Chapter 19: Chapter 19

"Dinner at a restaurant doesn't sound so bad. A free meal, an awkward convo, and you're done."

Still naked, Hazel sits next to me on the couch, doing absolutely nothing to conceal his newly waxed junk. Groaning, I lean forward and rest my face in my hands.

"You don't get it. This isn't a visit. It's an inspection."

Hazel scooches closer and rubs the back of my neck. "What do you mean?"

Relaxing a little beneath his touch, I sigh.

"I mean, he does this every year. He comes up with some excuse to be 'passing through,' or 'in the area,' so he can 'drop by' and see how I'm doing." I make air quotes around each deceptively innocent phrase. "What he's really doing is checking on his investment. He takes me out for a cheap meal, makes a big deal about how grateful I should be, and then spends two hours grilling me like he's a prosecutor and I'm a witness for the defense. He wants to know how I spend my money, what I eat, what I do in my free time. I swear to God, if it was at all relevant, he'd want to know how often I crap and what it looks like. It's exhausting and humiliating. I hate it."

"I could come with you, if you want," Hazel says. "I could—"

"No!"

My shout startles us both and Hazel withdraws his hand, his expression wavering between surprise and hurt.

Wincing, I soften my tone. "I mean, thanks, but no. It's better if you don't, believe me."

"Okay. I can, um... be out that day, if it helps."

I see the uncertainty in his eyes and feel my heart twist. He lives his truth and doesn't completely understand my compulsion to hide mine. This is also the first time he's been among the things I'm trying to conceal. I hate myself for doing it, but I have no alternative right now.

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

His smile returns. "Not as much as I appreciate you. Want me to demonstrate?"

Grateful for the chance to leave the awkwardness behind, I laugh. "Fine, but I need a shower first."

🐚

Talking to my dad makes me break out in anxious sweat; Hazel makes me feel sexy and safe, even as he continues to explore the boundaries of my comfort.

"I can't believe you got your balls waxed," I say, laughing as I settle between his raised knees. Sixty-nining had proved too awkward for me—at least on the first try, so he'd slowed things down. Instead, we take our time and take turns, and now it's mine.

"I did it for you," he says, his abdominal muscles twitching as I take hold of his cock. "So I'd be all clean and not... gross and hairy... Oh, God!"

He gasps and shudders as I do my best to mimic what he's done many times to me, licking from the base up, swirling my tongue around the head and sucking gently until beads of clear precum leak from the tip. I stop and look at him.

"Should I get mine done, too?" I ask, frowning. "I mean... so I'm not gross and hairy?"

He lifts himself on his elbows, chest heaving. "No way. Your pubes are cute. They're all... golden and curly, like a fluffy nest. Mine were just... nasty and—ah!"

He falls back against the pillows as I take him in my mouth again. When he groans and threads his fingers through my hair, I pause for breath.

"No part of you disgusts me," I say, and let my tongue do the talking.

"Charlie, wait." He tugs gently on the back of my hair, making me raise my head again. "I want you to fuck me for real."

I wipe my mouth. "You want to... right now?"

"Yeah. God, yes. I mean, as long as you want to, of course."

I may not be the most sex-crazed dude in the world, but I'm not immune, and the sight of Hazel splayed on my bed, laid out and offering himself like a meal, has me hot and hard again despite the fact he'd already sucked me off twice. He'd told me he liked to bottom as well as top, but this would be the first time either of us had done as much with each other.

"You're sure?"

Biting his lip, he nods. "Don't worry—I'll do most of the work."

Rolling over, he grabs the lube and a condom from the drawer. Tossing the second item to me, he applies the first to his own hand, and fucks himself with his fingers while I watch.

Anxiety kicks in; sweat breaks out across my back and my heartbeat quickens. My excitement fades rather visibly.

Hazel stops what he's doing and frowns up at me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just..." I run a shaking hand through my hair. "I don't know. I don't know if I can... I mean, what if..."

"Hey, hey." He grabs a sanitary wipe from the nightstand and cleans his hands before sitting up and reaching for me. His hands slide around my waist and up my back, and he presses us together, chest to chest. "You can't do this wrong," he says, kissing my bare shoulder. "I got you. It's not a test. Just relax and do what feels good. You won't hurt me, I promise."

"How many times have you done this?"

His breath puffs against my skin as he laughs. "Uh... I'd have to check my diary, but maybe a dozen between the two other guys I've been with. My boyfriend in high school was a jock. Gay as fuck but with a masculinity complex to spice things up. There was no way he was bottoming."

"You lost your virginity in high school?" My voice comes out with a raspy squeak, and I clear my throat.

"Yeah. Don't most people?"

"I don't know. I sure as hell didn't."

"Well, do you want to, now? You can say no—I'll live. But what I really want is..." He moves his lips against my ear and whispers the rest. "To jerk off while you fuck my ass."

Shortly thereafter, he gets exactly what he wants, and we both come hard—so much so that Hazel seems a little shaky as we clean up afterwards and I can't help expressing concern as we lie down again to sleep.

"Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No! You were great. It's just... Shit, this is cheesy as hell, but..." He bites his bottom lip as he plays with my hair. "You're gorgeous. I know that sounds stupid, but it's true. You look like an angel, and I'm so in love with you. I... I wanna spend the rest of my life like this."

I almost laugh but stop myself as I see the absolute sincerity in his eyes.

He fucking means it, and it feels like I swallowed a chunk of ice.

"Hazel, I..."

How can I put this?

I'm not sure yet.

I'm too scared to know what I want.

How can I be honest with you when I'm not even honest with myself?

"Yeah, me too," I say.

🐚

Professor MacDowell paces the stage at the front of the small auditorium. The scent of freshly sharpened pencils and co-eds with mixed standards of personal hygiene fills the air. The lights are dim, allowing the projector to display its images in crisp detail while leaving the students just enough illumination to see by.

"Fifty five and a half million years ago," MacDowell says, his voice carrying easily without the aid of a microphone, "after the end of the dinosaurs, as mammals rose to dominance, an abrupt, anomalous climate event, known as a Thermal Maximum, occurred. The Paleocene-Eocene boundary—the line between these two geological epochs—is defined by a sudden and rapid increase of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere."

I shift in my seat. The period is almost over, for which—for once in my life—I'm glad. Usually, MacDowell's lectures hold me enthralled from start to finish, but today, all I can think about are the things I've done to the man's son, and that Hazel has done to me.

Maybe my dad had a point about distractions.

"During this period," MacDowell continues, "which lasted many thousands of years, the average global temperature rose from between 7 and 9 degrees Celsius, resulting in a wave of mass extinctions. Hundreds of thousands of years, mind you. Meanwhile, in less than two centuries, we, as a species, have already achieved a similar result. Millions of years from now, the only evidence of our existence may be the geologic record of a similar Thermal Maximum. Thoughts? Reactions? Evidence to the contrary? I look forward to your discussion posts. In the meantime, class is dismissed."

A slow crescendo of rustling papers and moving bodies greets this announcement, as everyone packs up and heads for the doors.

I'm about to fall in line and follow the crowd, when Professor MacDowell catches my eye. Raising his hand, he beckons to me.

For a split second, I consider pretending I didn't see him; then I suck in a breath, turn against the tide of bodies, and descend towards the stage.