Jo
eight months later
"'IT WAS JUST another good day. A perfect day. A happy-for-now, so vast and deep that I knew or rather believed, I didn't have to worry about tomorrow.'" I close Emily Henry's Beach Read with a satisfying thump and place it on Flynn's bare chest.
I tuck my hair behind my ear and gauge his reaction. He usually loves it when I read to him plus he gets me all the novels I need so why not? "So? What did you think?"
He lowers his sketchbook and pencil a little and looks at me. "I liked it."
"Of course you did. It's a great book."
"Mhm." And then he lifts his sketchbook to his eyes again and continues to draw.
I don't get tired at staring at him sometimes. Like now, he'd wanted to draw me while I finish reading Beach Read to him and we should have done that a few hours ago but we'd been busy at his swimming pool. He's been swimming again but he takes it slowly and most times, I'm there with him just to be of moral support or to time how fast he can swim one, two or three laps without having any form of meltdown.
It's the last day of summer and it's the last full day for a while that I'm going to spend with him since I'm going to college tomorrow and he's taking a gap year. His hair has added more volume and it's a lighter brown especially at the tips due to the long hours we all spend under the sun at the beach. The curls fall across his forehead, almost covering his eyebrows and some curl around his ears. His skin is tanned, just like mine and there's a light stubble growing on his chin that he hasn't bothered to shave off since the last one.
His muscles are more toned than before, his abs which I'm currently tracing are harder and his lips are still a little swollen from kissing him as per his request each time I read a curse word. He's gotten a few more tattoos on his rib cage and arms. A snake, a spider, a couple of writings including Ellie's name. And then at the back of his right middle finger, he's gotten a tattoo of the first letter of my name and as he traces circles on my thigh and inches towards the edge of my underwear and back, you'd realize it's for obvious reasons.
It's going to be a while before I can be like this again. Straddling his waist in nothing but his black Tee and my lime green bikini panties while I can spot all the tiny details of his face like the dust of tiny freckles on his nose or the greens of his eyes that sometimes look like they're hiding a bluish swirl.
He turns the sketchbook to me and when I take it from him, he pulls me closer and leaves his hand on one of my thighs while the other folds behind his head.
I look exactly the way I look right now. An oversized T-shirt donning my body while I'm holding a book to my face with one hand and the other tucks my hair behind my ear.
It's beautiful. You're talented. Instead, I lower the sketchbook to the bed and sigh. "I'm going to miss you." I've been missing him ever since I got Stanford's acceptance letter in my hands.
His lips spread into a grin and his dimples sink into his cheeks. I'm going to miss that too. "I'll miss you too."
"Remember what I said. You have to call and FaceTime me everyday and text meâ"
"Every time I think of you," he finishes for me. "Which is all the time. You're sure I won't text you when a professor's in front of you?"
I smile. "I'm sure they won't mind."
He dips his finger into my underwear. "They probably would if they read the content."
"Oh, shut up." I say, my cheeks growing crimson. He smirks at me and then his eyes soften while he watches me.
He takes his hand off my thigh and cups the side of my face with his thumb caressing my cheek. "Stop overthinking it, Jo. We're going to be fine. It's just a few miles away."
I raise a brow at him. "A few miles?"
His biceps flex as he leans upwards with his elbow holding him up and then he kisses me. "We're going to be just fine. Okay?"
I give up on my second thoughts with a sigh. "Okay."
"Will you kiss me back now?"
I didn't even realize I wasn't kissing him back. I'd been too lost in my own thoughts to return the gesture.
I press my mouth to his, returning it with a lingering kiss while his hands travel upwards on my thighs and squeezes when he gets to where he wants. His mum should be home soon but I don't care to think about that when our chests press together and his tongue slips into my mouth. The room gets a little hotter or maybe it's just me but then I feel him against me and heat spreads across my body in waves. There's a lot I'm going to miss, if I'm being honest. I just want to bundle him into my box and take him to college with me if that's possible.
His pulse quickens when I plant kisses on his neck and I'm always pleased that I'm the only one who has this effect on him. I lean back, eyes on his and then in one fluid motion, I take off my shirt. Flynn doesn't waste a single second before flipping us over so that he's on top of me. His necklace dangles in the space between us while he holds the rest of his weight with his arm on the bed. His fingers are everywhere and then when they get to my sides, I let out a breath of laughter because they're ticklish.
His grin turns evil before he deliberately tickles me harder. I laugh and try to push him away but I don't succeed. He's laughing too so I flip us over again so that I'm straddling him just like before.
He's smirking at me and his eyes roam over my body. "Are you going toâ"
"Shut up." I say, kissing him because he's definitely going to say something incredibly silly if I let him.
He raises his hand in mock surrender while we kiss and then I try to reach forward for his drawer to get a rubber but the moment crashes when there's a knock on the door.
"I'm sorry for not being a cool mum right now Jo but Flynn's got a brother to babysit." Talia says behind the door with a tired sigh. Two months ago, she gave birth to the cutest baby boy with the prettiest set of green eyes I've ever seen. Also, when we compared him to Ellie's baby pictures, the resemblance was striking. Which means, he looks almost the same as Flynn did when he was little as well.
I laugh as I slip Flynn's clothes on and climb over the bed but he pulls me back to him. Of course, she knows I'm here.
"I'm coming mum." Flynn responds as he slips on a shirt. He holds my hips in place and kisses me.
I laugh and try to dodge his kisses. "Your mum is literally within earshot."
He sighs and rolls his hips against mine. "I just need a minute."
That's a lie. When Flynn says he needs a minute, he definitely doesn't need just one minute. It's going to be weird if we spend longer time in here especially since Talia knows he's not alone but he won't leave me alone so I kiss the base of his throat and his hold on me loosens a little. I quickly get off him and head towards the door with a grin.
"You can take care of your little problem by yourself." And then I shut the door and head downstairs.
Talia smiles gratefully when she sees me before she gets to her feet and cracks her neck from side to side. There are stress lines prominent on her forehead and a yawn wracks her body. Most of the time, her husband spends time at physical therapy or works from home but the times he's free, he helps Talia out. She's taken a break from work to focus on her baby but you can tell she's stressed most of the time so Flynn and I do whatever we can to help.
"Excited to go to college tomorrow?" Talia asks me as she leans against the counter and brews a cup of coffee.
I lift Darius from his cute little stroller and place him in my arms. He's got a blue pacifier that he's currently sucking and his tiny fist encloses around my pinky finger. He watches me the way all babies look at people. Like he's curious about something.
"To be honest, I'm a little nervous."
She nods. "That's normal. Have you and Flynn talked about it?"
"Yeah," I say, taking my eyes away from her and looking back at the baby instead. "We're going to try long distance."
"You don't sound too sure."
"I am," I sigh. "I'm just a little nervous about that too." Distance can be a barrier. I know that firsthand.
"You can both make it work if you want," Talia smiles raising a cup of coffee to her lips. "It's okay to feel scared, okay? But don't let fear stop you from trying."
I bite down on my lips. "It's just for a year and we love each other. We'll be fine."
"Love alone, isn't enough sometimes. You need commitment, sacrificing your time and dealing with the loneliness that comes with living miles apart from each other because sometimes, calls and texts will never be the same as physically being in each other's presence all the time like you both have being since you started dating."
I don't say anything because I've had these thoughts as well. She comes towards me with a small smile on her face.
"I'm not trying to discourage you from trying, Jo. I just want the best for you both and I just want you to know that there won't be jolly good days all the time. If you're both going to try, then make sure you're ready for everything that comes with long distance relationships."
I smile back at her. "Thank you, Talia."
"You're welcome, honey," she smiles before she yawns again. "Alright, I'll leave you two. I need a nap ASAP."
Just as she disappears, Flynn bounds down the stairs before heading straight to the kitchen for a cookie.
"Did my mum say something to you?" He asks while he sticks the second cookie into my mouth and takes his brother into his hands.
I chew it, hoping my face gives nothing away. "Just a few stuff."
He doesn't hear me though, because he's lifting Darius up and down and the baby giggles in response. He turns to look at me with a smile on his face. "Huh? What'd you say?"
"Nothing you need to worry about," I reply, dusting the crumbs off my lips. "Carter and the others should be here soon. We've got to have our picnic with Ellie before visiting hours are over."
He looks towards the window when a car pulls up at the driveway. "I think they're here."
In seconds, the door bursts open and Amanda heads straight for Darius.
Cass plops on the couch while Khalid moves towards the fridge.
"I'm dying of thirst." He says and Cass glances at me. She's cut her hair just like Amanda did at the beginning of summer. Her long black hair is now barely brushing her shoulders while Amanda's rocking a low Afro.
"Go get dressed, Jo," Cass says. "We're having a last minute shopping spree before you leave tomorrow."
"A shopping spree?"
"Of course," Amanda says, nudging her hips with mine. She's cradling Darius in her arms and she's staring at him as she's speaking to me. "Come on, we can't be late."
I head up the stairs while Flynn and Carter set up a video game in the living room.
I get out of Flynn's room after changing into the clothes I'd worn here earlier and take the stairs two at a time.
"Who's going to babysit?" I ask while I slip on my jacket and lift my hair into a messy bun but my question is answered when I see Khalid gladly taking Darius away from Amanda's reluctant arms.
"Khalid," Carter answers while his eyes remain glued to the screen with a game pad in his hands. "And that's because he's a sore loser."
Khalid raises Darius tiny fist. "If he objects, then your words are meaningless to me."
I playfully kick Flynn's ass with my foot because him and Carter are both seated on the floor, quickly becoming engrossed in FortNite. He squeezes my ankle in response and Carter looks back at all of us as we head towards the door.
"I swear if you aren't back in an hour, we'll leave without you guys. Except Flynn of course, since he's obsessed with Jo."
Flynn raises a thumb in agreement.
"We won't be late." Cass says and Amanda opens the door.
"Bring some Cheetos on your way back." Khalid shouts distractedly as we close the door shut. "I didn't pack those."
The ride to the mall is filled with singing and laughter. The wind sifts through my hair from the window and Amanda zooms down the road.
"We can't get much," I say to them as we huddle together in the women's section. "I'm already fully packed."
"Oh we know," Cass says as she snags a skimpy, lacy red lingerie from the rack. "Just a little last minute stuff."
"Like the lingerie?" I ask and she shakes her head.
"Nope, this one's for me. I think your brother's going to ask me out tonight."
I pretend to barf as I flip through the clothes hoping to laugh at whatever expression Amanda may have on her face right now but she's disappeared. Ever since Cass and my brother started hooking up, they've been crazy with the PDA and whatever it is they do together when they're alone; At home in Drew's room or at the bathroom in mum's bakery which she's yet to know about. Drew has promised me on several occasions that he genuinely likes her and even though I'm aware of Drew asking her out officially tonight, I pretend not to know about it and ruin the surprise.
"But," Cass drawls as she drags out a cute set of underwear. "This one's cute too. I'm sure Flynn would love it."
"I'll pass." I say returning it back into the rack. Sure, it's cute but I've got more than enough underwear to last me for a long time.
"I'm back and I've got it." I hear Amanda say behind me and when I turn towards her, I see Cass giving her a thumbs up. Amanda's holding a small plastic bag and I narrow my eyes at both of them.
"What are you two up to?"
Amanda shoves the bag into my hands. It feels like it contains a small box. "Oh you know, just a little parting gift from both of us."
When I dip my hand into the bag and bring out the box, I hastily drop it back out of embarrassment and look round with scarlet cheeks. I smelt something fishy the moment they announced an impromptu, last minute 'shopping spree'. "What the hell?"
"What? Don't be shy," Cass laughs. "Everyone uses this stuff."
"Besides, you and Flynn won't be physically together for a while. This isn't a bad alternative, if you think about it."
"Thanks," I say, still flushed from embarrassment. "But I think I'll be fine."
"Sure you will," Cass snorts and grabs the bag from me when I hand it over to Amanda. "Don't be surprised when you see it with your stuff when you're unpacking in your dorm."
"Ugh, I'm going to miss you Jo." Amanda groans as we head towards the cashier before heading out of the mall.
"I'm going to miss you too." I say, wiping a fake tear away while we hurry towards a florist shop to get a bouquet of flowers.
"I can swear I'm forgetting something," Cass says as she glances back at the mall but just then Carter texts us saying we should be on our way by now so we don't waste too much time before heading back to Flynn's house while I block my ears with my hands as Cass spills details I'd rather not listen to about her's and Drew's situationship. I'm really going to miss all of them. Amanda got accepted at UCLA and won't be resuming until about two weeks from now. Cass got into NYU, Khalid also got into NYU and then Carter got a football scholarship at Berkeley which means we won't be too far from each other even though he already claims we're enemies now.
"What'd you guys get?" Khalid asks cluelessly he glances at our hands while we get into Flynn's truck and Amanda shoots him a look.
"Stuff."
Cass presses her hand on her forehead. "I knew we were forgetting something. Sorry, Khalid. We forgot about your Cheetos."
Carter shuts the back of the truck after he's sure all of our picnic items are set and Talia collects Darius from Flynn's hands. He's fast asleep, so she cradles him in her arms as the boys climb into the truck.
"Have fun." Talia smiles, waving at us as Flynn starts the ignition and then she turns around quickly so we won't see the tear that falls from her eyes.
We get to the cemetery after a twenty minute drive that consisted of bickering and arguing about who's hotter between Megan Fox and Rihanna.
Fortunately, it's still very much opened for visiting hours so Cass and Amanda set the blanket in front of the most decorated stone gravestone there while Carter, Khalid and I laugh about something Khalid says while we arrange the snacks on the blanket. We've been doing this every month since Ellie died and for the first few months, it was hard. Sometimes we could barely form sentences or look each other in the eyes and then slowly, eventually, we got better at it because every time we had a picnic here, it felt like she was sitting right with us and laughing at some of the things we said.
Flynn is the first to drop his flowers in front of the stone. There are various flowers, gift cards, bows and framed pictures sitting in front of her grave. It's beautiful and definitely the type of thing she'd like.
"Hi sis," Flynn greets, kissing the stone and tracing his fingers on the words engraved on it.
In Loving Memory of Ellie Ayeesha Cauley.
18th May, 2008 â 27th December, 2022
A sister, a daughter and a friend.
Had the prettiest smile and believed the earth was flat. Loved by all.
"Khalid, I swear if you eat all of that toast, I'll feed your balls to the dogs."
Khalid eyes Cass with a half a toast in his mouth and places both hands on the adjacent sides of Ellie's stone. "Language."
I spread a little peanut butter on my sandwich and for some reason, the conversation drifts back to the argument we all had in the car. Apparently, one session wasn't enough and Carter thinks Megan Fox isn't all that. But this time, we bring Ellie into the conversation by voicing out our opinions on what we think she would think and then after that dies down a little, Khalid decides to tell a story.
Carter picks out a bottle of water from the basket and shoots Khalid a dumb look. "That was the dumbest fucking story I've ever heard."
"I swear, I don't know why we keep letting Khalid tell the stories. Why can't Jo do it? She's an awesome writer."
I shrug and lean my head on Flynn's shoulder. "Khalid's a better spokesman. He did sign up for class president last semester."
Cass's laughter turns to a snort as she searches through her bag before slapping our yearbook on the middle of the blanket. "Now that was funny."
Khalid shrugs and leans on his elbows. "You can't blame me. I was ambitious. Even Ellie knows."
"Sure," Amanda says. "That's why she gave you that cap."
Khalid taps the gravestone with a grin. "If I'm being honest, I think that cap gives me goodluck. It's why I don't wear it all the time. What if, one day, I don't know? It just runs out of luck?"
Amanda flips open the yearbook and Carter groans. "Why does that have to be here all the time? I looked hideous."
Amanda laughs. "Don't worry, you're not alone. Austin looks like he got his face run over by an ice-cream truck."
"Amanda," Cass scolds, nudging her on the side but she's bursting into fits of laughter. "That's mean."
Picture day seems like something that happens ages ago now even though it happened a few months back. My picture had to be perfect because I'd been nominated as Valedictorian and my speech would be one of the first things you'd see once you opened the yearbook. Dad came for my graduation and he came alone. I was surprised he'd shown with a bouquet of flowers that said 'Congratulations' on the side because I didn't invite him but apparently my mum did and even though I'd cut him off from my life, a ridiculously tiny part of me was happy he was there and that he was cheering me on from the back.
Two hours pass by us in a flash and before we know it, the very familiar cemetery attendant walks up to us to signify that visiting hours will be over in a few minutes. We pack up slowly, keeping our conversations light as a small weight of sadness falls over us. Ellie holds a special place in each of our hearts and the reminder that she's gone never really stops hurting.
We do what we always do which is taking turns to say goodbye to her and when it's my turn, I drop my usual bouquet of pink and purple peonies and kiss her gravestone for a few seconds with my eyes closed.
"I'm leaving tomorrow," I mumble as a light breeze causes a few strands of hair to scatter across my face. "This is the last time I'll be seeing you in a while."
"I'm a little nervous about everything. College, being away from mum and Drew, being away from my friends, trying long distance with Flynn but even your mum says it's okay to feel scared. As long as I don't let it control what I do or what decisions I make, I'll be fine."
I trace my fingers across the words and close my eyes for a minute. I can't explain it but it feels like she's right here with me and she's listening to me and that makes everything feel a lot more better. When I open my eyes, there are tears in them and I wipe them away with the palm of my hand before turning around and making my way towards the rest of the crew.
Flynn wraps his arm around me and hugs me tightly before planting a kiss on my forehead. I rest my chin on his shoulder as he squeezes my hips and then pulls back to kiss me.
"We should go to Rosie's tonight," Amanda suggests as we stand in front of the truck. "We need to throw you a send off party Jo. The last minute ones are always the best."
I smile a little, even though it fully dawns on me now, that I'll be leaving this town like I've always dreamed of, it's still a bit sad to think about leaving all these people I've grown to love. "I can't get drunk though. I'm not going to the airport with a hangover."
Flynn slings his arm over my shoulder. "Don't worry about that. I won't let you get drunk."
I smile. "Okay but I have one last condition."
"And what's that?" Khalid asks and I narrow my eyes at him.
"You don't get to tell the stories this time."
"Deal." Everyone else choruses at the same time but Khalid isn't having any of it.
"That's not fair. I'm the life of the party and you know that."
Cass stretches a hand forward. "If you're in support of anyone else telling us a story that isn't unbelievable and absolutely ridiculous, signify by dropping your hands."
Khalid scoffs once he sees our hands joined at the middle and Carter clicks his tongue and shakes his head. "Seems you're outnumbered."
"Dicks before chicks. What happened to that?"
Carter gives him a funny look. "When did you and I ever agree on that?"
Cass laughs as she opens the door to the truck. "Khalid, is there something you're not telling us?"
Khalid stares at us expressionlessly. "You know that's not what I meant."
Flynn laughs and pats his shoulder. "We won't judge, don't worry."
"You know what? On a second thought, why don't you guys go while I find my way from here? The highway looks like it's calling me right now."
Amanda chuckles as she pushes him inside while the rest of us pile into the truck. Flynn's hand rests on my thigh while the other takes control of the steering wheel. It's a little windy this evening so it's no surprise the curls on his forehead move back and forth.
I lean forward and turn the volume of the stereo to the loudest and then amongst all the chaos called singing going on at the backseat, I interlace my fingers with Flynn's on my thigh and he glances my way with a secretive smile on his face before tightening our palms together.
I look towards the window and smile and as I give in to the temptation like the various times we've all ridden together in one car and tried singing to the obnoxiously loud music blasting out of the windows, I don't feel scared anymore. Instead, I feel like life could throw anything at me right now and I'd be ready to handle it. That's what happens when you're surrounded around the people you love.
So instead of worrying about how unpredictable tomorrow could eventually be, I decide to live in the moment and that involves me trying to get my tone deaf friends to follow the actual tune of the song.