"Spend the night." Andy said when I grabbed my stuff to leave.
I sighed and looked at him, watching him lay back on his couch and look at me casually with a blanket covering him. "I don't have clothes... and-"
"You do, you left your overnight bag here from Erin's, remember?"
"My school stuff-"
"I'll take you to pick it up in the morning." He said and I began to smile at him knowingly, slipping off my jeans and getting under the covers with him.
He scooted me closer and turned down the television, adjusting himself to where he lay facing me. "Diana, do know if he's alive?"
I looked at him in question.
"Your dad."
I went awkward and looked down, having him take my hands. I saw he was about to take it back and say I didn't have to answer it, but I spoke before he could. "Yeah." I said, but after I did I waited. I waited for a silence that proved me right, that said I wasn't crazy.
"When was the last time you saw him?" He asked.
Bombarded with his questions, I snuggled close to him and he wrapped his arms around me. "I can't remember." When he hugged me tight I listened as he breathed quietly to sleep and I remembered.
I had lied to Andy.
I remembered the last time I saw him. I don't remember how long ago it was... But I remember sitting in the passenger's seat of his big bulky truck and dodging his quick hands as he tried to tickle me. He drove us to the airport that day, because he was leaving again. He promised me that Austin was going to take me home from the airport.
I was eleven.
"You're so beautiful, Diana Apollo, you know." He told me with a grin as I felt the sun blind my eyes. He loved saying my full name. He loved knowing it was from him and that I was the only one out of his four offspring who kept it.
I smiled at him and watched as we drove to the airport. A feeling in my gut came when we drove past that sign. DFW Airline Center. It was a drain of light and in an instant the sun was out again, but hiding from me. I tried not to close my eyes but I knew if I didn't it would be too bright. And I'd never be able to see that look he'd give me when he realizes how much I'll miss him.
When I watched him turn around and face me, backing up to the outer doors and security, he blew me a kiss. As he disappeared into the group of people and guards he mouthed three words that I think about every night. Only, it wasn't I love you, it was you'll do fine.
I knew when he said it, it didn't mean I'll be fine living on my own, but something much deeper than that. Something I often think about as being a possibility. I felt like he told me that because he knew how much I questioned my decisions. And his strength, but that was through the manipulative speak of my brothers. My father was strong, and he could do anything.
In Andy's arms I also drifted into sleep, comfortable and warm.
...
"Wake up." Andy nudged me softly.
I yawned and looked at him, his face was in mine. "Morning sunshine." I said blandly.
He chuckled and sat up, stretching widely and standing to help me to my feet. "Shower's yours." He told me and I went for it.
After getting dressed, I felt like I didn't need anything else to worry about so I watched him get ready. He looped his tie and around and adjusted it to comfort, looking into the mirror and noticing me directly after in the reflection.
He turned around put his arm around me and we walked to his car where he drove us to get coffee. "Get something to eat." He said.
I shook my head. "No thanks, I'm not really hungry." I said and he dismissed it, rising up to take me to school.
When he dropped me off there were people crowding around his perfect car and we looked at eachother in worry. "This is Toby's fault." He sighed.
"I'm sorry..."
"No." He said to me, taking my hand. "Don't apologize." He tugged me forward as I stepped out of the car and kissed me boldly in front of everybody, making it linger for quite a while. I wanted to blush at how easily he showed me off in front of my highschool. He was so gonna get rumored for it, too.
"Call me and I'll pick you up." He said.
"Bye." I waved and he drove off after the crowd parted.
I looked around and suddenly everyone applauded me. I sighed uncomfortably and pushed through everybody and into the school.
I waited to go to my first period and by lunch time, I was bombarded by so many questions I escaped into the library for solace.
I stayed there and sighed, knowing how I'd much rather be in his classroom... But he was... weird with me the previous day. And the fact that I immediately called Andy when I got home made me feel so lowly about myself. I was so damn sexually frustrated that I'd cuddle with someone else just because he won't...
I groaned and pressed my forehead to the table and heard as the bell rang a good ten minutes later.
By the time his class rolled by I felt nervous. I felt like he'd give me the cold shoulder, like he once did. I didn't want that, we were just starting to get comfortable around eachother. We were just beginning something that I wanted to see how far it'd go. I was curious, but now I believed there was no longer a possibility.
"So Diana-"
"Not answering." I quickly said to a girl, May, as I sat down.
She raised her hands in surrender and turned around, muttering to her friends about how I obviously didn't get much sleep because of my attitude. It didn't even make sense.
Mr. Grant stood up and I watched him go to the board as the bell rang. "The test is moved to Monday." He said boredly.
Everyone sighed in both thanks and surprise. I didn't, although I wanted to. I was too alert of how casual he was acting, almost like nothing had happened to us the previous afternoon. It was so comfortable too, just kissing him and having him look down at me, having him call me beautiful.
My god is it even the same fucking man?
He began the lecture and I took notes along with everyone else. He handed out worksheets and passed them down in rows, not bothering to hand it to me, making it clear
He was still upset.
I didn't even do anything wrong. All I did was take off my shirt and he snapped at me; he didn't even look at me. I felt a sinking at the pit of my stomach when I thought about it, and I suddenly felt insecurity rise, leaving my face tinted in embarrassment.
What did he even think of me?
It didn't even matter. I hated what he began to do to me because never had I ever questioned my confidence, and especially over a guy.
The bell rang and I was stuck. Did he want me there still, or?
As the class filed out I spun around to look back at him. "So are we doing tutoring or are you still mad at me?" I asked nonchalantly.
He didn't look up from his papers when he spoke to me as if I wasn't even important. "Go home." He grumbled venomously. It was so much worse than it was the day before that I looked away at him and to the door to avoid the sad drainage of color in my face.
I grabbed my bag, "See you tomorrow." I said as I usually did,and he said nothing back.
I walked to the door and opened it, but he called me before I left. I looked at him and saw him advance toward me angrily. "I need to talk to you." He growled, shutting the door in front of me.
I rubbed my temples to rid the confusion. After all, he did tell me to go home. "What is it?" I asked, trying to keep my frustration in but he caught it, and it pissed him off more.
"Shut up." He snapped. "What are you using me for?" He glowered, lowering himself to look down at me.
I raised an eyebrow. "Using you?" I asked with a scoff. "Why would I use you?"
He slammed his fist against a desk and I flinched, feeling my old fear build up again. Don't look weak, I demanded to myself.
"Do you just need someone to fuck with when the rich guy is out of town?"
I looked at him in shock, but recovered and laughed lightly. "Stop laughing," He suddenly shouted and I bit my lip to control the laughter to a stop.
I sighed. "Fine, fine. No, I don't, and I don't know why you think that." I said seriously.
"If it's not true then why'd you sleep with Andy Carl after I told you to go home?"
I raised my hands in frustration, "Are you serious, right now? You kicked me out, and you're getting mad because I went to someone's house after?"
"You weren't supposed to leave." He argued.
I stared back in shock and my irritation grew. "You told me to." I groaned.
"Well that doesn't mean I wanted you to."
I was so damn confused.
"You should've warned me from the beginning that you were gonna push me away." I slipped out quietly.
"You should've warned me from the beginning that I was getting involved with a whore." He said loudly.
I stared at him, my eyes focused back at his and blinked. It was silent between the both of us and the only sound was coming from the ceiling, from the airconditoner that seemed to laugh at me.
I wasn't sure why it offended me so much, but I assumed it was because it was him who said it. His face softened into worry and he rubbed his jaw. "Diana-"
"It's fine," I assured him, taking my things again to leave.
"I'm sorry-"
"I know, don't worry about it." I said, hoping he wouldn't notice the hurt I felt from him. I was embarrassed and offended and he made me believe him. I brushed past him and walked through the door.
I heard him sigh behind me. "Diana," He called carefully. "Diana come here, I'm sorry."
I spun and and walked backwards to the door, facing him. "Like I said, it's fine, don't worry about it." I gave him a small smile and turned back around, pushing the doors open and walking home quickly.
When I got there it was empty, like usual. Only I noticed it now. I heard the silence when I walked in, and I felt myself crumble and I ran into my room, locking myself in there as if my house was filled with people who worried. I fell onto my bed and tried not to, I tried so hard not to cry. But I sucked in a breath and bit my lip, and it was no match for the tiny tears that slipped out of my lightly sobbing body. He had said it times before, but never hurt me until that moment.
The worst part was there was no one to talk to. I couldn't tell Connor, I couldn't tell Cole. I certainly couldn't confide in my brothers. Erin was in a coma, and even if she was awake I wouldn't dare to tell her either. I trusted all these people, but they wouldn't understand. I needed my father, my dad and bestfriend. The other child who liked to get me to be a kid as well. I'd tell him, even if he'd be against it, which he definetly would be. I'd tell him in a heartbeat. Not in letters, but in person. When he came back.
Hopefully by that time everything will blow over and he'll go back to just being my teacher.
I laid in bed, soaking myself in tears and fell asleep with my jeans on, without the covers, shivering and my head hurting.
I woke up because someone was on my bed. I could feel it.
Soft muttering of awkward apologies filled my not-yet comprehendible ears and I fluttered my eyes open. I turned over, studying the hand that slipping into my hair. Pulling away was Charlie sitting there and looking at me with concern.
"Are you okay?" He asked in concern.
I looked at him in confusion, not completely processing him in my room. "Yeah." I said back, sitting up and attempting to rub the sleep away from my eyes.
He just sat there and watched me. When I looked up and met his warm eyes I felt his words replay in my head. "You should've warned me from the beginning that I was getting involved with a whore."
"Why are you here?" I asked him after the memory passed.
He looked sorry, and looked away, but reached out for my hand and held it assuringly. But I didn't want him to touch me; I didn't want him to pretend to be nice after shouting what I thought would never bother me. In the beginning I couldn't have cared less what he thought of me, but since I had that attraction toward him...
I pulled away and stood up on the other side of the bed, having him stand too. "I wanted to apologize."
"You already did."
"I know I hurt you-"
"My god, I'm fine!" I snapped angrily.
He walked around and embraced me, but I tried hard to escape away from him.
"I didn't mean it." He said, holding me tightly.
I tried shoving him back but he only held me tighter. I didn't want him to let go, but I fought him nonetheless. "I don't care." I said back, feeling emotion begin to bubble over.
He shushed me and put his face in my neck. "Get away from me." I pressed.
"No." He said back, his breath covering me as he spoke.
I successfully suppressed a shiver and felt as he dragged over to my bed and plopped me onto it. He laid bedside me and cuddled me close while I squirmed at how much I wanted to believe it was happening, but something was wrong. "Will you stop fighting me?" He sighed, pulling my waist to him.
"Don't touch me." I snapped, but he didn't let go.
"All I heard was touch me." He lowly teased, chin over my shoulder and mouth working up to the lobe of my ear, nibbling in such a way I could tell he no longer thought of me as a student.
I rolled over from him and locked my mean eyes with his. "Is this some test to prove how much of a whore I am?" I growled, never sounding so angry towards someone.
His eyes died down into the soft kind of warmth and he tried reaching out to me again, but I slapped his hand away. "I mean it when I say I didn't mean it."
I rolled my eyes and sat up. "Yeah right." I said sarcastically, to myself more than him.
Charlie yanked me back on the bed and my head hit the pillows, my eyes staring back at his as he stared down at me. "You think I like the thought of you leaving my place to go screw around at someone elses?" He asked through gritted teeth, suddenly making me fear him like old times since it was such a contrast to how nice he acted just minutes ago and then he snapped, seeming even more angry than I remember. But I'm sure he was angier years before the arguement.
"I wasn't screwing around with someone else-"
"That's right, it was Andy-fucking-Carl."
"Will you shut up." I said, hitting his chest in frustration, suddenly wanting to cry again. "First of all, you kicked me out. You told me to leave, so don't even go there. Second, it's none of your damn business where and what I do away from you and you have no reason to get angry about it either." I pushed him back to where he was sitting back on knees and heels and I was sitting in front. "And third, all I did with Andy was fucking cuddle." I said, feeling my embarrassed face turn red and I watched him as he processed the truth.
"I saw you kiss him this morning."
I hit his chest again roughly. "My god, so what? Why does that even matter?" I shouted at him.
"Do you like him Diana?" He asked aggressively, holding me tightly to the bed.
I looked at him in shock as I felt him lightly shake in what seemed like anger. "Do you?" He yelled at me and I shut my eyes, turning away from him. His arms shook and he collapsed onto me, burying his face in my neck and I felt him breathe me in. "Well I don't want you to." He grumbled into my neck.
I layed there frozen and confused. Was he admitting to jealousy?
His mouth pressed underneath my ear, the spot he knew I liked and I grabbed his shoulders and hugged him back. "Do you like me?" He asked, raising himself to look at me, propping him on his elbows and pressed against me. His eyes looked so serious and I was almost falling into limbo just staring back at the deeply warm coffee-eyes of his.
I pressed my hands on the sides of his face and ran my fingers through his hair. "Do you like me?" I asked, quieter than before.
He pulled one of my hands away and laced his through mine, pressing his lips to my knuckles warmly. "I'm afraid I do." He growled back in an embarrassed way.
I pulled him down to me and kissed him with so much anger I couldn't decide if I liked him or hated him. I'm pretty sure he was thinking the same thing.
When I pushed him back, I sat up and rubbed embarrassed eyes. I heard him take a deep breath and pull me to him, like I loved.
I huffed in his arms. "Fine." I said quietly. "I like you."