Jo
DANIEL CORRIGAN STALKS towards us, looking entirely different in a black three piece suit and brown loafers with his blonde hair slicked back completely, no strand out of place. He's always dressed in some sort of sweater, shirt and pants so I'm a little surprised he doesn't look like a Valedictorian today.
"Josephine," he starts, completely ignoring Carter's presence next to me. "You look stunning."
"Thanks," I say genuinely. "You also look, um, stunning yourself."
He smiles that mega-watt smile but it doesn't do anything to me anymore. "Can we talk?"
"Sure."
When Carter doesn't move, he reluctantly drags his gaze to him. "Alone preferably."
I playfully shove Carter on the ribs and he sighs before raising both his hands and walking away.
"I just realized I didn't apologize for the last time."
My brows furrow against each other. "What last time?"
"At the game? I was so out of line and I apologize for that."
I shake my head. "I'd completely forgotten about that. Sure you were a dick for lying but that's all in the past now. You don't need to apologize."
He smiles uncertainly and rubs the nape of his neck. "Also I'm sorry for leading you on even when I knew you had feelings for me. I always knew and I took advantage of that sometimes."
"Right," I say feeling a little bit embarrassed. "If you'd told me this sometime ago, I could have been mad but I don't really care right now. It's all good. It's just not a nice thing to do, though. You shouldn't do it with other girls. I thought you were actually interested in my writing, you know? I didn't think you'd plan to use me or something."
He looks guilty now. "Iâ"
I cut him off. "I bet you never even took a peek at my work, did you?"
He sighs and curves his lips into an inconvenient smile. "It didn't cross my mind."
I almost laugh. "Sure it didn't."
I'm not angry or sad. I'm just a little bit disappointed at myself that I used to like him.
"Look, I just want to put all of that behind us. You seem like a great person, Jo. I think we'd be good friends."
"I'm not holding any grudges but I think I've got enough friends in my life right now."
He looks like I just kicked him out of my house and sent him away under the rain. He looks back at me and nods. "Very well, then."
He smiles again and I smile back and then he leaves.
"Well, that looked intense." I hear Carter say and when I turn around, he's not alone. Flynn's beside him and both of them are oblivious to the looks they're receiving from the girls around. Or they're aware and are just ignoring it.
Flynn pulls me towards him with a wanton grin and spins me around. "I hope you're not bored."
"I'm not," I say, placing my hands on his chest. "How's Ellie? Is she good?"
He nods and reaches for one of the cookies on the tray. "She's good and ready to play. She got a mini panic attack but she's alright. She'll be up soon."
Just then, I notice a couple of guys mount the platform and set it up with a grand piano. After a few minutes, they leave and Mr Hamilton, our substitute History teacher, climbs the stage and holds a mic to his mouth.
He smiles broadly. "Alright, everyone. Let's settle down for a minute."
Dramatically, he pauses after he's sure he had gotten everyone's attention and then he continues. "It's time to announce your snow queen and king for this year's winter formal."
"I didn't know there was king and queen." I whisper in Flynn's ears and he nods.
"Every now and then. It's not as consistent as prom."
Mr Hamilton opens an envelope and grins before speaking again. "Your Snow Queen is...Isabella Walter."
There's loud cheering and whistling when she comes on stage. She's the cheerleader captain and according to the girls beside me, she's won every homecoming royalty in our last four years of high school. She does look like an Snow Queen in a beautiful, icy blue floor length gown. Mr Hamilton wears the crown on her head, looking too happy to be doing this and then he opens the next envelope.
"And your Snow King is..."
A few heads already turn our way and I see Flynn giving Carter a tap on the back. Carter in turn rolls his eyes with a sigh and downs another cup of fruit punch.
"Carter Reed."
I cup both sides of my mouth with my hands and cheer alongside everyone else.
Flynn lifts his fist and chants. "Carter! Carter!"
And in seconds, the rest of the school joins him and chant his name as he walks up the stage to receive the crown. His cheeks are tinted pink.
Flynn leans down to whisper in my ear. "He won't admit it but he loves that kind of stuff."
Mr Hamilton backs away while Carter and Isabella walk towards the middle of the dance floor to have the first dance. The lights dim at the corners and a spotlight highlights both of them in the middle. At the same time, another one shines on the stage and when I look forward, my eyes glaze over immediately.
Ellie looks so beautiful sitting on the stool in front of the piano. She's wearing a golden ball-like gown that covers her feet and her hair is styled in a half up half down hairdo. She looks so pretty even with her nasal cannula around her nose and my eyes water a little when she smiles at us.
"God, she looks beautiful." I say to myself and Flynn nods in agreement. I can't believe anytime from now, I won't be able to see her look this beautiful again. I blink and take a deep breath.
Not tonight. I'm not going to think about that tonight or spend my last moments with her grieving.
A girl from the school's choir stands in front of the mic that Mr Hamilton had just used and nods at Ellie who nods back and places her fingers on the keyboard. At the corner, I see Talia recording her with a small camera.
Ellie starts to play and the girl, who I recognize as Nelly, starts to sing as well. I know that song because it's one of mum's favorite. I can't remember who sang it but I clearly remember the title. Fall on me.
Carter and Isabella start slow dancing and for a couple of minutes, it's just them and then slowly, a few couples join in and slow dance.
"I've not done this before," I blush when Flynn takes my hand and leads me forward. "There's a 4 out of 5 chance that I'll break your toes."
He places his hand on the small of my back and places both my arms around his neck. His mouth is on my ear when he speak and goosebumps break out on my skin.
"Relax, beautiful," he whispers. "Just follow my lead."
He looks back at me, smoldering me with his gaze and I don't look away from him.
"Okay?"
I let him burn me. "Okay."
He moves and I move and at first, I look away and look down at my feet because I don't get it the first couple of times and I bump into him a little.
"Sorry," I say, with my cheeks hot and he lifts my chin so my gaze is fixed on his again. His thumb brushes my lower lip.
"Hey," he says. "Look at me."
Just like in the aquarium, his eyes are a beautiful translucent green under the blue lights. The lights from the globe above rotates across his face and his eyesâhis eyes look so expressive as he's staring at me. I get immersed in them and don't bother to check my feet anymore. Soon enough, we're in sync and when his eyelashes flutter and he smiles with his dimples on display, there's an emotion so strong in my chest that struggles to claw its way out.
"See, you're doing it."
"I love you." God, I love you. I love you so much.
Flynn's fingers find their way into my hair and without a single care in the world about who's looking, he presses me to him and crashes his mouth on mine.
He kisses me feverishly, his heart racing against my slightly sweaty palm and I kiss him back with just as much emotion. My cheeks are burning and I'm nervous and excited at the same time as blood rushes through my veins. My hands quickly tangle in his silky, smooth hair and at that moment, everyone else around me slowly disappears until it's just two of us existing.
I breathe him in, reveling in his scent and in the realization that I'm so in love with him and want to be with him all the time. He's everywhere, just like I want him to be and when we pull away for air, cheeks flushed and hearts beating as one, he holds my cheek again and kisses me softly, delicately like he's trying to commit what I taste like to memory.
"I don't think I realized how much I wanted you until I saw you wearing that little dress at the debate club. You were supposed to meet up with Daniel for coffee and I felt so pissed that he was going to see you like that."
"That was the day the door got stuck."
"Yeah," he smiles.
I tighten my hold around his neck. "I didn't think you'd be jealous."
"I was." He says. "Extremely jealous and you were sad but I was happy he ditched you."
"When you say it like that, you sound like a bad person."
He shrugs and then he kisses me again. "I love you, Josephine. Every day, Every time."
Our lips meet in the middle again and I kiss him slowly. I don't think I can ever get tired of kissing him. Or being around him. Or looking into his intense green eyes.
The song slows to an end and that's when we grin into the kiss and pull away. Everyone appears around me again and it's not just two of us anymore. Amanda, Khalid, Cass and Carter start clapping for Ellie's performance and Flynn and I join in. And just like that, the rest of the school does and she smiles blushes so hard, she looks away.
When no one is looking, Carter and Khalid hastily grab as much snacks they can find close to them and hurry outside as it overflows from their arms. Amanda and Cass follow suit as Talia helps Ellie out of the stage.
The dance continues with a much faster song this time and Flynn holds my hand. "Let's get out of here."
â
A LIGHT BREEZE breathes through my hair from the window as Flynn drives down to the beach. Can I Call You Tonight? blasts out of the speakers while everyone else at the backseat sings out loud, regardless of how totally off key it sounds.
Voice so low
Sneaking around, so it goes
I always try my best to listen
Picking up things that I can fidget
Circles speed, pacing around, watching my feet
Batteries drain, I get the memo
I think I might have to let you go
Giving in to the temptation, I sigh and join the rest them in the chorus. "So can I call you tonight? I'm trying to make up my mind. Just how I feel. Could you tell me what's real?"
Flynn laughs hard and his laughter is so infectious that I laugh as well, even while I'm singing. In minutes, we get to the beach and I grab my tote bag and take off my heels before I get down of the car and sink my toes into the sand.
The ocean breeze drifts our way and a few meters from where we stand by the car, I see Eloise and Otis waving at us to come over. They're standing next to a small fire that they made and Ellie is so excited to see them as Cass wheels her forward.
Carter takes off his suit jacket as we sit on the sand and Khalid rips open one of the cookies he'd managed to snag from the dance before lifting the camera Talia had been using to record Eliie earlier. Behind us, the ocean makes it presence known every time the gentle waves lap against each other and crash slowly towards the shore. It sends a cool breeze that equally sends our hair flying about our faces and I tuck a loose strand behind my ear before pulling Flynn's jacket tighter over my body. The warmth from the fire helps too while burning cinders float through the air.
"Alright," Khalid says once he gets the camera rolling. "Let's get into it."
There's a huge smile on Cass's face when she stretches her arm forward. "Here. Open mine first."
Ellie accepts the gift from Cass and proceeds to unwrap the perfectly wrapped box. Once she shreds the last piece of wrapping paper, she opens the box and the flames in our middle don't hide the redness of her cheeks.
It's a cute makeup set with a mini palette, a concealer and three different colors of lipstick. I smile to myself. Typical Cass.
"Thank you Cass," she smiles and then like she's embarrassed, she says, "I don't know how to use them though. Apart from the lipstick."
"I know." Cass nods. "And that's why I'm going to teach you."
Amanda's gift is next and after Ellie unwraps it, a gold charm bracelet falls into her palm. It has cute charms like hearts and bunnies and stars clinking against each other.
Her eyes water a little but she doesn't cry. "Thanks Amanda. It's so beautiful. I've always wanted a charm bracelet."
You can guess Carter's gift is a book from the way it's wrapped in a four cornered way.
"'Music should strike fire from the heart of man, and bring tears from the eyes of woman'. Quoted by my favorite," Ellie says waving the book at us. I realize it's sheet music when she flips through the pages. "Beethoven."
Eloise gifts Ellie a cute yellow sundress while Otis gifts her a newly released comic book. When Khalid stretches his questionably wrapped gift to Ellie with a smug grin, Cass laughs.
"Is that a burrito?"
He looks at her like he's offended. "It's not."
"It sure looks like one," Otis says and after a few moments of Ellie pressing it to feel what's in it, she shakes her head.
"I don't think it's a burrito," she says, ripping it open to reveal a purple headband. "It's a headband."
"Aw," Cass says fondly as she punches him on the shoulder. "I'm surprised you can think of something as cute as that."
He shrugs like we've all underestimated him. He gestures to her head with his hands. "Should keep the wig in place."
Ellie and Amanda laugh at the same time while Carter snorts. I'm laughing too and then it's my turn to give her a gift. I take it out of my tote bag and hand it over to her, hoping she finds it impressive enough. That's the most I've done for someone.
She rips it open and traces a finger down the cover of the book. She looks up at me with a shy smile. "Is this a scrapbook?"
I hum before verbally responding. "Sort of. I've been writing poems about you ever since Flynn took me to the hospital to see you. Plus, it's got a couple of pictures I was able to print out from my phone. Also, Flynn kind of helped me with the cards attached to it. I'm not that good at that."
It took me three days to make it. I'd crafted it with cardboards, papers colored in pink and purple and glittery pen. Flynn helped me with most of the drawings of peonies and character cut outs as well because I can't draw for shit. Her name is sprawled boldly across the cover and some pages open up with cards and crafted flowers blooming right up.
"And I'm instantly jealous," Amanda says, dusting her hands together to get rid of the sand. "Jo, if I don't get this for my birthday, consider our friendship over."
"I love you, Jo. I love you guys," Ellie says to me, her voice breaking.
"We love you too, Ellie," I smile. "Flynn, you're next."
Flynn hands his to Ellie. It's also a book, not wrapped but I have an inkling to what's inside. "I forgot to wrap it."
"This is your sketchbook," she says, lifting her eyes to look at him in surprise. "You never let me see them."
"He never lets anyone see them actually," Carter says in response. "What? You're always hiding it anytime I ask for it."
"He's shy," I say in his defense as I tap his back. It reminds me of when I wouldn't show anyone but grandma, my writing because I didn't think it was good enough for anyone else to see. But Flynn is good at what he does, I'd seen that when he gave me that portrait of me he'd drawn for my birthday, so it's no surprise when Ellie finally lets the tears fall.
"This was me and you at that Christmas fair mum forced us to three years ago," she says, pointing at a page she shows to all of us. It's a cute drawing of them standing next to their mum with colored strips of paper and balloons scattered around their feet. He's not smiling at all but she's grinning with all her teeth in display, ice-cream in one hand and the other hand draped over his shoulder so much that he's pulled down to her height.
"You looked like you didn't want to be there." Eloise laughs and Ellie nods, brushing her cheek with her palm.
"Yes, he didn't. He was supposed to hang out with Carter that day, video games and stuff, and then mum decided to cancel his plans because, well, she can."
"I remember," Carter nods. "I was mad that he bailed but somewhere out there, he was crying because he got brain freeze."
Ellie covers her mouth, giggling behind her palm. "Yes, he did."
"I wasn't crying," Flynn interjects. "My jaw was hurting. I had every reason to feel uncomfortable."
Khalid snorts. "Didn't mean you should cry about it."
"Hey now," Cass says, shushing him. "We all have our moments, Pissy Missy."
"You did not just go there."
Ellie recounts every single moment that Flynn has managed to capture from his memory on paper and it's fun listening to them argue about a memory they both remembered differently. There are so many beautiful drawings in there and every time she explains them, they come to life right in front of us. Some are colored and some are not. There are many from her hospital ward, when she was receiving chemo, when she was practicing the piano at home, when she practiced ballet when they were younger, when she smiled with a missing tooth and a tiny wad of cash in her hands because she'd thought it was from a tooth fairy, e.t.c. There are some with all of us together too. Like the time we went paint-balling, the concert at Appleton, playing video games with Cass at a booth at the carnival, pizza breaks at the bookstore, fishing at the lake, sharing s'mores at Otis's uncle's backyard, food fights at their house and many others like that.
I lean forward and take a picture of the drawing with her gas tank. She'd been smiling, nasal cannula around her nose and hugging the gas tank tightly with the word Patrick written on it with a sharpie.
"This one's from yesterday," Ellie says, pointing to the penultimate page of the sketchbook. It's a drawing of Ellie's celebratory, over excited face after she beat Khalid at a video game for the one thousandth time in an arcade not too far from the store. She laughs and taps his scorn of defeat with her finger. "Khalid is so fun to beat at Fortnite."
"Once againâ"
"I let you win." Everyone choruses in a bored tone. He's been repeating that since we left the arcade.
"Just accept your defeat and move on with your life," Cass advises him with a tap on the back.
"I also have gifts for you guys," Ellie says, taking out small wrapped boxes with Santa icons before distributing them round the circle. Each has a name and we rip the wraps at the same time.
Amanda gets a small MP3 player, Cass gets a fancy, glitter filled lipgloss, Khalid gets a black cap with the word LOSER written on it (which we all laugh about), Eloise gets a bohemian beaded necklace, Carter gets a small-sized football with her autograph on it because he's the quarterback, Otis gets a single packet of condom (which she advises him and Eloise to take advantage of), I get a customized pen because she knows I like to write and then Flynn gets a new personalized guitar plectrum. It's white in color with his name written on it in a black wavy font. Right beneath is a small drawing of a tiny guitar and on the other surface of the plectrum, Ellyne and Fellie is scrawled on it. The name of their old YouTube channel.
"Now onto the sad stuff," she says clearing her throat. "No one here is allowed to wear black on my funeral."
Amanda smiles and Cass looks away, trying to hide the fact that she's tearing up already. "Alright then. What color would you want us to wear?"
"Anything bright and colorful," she responds, gesticulating as she does. "I just think black is too sad. It makes it even sadder."
"Alright Ellie," Carter says. "Whatever you want."
"I've got to wear my cap though," Khalid says, shifting the camera and pointing to his gift. "You'd better give me the permission to do that."
She laughs and nods. "Yes. You can wear my lovely present for you." Then she turns her attention to Flynn. "You'd better have that great speech and not chicken out."
Flynn smiles but his eyes aren't smiling. "I won't. Jo's been helping me get over it."
I nod, agreeing with him. "I helped him with his speech too."
"You wanna hear it?"
"No," she shakes her head. "It'll ruin the surprise. I like the suspense. Plus, I'm confident you'll say something really nice especially since Jo's been helping you."
The ocean reminds us of its presence again, blowing a gust of cool breeze our way. This time, it takes the fire with it until all that's left is ash and dust. Ellie's mention of the funeral considerably dampens the mood even though she didn't mean to so Flynn gets to his feet and takes off his bow tie first.
"What are you doing?" Carter asks when he starts to unbutton his shirt and Flynn looks toward the ocean with a certain gleam in his eyes.
"I'm going swimming." He responds, pointing to a low cliff a few meters ahead. "From there and you all should too."
"Oh, I'm definitely in." Amanda says while Cass and Carter place Ellie back on her wheelchair and in seconds we're heading towards it.
"Khalid, give me that," Ellie says, pointing at the camera. She's at the base, not too far from the shore and from that angle, she'll be able to get a clear view of us jumping in. "I'll hold the camera now."
It's easier for the boys to undress but I'm not wearing a bra so I don't take my clothes off. Flynn sees this and offers me his shirt which I gratefully accept and while they're all looking away, Eloise, Cass, Amanda and I are taking our clothes off. A light breeze scatters my hair across my face because my bun isn't there anymore but I'm too excited to give a shit about it. Flynn looks at me, from my legs to my face and mouths, 'You're so beautiful' and Cass nudges me on my shoulder while I blush because she clearly saw that.
"Ellie, are you set?" Khalid calls from above and she nods, with a thumbs up.
"Okay," he nods, clapping his hands together. "So, who's going firâ"
His words are cut off when we hear a splash from below. Flynn isn't with us anymore and we all converge at the peak of the cliff, looking down at the water for any signs of movement.
"Flynn!" Carter shouts as loud as he can and my fingers instinctively move to my necklace.
One, Two, Three seconds after, his head breaks the water and he drags his hands down his face and shakes his head rigorously.
"How's the water?" Khalid shouts this time and Flynn raises his hand and does the okay sign with his fingers.
"It's perfect!"
Carter walks back a little and then sprints off the cliff before curling into a ball and canon balling right into the water with a heavy splash. Amanda, Eloise and I cheer and we all take turns diving in. The last time I did this was with Drew and we were much younger then. So when I curl into a ball, I almost feel light in the air and seconds after, I'm plummeting right into the water.
Everything is quiet and dark at first and I let myself absorb the tranquillity of the ocean until the need to breathe in oxygen forces me to break forth on the surface.
I open my eyes and hear laughter and splashing and then Flynn's face comes into view.
He brushes my wet hair away from my eyes. "Are you okay?"
"I am," I nod, laughing a little as a I exhale. "That was fun."
Then I look at him and the scar on his shoulder and I trace my fingers on it. "Are you okay?"
"Yes," he says, lifting my hips and wrapping my legs around his waist. "Never felt better."
That's really good to hear.
"You look beautiful, by the way," he tells me. "Especially in my shirt."
"Thank you," I smile, tracing a thumb on his collarbone.
"I love you."
"I love you too." I say, kissing him gently and there's that rush again, that feels like he's kissing me for the first time.
We're interrupted when I hear Amanda shouting.
"What the hell are you two still doing up there?"
We break apart and look up at the same time to see Cass, doubling over in laughter at the peak of the cliff. She's holding her stomach with her other hand on her knee and laughing her breath away while Khalid stands awkwardly beside her. When I look towards the shore, I see Ellie sharing the same enthusiasm and laughing as well.
"He's a chicken," Ellie shouts amidst laughter and Carter and Otis laugh at the same time.
"I'm not a chicken."
"Iâ" Cass laughs, breaking her sentence and wiping the tears at the corners of her eyes. "I knew something was up with him when he started looking dizzy. We were literally standing together and I told him to go first but he gave an excuse that he's hungry and would like to eat instead."
Flynn chuckles and I laugh too. "But you seemed like you wanted it the most when Flynn said he was going swimming. I saw it on your face."
"I just changed my mind, okay?" He defends. He doesn't see Cass slowly creeping up behind him. "I just want a gum or something. I'll be back. Besides it's just a tiny cliff. Why would I possibly be scared ofâ"
He gets cut off when Cass pushes him off the edge while she tumbles down at the same time. Khalid lets out the girliest scream I've ever heard before unceremoniously crashing into the water. His head bops upwards and he casts a murderous glance towards Cass who swims away after asking, "Now, that wasn't too bad, was it?"
"Ellie, did you get Khalid's scream on video?" Amanda asks and she grins with a thumbs up.
"Yes. I alsoâ"
But I don't get to hear the rest because behind me, someone splashes Flynn and I and when I try looking for the culprit, Flynn wholeheartedly dunks my head inside the water.