"Wake up." I hit him playfully, trying to roll him off me.
Charlie's head was on my chest and he was fast asleep. We kissed until it was late, and he took a nap on me, looking more innocent than ever. I ran my hands through his hair and he did nothing but pressed himself closer to me.
"Charlie." I groaned, trying to roll him over once again. "I can't breathe."
I nudged him one last time and he opened his eyes, looking up at me and raising himself off me. "Sorry..." He sleepily grumbled, hovered over me and running a hand through his messied hair. "What time is it?" He asked, and I reached over my nightstand for my phone.
"Like, six-fifty." I told him.
He sat up, straddling me, and sighed. "I have papers to look over." He said.
In all honesty after we admitted eachother's feelings, I didn't want him to leave. But of course, I had to let him. "Alright."
Charlie pulled me up along with him. "I wanna do this again." He said as we stood up.
I smiled. "Me too."
He walked out and down the stairs with me after him. I slipped my hand in his, turning him around to face me. When he did he took a step closer. "Charlie?" I said his name to make sure everything was truly happening, and I wasn't just going crazy.
"Diana?" He matched my tone, sliding his hand up my waist to grab a fist full of my hair and tilt me back, breathing on my neck affectionately, about to kiss me, but awaiting my time to speak.
I didn't know what I was supposed to say next. There was everything on my mind, the fact that he was touching me and only me, and the possibility that he truly did like me. I couldn't take things further yet, he didn't want that. So I slipped my hand out of his and ordered myself to calm down. "I'll see you tomorrow." I told him.
He stopped, pulling back and looking at me curiously. "Yeah." He playfully pinched my cheek and left. Making me feel lonely, and wonder if he was even there in the first place.
I swear to god I'm going crazy...
When I got ready for bed I finished my homework and read my father's notes. I fell asleep like a baby.
...
It was Saturday and I woke up a little early. I met up with Connor to drive to the hospital to visit Erin. "Did you hear anything yet?" I asked him as he drove carefully along the highway in his parents' fancy Mercades.
He looked over at me for a split second then his eyes flashed over, back onto the rode. "No, not yet. Hopefully when we get there she'll be awake." He said with a yawn.
I sighed and checked the time, seeing it was still only eight o'clock.
I had a deep feeling in my gut that when we got there she'd still be asleep, and I feared that so much.
I thought over the previous day, and how Charlie just was casually at my house. He, a man in his late twenties, admitted his... feelings to me, an eighteen-year-old. I'm practically still a teenager, and a child. He said so himself.
So what if I was the one being used? Just since he was once a grumpy asshole who probably couldn't find a real woman to like him, so he decided he could get something out of me. Was I thinking too into it, or was it true? I wanted to believe he really liked me, but the man and I were nine years apart. He even said so himself that Andy was too old for me, and Andy and I had a seven years difference.
But then again, he had many women in the school district drooling over him, and he turned them away. Funny, what handsome looks can do to an asshole.
Maybe I should stick with Andy.
I shook my head silently at myself, no, Andy wasn't a toy. He was a busy man who cared about me, and was comfortable around me. He made time to make me happy and for my friend.
But wasn't Charlie the same way?
I quickly erased that from my mind and waited until we reached our destination, though we got lost for an extra thirty minutes.
Stepping into the hospital, Connor grabbed my hand nervously. "We'll never know if she's okay unless we check." I reminded him and he nodded, taking in a breath.
When we got to her room we lingered at the door, but soon opened up Mr. Norman with tired eyes and he looked at the two of us. "Oh, here, go inside I'll just be out here." He said passively, rushing past us.
Inside was Mrs. Norman who was leaning over Erin, taking her hand caringly. She looked up at us and smiled gratefully. "You two are such good friends. I'll get you some coffee, what would you like?" She asked nicely.
I saw past her eyes how she seemed to try hard to hold herself together, and it was pretty much me and Connor's answer. Erin was still unconcious.
"I'm fine, thank you though." I told her politely.
Connor rolled his eyes. "She'll just have it black." He answered for me. "I'll have the same." Connor said thankfully.
"I'll leave you three." She said with a nod, leaving to get us our coffee.
I looked at Connor for a long time and watched his sad eyes watch Erin worriedly. I hadn't realized how close the three of us were until that moment. Just the first semester I was avoiding everyone for no reason, and then there I was, praying Erin would wake up and talk to me, make some stupid comment about me and Andy or Connor and how he screwed around with some girl while being wasted.
I stood beside her and lifted her hand, noting how cold she still was. I would've believed she was dead if it weren't for the beeping monotor that I sat next to. I leaned my head against her head and closed my eyes, recalling all the nights I stayed up to hear about her and her boy experiences or the fact that I never really tried for any guy. I fell asleep remembering how she always spoke so highly and dreamily of Mr. Grant. The man I was newly... involved with.
I woke up when Mrs. Norman came back with the coffee. "Thank you so much." I told her.
I noticed Connor had also fell asleep and soon had to head back home after the doctor talked to us about her condition. She was the same. Unconcious and bruised, no finger prints on her thank god, but I was still weary. She didn't just end up on the beach alone, there had to be someone who dumped her there, someone who was wasted or high or incredably cruel.
"We should go." I sighed to Connor and he nodded in agreement.
He drove us back in silence. It was such a dreary and sad silence that neither of us had the energy in us to put on the radio. "I don't know what to do." He said.
I didn't look at him and just watched as we zoomed past the grasses and slowly saw the trees disappear and turn into the suburbs. "There's nothing we can do but wait." I said.
He unknowingly accelerated the car, and I would've been cautious but there was no one on the road and I wouldn't have cared at the time if we crashed and I cracked my skull. "But I want to know who." He growled, knuckles turning pale on the wheel.
"Who-?"
"Diana, you and I both know that someone else was involved. And probably the reason she's in a fucking coma."
I said nothing, because it was true. I wanted to know, too. I wanted to tear the person apart, and bury them underground rather than put them behind bars.
When he eventually rounded the corner to my house I took note of the multiple cars in my driveway and groaned. I really wanted to be alone and miserable, wallow in self-hate since I was too much of an anxiety-prone person to stick with her at just one party.
"Thanks for the ride." I told him, hugging him tightly because he seemed to need it as well.
"I'll see you later." He said assuringly. "Have fun dealing with your many brothers." He joked.
"Thanks, I need the reminder." I joked back as I shut the passenger door and walked back to the front door, pressing on the handle and becoming furious when realizing it was unlocked. It was also the fact that I needed an excuse to be angry.
"Hey, she's here." I heard James' voice from the living room and rolled my frustrated eyes, locking the door as I did.
I went up the stairs and heard as he came around to greet me. "Woah, woah, where've you been all day?" He asked.
"Why the hell was the door unlocked?" I snapped.
He raised his hands in surrender and looked at me cautiously. "Dang, what's going on with you?"
I ignored him and continued up the stairs.
"What was that about?" I heard Austin ask as I shut the door to my room, locking myself in there and secretly peaking at the front from my window and seeing he was there. Charlie was also at my house. I wanted him in that moment, and I felt so clingy because I wanted someone to hug me and kiss me and tell me that everything would be alright.
Didn't he and Andy do the exact same thing just last week?
They did. And I felt clingy because I wanted more. I had to stop getting used to it, because I was beginning to rely on them and that wasn't good. I didn't want to depend on people who were busy and... well, undependable.
I flopped on the bed and heard as my phone vibrated.
My skin ticked in even more irritation.
Who would text me at this moment? I was pissed off.
I ranted silently to myself as if these people knew I was upset. I thought it could be Andy and if I looked at it I'd be tempted to ask him to pick me up or something, but then I wondered if it was Connor saying something like he wasn't going to call me tomorrow. Or Cole asking for a favor, or Mr. or Mrs. Norman bringing news from the hospital.
That thought made me hop up and check the message, but it wasn't them.
When the name Charlie appeared on my screen I felt clueless. He was under the same roof as me and he was texting me? What could he possibly want? I thought bitterly.
Are you okay?
He texted me and my insides collapsed. I was a terrible person, and I recognized that as soon as I read the message. He was worried about me.
I didn't feel okay at all, I felt slow. And numb, and empty. Literally empty since I had only coffee all day, but I was too upset to eat. I replied to him nontheless.
I'm fine, really!
I hoped he would let things go, but also hoped he'd detect the fact that I wasn't fine and I was on the verge of losing my sanity.
Maybe I'm on my period?
But it wasn't the case.
I didn't get a reply after that, and I instead heard as Bailey shouted from the bottom of the stairs, "We're leaving, bye!" It made me feel worse. I wondered why Charlie didn't reply but I knew that I told him I was fine, and it was obvious that he believed me. Which was intended.
I buried my face in my pillows and waited, breathing slow and took in the difficulty. I kept doing that until I couldn't breathe and the house shook lightly as I heard the guys shut the door. I pulled away and flipped over on my back miserably with heavy breathing.
I'm not okay
I turned back on my side and held in tears that wanted to come. I wasn't going to cry; I had no reason to be so weak. While my mind had a battle with itself, there was a knock at my door and I flinched at the sound. I was sure everyone had already left minutes ago, but my door was slowly pushed open and his face was not yet visible.
"Diana?" He asked carefully.
I saw Charlie's face and sat up in wonder. His face was newly shaven, but it was obvious the scruff was already surfacing. He looked casual, and not like a teacher with just a Polo tshirt and jeans. I watched his warm eyes heat up as he stared back at me and I felt myself wanting him near me more and more.
"What are you doing here?" I asked him.
"I know you're not fine." He said, staring back at me.
And it was just what I wanted to hear.
He slipped off his shoes and got on the bed next to me, laying back and staring at the ceiling. I copied him and felt his heat radiating onto me. I just wanted to touch him, because being so close just drove me crazy.
He turned his head to look right at me, and I felt insecurity build up in me. I was no longer the same person as I was a month ago. I was getting nervous because my mean calculus teacher was looking at me.
Then I realized how funny it was. This man taught me calculus, he tutored me and gave me a hard time. But the thing was, he taught me calculus.
And he was no longer that mean man.
Now we were... I had no idea what we were.
"Did you go see her today?" He asked.
"Yeah." I answered back, closing my eyes because soon my eyes would drift from the ceiling to him. And then I didn't know what I'd do.
"And?"
I squeezed my eyes shut, because I hated saying it. I hated recognizing it even more. "She's not getting any better."
His hand went over mine in a way that made me think he really liked me. Not that I was sure.
"She will." He promised, as if he knew. But he didn't and he knew that as well as I did.
His breath met my neck and I held in a shiver. I noticed he was doing it in purpose and he leaned over, brushing his lips against me. "Open your eyes, Diana." He growled lowly beside me, suddenly becoming the mysterious and seductive man in his bedroom who didn't kiss me.
I only shut my eyes tighter.
His hand released mine and crawled my leg, tickling me and only making me want to attack him. "Open them." He kissed my neck and leaned more and more onto me and soon was hovered over, his hand just there, sliding up my side and under my shirt to my belly.
I opened my eyes and stared up at him, and his lips captured my own.