The week after those few days of vacation went by in a mix of monotony and the occasional vibrance. The latter usually involved his friends or Mars, and the monotonous feel was from working more than he usually would.
He had chosen to work on the weekend to make up for him missing one day. He was regretting it, but his guilty conscience wouldn't let it slide, so he pushed through. The one thing keeping him going was the knowledge that he was going to meet up with his siblings that night.
He was both nervous and excited to see them. He had no idea what they looked like now. He wondered if Alex had finally grown into his big eyes, and if Iris cut her hair like she'd always raved about when she was little. Elias wanted to see what changed and what stayed the same.
He didn't realize just how much he missed them until Alex called.
Elias had pushed any thoughts about his family or the people back home to the very deep, dark corners of his brain. The only person he ever thought about was Kris, and even then he tried to keep himself from thinking too much. It hurt to think about her, and it hurt to think about everything that happened when he was still growing up.
But â maybe, maybe this could be some sort of closure. Maybe he could have that sibling bond again that he hadn't felt in thirteen years.
When Elias got home, Mars was following him around the house, talking a mile a minute. "Where are you going?" she asked about three times. "Are you going on a date? Is it with that one awkward guy? Are you hanging out with people?"
Elias turned and placed his hand on top of her head, which made her shut up. She looked at him with this giddy, curious expression. He sighed. "No, no date. No friends â kind of. I'm going to see some people I haven't talked to in a long time."
"Who?"
Elias didn't want to tell her that. Not yet. Not until he was sure he could allow Alex and Iris back into his life, and by default, into Mars'. He didn't want to give her hope, or even himself.
"I'll tell you all about it when I get back," Elias said, pushing her hair out of her face. "Promise. Also â are you absolutely positive you can stay home alone this one time?"
"Yes," Mars stated confidently. "I'm not a kid."
You are, Elias thought, but he kept it to himself that time. "Okay. Keep the doors locked, no opening the door for anyone â "
"I know! I know the drill."
"You have Ms. Gale's number, right? Just in case I can't pick up."
"Yep!"
"Okay." He gently pushed at her. "Now, shoo. I need to get dressed."
Mars nodded and left, shutting the door behind her. Elias glanced at his closet in disdain. He hated having to dress up. They weren't meeting up anywhere super formal, so he decided to stick to the basics. Kris would kill him if she was there. She'd always been better with the fashion aspects of things.
He finished getting ready and made his way downstairs, fixing a watch on his wrist. "Mars?" he called.
"Kitchen!"
She sounded like she was eating. And when he walked in, he was proven correct â she found Elias' snack stash he kept for himself when he had random cravings. He sighed, but didn't comment. She didn't know.
"I'm leaving now," he told her. "You'll be okay?"
"Yes, yeah, I already told you."
"I know," Elias mumbled, walking over to place a kiss on her forehead. "I'll text you when I'm on my way home. So you don't get freaked out by the doorbell."
"I'm not a dog. I'm not scared of bells."
"Wow, that's a relief." He gave her an amused smile and backed away. "Bye, Mars. I love you."
"Love you, too!" she chirped, waving.
Elias felt his anxiety rumble back to life when he got himself situated in his car. He wasn't sure what to expect out of this. He had a quick thought of calling Roman â to do what? Ask for a pep talk? God, that would be ridiculous, wouldn't it?
He decided against it and gripped the steering wheel, backing out of the driveway. He was nervous about seeing his siblings and also nervous about leaving Mars home alone. A double punch to the damn gut. Fuck â why was he so deadset on putting himself in unfamiliar situations recently?
Elias attempted to clear his mind as he drove, trying his hardest to only focus on the road and what was around him and nothing else. It worked all the way up until he made it to the location they planned to meet up at. It was this new coffee shop type of place thirty minutes away, just between where he lived and where they lived. Half way.
He opened up his messages, and he only then realized that his hands were shaking when he tried to type something out. "Shit," he cursed under his breath. He knew exactly why he was so nervous, and he hated himself for it.
Unconsciously, he was associating his siblings with his parents. With the bitterness and toxicity that plagued his past so heavily. He was hoping he could unlearn that, but in this very moment, it was difficult.
Elias -
Are you here yet? I just parked
Alex -
we're like 10 minutes away! there was a crash so we had to take the long way ):
Elias -
Oh, okay. Glad you two are alright
He stared at his own text. How had he managed to come off so awkward through a text message?
Shit. Maybe he really did need that damn pep talk.
He stared at Roman's contact for a good, long minute. Then, he thought 'screw it' and tapped the call button before he could think about it for even a moment longer. It rang and rang for so long Elias thought Roman wasn't going to answer. Which was both a relief and, well, not.
However, Roman answered at the last second.
"Hi," Roman said, sounding breathless. Elias furrowed his brows.
"You sound like you just ran a marathon."
There was a breathy chuckle, one that sent heat traveling up Elias' neck. He decided to ignore it that time. "I left my phone in the bathroom and I heard it ringing too late, so I ran."
"Oh. Well, you made it."
"Mhm," Roman hummed. "Why did you call? Uh, not that you can't call â I'm just curious â "
"I know what you meant," Elias mused. He smiled a little to himself. "Sorry if this was a bad time. I should've texted first."
"No, it's okay. If you texted, I probably really would be late. What's up?"
"Um..." Elias looked up from his lap and out through the window. He watched cars enter and exit the lot. "So, I'm like ten minutes away from meeting my siblings for the first time in, well, years."
"Oh â oh, wow. I didn't know that was today."
"Yeah. I forgot to mention it."
"Are you anxious?"
Elias laughed a little. "Yeah. Very."
"Is that why you called?"
"It is."
"Okay. Um, do you want advice? Or for me to just listen? What do you need, Elias?" Roman asked quietly. Softly. That tone of voice alone was enough to calm some of the wasps in his stomach.
"I'm... not really sure. I think..." I think I just wanted to hear your voice.
"Hm?"
"I don't know." He didn't want to say what he really thought. He wasn't sure if it would be a good idea or not.
"That's okay. Well â I, personally, think everything will be okay. From what you've told me. They reached out to you first. You have something big in common. They sounded excited and happy to see you. Are you happy to see them, too?"
"It's a mixed feeling," Elias admitted. "For many reasons."
"Maybe this entire thing will solidify one of them."
"Maybe," Elias echoed. "Can I, uh, call you after? If you're not busy?"
"Of course. I'll be waiting."
Elias inhaled deeply, then exhaled, the sound a little shaky. "Thank you. I think I just need to turn my brain off at the start."
"Sounds like a plan."
Elias laughed quietly. "Yeah. I'll call you later. Thank you again."
"You're welcome. I'm here for you."
Elias rubbed the heel of his hand over the spot where his heart throbbed for a moment. He hung up without responding, like an idiot, and facepalmed. He would return the sentiment when he called him next. He wanted Roman to know he was there for him, too.
Buzz.
Alex â
about a minute away! go take a seat inside if you haven't already!!
Elias' brain didn't turn off. Instead, it tossed all these possibilities at him like bullets, positive and negative. And really, they both were driving him mad.
He sincerely hoped his sanity would make it out alive.