living room and then I sit right in the middle of them and whisper into Cass's ears. "I'm sorry about my brother."
"It's fine," she says, waving it off. "I was a little bit loud anyway."
Amanda is scrolling through her phone and then I see her rolling her eyes at a picture. "Ronnie is throwing some crazy party at her place."
"Who's Ronnie?" I ask sipping a bottle of water and Cass sneers.
"Amanda's archenemy. She's a cheerleader and she's been throwing shades at her all week."
"Why?" I frown. "You guys had an argument?"
"Nope. She's Tony's ex and apparently she's not over him yet."
"Ah, I see." I nod slowly and Cass sighs.
"I just don't know why some girls can't get the hint. He clearly isn't into her anymore. Just like Semia. She keeps pushing herself on Flynn especially since you guys broke up. It's annoying."
"Cassandra." Amanda scolds and Cass winces before tucking her lips in.
"Right. Sorry. Too soon."
"It's fine." I say, bringing my knees up to my chest. "You can talk about it."
"Great cos I'm tired of keeping it in. I heard her talking to her friends in the bathroom about joining debate as soon as possible. She told them Flynn invited her to be a member but I don't believe that. Not for one second."
Hearing that makes me sick to my stomach. I suddenly wish I hadn't acted like everything was fine with me hearing about both of them.
"Neither do I." Amanda says. "They're at wood shop with me. She clings to him like a leech."
"I guess that's a good thing."
They both look at me and the movie is forgotten. "What?"
When I think about it, there's no point hiding the truth anymore so I press pause on the TV remote and then I divulge everything to them. From the beginning to the end.
Once I'm done, they stare at me and then at each other.
"So what you're saying is, everything was an act?" Amanda asks and I glance at my cracked fingernail polish and nod.
"That was the plan."
"Goddamn." Cass blinks and chews on her popcorn. "You both would make good actors then."
"You made out at the lake and he got you a present." Amanda says. "Doesn't seem scripted to me."
"We're friends. Or were. I don't know." I shrug.
"Bullshit." Cass says. "Khalid has never made out with me before or gotten me a present like that and ew, gross, never happening. In other words, friends don't do that."
I don't tell them about him taking me to see his sister because that's obviously his story to tell and not mine but I don't want to listen to them anymore because it gives me some kind of hope that I'll crush with my own thoughts.
"Listen, I don't know about you but I'm sure there's something there. I'm not stupid," Amanda shrugs. "I've seen the way he looks at you."
"You don't know that." I say, shaking my head. "What's the point anyway? We'd still break up at the end of the day if we became an actual thing."
"Jo, I've dated four boys in my life." Cass says holding my shoulder. "They were all stupid at the end but I dated them anyway because at that point we liked each other and that was it. I knew there'd eventually be an end but I took that risk anyway cos if you keep shielding yourself from getting hurt by people, you'll eventually be the one to hurt yourself."
Amanda gives me a wicked grin. "Or are you going to tell us you don't feel anything for him? You don't miss him or something?"
"Not in the mood for questionnaires, Amanda." I grumble, reiterating my brother's words and she smiles.
"That's another way of saying yes and yes."
"Never said that."
"I know you're scared of something," Cass says. "But sometimes you've just got to throw caution to the wind and act reckless."
Amanda laughs and shakes her head. "In very urgent life situations, that's a very bad advice but she's right. I know it's not that easy to do but once in a while, just do it." She says. "Let go."
"In any case, we're always here for you." Amanda adds and I nod, feeling emotional for some reason.
"Right." I say, rubbing my eyes so the tears don't fall. "Thanks guys."
"We could help you get him back, you know." Cass grins, rubbing her hands together. "I've got tons of ideas on how to fight for your man."
"Cass." Amanda and I groan at the same time and when she doesn't stop talking, I press resume and the movie shuts her up.
Eventually, Cass dozes off and I'm not surprised because she must have spent a lot of energy with the amount of jumping and screaming she kept on doing and Amanda's knees don't stop bouncing. I lean back against the chair carefully because Cass's head is on my shoulder and for a moment, I close my eyes and think about what they've said but then I think about Drew and my dad's face flashes before my eyes and I remember Hana and how we haven't communicated in months because of distance and letting go when everyone always leaves suddenly seems like an impossible thing to do.