Jo
THE BODYGUARD STANDING in front of the door has to be the most intimidating person I've ever seen. He stands a whole foot taller than me with his feet apart and he's sturdy enough that one flick of his finger to my forehead could send me to the ER.
But I'm not fazed. I don't even care how built he is because my insides are thrumming with nerves and excitement. My favorite band in the world, aside from The Beatles, are right behind that door and I'll be dammed if I let a human action figure stop me from going in.
We couldn't push our way in here because there's a crowd outside that are aware of their private performance so we had to follow another way in with a lesser crowd. I didn't think we'd meet security but alas, here we are. I flick my wrist towards The Rock, like the rest of us do and he scrutinizes them closely because apparently, there have been people trying to get in with fake wristbands. He takes his time and then he grunts, pushing his black sunglasses further up the bridge of his nose before ripping our tickets in half and letting us in.
Cass wheels Ellie in first and then the rest of us follow behind. It's like a cinema inside except much smaller with lesser seats. It's a VIP performance so it contains about twenty to thirty people at most. Once we take our seats, the lights in the hall darken and a man who I assume to be the host, appears on the stage and prepares us for their appearance. He tells us they'll be right in front of us in five minutes while the bodyguard lets other people in.
"Flynn Cauley," I say, tapping his shoulder until he looks at me. "I know we just recently started dating but today is the day, I officially cheat on you."
He blinks. "What?"
Ellie sighs and leans towards her brother. "What she means is, once the lead guitarist, Austin Rivers, steps on that stage, she's going to deny you. At least, until the show's over."
"I'd honestly do the same if I had someone I was dating," Cass says and Amanda agrees. "Have you seen those hands? I'd trade places with his guitar any day, any time."
Flynn covers Ellie's ears. "My sister's 14."
Ellie grins and leans away from him. "No need to worry. I've seen and heard it all."
"Not to sound like a stalker or anything, but I have never, I mean never, missed any of his lives. Especially when he gets a new tattoo." Amanda whispers, her voice getting lower with every word.
Cass nods excitedly and clutches my arm. "I heard that there's a chance he might take off his shirt tonight."
Flynn scowls as he places a hand over my mouth before I can let out a squeal.
Khalid raises a hand. "I'm uncomfortable."
"The drummer's hot," Carter says, joining our conversation. "But she doesn't fancy guys in that way."
"I'd be gay for her though," Amanda says placing a hand on her chest. "Just saying."
"Agreed." Cass and I laugh at the same time.
"Why is no-one talking about Shawn or Peter? I think they're cool too."
I tune out of the conversation when my phone pings with a text. I tap on the screen to see a message request from Facebook. I haven't opened my Facebook in a while but out of the excitement I'm feeling already from today's show, I tap on the app and see that's it a request from Darren Pryce.
My excitement fades away immediately.
Drew told me dad had changed his first name from Jonathan to Darren but I never bothered to look for him on social media. I never bothered to see how his life was going because I was scared I wouldn't like what I saw and when Drew told me everything at the hospital that day, I knew I was right.
Dad said he wanted to meet up today and even though, I'd torn the paper to shreds yesterday and disposed it, I had the address engraved on my brain from the minute I set my eyes on the paper.
Darren Pryce: It's me, baby. Your dad. Look, I won't be able to make it to you today but I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I've hurt your mum, I've hurt your brother and I've hurt you but all that's in the past now and nothing can change that. We can start over, put this behind us. I'm looking forward to that. I'll see you at the wedding.
The host walks in again and says something that makes everyone in the hall cheer but I'm not even listening. The first thing I feel when I read his text is an immense wave of annoyance. I am sick and tired of his shit. He leaves for five years and then he tries to settle everything over a stupid text?
Josephine Pryce: All you ever do is walk out on people... I start to type but then I backspace and think of something else to say.
You don't even surprise me anymore, you just disgust me...
I can't believe, for a second there, I let myself think we could actually start over...
Josephine Pryce: I'm coming over in five minutes. If you're not there, then forget about us starting over.
I hit send and tuck my phone into my pocket. If I don't see him and speak to him face to face, then I won't be able to get this gnawing feeling out of my chest. I have a lot I want to say and I will say it to his face.
Everyone gets on their feet just as I do, screaming and cheering while they do so. Strobe lights at the corners of the room flash a range of colors over our faces and I turn to Flynn.
"I'm going to see my dad." I say without beating round the bush. The others hear me and Ellie pouts.
"But you're going to miss the show. They're just about to come on stage."
I look at the stage and there's a smoke-like display that goes up and diffuses across the platform, signifying that they'll be here anytime soon. The room gets louder with people's screams and cardboards are being waved about. It's funny how I've always wanted to attend one of their concerts and now that I'm here and it's within my reach, I'm giving it up to see my shit excuse for a dad. I grab my rolled cardboard that I'd painted 'I Love Rage Nation' on back at home and hand it to her with a tiny grin.
"Here. Wave that for me while I'm gone. I won't take long."
She nods and I tell the others I'll be back soon before quickly exiting the row of seats and heading to the back. Flynn is right behind me and I don't object but when we get to the bodyguard who stands in front of the door we came in through, I turn around and shake my head but he already understands.
"I'm not going to let you miss the show."
"I know. I'm not coming with you," he says. Purple and green flash across his face and even though my mind is in turmoil about going to face my dad, I still can't deny how insanely attractive he is. "I know you want to do this alone and you should. Just don't..." he trails off, trying to think of a better way to word his statement but I lean towards him and press my lips to his desperately like he's oxygen and I need him to breathe.
He kisses me back, his hand finds its way into my hair and his tongue sweeps across mine. The bodyguard behind me grunts and that's when I pull away from him.
"I'll be fine." I say before turning around and meeting The Rock's eyes. Just as the door is about to close behind me, I hear the string of a guitar and the hitting of drumsticks against one another but I can't bring myself to listen because I'm already finding my way to the sidewalk and flagging a cab down.
â
DAD IS STANDING right next to a table with two chairs in front in an open park. The table is carved into a sphere and it's white, just like the rest of the others on the field. There's a swing a few meters away and a merry-go-round up ahead next to a seesaw.
It's a children's park and a kid runs past me with a multicolored kite while I head towards my dad. For now, he's the only one I can focus on. He's wearing a brown coat and a pair of worn boots. He tugs at the coffee colored woolen scarf around his neck and when he sees me, he waves.
I don't wave back.
"I knew you wouldn't settle for a text," Dad says, with a proud smile on his face. "You're stubborn, just like me."
"I'm nothing like you. I'm not a coward and I don't run away from my problems just because I think I can't handle them. At least, not anymore. Now I face them, regardless of the size because it's my problem. Not anyone else's."
He sobers up quickly and he rubs a hand over his chin. There's a rough beard growing there. "You want me to order us some coffee or hot chocolate? They've got good ones out here."
"Don't bother. You didn't pay for our coffee last night."
"Right," he smiles like it's funny. "My bad. I forgot. I was in a rush."
"So am I," I tell him. "Which means I'm not here to chitchat with you and pretend like everything's okay."
"Alright." He nods, pulling a seat back and sitting on it. "My back aches. Have a seat."
I plop down on the seat and place my purse on my lap. I fix a stern gaze his way and once he's looking my way, I open my mouth to speak.
"When you left, I thought my life was over. I was still struggling with adapting to a life with diabetes. I needed you, Drew needed you and Mum needed you the most but you left without a word. It was in a park like this," I say, gesturing around. "You told me to count to a hundred and that you'd be there before I finished. I finished counting and then I started again because you weren't back and I never stopped. I was a kid, dad. I was alone and scared and anything could have happened to me at that park but you didn't care enough to wait. Throughout the years you were gone, I never stopped counting and many times, I wondered why you left. I felt like a burden and I strived to be like you. To be better even. Everything I did, every decision I made was because of what I thought you'd do. One of the reasons I decided to be a doctor was because of you. I adored you, dad. Drew and I did.
"I looked forward to your yearly birthday cards. They made the world feel bright again even if it was only for a while. So when I heard you left because you'd impregnated someone else and took the easier route by abandoning your responsibilities and running off with your client, it felt like it a stab to the chest. You made it worse by coming over just to ruin it completely by bringing a wedding invitation with you. You'd already moved on when you had two children with your girlfriend while you left us to pick up the pieces. The invitation and divorce papers were the icing to the cake. When you went missing from our lives, I wondered why I wasn't good enough and why everyone I loved kept leaving. But I've got people who love me, dad. I always have, I just didn't see it. I've got people who care about me and want to see me succeed and who genuinely love me regardless of what I do or what reckless decisions I make. I've got people who stand by me so I don't need you anymore. The moment I left the concert to see you instead, was the moment I stopped counting."
"Josephine," he sighs, reaching for my hands on the table like he did yesterday. "I love you, don't think I don't. I love you and your brother and your mum and I want to see you succeed too. I justâ" he pauses and pinches the bridge of his nose. "I just made a lot of bad decisions. I'm not the same man I was five years ago."
"You just tried to bury everything over a flimsy text some minutes ago. Like five years of waiting for an explanation and a reason as to why you left can be swept under the rug as easy as asking me what my favorite food is."
He leans against the chair and looks up at the sky. A couple of kids shriek and laugh around us and a cool breeze blows towards us. I tuck my hair behind my ear and bring the sleeves of my jacket farther down my palms.
"You're not trying to understand me." He says and I shake my head.
"I'm not. I already tried understanding you for five years. I came up with nothing."
He runs his hands down his face and nods. He looked like he's tired. "So um, medicine right? That's impressive."
I nod and lean back against the chair, already feeling lighter than I was when I came here. "Right. Stanford. Hopefully, I get in."
"You will. You've always been smart."
I'm a little antsy because I'm anxious to get back to the show but at the same time, I'm curious about him. "I didn't think you'd be an Uber driver. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but I thought you'd be like some big shot entrepreneur or something."
He tugs at his scarf again but this time, he unwraps it from his neck and places it on the table. "Things didn't work exactly as I'd planned but I'm working on something."
I want to ask him if it's going to involve him leaving his new family just like he did to us but I don't. I control my tongue and watch him.
"Why did you keep on trying to reach Drew for the past one month? You did a lot of damage to him."
"Oh," he frowns. "Same thing I'm trying to do here. I was trying to start over with him, y'know? I thought I'd start with him since he's older but he never responded. I'm sorry about that."
"Apologize to him," I say. "Not me. He deserves it."
"Noted," he responds. Then his tone turns casual. "So you, uh, got a boyfriend?"
"Mhm," I nod.
The corner of his mouth lifts a little. "What's his name? Someone I know?"
"Flynn Cauley."
"Cauley," he repeats and then he raises his brows like he remembers something. "Talia and James?"
I nod and he grins. "Like I said, you've always been smart."
I scowl. "What's that supposed to mean?"
He raises his hands. "I'm not sayingâ"
"I'm not with him for his money if that's what you mean." I say, already getting to my feet.
"Jo, baby girl, relax. I'm sorry, okay? I'm just trying to pull your legs."
"Well, it's not funny," I grab my purse and sling it over my shoulder. "I need to leave."
"What do you like about him?"
I pause and think about Flynn. I think about his smile and his face, how sweet he is and how I wish I'd met him earlier. "I like him for who he is," I say slowly. "And how he treats me."
Dad looks at his feet for a second and looks back at me with what seems like a semblance of a smile. "That's good, Jo."
I nod and hesitate a little before turning on my heel but his voice stops me.
He stands to his feet too and dips his hand into the pocket of his coat. "Wait, Jo. Here, take this."
He places an envelope on the table and nudges it towards me. I lift it up and even before opening it, I can tell what's in it. When I do open it, my suspicions are confirmed when I see a wad of cash sitting right inside it.
"Listen, before you say anything, I'm not trying to buy my way back into your life. This doesn't come close to what I owe you, your brother and your mum but I just wanted to give you this. It could help with your tuition or something. No matter how little."
I close the envelope and nod before slipping it into my purse. I let out a small breath and look him directly in the eye. "Thanks."
He draws his lips into tiny smile. "You're welcome."
I fiddle with the strap of my purse and nod. "I've got to go now."
"You won't be coming for the wedding, will you?"
"I'm afraid not," I say, shaking my head. "But congratulations. And try not to walk away from them."
He lets out a sigh of defeat and I take one last glance at him. At his greying hair and slightly wrinkled face. Though, Drew takes after his appearance the most, I still got his coffee brown eyes and slender nose.
"Goodbye dad." I say. Five years ago, when he walked out on us, it didn't feel final. But now, since I'm leaving first, it feels so final and it leaves me with something slightly bittersweet. Still, no matter how bad I try to deny it, it hurts me on the inside. But I acknowledge and welcome it. I don't pretend like I won't miss him.
I turn around without waiting for a response and head towards the street. He doesn't call me back and I don't turn back around. Instead, I head straight towards the street and flag a cab down. I get in and head straight for the concert but by the time I'm trying to force my way through the crowd outside, I see Flynn, Ellie and the others coming towards me.
It's over. I think I hear my heart crack in half.
"It just ended." Ellie says. Cassie wheels her forward and people part way for the girl in the wheelchair. "If you'd been here two minutes earlier, you'd have met them. But I'll tell you all about it, trust me."
Ellie's enthusiasm is always contagious so it's no surprise, my cracked heart glues back together.
"It doesn't matter," Flynn says, guiding us out of the crowd. "They'll have a lot of other shows and concerts."
In my ear, he leans in and whispers, "How'd it go?"
I smile. "Pretty good."
"You missed out on Austin taking off his shirt. For a second, I think I went blind," Cass says as Carter tries to get us an Uber. "But Amanda, did try to sneak in some photos."
"It was so fun," Ellie laughs. She points at an area on her shirt where there's a bunch of signatures. "I even got their autographs. I think I'm living the life."
Khalid laughs and ruffles her hair. "Sure you are, kid."
"Can we go home now?" Amanda whines as she jams her hands in her pockets. "Appleton's fun but I miss my mum's cooking."
Minutes later, an Uber pulls up to the sidewalk and we pile in one after the other. Instinctively, I look at the mirror ahead to see who the driver is but it's a redhead with a goatee and a Christmas woolen scarf around his neck. I sigh in relief once I settle in because I've already said my goodbyes to my dad. I wouldn't want a repeat of last night.
"Alright, lads. Let's go home."
"Hold on," I interrupt Khalid and turn to Flynn. "We need to make a quick stop at the petting zoo first. It won't take long, I promise."
Everyone groans at the same time.