We kissed, did other stuff, and I woke up the next morning to both phones ringing loudly. "What the hell?" I sighed, Charlie still dead asleep on me.
I nudged him roughly and he didn't budge. I tried to roll him over but he was in such a deep sleep he was comatose. "Idiot, wake up." I told him.
His eyes soon opened and he rubbed his head, leaning over me subconsciously. "What," He growled at me, seeming irritated.
"Your phone is going off."
"So is yours." He shot back accusingly.
I escaped from beneath him and grabbed my phone, slipping on his shirt in the process. He could never be mad at me when I wore his clothes. Strange man.
"Hello?" I answered, not bothering with caller ID.
"Where have you been?" I heard Chris' voice into the phone, stern and accusing, angry but tame.
Charlie on his bed took his phone too and rolled is eyes. "What Bailey." I heard him demand.
What is with those boys?
"What do you mean?" I asked Chris.
"We've been at the house all day and you're still not here. We haven't heard from you in too long."
"I've been out, busy, it's winter break, I can take care of myself, thank you."
"Get home." He demanded.
I hung up and checked the time, sitting on the couch in the living room. It was two in the afternoon. "Well that's one day wasted." I sighed.
Charlie appeared. "You needed your sleep." He said passively.
I smirked. "Why is that?"
"Oh, don't start with the teasing now." He grumbled.
I looked at him strangely, "What's with you?"
He looked at me, seeming to soften. "I'm still trying to process the fact that I got along with my family." He said in stress.
"That's why you're so moody?"
"Aren't you supposed to be somewhere, Diana?" He asked boredly, suddenly wanting to get rid of me. I guess I was wrong about the shirt theory, but why did he want me gone? I was offended, and exhausted of dealing with his sudden mood swings. I believed he needed time to think about his family alone, too. And I pretended not to be hurt when I left his place.
"See you later." I told him casually after I dressed as I exited through the door. It made my heart heavy, leaving with him wanting me gone.
At home, the guys didn't seem as angry as I expected. They were just quiet. I was sad, thinking of Charlie. Why the hell did he practically kick me out?
I was in my room, locked up with my thoughts.
Then there was a knock at the door and I heard his voice as he came inside.
"I feel like I haven't seen you in ages!" Bailey's exaggerated voice said. "Where's Diana? I've barely seen her, too, and she decides to chill in her room? Why does she hate us?" He whined, seeming to make me hear purposely.
I rolled my eyes.
I faintly heard Austin tell him to be quiet. "She's probably upset. Dad's annual letter hasn't gone through, I assume."
Then I realized why it was me who wanted to be distracted. He hadn't mailed me. He was dead.
No.
I didn't cry, I was just angry at myself, sitting at my desk and drawing a picture of what I remembered of him. What made things worse... I could barely remember his face.
A text lit on my phone. Not now.
But Andy liked listening to when I talked about my dad, and I wasn't sure why.
I wanted to talk to him, but I waited. Wanting to suddenly be alone after being dismissed carelessly in the arms of Charlie. Why did it hurt me so much?
Oh lord, my feelings dug a hole in my chest. I liked him so much. Thinking of him not wanting me around just set me off. What did I do wrong? Why was I doubting myself and allowing it over a man?
A flash of his family crossed my mind and I couldn't suppress the sad smile, thinking of how he eased up on them as he did with me. Then he touched me so sweetly the previous night. And other things... But what suddenly happened?
Another message and I tossed my phone to my bed, ignoring the probably meaningless messages.
I fell asleep on my desk, wondering what my father looked like.
"How are you still sleeping?" His voice came behind me. I felt his fingers brush through my hair sweetly again, and I didn't want to wake up, hoping it wasn't a dream, but if it was I didn't want to lose it.
"Diana?" He said softly. "Wake up, you're worrying me."
I sighed with my head in my arms and opened my eyes lazily, looking straight into his. His eye brows furrowed and he pushed the hair from my face. "What are you doing in here?" I asked, feeling like a child as my voice naturally softened like sleepy baby.
"You weren't replying to my texts, the guys said you were upset."
I shrugged. "I'm fine." I said passively.
He sat on my bed, looking guilty. "I didn't mean to kick you out this morning."
But you did.
"It's fine." I said again, sounding careless.
"I want you to know, I never want you to leave. Sometimes it scares me how-" He stopped uncomfortably as he spoke and I watched in awe as that grown man flushed.
I waited for him, looking and watching him patiently. He cleared his throat and shook his head. "Never mind."
I rolled my eyes, so sick of him being so taciturn. "Oh, stop doing this." I said, lacking playfulness and he noticed, looking confused. I was not playful at all, instead serious and annoyed. "Shutting me out." I said in frustration, answering his unasked question and no longer happy to be around him and only stressed.
He said nothing for a while he stared at me. Finally, "Come here, Diana."
I stayed where I was and he took my hand, pulling me forward and falling onto my bed, pulling me against him. "What's wrong?" He asked me.
I didn't know what to say. I was disappointed in myself for thinking of telling someone else when he was an option, when he cared enough to escape my brothers and ask me.
I sighed. I debated on telling him it was he who also bothered me. I shook my head, "Nothing?" I asked him as if I was perfectly fine. It was annoying how he saw right through me.
His disbelieving eyes pierced mine and felt annoyed. "Why don't you talk to me?"
"I do."
"Bullshit." He was getting angry, and I was tired of his stressful mood swings. It was times like those that made me wish my mother was still with me. I've read in books how mothers give their daughters advice about men. I knew for a fact that if my mother was still alive, she'd be by my side. She'd be my best friend.
His thumb lightly traced my lips and we layed together on my bed, cuddling and arguing- an interesting mixture.
"Don't you trust me?" He asked.
I was curled up, feeling heated under his intense stare. I nodded, again feeling like a child. I hated how he could witness me being so vulnerable.
"Talk to me."
"You talk first." I said sternly, finally finding my voice.
He also layed on his side and smelled of warmth, and coziness, and Charlie... "I know." He sighed, seeming guilty. "I know I don't treat you like you deserve; I know I'm confusing and angry, and I'm sorry I make you leave when I know you want to stay as well."
I didn't realize how well this man could see through me.
"I always think I need time to think, and when you're gone it seems I can't think anyway- and I make things worse. I just don't know how to act now that things have changed. I don't feel lonely anymore. You have no idea how lonely I felt before you started your seductive ways." He ran his finger tips along my thigh, tickling me as he when up and down.
I blushed. "I do know, Charlie."
"And for some reason I love it when you call me that." He wrapped his large hand around my leg and pulled it over him.
I never thought I'd like it so much, being with a touchy man. Andy wasn't super touchy, and I loved that. But Charlie was, and I loved that too.
Then his eyebrows furrowed. "And what do you mean, you know?"
"I know how it is to be alone. I've been in this empty house for years."
His eyes softened even more in realization, he remembered from his childhood house. When I told him I loved that place.
"I'm sorry." He said.
"Don't apologize." We layed there, and I knew he was waiting for me to tell him something. I just didn't know where to start.
"I just wish my mother was still here. I wish I knew her." I said shyly, in honesty.
He grew closer to me and everywhere he touched me, my skin would heat up. By this time I felt on fire. "And my dad," I took a calm breath, not wanting to suddenly crumble in front of him. "He was always my best friend. I wish I could talk to him."
"About what?" He gently tried to keep me talking, it was working.
"Painting. My brothers, school, my mother." Everything. I smiled. "He loved talking about my mother. I loved listening to him talk about her, too. He'd love saying my full name, since I was the only one who kept his last name. He always told me I was so much like her." He was so close, and I just wanted to touch him. My hand found his scruff and I felt it tickle my fingers. "We were so honest with each other."
"Would you tell him about me?" He asked in curiosity.
I nodded in quick response. I would. I wished he was there to tell me what to do, and tell me how he feels about how I feel.
"Would he approve?" He asked again, in cautious curiosity this time.
I smiled and shook my head. "No he wouldn't, but I'd tell him anyway."
"Would he tell you to stop seeing me?"
I thought about it. And shook my head again. "Well-" And sighed. "He would tell me he wouldn't like it. But he wouldn't stop it if he knows I'm happy."
"Are you?" His voice got quieter, the low grumble softer and gentle.
Was I happy?
I was guilty. Around happy Charlie, I was happy. And apart from him, and me being with Andy- that was a different story. So I shoved it to the back of my mind.
"Only if you are." I said in honesty.
And the look he gave me then, the smile in his eyes, not on his lips. I felt so important in that moment, and I knew then that I loved this man.
Oh lord I love him.
I felt myself blanch at the realization.
I loved him I loved him, what the hell?
He kissed me suddenly and I realized I had been in my own thoughts. His strong hand massaging my legs. He learned so quickly how to turn me on like a switch, and his hands were magic.
"You can always talk to me, Diana." He said against my lips, hovering over me in such a domineering way.
I love you.
The color came back to my face, flushing in embarrassment. "Same." Was all I said.
I layed back as he kissed my shoulder, as he ran his mouth along my collarbone. He touched my belly. "You have shoulder dimples." He said as a matter-of-fact, obviously this not being the first time he noticed.
I don't know why I blushed again.
"You're adorable." He said, a trace of contentment in his voice. I just wanted him as he seemed to praise my body, touching me so warmly and respectively.
"You're the one teasing now." I groaned.
He smirked down at me. Oh he's making it worse. "Me? Teasing the teaser? Diana, you've got it all wrong. I'm at my knees for you." He said lowly, kissing my arm, knowing he was making me squirm.
"Where're the guys?" I suddenly asked.
"They left a while ago." He said passively, holding both my thighs with both hands and wrapping my legs around him.
Well, he was at his knees for me.
Was he really?
I was tired of his teasing and yanked him up to me, kissing him roughly and needily. It wasn't my style, it wasn't me. But since I found out I loved him I just wanted him for me. I wanted him to love me too, but I needed to first see if that was so.
He groaned into me, leaning in and deeply pressing me into the bed.
I tugged at his shirt and he began to slip it off. His phone rang and he didn't stop kissing me.
I felt triumph. I've taught him well.
He was shirtless, he took off my shorts, he bit my lip roughly.
I felt even more heated at that.
His phone then buzzed in messages, rang once more. I pulled back as he worked his mouth down at my stomach. "That's so damn annoying." I groaned.
He pulled up and laced his fingers through mine. I love it when he did that. "Language." He scolded darkly and I couldn't help the laugh that came to me. Shit, I loved this man.
His phone didn't stop and he reached back in frustration, seeming to silence it, but I sighed. "Just answer it."
He unknowingly pouted, but obeyed.
"Hello." He answered in frustration.
His mother's voice. "I'm sorry I've called so much, I wanted to invite you to Savannah's birthday party." She said in excitement.
Her voice warmed my heart and I smiled. He looked annoyed, but I kicked him and he lightened up, suddenly began to smile sweetly at me. "When is it?" He cleared his throat.
"Next weekend, bring your girlfriend."
He groaned, "Mom she's not my girlfriend." He flushed and I laughed at the sight, muting the feeling in my gut that threatened to show. Here I was hoping he loved me back.
Something in me hoped for another chance.
His mother scoffed on the other line. "Oh, then is she your friend?" She spoke suggestively and I joined him in on the blushing. He went back and layed me back down, wrapping me around him as he did the same.
"Yeah, she's just my friend."
"Charles, it's more than that."
"No it's not-"
"What does she call you? Is it Charlie?"
He rolled his eyes. "Yeah." He grunted.
I gave him an amused look.
"That's adorable."
"It's annoying as-"
"Stop acting like you don't like it." I said to him.
He covered my mouth.
"Is she there with you? Oh I'd love to talk to her."
"You've met her twice, why do you like her so much?" He asked in irritation.
"Why do you like her so much?" His mother shot back and I flushed again, holding in a laugh.
"Stop." He said.
"Okay, I'm sorry. Will you come? I don't mean to bombard you with invitations so soon, but Savannah wants you there."
He looked at me. "Will you go with me to my sister's party?" He asked, his tone back to the gentle softness that matched his warm coffee eyes.
I rested my head on his chest. "Yes, I will."
Before he told his mother anything she fawned, "Oh that's so sweet, I can't wait to see you both there! Chance, the family loved having you over. They loved your girlf- uh, um, your friend." She giggled mischievously and I blushed even more. This woman was great.
Charlie brushed his hand over my cheek and I felt him admiring me. I could fall asleep on him again, I was so comfortable.
"Yeah, she loved it over there, too." He said in honesty. I really did.
"Savannah will email the details, have a good night." She ended her goodbye with a seductive tone, and he groaned and hung up the phone, flipping me over, catching me by surprise.
"Why do you do this to people?" He sighed.
"Do what?"
"Make them adore you."
A shy smile overcame me and he kissed my nose. "I don't."
"You don't try, you mean."
I ignored him and pulled him closer. "Stop talking." I told him, and I heard his deep and relaxed chuckle before I fell asleep with him.
...
"Glad to hear from you." Andy said on the other line after I called him, asking how he was.
"Yeah, I've missed you," I slipped out. I scolded at myself, for being so stupid and suddenly saying random things of clingyness.
He laughed, "I've missed you too. A lot, actually. When are you coming over again?"
"When are you free?"
"I have a meeting toda....- Actually, I'm free today. Come over at twelve."
"I don't want to get in the way of your business or anything, we can wait-"
"Diana, it's not a big deal. It's not even that important."
"It's always important if it's with you." I chuckled.
I knew he was smiling too on the other line. "Can't wait to see you." He said calmly, and we hung up.
I really couldn't wait to see Andy, and it confused me. Shouldn't I be with Charlie? I should. I needed to stop being this selfish and manipulative person who led on two men. Two men who were so important to me.
But do I love Andy?
Guilt guilt guilt guilt-
"Open the damn door!" I heard a pounding at the front door of the house and I jumped, listening carefully to that annoying voice. "Diana!"
I swung open the door and whooped, "Erin!" I cheered, throwing my arms around her. "I missed you!"
What is with me??
But it was okay. It was Erin after all.
Erin pushed me back, giving me a funny look. "Man, what's with you?" She chuckled, reading my mind like the expert she was.
"You look- Damn you look good." I huffed and she shoved me back in the house, having a shopping bag in her hands.
"Yeah, a private cruise can do that to a person." She smiled, faking sweetness.
I rolled my eyes. "So what are you doing?" I asked her casually.
"We're having a movie day. All day, movies." She said plainly, moving to the couch and flipping through her bag filled with movies.
I sighed with contentment, full aware that I'd have to reschedule with Andy.
"I'll be right back." I told her, backing into the dining room and calling him again.
"Diana?" He answered smoothly.
I felt a guilt in my chest.
He wanted to see me. And he took me to Spain, and there I was, cancelling on him when he had cancelled his meeting for me. And then Charlie... I shook my head to rid the negative thoughts that caused me to heat up in disappointment. "Hey, I'm really sorry, Erin just got back and-"
"Say no more," He said in total understanding. "I'm glad to hear she's doing well."
"Is that Andy Carl? Is he talking about me??" I heard Erin squeal in excitement. "Ooh, tell him I said thanks for being such a cool and attractive guy!"
I laughed at her as she winked at me, "And for keeping my Diana busy." She added on.
"Hope she knows you're not hers." He chuckled deeply at me, though seeming dark and romantic. I felt his true meaning behind those words and flushed, feeling the pit in my stomach grow in disgust at myself. "Tell her she's very welcome."
I turned to Erin, "He said-"
"I heard, I heard." She giggled, walking back into the living room and switching in the television.
"Again, I'm sorry Andy."
"Don't be. Gives me an excuse to guilt you later into sleeping over." He joked.
I laughed at him again, "Okay, I'll see you soon." I said quietly, longingly.
We hung up after saying goodbyes, and I felt numb for a split second, not realizing how messed up I was being.
"Get your ass in this room, we've got some Stephen King to watch!" Erin called from the couch, bringing back the relieved feeling of having her same in front of me.
It was a girl's day, and I texted Charlie. He asked what I was doing.
Erin is over, we're watching movies
I told him and got a response of his humorous self.
Come to my bed and we can make a movie?
His joke brought heat to my cheeks.
I responded:
Shut up
I knew he was probably laughing at me, or smirking in accomplishment. I missed that man already.
Erin and I talked and caught up quickly. She had no idea how much she missed while she was asleep, and on vacation. The lucky bitch. I really missed her and her sassy company.
While Erin was complaining about over complainant Connor, Charlie texted me.
By the way the party on Saturday- New Years Eve- is at my parent's house again. Just another boring bbq with a bunch of loud and and annoying people
I held in my amused laugh at his reply and wanted to hug him close to me, or wanted to touch his handsome face.
But then I felt angry with myself. No, the need needed to stop. These feelings were stupid and I told myself to realize he and I were nothing more than... I didn't know what to call it. He was a man, and I was some whorish teenager who didn't know what she wants.
The pit in my stomach grew, and I refused Erin's popcorn.
"More for me." She shrugged carelessly, stuffing her pretty face.
I texted Charlie back.
I can't wait! Now stop texting me, I'm watching crappy movies
That idiot man said back:
Empty bed, and I'll refrain from calling you to hear those familiar moans. Enjoy yourself ;)
He was doing it on purpose.
I turned red, sinking back on the couch and pulling her soft covers over me to casually hide my embarrassed face. Damn myself for missing him. He was my fucking teacher, and whether he felt the same way or not- which was not...- He didn't deserve me being with someone else. He didn't deserve these secrets.
And neither did Andy.
I needed to end it with both of them. They could never love me, I was a child.
...
The next day I bought a casual velvet dress for Savannah's party. I was in my room, talking to Connor on the phone. "So when are you free for me?"
"Never," I half-joked.
"You're a bitch." He also half-joked.
"I'll see you after New Years, Connor." I assured him, hanging up and hearing my name being shouted from the bottom of the stairs.
And somehow I knew Charlie was there.
"There's mail for you!" Austin's voice boomed, sounding sort of excited.
I walked down casually, seeing they were at the bar again, Charlie spotted me and sent a very sneaky wink. I held in the frustrated temptation to roll my eyes.
"What," I sighed, a yawn over taking me.
James chuckled, coming behind me and pinching my cheeks like I was a child. "It's been a while." He said.
"Mmhm." I said passively, seeing he was offended, but also knowing full well I wasn't serious. "What did you want?" I asked Austin, staring back at him with a surprised expression.
It had been a while since I saw that goofy grin of his on his face. He held out stacks of mail in his hand, looking excited, and not his age.
I took them warily, seeing I wasn't the only confused one in the room. Actually, Austin was the only one who knew what was going on.
I took one look at the first envelope and stared, overtook by the joy that erupted deep within me. I wanted to cry out in happiness, but I kept quiet, instead staring at the words on the envelope in longing.
My Diana
I only knew one person who marked his letters with those words. I only knew one person who ever sent me letters period.
My father.
I turned and sprinted up the stairs, needed to be alone to read them each one by one, seeing they obviously all came at the same time. Of course I was frustrated at the waiting, but it was nothing compared to the relief I felt that overwhelmed me from the bottom of my heart. The first letter was around October.
Diana,
I'm glad to hear you're doing well. I've been fine, also, feeling like I've already gotten many men to fall in love with you by your simple school photos. How are your brothers? I know they can be controlling...
I finished that one, moving onto the annual Thanksgiving letter.
I'm worried, Diana. I've been getting your letters, which say you haven't gotten any of mine. I hope you get them soon, and this one soon, too. You are a strong girl, much like your mother who had that same hypnotizing smile. She would be so proud of herself for creating such a strong woman...
I didn't realize by the end of the second letter, I had small tears leaking and burning my eyes. He got my letters. I was so happy.
This was another letter in early December.
Diana,
No one can hate you, my sweet girl. It's not possible. I know soon you'll figure out it's not hate, but intimidation. A young girl who knows so much? Of course someone would act so bitterly toward you. One way or another, you'll figure something out. I know you will. We've been busy with conditioning lately, and I really hope you get my letters...
I was confused at first, wondering what man he was talking about. But then I realizing it was Charlie. Yes, he was talking about the mean calculus teacher I once complained to him about. Oh my dad, I've finally got his letters and I feel like a giddy little princess.
The letter from Christmas:
I hope your brother's and their families are doing well. I hope you are too. Why the sudden speak of me being your only man? Diana, I will not always be there for you. What the obvious and shameful truth is that I'm never there for you. You need a man to protect you, someone who loves you. Someone you love. And from your words, I feel you've found someone. But is he a man? If so how much older is he? My dear Diana Apollo, I'll be home soon. And then we can talk about...
I shut my eyes. If anyone knew me well enough to see through me so easily, it was my father. I wanted him near me so bad, to talk and laugh like children. When he wasn't in pain. When we weren't in pain.
I was sparkling with happiness all afternoon, and I got texts from Charlie.
Your dad?
I fawned. He knew me well, too. Better and better, Mr. Grant... I shuddered. It had been a while since I thought of him as a teacher. As my teacher.
Yes
I replied with, distracted by my dad's words. He knew he wouldn't be able to talk me through the world for long. That thought murdered me, and the fact that I doubted him hurt the most.
Go meet me at the apartment
He ordered through text. As much as I hated being told what to do, I flushed with anticipation, knowing he was still under the same roof as me.
I quickly showered, then stuffed my letters in my bag, knowing he'd be asking about them. I clipped my hair back with a bow and wrapped a jacket around me, heading downstairs casually.
"Diana!" James called me, catching me by surprise. "I've been meaning to ask you," He approached me as I lingered at the front door, full aware of the four other men sitting in my living room, eyeing James with curiosity. "I have a dinner to attend to for my work tomorrow night, and need a date." He said.
"What?" Bailey asked from the couch, all eyes in him now. "Why don't you take me?" He asked, faking hurt.
I smirked at him, knowing he was teasing.
"Shut up," James waved off Bailey, waiting for my answer. "So what do you say? Sorry, I know it's such short notice."
I shook my head in understanding. "It's fine, I'll go." I told him kindly.
He reached out to ruffle my hair, but eyed my bow and backed off, obviously not daring to mess with my hair. "Thanks Diana. I'll pick you up at seven."
I was heading out the door when Chris called. "You're not going out with-"
"No." I answered quickly, leaving the house before they could interrogate me further, and hopped in my jeep to drive to Charlie's house.
I was excited for James' dinner. Thankful that we were so close, I got to do these things with him and I wouldn't be accused of anything wrong.