"Oh my god, I wish I'd brought our family album. There are many photos of Ray from when he was young that are absolutely priceless."
"Don't you dare, Riley."
Ray gave his sister a warning glare as she laughed out loud, and Matt found it hard not to chuckle. They reminded Matt of when his brother first brought his current girlfriend home to meet their parents. It was absolutely hilarious to see Bryan eyeing him carefully to make sure he wouldn't have a chance to sneak away and take out those dreaded photos.
Honestly, if your sibling doesn't try to embarrass you in front of your new partner, then are you even siblings?
"Come on now, Ray." Matt turned his head away from the sizzling pan to give Ray an unimpressed look. "Have you ever had a bad photo?"
Matt could confirm that the answer was no, because he had tried sneaking photos of his boyfriend multiple times and never had he managed to capture a single embarrassing moment of him. Ray looked stunning in every second and it confused Matt to no end. That, or he was just bad at choosing the right timing, or he was actually too focused on capturing Ray's most gorgeous moments rather than his worst ones.
"I'm not letting anyone see those photosâOuch!"
Ray let out a painful yelp, making both Riley and Matt turn to see that Ray's hand had been bitten by his one-year-old niece.
"Nora, don't bite your uncle!" Riley said as her husband quickly yet carefully pulled their daughter away from Ray. "Your teeth are still developing."
Ray gave her a stare that lasted an eternity. "I don't mean to sound petty, but... you're more worried about her teeth than the fact that she just bit a person?"
"I'm not worried because it was you who got bitten."
Riley said nonchalantly and received a look of disbelief from her brother.
"She's right, Ray." Matt broke the silence between them. "Baby teeth are fragile, you know."
"You too, Matt?" Ray was unable to accept that even his boyfriend was against him. "When did you two start siding with each other?"
Matt and Riley laughed as Ray sighed into his palm. He really regretted having introduced Matt to her, but what else was he supposed to do at that time? The summer when Matt had finished his third year of college, Riley decided to pay Ray a surprise visit, and that was when Matt had the chance to meet his boyfriend's sister. The way she had first greeted him was similar to that of Isaacâshe was excited to finally meet her brother's significant other, who was able to restore his faith in love. Matt was surprised to find out how close they were in age, Riley being just three years older than him, so it might be one of the many reasons they easily got along. The more they talked, the more they found each other trustworthy and fun to be with.
That was why Riley was unhesitant to let Matt take care of her baby while she was on a five-day trip to Disneyland with her husband. On the outside, she said that she wouldn't need to pay for a babysitter if she let her daughter stay with them. But Matt knew she was just teasing Ray, as he was certain there was more to it. Having talked to each other many times, Matt knew she was a straightforward woman who was unafraid to say and do what she believed was right. Had she not trusted Matt, she would've never allowed Nora to stay too close to him, let alone let him babysit her for five days. And had she not thought of Matt as a nice person, she wouldn't have decided to come for dinner with them after returning from her trip, which was why she was here at their place, helping Matt cook while her husband and Ray looked after Nora.
At the time Riley asked them to look after Nora, Matt had just had a job interview the day before. It would take at least ten days for him to hear back from the company, so he didn't mind taking care of Nora in the meantime. It also helped distract him from the anticipation and the nervousness. He had been so anxious before the interview, and if it hadn't been for Ray's support and encouragement, he was sure he wouldn't have been able to do as well during the interview. Without Nora, he would have spent every second of the day worrying about whether or not he would be offered the job.
But even if he hadn't had his interview, he still would have gladly looked after Nora for Riley, because it had been a very special experience for both him and Ray. Taking care of a baby alongside Ray, even though it was quite exhausting sometimes, the fun time made up for those tiring moments.
Matt loved how Ray seemed so attached to her. Every time he came back from work, the first thing he would do (after giving Matt a kiss either on his lips or cheeks) was to look for Nora and hold her in his arms. His eyes lit up whenever Nora let out a laugh or just a small giggle, and he made sure to be there for her whenever she needed someone to play with while Matt was busy. Ray looked more like a father than an uncle, which made Matt imagine their life together with their children in the future, causing his heart to flutter every time. However, he felt that it was still too soon to think about having kids right now. They hadn't even done itâ
Wait.
Wait.
Matt's body froze when the realization hit him.
They had been dating for two years and still hadn't had sexâ
"Matt, the water's boiling."
"OhâRight!" Matt snapped out of his thoughts and hurriedly put the vegetables into the soup. Riley was giving him a rather weird look, so she must have noticed that he was spacing out but didn't bring it up. He was glad that she let it go, because if she had asked him what he was thinking about, he wouldn't have had a good answer for her, or rather, an appropriate one.
It wasn't that it was an inappropriate topic to discuss about, but would it be weird if he just suddenly talked about it with his boyfriend's sister?
And speaking of which, whose advice should he even ask for? His friends? His parents? People on the Internet? How come he never thought about this? It was true that they didn't have that much private time with each other during the semesters, but whenever summer vacation came around, Matt always moved in with Ray until the fall semester started. In those three-month summer breaks, why hadn't he considered it even once?
He asked that, but the other part of him also wondered why he was freaking out in the first place. It wasn't like the world would end if they did it late. Some couples even waited for marriage, so for what reason should he panic? His mind was absolutely conflicted the entire time they were sitting at the dinner table, and he hoped his occasional quietness wouldn't make him look suspicious.
"Matt, are you feeling alright?"
Well, his wish wasn't granted in the end. As he dried the dishes and put them on the rack, he turned over to Ray, who was doing the dishes right next to him. Ray must have noticed that something was off about him but chose to bring it up only after Riley and her family had left.
"Y-Yeah, I'm fine," he replied, unable to hide the nervousness no matter how much he tried.
Ray looked at him for a few seconds before moving his hand up to feel Matt's forehead. Ray's touch usually gave Matt a very warm feeling, but somehow it just sent an electronic-like wave all over his body, making his heart skip a beat.
"Are you sick?" Ray knitted his eyebrows, his face having a worried look. "Your face's very red right now."
"I, Iâ"
"How about you go rest early? I'll clean up the rest."
Matt would have protested, but he knew that he would just end up talking gibberish, so he accepted defeat and hurriedly headed to their bedroom. That night, he was sleepless, unable to get that thought out of his head, especially when Ray sat down at the edge of the bed to check his temperature with his hand again, thinking he had a fever.
On one hand, Matt considered asking Ray about it, even though he was sure their conversation would get very awkward. But on the other hand, he did his best to convince himself that this wasn't a big deal, and that it was better to let Ray initiate it himself. Sex was the reason his ex-boyfriend Aaron cheated on him, so what if he was sensitive about that matter? What if he wasn't ready yet and thought Matt was pushing him? Matt had concluded that he should take it easy and forget about it until Ray broached the subject.
However, it was easier said than done, and it wasn't helping at all when Ray was attractive as hell.
How that man had managed to maintain his beauty even at the age of thirty, Matt wished he had known, but he was aware that his shameful desire was rising as each day went by, which made him hate himself even more. It had only been exactly six days since that night marked the beginning of all this, yet it was as if his want had completely eaten him alive. His cheeks would burn up and his heart would beat rapidly after each touch of their hands, each hug, each cuddle and each night sleeping in the same bed. He tried distracting himself by every mean possible, but none of them worked, leading to him getting tired of it and deciding to get some help.
The only problem was who he should turn to.
It was the question he kept pondering over and over again as he sat on the edge of the bed, staring at his phone intensely like it would disappear as soon as he took his eyes off it. Sighing, he buried his face deep into the pillow he was holding, feeling clueless. He had been looking at his contact list for what felt like ages now and still had no idea who he should ask for advice, though he had had in mind three optionsâhis friends, his parents and his brother. Who should he call so that their conversation would be the least awkward? Just when he was busy wondering about it, the door to the bedroom swung open.
Oh he reacted very calmly, by jolting his body upward, letting out a loud yelp and nearly dropping his dear phone to the floor.
"R-Ray!" he exclaimed after his soul had returned to his body. "Don't scare me like that!"
Instead of laughing or teasing him like he had expected, his boyfriend just narrowed his eyes and gave him a long silent stare before speaking in a rather serious voice.
"What's going on, Matt?"
Matt was certain his heart just thumped loudly in his chest. "Wh-What are you talking about?"
"You've been behaving very strangely these days, Matt," Ray answered as he closed the door and was now walking towards Matt. "I really hope you're not hiding anything from me."
Matt didn't dare look up as Ray sat down next to him on the bed, fear consuming him as each second passed by. Was Matt really that obvious? Was this why Ray said he would be very busy working in his office tonight, so that he could surprise Matt with a confrontation? Great, the air around them had become very heavy, and it was entirely his fault. Now Ray must be thinking that he was up to no good, which terrified him. It was even possible Ray had the impression that he was planning to betray him, repeating what Aaron had done to him so many years ago. With that realization in his head, guilt started to devour him as he panicked.
There was absolutely no way he could get out of this situation peacefully without explaining himself. Either he admitted that he wanted to get sexually intimate or said nothing, and he was certain that the latter definitely wasn't the solution here. That left him with only one option, so he gulped, mentally preparing himself for the uncomfortable atmosphere that would come very soon.
"P-Please don't laugh at me, but, but..."
Ray stayed silent, and Matt took it as the cue to continue.
"I, I, I notice we-we've been together f- for two years, y-yet we haven't d-done it..."
Having finished speaking, Matt inhaled, seemingly as a way to catch his breath and get back the energy that was spent just to say that one line. It was only after then that he had the courage to look at Ray, but what he didn't expect was a very... confused expression on his face.
"Ray, d-do you understand what I just said?"
Ray shook his head, still having that genuinely puzzled look. "No. What do you mean by 'we haven't done it'?"
Matt was sure his jaw dropped so hard that it could have touched the floor if it had physically been able to.
"Don't tell me you're that innocent." Matt was so stunned that he was surprised he was able to speak right now. When he received no answer from Ray, he inhaled once more, but this time as a mean to get ready to say it in one seamless attempt. "I, I, I want to have sex with you!"
After those words had left his mouth in a rush, he and Ray had a staring competition that lasted a century until Ray's eyes widened, a small "oh" escaping his lips.
Now Matt didn't know if he was glad that Ray got it, because he was now burying his face into the pillow again, unable to face the man next to him. What he was screaming into the pillow, nobody could tell, but it was a mix of "this is so embarrassing" and "kill me now". His cheeks were so hot that it had the ability to burn a hole into the pillow, but he did not care. What mattered right now was that he was able to hide his face from Ray, or possibly from the whole world itself.
As he was still shouting nonsense for no one to hear at all, a hand was placed onto his shoulder, which scared the ghost out of him.
"Matt, look at me."
Ray's voice somehow managed to calm Matt down, and when the latter was brave enough to slightly turn his head back, he caught a very reassuring smile on his boyfriend's lips, which caused all the tension and worries melt away instantly. That was when he was able to make eye contact with Ray and noticed that he had already scooted closer to him without his knowledge. Their bodies were touching and Ray's face was so near to his that he could feel the brunet's breath.
"When do you want to do it?"
Ray's voice was almost a whisper, making Matt shiver in anticipation. His heart was beating rapidly and his body was shaking as he took hold of his partner's hand, which was placed on the bed next to his leg.
"Tonight."
The next thing Matt knew was that Ray was planting passionate kisses on every spot possible on his bodyâhis lips, his cheeks, his ears, his neck... He pulled down the neck of Matt's T-shirt and nibbled his collarbones, which elicited a small moan from Matt. This felt weird, very weird, but somehow Matt wasn't resisting. Instead, he stayed still, inviting Ray's hands to touch and explore his body. It felt strange, but it felt... good, so good that it was making him let out quiet pants. Just as Ray's fingers were fiddling with the hem of his shirt and getting ready to pull it up, they paused, and Ray looked straight into his eyes, his blue eyes still bright and having a mix of strong desire and care.
"How far do you want to go tonight?"
Matt averted his gaze for a second, but when he returned his attention to Ray, certainty could be found in his eyes. He was sure of what he wanted.
"All the way."
Having giving Ray the permission to keep going, Matt had expected him to continue with what he was doing, so it was a bolt from the blue for him when he was suddenly pushed down the bed quite forcefully. Before he could react, Ray's lips were on his once again, kissing him tenderly, and Matt soon joined the rhythm, feeling Ray's hand roam over his chest under his shirt.
That night, their voices filled the room as their bodies became one, the lamp on the nightstand glowing dimly next to them.
__________
The sun had risen high in the sky, signaling the beginning of another brand new day. Matt was woken up by the sunshine from outside instead of the alarm clock, meaning that Ray didn't have work that morning. Matt always looked forward to these days, as they got the opportunity to stay in bed and cuddle until they felt like getting up. Still not fully awake, Matt let out a quiet grunt before snuggling closer to his boyfriend, resting his hand onto the other's toned and naked chest.
Hold on. Naked?
Ray always went to sleep in his pajamas, so why did he sleep shirtless last night? His eyes shot open when the thought hit him, and he quickly propped himself up with his elbow. Not only did he confirm Ray wasn't wearing any shirt, but he was also struck by a mortifying realizationâhis whole body was bare under the blanket as well. After a brief moment of shock, memories of the night before slowly flooded back to him along with the words Ray had told him in a hushed voice
Tell me to stop if you want me to.
Are you feeling alright?
Does it hurt?
Did we really do it? the question circled around Matt's mind as he let his head fall back to the pillow. The fact that Ray had paid close attention to his feelings had him blushing madly as he groaned into his hands. Just then, Ray turned over and pulled him into his arms, closing the already short distance between them.
"'Morning," Ray murmured, his eyes slowly open and revealing his beautiful eyes that were filled with love and adoration.
"'Morning," Matt replied as he bashfully looked away, feeling too shy to make eye contact. "Sorry, did I wake you up?"
"It's alright. As long as I get to lie next to you, then I don't mind waking up a bit early." Ray chuckled, his hand rubbing small circles on Matt's back. "Say, about last night..."
Understanding what he was talking about, Matt's cheeks reddened as he spoke in a quiet voice. "I... I enjoyed it..."
A sigh of relief was heard from Ray. "That's good to hear, but what suddenly made you... You know..."
"Don't ask," Matt said with an embarrassed face as Ray chuckled. "I haven't even asked you how you could be so innocent. You're a grown adult, for god's sake! You should've understood what I meant by 'we haven't done it'."
"I did understand."
Ray answered nonchalantly, and it was only then that Matt finally looked straight into his eyes with disbelief written all over his face. A long and silent stare was exchanged between them before Matt sat up, grabbed his pillow and hit Ray in the chest with it.
"Then why the hell did you make me say it out loud?" Matt didn't look happy at all, not even a tiny bit. "Did you know how awkward it was?"
"Okay, okay, calm down."
Ray laughed as Matt pouted. The former almost looked amused, which wasn't helping at all. Sighing exasperatedly, Matt let Ray's hand gently push him down and lay his head onto Ray's body, listening to his heartbeat and feeling the way his chest move every time he breathed.
"You sure enjoyed forcing the words out of me last night, didn't you?" Matt mumbled with a sour voice, though he admitted that it was quite relaxing to have Ray pat his back.
"Alright, I'm sorry, okay?" Ray chuckled. "But I did have my reason."
"What is it then?"
Matt's bitterness vanished as soon as he felt the other's fingers running through his golden locks, and he glanced up to see a warm smile full of affection on Ray's lips, his eyes having a hint of fondness in them.
"I want to make sure I understand what you're asking for, so that I don't accidentally scare you off by doing what you're not ready for. I want our first time together to be memorable, so I want to do everything right. That's also why I waited for you to initiate it, you know."
Not expecting that sincere and wholesome answer, Matt looked down at the mattress as his cheeks burned up, a dark red blush clearly seen on his face. Ray was always such a gentleman, even when it came to this, which made him blush even more.
"Yeah... it was indeed memorable."
He smiled sheepishly as Ray patted his head again, both of them indulging in each other's warmth.