SIX
Pluto
"How was it?"
Elias looked at Mars. She was playing a game on her phone, the collar of her shirt pulled over half her face. She glanced at him when he spoke, then sighed, pausing whatever it was she was playing.
"It was okay," she admitted. "I felt kinda left out."
Elias frowned. "Why? What happened?" He sat down on the other end of the couch, giving her a curious look.
"They've all known each other since like, kindergarten apparently," she explained, scrunching her nose. "They probably didn't mean to, but... They kinda left me out. Had all these inside jokes and stories I couldn't understand or relate to."
"Mars..."
"I still had fun!" she quickly said. "It just wasn't as fun as I thought it would be, I guess."
"Did anything good come out of it?" He reached out and gently tucked her hair back, tapping her nose with his thumb as he pulled his hand away. It made her smile, which was what he had been hoping for.
She nodded. "The pool was fun. And we watched movies and ate pizza. This one girl was trying her best to include me, which was nice. Her name is Lily."
"Yeah?"
"Mhm," Mars hummed. "She plays the game I play, too. She was cool. I wish I would've gotten her Snapchat or something."
Elias leaned back. "Well, you'll see her at school, right? Ask then."
"What if she doesn't wanna be friends with me?" Mars brought her nails to her mouth, biting them, and Elias had to grab her wrist to get her to stop. That was a habit that was difficult to break once it started. "What if she was just being nice?"
Elias flicked her forehead. She yelped, glaring at him and rubbing the spot with a frown. "What the heck was that for?"
"Next time you see her, you're going to say hi, okay?" Elias gave her a stern look. "That's how you make friends."
Mars groaned. "It's not that easy!" she complained, and Elias was a little surprised to see that she was genuinely upset. "I literally can't talk to people. I barely spoke at the party unless someone talked to me first. I felt sick for the first, like, two hours I was there."
"Why didn't you call me?"
"Because I wanted to do something for once," Mars mumbled. "But it's hard. Everyone else talks so easily, but I get too scared to."
Elias briefly thought of Roman, who had said something very similar. It's easier to talk one on one, without a crowd. So all in all: strangers are a no-zone?
"Hey," Elias said softly. Mars looked at him, a furrow between her brows. He pressed his thumb against it and said, "It's okay to be nervous. Talking to new people can be scary, especially if there's a lot of them. Go at your own pace, okay?"
She nodded, that little wrinkle straightening out. Elias dropped his hand back into his lap. "You wanna talk about it more?"
Mars shrugged, fiddling with her fingers.
Elias cracked a small smile. "You don't have to. It's okay."
"It's not that I don't want to," Mars mumbled, avoiding eye contact, "it's just... I don't know how to word it."
"Try. We can figure it out together."
She huffed, sitting up, pulling a pillow onto her lap, hugging it to her chest. She rested her chin on top of it and said, "It's hard to like, make friends. There's people I wanna be friends with, but I'm too scared of embarrassing myself. Or like â what if they don't wanna be friends with me? And I keep thinking about it and it makes me feel sick. I can't even freaking ask to go to the bathroom."
Mars buried her face in the pillow. "It's stupid!" she said, voice coming out muffled. "I don't know how everyone else does that. I can't ask to go to the bathroom, so I wait until lunch. I wait until the end of class to throw stuff away. I can't talk to people. It's all just so scary. I don't even know how to describe it."
"Are you anxious?" Elias asked, watching as she lifted her head, wiping at her eyes. His heart ached.
"I don't know if it's like, nervousness..."
"No, no. Anxiety. It's different from being nervous." She looked confused, so he continued: "When you're nervous, you've got the jitters, the butterflies, the usual thing. But anxiety can make you feel physically sick. It can keep you from doing things other people find very simple."
Mars sniffled, pushing her hair out of her face. "I guess."
Elias watched her silently, feeling an ache in his chest as she tried her hardest not to show she wanted to cry. "Mars," he spoke, grabbing her attention again. He held his arms out when she met his eyes. "Come here."
She didn't waste a second in crawling over, pressing her face into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "There's nothing wrong with you," he whispered. "I know someone who's kinda similar to you. And guess what? He has good friends. A little loud, and they're all different, but good. He probably had to take baby steps."
"Really?"
"Yep," he responded, patting down her hair, getting it off her tear-stained cheeks. "He's still working through it. It takes time. There's no rush. You go at your own pace, Mars. No one is competing in the same race, so don't worry about coming in last or first. No winning, no losing, just improving."
She squeezed him a little tighter. They stayed like that for a while, Elias eventually playing something on the TV so Mars could try and focus on something else. She pulled away at one point and exhaled.
"I'm kinda hungry," she mentioned awkwardly.
Elias snorted. "What are you in the mood for? We can get something. Today is one of those days."
Mars visibly brightened. "I've been craving McDonalds really, really bad â "
___
When Elias dropped Mars off at school on Monday, he watched as a girl with dark hair ran up to her, latching onto her arm.
Mars startled, and he almost laughed at the shocked look on her face. He looked to the girl. He assumed that was Lily, the one she mentioned. And it seemed like whatever Mars was scared of had disappeared as her expression shifted into a beam.
A lot of the time, the things people were afraid of turned out to be not so scary. He hoped Mars would realize that, no matter how long it took.
When he got to work and found Roman in his usual spot, the full group accompanying him, Elias saw him a little differently. He wondered if that was how he thought, too â the way Mars did. Maybe it was similar?
"Did you look at the sites I sent you?" Elias asked him when he walked up. Roman lifted his head, nodding. "Did they help?"
He nodded again, then lifted his hands hesitantly. Elias smiled when he did the motion for "good morning."
"Morning," Elias replied, and Roman's face seemed to light up a little. He hadn't thought he would get it correct, it seemed. "Do you want your usual?"
"What about us?"
Elias glanced at Marco, who was sporting an obviously fake scowl. He was a terrible actor, Elias was learning. "I'm getting to you," Elias said, rolling his eyes. "Be patient."
"I smell special treatment," Marco stated, pointing at Elias, then at Roman. "You always ask him first."
Elias frowned. "Because I serve him the most. He's here when you guys aren't. It's practically a habit at this point."
"Hm."
Elias scoffed. "Aren't you supposed to be an adult?"
"I can be an adult and have a sense of humor, which you lack."
Elias stared at him. He knew he was making a joke, messing around like he always did, but it stung. More than he thought it would. He forced a smile. "Uh-huh. Now, what do you want?"
God, it's the emotionless thing all over again, Elias thought as he gave the orders to the cook. He was much better at expressing things compared to how he was a few years ago, but for some reason, humor wasn't his specialty. He knew that. His "jokes" came off too serious. It was, quite honestly, a pain in his ass.
When he was trying to be funny, people didn't realize it, and that was why people thought he had no sense of humor and was boring. He really had not been made to have friends. It was ridiculous.
It was like whatever created him coded him to be a dry ass piece of bread. Stale bread.
He was already tired. It wasn't even ten yet.
The day passed by slowly. The only relief he had was his break, which Roman joined him for, so he could teach him more. But his heart wasn't in it, and Roman was quick to notice that.
"We don't have to today," he said lowly. Elias caught his gaze. His eyes were soft despite his bold appearance. "You should eat something."
Elias gave him a polite smile. "I appreciate it, but I had breakfast. I'm not hungry yet."
Roman hummed, leaning back in the booth. "Are you okay?"
Elias blinked. "Yes, why?"
"You seem tired."
"That's what happens when you have to wake up early," Elias replied, chuckling. "Thank you for your concern. But I'm okay."
"Alright. I'll take your word for it."
"I have a question," Elias said, laying his head down on his folded arms. Roman tilted his head to the side in silent encouragement. "Is it... difficult for you to socialize? If so, do you do anything to help make it easier?"
Roman opened his mouth to speak, then stopped, scratching his jaw. "Um... Kind of. I used to be worse. I take medication for it now." He crossed his arms, rolling his shoulders back. "I had to remind myself that these people were people I'd probably never see or talk to again. Stuff like that."
"What if... it's someone you're trying to see and talk to again?"
Roman hummed quietly to himself. "Gotta go back to the basics of conversation, I guess. I don't know. Some just comes naturally. Other times you have to put in a little effort."
Elias nodded slowly. "Okay. Thanks."
"Is it okay if I ask...?"
"I don't know if they'd want me talking about them," Elias explained. "I asked because I'm not very sure what to do."
"It's already good enough that you want to help," Roman told him, smiling softly. Somehow, it suited him. "They'll appreciate it. I know I would."
Elias inhaled deeply. "Really?"
"Yeah. You're a good person."
"So are you."
Roman just shrugged. Elias had no clue what that meant.
___
A/N: have any of u figured out how the titles correlate with the subject of the chapters
just curious . bc i am putting far too much effort into making them relate LMAO