Joel
I'd spent most of the day in the kitchen prepping food for tomorrow. My hands were sore from constantly being in and out of water, and I had one of those sexy blue plasters on my finger from where I'd cut it, instead of a carrot.
My shift was finally over though. And I could go home and sleep.
Duncan, the star that he was, had actually given me tomorrow off. Even though they had drafted in loads of extra staff, many from the Huntley's household, he still insisted I stayed away from the manor for the wedding.
I felt bad, but I also appreciated the gesture. I was going to go in bright and early the day after the wedding to tidy up from the big day.
I stuck my head into my uncle's office.
"I'm off now." I said, "Good luck for tomorrow. I'm sure it'll all go smoothly."
Duncan looked up and smiled at me. He hid it well, but I could see how tired this whole event had made him. My mum kept telling me that he should think about retiring. She was probably right, but I couldn't help but think Duncan and this place were somehow woven together, and that tearing one away from the other would be a bit like pulling two mates apart.
"Thanks Joel," my uncle said, forcing a smile. "It better had go smoothly!"
"It'll be fine, I'm sure. Anyway, I better get going, see you later."
I had just made it out of his office, when I heard my Uncle call my name.
"Yes?" I said, peeking back in.
My uncle was holding a coat out towards me.
"I believe this is yours," he said.
I took it off him and realised that it was mine. It was the one that Casper borrowed and never gave back. My stomach lurched from the thought of him giving this back to my uncle.
I felt kind of hurt that he couldn't have just passed it to me instead.
"Did he say anything?" I asked in a small voice.
Duncan shook his head. "He just asked me to give it back to you."
I nodded.
"Thanks," I said, then left the room.
I walked back in a bit of a daze, just staring at the coat in my hands. It wasn't till I got home and realised how cold I was, that I considered how stupid it was that I hadn't put it on.
I flopped down onto my bed, inadvertently landing on the coat.
My nose caught the scent immediately.
It wasn't strong, but when I buried my nose in it, I could definitely smell him. And boy did he smell good. I just lay there, breathing in and letting the content feeling wash over me.
I woke up a couple of hours later with the coat over my face.
I sat up and lifted if off me, placing it on my lap. As I ran my hands over it, I felt something in the coat pocket.
I couldn't remember leaving anything in it, so I quickly put my hand in and pulled out a small white envelope.
It had my name written in black letters across the front.
I swear my heart missed a beat as I realised what this was. This was a letter from Casper.
I both wanted to, and didn't want to read it in equal measure. These were possibly the last words he would ever say to me, and I was scared. I was scared in case they were angry or hateful words, and I was scared in case they were kind or loving words.
I turned the envelope over and over in my hands.
"Come on Joel, you can do this!" I said to myself, sliding my finger under the flap of the envelope and hearing that familiar tearing noise.
I pulled out a small piece of paper that was folded in half.
Whatever he had written, it wasn't much. I felt my heart plummet as I realised that this could just be a thank you note for borrowing the coat, or a simple apology for keeping it so long.
How stupid was I to think that he would have actually written a letter to me?
I opened the paper, fully prepared for the disappointment.
And there it was.
Just one line.
But not one I was expecting at all.
I felt my heart start to race as I looked over at my clock.
8:05pm
"SHIT!!" I shouted as I threw the paper onto the bed and ran out of the door.
The piece of paper that read, "Come to my room 8pm tonight. Casper."
I ran all the way there. In hindsight that probably wasn't the best idea, seen as by the time I was at the door to his room I was badly out of breath and sweating profusely.
I looked down at myself and shrugged. It's not like I could do anything about it now. If only I had read the letter earlier, then I could have had a shower and made an effort to look good. Not that I needed to look good for Casper. It's just that I.....
The door suddenly opened in front of me. Casper looked shocked to see me stood there, and I briefly wondered if I had somehow misread the note.
"Did you knock?" he asked.
"No, I just arrived," I said with an apologetic grin.
"So you're late then," he said, his face still showing no emotion.
"Hey, it's not my fault! I only just found your note," I said, still stood in the hallway.
Casper turned round and walked into his lounge, so I took this as my invite in, and followed him, shutting the door behind me.
Casper sat down on the sofa and gestured to the chair that was opposite. The very one I'd sat on last time I was here. Though it stung a little to think that last time he had wanted me to sit on the sofa with him.
He looked over at me, as if he was expecting me to say something, but he'd asked me to meet him, so I stubbornly stayed silent.
"So you're not going to say anything?" he eventually asked.
"Hang on, you asked me to come here. I'm waiting to hear what you have to say."
I would have started to get a little annoyed with his attitude, if it wasn't for the fact I could see how utterly uncomfortable he was. I knew that he was not sociable and any type of small talk, he found incredibly hard.
Casper chewed on his bottom lip momentarily before asking, "So how've you been?"
I wanted to scream at him. To shout 'how do you think I've been?' or make fun at him for asking such a stupid question. But I could see that he was at least trying, and I was grateful for that.
So I decided to just be honest.
"It's been hard. But it is what it is."
I looked up at him and his eyes locked with mine.
His face may not have shown any emotion, but I could see everything in his eyes. I saw flashes of anger, and hurt. I saw determination and fear.
He suddenly broke eye contact, and I realised that this was the first time he had ever been the first to break away. It was a sign of weakness to be the one to look away first, which is why alpha's never did.
Casper was currently looking down at his hands.
"Casper, are you ok?" I asked gently.
He shot up off the sofa and started pacing up and down the lounge, like an animal trapped in a cage.
"I don't know, ok? I really have no idea what I'm feeling right now. Oh except for one thing. Except for the fact I fucking want to hug you right now!"
Casper paused briefly after spitting out his confession, then went back to pacing.
My stomach dropped to somewhere on the floor on hearing his words.
Without even realising what I was doing, I stood up and walked over to where he was pacing.
"So do it then," I said defiantly.
He froze and looked over at me, and I could almost see the conflict playing out in his mind.
"Come on," I said, holding my arms open. "You're wearing clothes, I'm wearing clothes. We can easily do this without skin contact."
I heard my own voice, and was rather impressed that it sounded confident and sure. Inside, I was like a plate of jelly.
Casper moved closer to me, pausing when he was just an arm's length away.
I could see the conflict in his eyes.
"Are you worried about hugging me, or worried about accidently sealing the bond?" I asked.
If I'd asked myself that question, I knew the answer would be both.
"The second one," he replied, although he didn't sound too sure.
"Then just stay very still then," I said, and before he could argue, or over think it, I moved into his body. I quickly slipped my hands round his waist, laying them flat against his back. Casper was a couple of inches taller than me, so I naturally wanted to place my face into the side of his neck. I obviously couldn't do that, so I leant slightly to the left, turned my face away from him, then placed my head onto his shoulder. Only once I was safely in this position did I tighten my arms around him, pulling him into my body.
Casper felt rigid in my arms, but at this moment I couldn't seem to care.
I was hugging him, and it felt amazing. His body was incredibly toned, and I could feel it through every part of my body that was touching his. I couldn't even begin to imagine how good it would feel to do this without the clothes.
Ok, so maybe I could imagine. But I really needed to not imagine right now before things got kinda awkward, if you know what I mean.
"Is this alright?" I asked, suddenly worried that I might now just be violating his personal space.
Casper let out a huge sigh, and I felt his body relax as his arms wound round my body, his hands gently started stroking my back.
I was in heaven.
Every movement he made, set off a small firework of pleasure in the area that he touched. I just wanted to stay like this forever.
Of course my mouth just had to go and ruin the moment.
"Holy frick, this feels good. Can you even imagine what it must be like to seal the bond?"
I felt Casper tense and he slowly but firmly pulled back, stepping backwards until we were no longer touching.
"But we can't. You do know that don't you?" he said with a stern look on his face.
"Gee, sorry!" I said rolling my eyes. "Can't you even let a guy dream for a moment!"
I smiled at him to let him know I wasn't being serious, and eventually Casper's facade cracked and he smiled back.
"Thank you," he said to me, and I could tell he really meant it.
"What for?" I asked, slightly intrigued.
"For, you know, doing that just now. I would have never had the courage to do it. But I'm glad you did."
I felt a slight blush come to my cheeks, so I looked away to hide it.
I spotted a bowl of grapes on his coffee table, so I walked over and picked it up, before plopping back down in my chair.
"So, it's the big day tomorrow. Are you getting nervous yet?" I asked with a smile, before popping a grape into my mouth.
Casper raised his eyebrow at me, but came and sat back down on the sofa.
"Maybe a little," he replied.
"Good," I said. "It's normal to feel a little anxious the night before you get married."
"I think I do love Emily," Casper said, looking at me carefully for my reaction.
It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would to hear that, so I managed to smile back at him.
"I'm pleased to hear that. And I love Emily too. Maybe not in the same way as you, but I do think she's an amazing person. And I wouldn't be letting you go for just anyone!"
I added that last part in, just to get him to smile. And it worked.
"It makes me wonder what would have happened if we had figured this out before I met Emily, and before I knew my dad's plans to reunite the two packs."
"Oh, I know exactly what would have happened," I said, with a mischievous grin, "we would have sealed the bond, then had an elicit affair in private, with lots of stolen kisses in empty rooms, and wild sex in the middle of the woods."
It was Casper's turn to blush, but he laughed along anyway.
"I'm not sure wild sex in the woods appeals to me that much. Sounds rather....prickly."
I gasped, acting like I was offended, "And you call yourself a wolf?!"
Casper threw his head back in laughter.
"Yes, but one that likes a bit of comfort."
"Ok, so wild sex in your comfy bed it has to be then. Man, you're so boring."
Casper smiled. There was a brief silence, but I could tell from the look on Casper's face that he wanted to ask me something. Eventually he spoke.
"Have you ever.....you know.....had sex?"
I tried not to smile at how adorably cute it was to see him so flustered to be talking about sex.
"No," I replied. "Have you?"
He looked slightly shocked at the question. "Gosh no, I didn't want to cheat on my mate."
I nearly choked on my grape.
"And how's that working out for you?" I spluttered out when I'd finally swallowed the blasted thing.
Casper threw his hands over his face when he realised what he'd said.
"Sorry, but you know what I mean. Come on, you haven't had sex for the same reason, right?"
"Hell no!" I said, rather enjoying seeing him squirm. "I haven't had sex because I'm gay, and incase you haven't noticed, there aren't exactly many gay werewolves around."
His eyes widened slightly.
"So if you were straight then, would you have had sex?"
I laughed at his question. "If the opportunity presented itself, then yes."
"Oh my god, I'm mated to a man whore!" he said, laughing.
"Only on paper," I added, "the sad truth is I'm still a horny virgin, just like you."
We carried on laughing and making fun of each other until well into the night.
It was nice.
It was like hanging out with a close friend.
I didn't want it to end, but by the time I'd stifled the third yawn, I knew I needed to get home.
"I'm bushed. I think I need to get to bed," I said, finally letting a yawn out to prove my point.
Casper immediately tensed up.
I looked over at him curiously.
He sat up, and his hands clasped together, while he stared at the floor below them.
"What is it?" I asked.
He sighed, before finally looking over to me.
"I just.....I asked you here tonight to tell you something, but I haven't done it yet."
"So tell me then," I said, my curiosity starting to make me tense up.
"It's about after the wedding. I just need to know what the plan is going forward. The thing is, I'm going to need time to bond with Emily, and I'm just worried that I'm going to find that harder with you around."
I felt my insides go cold. I knew what he was saying. And I wasn't really surprised at what he was saying, but somehow after tonight, I didn't want to hear him say it.
"It's fine," I said, focusing on the window behind Casper. "I've already got an interview at a restaurant in town, so if the interview goes well, I won't be working here by the time you get back off your honeymoon."
Casper was silent, and after a moment I found the strength to look at him.
Our eyes met, and I could see the sadness leaking out from the depths of his.
"So, I guess this really is goodbye then?" he said, his voice not as strong as usual.
"I guess so," I said looking back.
We just stared at each other in silence. Apart from the sound of a particularly noisy clock.
Tick tock Tick tock Tick tock Tick tock
I wanted to memorise every detail about him. From the flecks of bronze in his eyes, to that one curl of hair that always flicked out over his ear. Then there was that small crease by his right eye when he smiled, and the way his.....
"Stay with me tonight."
The clock stopped. Wait, no, it was my heart.