Casper
"Stay with me tonight."
I don't know why I said it. I didn't even know I was going to say it, until I heard my own voice saying it.
Joel didn't move. His eyes, still locked into mine.
Maybe he didn't want to stay. Maybe it was stupid of me to ask. But all I knew was that I wasn't ready to say goodbye. Not yet. Not right now.
Joel still said nothing.
"Please?" I said, even though I knew it was probably selfish of me to ask.
This seemed to have the desired effect though, as Joel finally snapped out of his transe.
"Whoa! Is the mighty Casper Bournville pleading with me to spend the night with him? Because there is absolutely no need. I already said yes about a thousand times. Ok, I'm guessing it must have been in my head, but I definitely meant it!"
I smiled and shook my head at him. It amazed me how he could always make me smile in the most awkward of situations.
"Great then," I said going to sit back down.
"Umm, so where am I going to sleep?" he asked.
"Sleep?"
"Yes, that's what a person usually does at night."
"Oh, I wasn't planning on us sleeping."
I saw his eyes go wide and his eyebrows disappear under his hair.
"That's not what I meant," I said, rolling my eyes, "and you know it."
"Fine, fine," he huffed in defeat, "but I better warn you that I'm not good at staying up all night. I need my sleep. So don't be offended if I pass out on the chair half way through a conversation."
"Wow, you're no use. Maybe I should go find someone else to stay up with me then," I said, making a move to get up.
"No, no! I'll do it. Please pick me!" he whined, and I flopped back onto the sofa laughing.
"Ok then Cub.....let's see.....tell me something about yourself that no one else knows."
He looked thoughtful, and opened and closed his mouth a few times, clearly undecided about what to tell me.
"There isn't really anything that no one knows. I have a lot of things that maybe only one or two people know. Will that do?"
"Hmmm," I pretended to think it over. "It'll do for now, but I want you to have thought of something by the end of the night."
"Ok, then, let's think." Joel said, scratching his chin. "And you can't use this information against me right?"
"Of course not," I said shaking my head.
"Ok then." He smiled at me looking sheepish. "I often skive off instead of doing training."
I groaned and rolled my eyes at him. "That's really dumb, but I kind of already guessed that."
He tipped his head at me questioningly.
"I've been to a few training sessions recently, and I've never seen you....or your friends."
"Ahh," he said, nodding his head.
"Ok then, what about this," he said, after thinking for a bit. "Duncan, isn't actually my real uncle."
"I know," I replied. "You're adopted."
His mouth dropped open a little, then snapped shut. "Did you have me checked out? Are you worried I'm some sort of spy?"
I laughed at him, which just made him pout at me. Which was completely adorable.
"No, Duncan told me."
He huffed a little, but went back to thinking.
"Ok then, I bet you don't know this......I may be mated to my future Alpha."
"Really??!!" I said playing along.
"Yes, really. He's kind of an arse, but I don't mind cause he's sexy as hell."
"I don't know whether to be flattered or offended," I said, trying to hide the fact he made me a little flustered.
Joel smiled, but then looked serious.
"It seems that you already know everything about me."
"Come on, there must be something," I said.
He sighed. "Ok, there is one thing that I'm pretty sure no one else knows. But this stays between you and me ok?"
"Ok," I promised.
Joel took a deep breath, "Ok, so I always thought that my parents were dead, which is why I was adopted. I don't know why I thought that. I'm not sure if that's what I was told, or whether I always just assumed, but about 2 years ago, I found a letter that I'm pretty sure was from my birth mum, addressed to my adopted mum."
He paused so I asked, "Did you speak to your mum about it?"
He shook his head. "I didn't have the courage to. It just felt so weird to know that she might be alive. And then I guess time passed, and it just got harder and harder to bring it up."
"That doesn't mean you can't though."
"I know," he said, smiling at me, but there was a sadness behind the smile. "But what if I don't like the answers I'm given. It may sound odd, but having dead parents is easier to deal with than having alive ones that gave you up."
"I can see that." I said nodding.
He looked so sad all of a sudden, that my urge to hug him came right back again.
"Do you want another hug?"
He looked up at me and I saw the playfulness come back into his eyes.
"I do, but I'm too tired to get off this chair right now."
I briefly considered whether I'd be able to hug him while he was on the chair, but thought better of it.
"Thank you for telling me that," I said. "This time let's try to make it easier."
"How?" he asked.
"I don't know. What's your favourite film? What was your favourite subject in school? What mischief did you get up to as a child? That sort of thing."
And so for the next hour or so, we told each other things about ourselves. We talked about our likes and dislikes, our past and our hopes for the future. It was simple, but beautiful at the same time. Talking to my Cub was so effortless, that I could have quite easily done it all night. But by about 3am, I could see that Joel was struggling.
"Did you hear what I just said?" I asked.
"Hmmm?" he said, while his head lolled forward.
The chair he was sat in only came up as high as his mid back, so it wasn't a chair that you'd want to fall asleep in.
"Joel!" I said, a little louder this time.
"Yes, I'm doing it," he mumbled, without opening his eyes.
"JOEL!" I yelled this time.
"What?!" he said, sitting bolt upright.
"You were about to fall asleep, which probably isn't a good idea in that chair."
Joel sighed wearily. "I'm sorry," he said, shifting and stretching out a little, "I'm awake now."
"No you're not," I said, chuckling at his inability to keep his eyes open. "Come on, you can lie on my bed."
"What?" This time his eyes did open fully.
"Come on," I said standing up and heading towards my bedroom. "I would carry you but.....well, you know."
Joel chuckled lightly but stood up to follow me.
He stopped by the door. "I thought you didn't like people going in your room?"
"I don't," I said, "but it's something I need to get used to, so get your backside in here."
Joel slowly stepped into the room, all the while looking at me, probably in case I changed my mind and flipped out at him.
I walked over to my wardrobe and pulled out a long sleeved light weight jumper and some joggers.
"Here, go put these on," I said, throwing them at him. "And there's a spare toothbrush in the cupboard above the sink.
Joel went into the bathroom, and I took this opportunity to change myself, making sure I also wore long pants and long sleeves to cover up as much skin as possible.
By the time he came back in, I was already in bed under the covers.
He stood a few meters away from the bed, just staring at it as if it was some foreign object he didn't know what to do with.
"Are you getting in?" I asked.
"Erm...well....are you sure this is a good idea?"
"It'll be fine," I replied. "I'll set the alarm for 6:00 which will give you plenty of time to get out before anyone sees you. And this bed is huge so there's plenty of room for us to sleep without touching."
I could see the hesitation on his face, but he slowly came over and climbed into the bed. He lay on his back, stock still, right on the edge of the bed as far away from me as possible.
I held back a laugh at how uncomfortable he was. It was oddly strange that I felt fine with him being in my bed. I guessed it must have something to do with us being mates.
In one swift movement, I shot across the bed, till I was just centimeters apart from him, my head propped up on my elbow.
Joel let out a small screech at the sudden movement, and rolled away, falling straight out of the bed and landing on the floor with a thump.
I howled with laughter.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He asked, sitting up so his head peered over the edge of the bed at me.
His hair was sticking up at all angles from the fall, and I had to force my arm to stay by my side rather than reach over to smooth it out.
"Oh come one," I laughed, "stop being so paranoid."
Joel huffed, then climbed back into bed when I made room for him. This time he rolled onto his side facing me.
I also lay on my side facing him. We were about an arms length apart.
"You have beautiful eyes, do you know that?" I asked, getting lost in the swirling patterns of his irises.
Joel blushed and briefly looked down. "Stop making me blush or I'll turn round and you can look at my back all night."
"Fine," I said sighing.
A curl of hair had fallen across Joel's eye, and he blew at it to get it to move. I watched him try this for about a minute, before he eventually gave up and pushed it away with his hand.
"Anyway," he suddenly said, "you still have to tell me something about you that no one else knows."
I internally groaned. I'd kind of walked myself into that one.
"Ok, let me think for a few minutes," I said.
"Ok, but don't be too long, or I may fall asleep," Joel said shutting his eyes.
I stared at Joel's face while his eyes were closed, taking note of every detail. I should have been trying to think of something, but he was just so damn distracting. And if I left it long enough, he would probably fall asleep anyway...
"I'm waiting!" he said, not even bothering to open his eyes.
Ok, so maybe I should start thinking.......
I immediately thought of something, but I didn't really want to share it. And then of course I couldn't think of anything else.
"Come on Casper..." Joel said in a sing-song voice.
Screw it.
"I've errrr, I've never had any sort of sexual thoughts about anyone before, boy or girl."
His eyes shot open.
"Are you saying you're asexual?"
"I don't really know what I'm saying. I guess it never worried me before, because I just assumed I'd find my mate and be sexually attracted to them. But now I'm marrying Emily, and even though I know that I'm going to love her, I'm just worried that I'll never be sexually attracted to her in that way."
"Are you sexually attracted to me?"
I rolled my eyes at him, but then noticed he seemed quite serious about the question.
"I don't think so. But that might be because we haven't sealed the bond."
He screwed up his face, disappointment clearly written into his features.
I laughed at his cuteness. "I'm sorry, did I hurt your feelings?" I mocked.
His bottom lip stuck out slightly, and I had the sudden urge to lean forward and gently bite it.
I didn't though.
"Maybe...." Joel said, suddenly sitting up and turning to face me, "maybe you've just never been in a position to get yourself sexually aroused.."
As he said this, he began making his way slowly towards me. I rolled away from him onto my back. A huge mistake seen as this enabled him to carefully straddle my body, leaving me trapped underneath him.
I would have thrown him away from me, but I was nervous about touching him roughly incase our clothing got dislodged exposing skin, so I was totally at his mercy.
"What if I was on top of you," he whispered seductively, while moving his body closer so it was just hovering above mine, "and what if I came closer...." He leaned over so that his face was next to mine, his mouth by my ear..... "And I told you that I wanted to run my tongue over your body, licking down your chest, sucking lightly on a nipple. And then I'd slide further down your body and then kiss the inside of your thigh...once...twice....three times....... before I would open my mouth and take you..."
"AAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" I screamed, screwing my eyes shut tight and drowning out anything else he said.
I felt the bed dip as Joel moved off me, and I opened my eyes to see him crying with laughter next to me.
I sat up quickly and glared over at him. "What the hell was that?"
"I was just trying to help," he said, a grin still plastered onto his face.
"How was that helping? Do you know dangerous that was? One small movement from me and your face would have touched my ear?"
Joel stuck his tongue out at me. "Oh come on, I was being careful. So did you feel anything....was there any movement at all downstairs?"
"No there wasn't!" I said, still mad at him, "I was too busy worrying about how close you were, and the fact I couldn't move!"
I huffed in annoyance, then rolled away. Sure I was a little annoyed that he'd been a little reckless, but my mind was also reeling from what he'd just done. Every nerve ending was on fire and I felt tingles going through my body.
Was I turned on? I was such a nervous wreck that I honestly didn't know. But all I knew was that he did do something to me. Something that I'd never felt before.
I lay there staring at the wall, waiting for my heart rate to return back to normal. After a few minutes, I rolled back over to look at Joel.
He was looking at me with sadness in his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, "I shouldn't have done that."
"No, you shouldn't," I replied, but my voice was a lot softer than before. "But I understand why you did it, although I'm pretty sure being a tease is actually considered cruel."
Joel smiled sheepishly and looked away.
I noticed that the curl was back dangling in front of his face again. I lifted my hand to brush it away, but quickly caught myself.
Joel stared at my frozen hand with wide eyes.
"Just wait a second," I said, hopping off the bed, and rooting in my cupboard.
"Ah ha!" I said, pulling out 2 pairs of gloves.
I jumped back in bed, putting on one pair and chucking the other at Joel.
"You want me to put these on?" he said, raising an eyebrow.
I shrugged, "It's up to you, but now I can do this..." and I reached over and swept the curl off his forehead.
Joel chuckled lightly but put the gloves on.
"Does that mean I can do this?" he said, reaching over and taking my gloved hand in his.
I could see the mischievous glint in his eye, so I shocked him by just shrugging my shoulders and saying, "if you want."
Joel's eyes widened slightly at my response, but he didn't let go of my hand.
I reached over with my other hand and turned the main light off, the only light now coming from my small bedside lamp.
We lay facing each other in silence, our hands still connected.
"I hate gloves," Joel mumbled.
"You can take them off if you like, but you'll have to move about two feet that way," I said pointing behind him.
He squeezed my hand tightly. "No, it's fine. These gloves are actually quite comfy."
I grinned at him and squeezed his hand back.
The manor was totally silent. The only sound I could hear was Joel's light breathing. I watched as his eyelids started to get heavy, as each blink grew slower.
I felt a sudden wave of sadness wash over me.
"I'll miss you," I whispered.
"I'll miss you too," he whispered back.
His eyes closed. I knew he'd be asleep in minutes.
"Casper.." he whispered, his eyes still closed.
"Yes."
"Promise me you won't forget me."
My stomach lurched slightly.
"Never. You'll always be my cub."
He smiled.
A few minutes later I heard his breathing deepen and his hand finally loosened its grip on mine.
I lay still for a little longer, just watching him, before I released his hand and moved a safe distance away, before allowing my eyes to close and for sleep to take over.