The garden was mine. Mine.
I sat in calculus, thinking about it, the trying to remind myself to pay attention the the man speaking up front. Yeah, numbers, letters, symbols, I gave up, staring down at my paper. What was this?
"This is due at the end of class, by the way." He said boredly, and I could just picture him staring at the back of my head while twisting his pen and weaving it between his fingers. I felt him as he watched me stare down helplessly at my paper and he probably knew I hadn't been paying attention.
Well, I happened to half-move in with this one smart guy, so yeah, I'd figure it out soon enough.
When I thought about it, I sort of did move in. Not completely, of course. I left clothes there, since I slept there now. I ate there. I did homework there. I read there.
I showered and got ready for school back at my house. That was pretty much it.
It wasn't serious, it was just fun.
Well, to him at least.
The bell rung sooner than I thought and I threw my head back in relief. Now to learn what I was supposed to be doing...
The class emptied, and I glared at my paper. "What the hell is this?" I asked helplessly, holding the paper up and seeing him slip off his glasses to look at it. He rolled his eyes.
"That's the class work you were supposed to do." He said bluntly.
"I don't understand it." I said in frustration, standing up and sitting by him.
"Maybe it's because you weren't paying attention." He mocked and I rolled my eyes right back at him.
He got out a text book and looked at me. "Hey, we haven't done this in a while." He said with a little excitement.
I gave him a look saying he amused me, but he still seemed stupid. "Yeah." I simply said, amusing him also and he scooted close and took my hand, allowed to do it now.
Well, not allowed allowed. But it was okay with me and okay with him. He began, reminding me what meant what and I still had to stop him, "You're going too fast." I sighed.
He started over, slower this time and I was able to understand. He actually was being patient with me. I was comfortable.
He turned in his chair while I worked the page and he began getting packets together for who-knows-what, and there was a knock, then an enter by Mr. Joseph.
"Jo!" I said happily, seeing he also lit up.
"Diana, how have you been?" He asked happily.
"Great, you?"
"Great as well, how was your break?"
I chuckled, "It was boring as hell for one thing-"
"Language." Mr. Grant said in his chair, still leaning over and searching through an organized stack of papers.
I ignored him. "How was yours?" I asked Mr. Joseph.
"It was great. I kissed my wife on New Years." He said with a grin that lit up his entire sweet-old-man face.
I laughed at that look of struck-love. "Did you have a New Years kiss, Diana?" he asked accusingly, as if he was my grandfather or something.
I hated how I blushed at his question and didn't know what to say. Charlie picked the perfect time to interrupt and I loved him for that.
Well I loved him regardless.
"Sorry, Mr. Joseph, I was looking for the unit-six packets. They're scattered." He said grumpily and he old man shrugged.
"I only came for my copies from yesterday." He said casually.
Charlie nodded, turned around and taking a small stack of papers and handing them to Mr. Joseph.
"Thank you, Charles." He said kindly, "Have a good day Diana!" And he shut the door.
He snickered at me and I elbowed him. "Hey, shut up, I was about to tell him it was a terrible kiss."
Charlie smirked at me. "But was it really?" He whispered lowly at me, lips suddenly so close mine.
Don't give in.
I pushed at him, but ended up pushing myself back. Either way it worked. "It sure was."
"Let's test that out one more time." He said, reaching for me, but I backed up further, making him pout unknowingly again. "I don't like this game." He grumbled and I laughed at him.
"I need to finish my page."
He picked up my paper and checked front and back. "What are you talking about, you're already done?"
I thought for an escape. "Well you need to check over it, Mr. Grant."
He set down my paper in frustration and looked at me pleadingly, "Just stop and get over here." He groaned, reaching for me and yanking me forward onto his lap, putting a surprisingly sweet kiss on my lips.
"I still don't understand the Fundamental Theorem." I said against his lips and he looked extremely annoyed, but smiled at me anyway.
"Keep annoying me, and I'll be sure to keep the neighbors up with your pleasured screams tonight." He growled teasingly, nipping at my neck and I flushed, having it spread even more.
That doesn't sound so bad.
The teachers bell rang and I released myself from him, seeing him raise an eyebrow. He let out a sigh as he stood up. "I have this meeting to go to at the main building. I won't be home til like- eight?" He thought deeply.
He had called it home. When he said it, I felt butterflies swarm in my tummy and I was so embarrassed how he spoke to me about it so casually. I liked it, too.
"Alright." I said, spinning in his chair and having him grab me like he once did before. Before all this.
I figured I should go home for a little. Go back to my own place and just... I wasn't sure what I would do there. I'd think. I didn't have a shelf to work on anymore, so it seemed like a good option.
"You'll be there, right?"
Aw, he wanted to go home to me. I smiled at him, "Well I'll be there when you get back, but I'm gonna go back to my house." I said.
He gave me a nod and I stood up, both of us walking to the door and him stopping to look at me. I looked back at him, and matched his intense stare- only I knew what was unbalanced. I loved him, and he didn't think twice about the concept. He was so sure of himself, so driven on his belief of love being a hoax. Was he right?
No, I felt it. Maybe that was why he didn't believe. He had never felt it. Charlie could never love me.
"See you later." He said, leaning down and kissing me longingly, making it so passionate I had to hold onto his collar and prevent myself from telling him I loved him.
We pulled away breathlessly. Who knew a short see-you-later kiss could be so strong and romantic? "You too." I said back after he held the door open for me.
...
It was a little past five when I got to my house and I was suddenly so determined. I was going to paint, and I didn't care how bad it was going to come out. That's the problem with me, my painting was better when I wasn't in love.
I didn't know what I was doing, I was too in the zone to realize what it was I was painting until the doorbell rang. I was in the living room, my easel set up and my oils no longer organized and upright.
I jumped into reality at the noise, looking at my portrait. Oh goodness, it didn't suck, I was happy about that. A chiseled jaw, straight nose, pretty blue eyes... I had painted Andy.
Another ring of the doorbell, and I dropped my paintbrush and rushed to see who it was. Speaking of Andy...
"What are you doing here?" I asked in shock.
Typical him, though. Coming to the house when I was actually there. He was one good-timed man. "I was at a floral shop in Dallas and thought about you, so..." He pulled his hands from behind his back and showed me a bright bouquet of flowers.
I smiled at him, typical romantic Andy. "Sorry- I know you don't like the mushy stuff..." He said awkwardly and I shook my head, grabbing him and pulling him inside with me.
"Thank you." I told him as we hugged.
He looked over my head and I turned, realizing he had spotted my painting. I blushed. How coincidental of him to stop by when I was actually there, and painting him.
"Dang, this is really good." He said, walking over to it.
I placed the flowers down on the counter before following him and watched him stare at it. He looked at me, "This really is amazing." Then he smiled, "You painted me."
"Yeah..." I said shyly and he put his arm around me.
"You're amazing."
I looked up at him, waiting for him to kiss me, and when he did I was not disappointed. I never was.
"You're too nice to me." I said with an honest sigh.
Andy put his hands through my hair, a casual smile placed in his perfect lips. "No, you deserve the best." He said in honesty.
But I didn't. I didn't deserve anyone if I was just going to string them along. I felt like I had been neglecting Andy, and he didn't deserve that. He pat my cheek, seeming to see the thought in my eyes, "Hey." He said sweetly and I looked back in his. "I mean it."
I gave him a smile, wishing for a second that my guilt would go away and I could just be with Andy for the time being. For the time being. He was buying me the world and there I was, waiting to go to another man's home. "Come on, let's get the flowers in some water." He turned me around and we walked to the kitchen where I found the flowers a vase and set them in the center of the island counter.
He was too good to me.
We sat across each other at the kitchen table and just talked. I loved talking to him because he just knew so much about the world, about politics. I loved listening to him and his passionate opinions on what was right and wrong. That was when I realized how good of a person Andy was.
We drifted to talking about college. Oh shit, college. I hadn't even been thinking much about it. Instead, I was too busy moping over how I loved two different people. That reminded me... Does Andy believe in love?
"I'm not sure anymore." I said honestly when he asked about school. "I mean, of course the whole doctor or lawyer thing sounds nice. It runs in the family." I muttered. "But I don't even know if that's where I belong."
"I started out thinking I was going to be a lawyer." He said, which was news to me. "It's okay to go out without a main goal, instead start with something until you get the idea. It's okay to change what you want in college. I did it almost four times until I realized it was business I wanted to do."
I chuckled a little quietly. "I guess you're one of those people who're good at everything, huh? Like my brothers."
He tucked my hair behind my ear and looked so thoughtful. "To be honest with you, I was terrible in the medical field."
I laughed at him and he leaned over to kiss me. It was weird. Every time we spoke I felt closer and closer with him, and I had no idea it was possible to be more comfortable around him. He looked straight at me, and I had to hold in the gasp that was influenced by his intense gaze. I felt him almost seeing through me, and my heart skipped beats, and I knew there were hyper butterflies shooting in my stomach then.
He touched my face so gently. "Diana," He said, making me nervous and restless. Why was he looking at me like that? Why was he touching me like this? "I love you."
Oh god.
I kissed him, unable to take the space between us and felt shocks go through me, explosions in my stomach.
So this is how it feels when fireworks go off.
"I love you too." I said when I pulled back, seeing his smile that probably lit up the entire house.
Andy loved me!
Andy loves me!
"You do?" He asked with a sweet chuckle, and I realized he was nervous.
I nodded, failing to hide the giddy grin on my face. "I do." I sighed. "I really do."
He stood up and reached for me so I was standing also. "Wow, I'm so relieved." He said a little shyly. "I was afraid of what you were gonna say."
I laughed at him and wrapped my arms around his waist. Andy... he loved me. That thought clogged my mind and I wasn't thinking twice about Charlie, which was bad. Andy loving me didn't change at all the fact that I was a terrible person.
Then Charlie came to mind, and I suppressed a cringe.
"Dammit." Andy groaned.
"What?"
"I came over, thinking I was gonna wimp out or something," I laughed at him, loving how he sounded like an embarrassed teenage boy. "And didn't really consider the fact that I'd have to leave right after."
I frowned. "Where are you going?"
"The floral shop was where they held an interview for me. I told them I had to do something and just came over here. I should be back there by now..."
I flushed with admiration. "Andy, you didn't have to do that."Â Then wondered why the hell he'd have an interview in a flower shop.
"No, I'm glad I came. I'm glad I said it." He grinned. "But my timing wasn't very smart,"
That meant he had to leave.
"I can come by later tonight?"
Mr. Grant.
Charlie.
No. He was Charlie. Mr. Grant was a grumpy man who drank scorching hot coffee and looked out windows angrily. Charlie was the sweet man who treated me like a princess.
"How about tomorrow. I'll stay over."
"Deal," He kissed me one last time before I walked him out. But then he kissed me again. "I love you." He said again, and I felt my breath slowly shortening.
"I love you, Andy." I said back and I didn't want to let go. I didn't want him to leave. He had set up a magnetic force that pulled stronger each time he said those words.
He turned to leave, but faced me as he walked backwards. "I love you!" He shouted happily. Oh that cheesy man; he knew how cliché he was being. But I knew he didn't care either.
"I love you!" I laughed back at him as he slipped into his car, driving off.
I suddenly felt so lonely. Andy, come back and make things easier for me. What was I supposed to do now?
I shrugged it off and gathered my stuff, shamingly going to Charlie's place.
When I got there I had twenty minutes until Charlie came back. There was nothing for me to do, so I layed back and read a book from his library. I didn't realize I fell asleep against his couch with the book in my lap.
When he came in he was sweet enough to pick me up and take me to his room. I was half asleep, so I was awake enough to listen in on his conversation with his mother on the phone.
"... doing?"
I heard him changing. "Fine."
"I think we should talk about Claire." Karla's voice said, and I heard Charlie's growl.
"Why would you do that?" He suddenly asked. "Why would you bring her and introduce her as an ex when I'm obviously with someone else?" He snapped, sounding angry.
"But she was why you weren't completely depressed in high school, you dated for two years."
"I don't remember that." He muttered.
"Well I do, and you still mean a lot to Claire."
"I'm with someone else."
"Diana? Can you really say you're with her? You told Claire she was your girlfriend and she said friend, that doesn't sound committed at all."
Ouch.
"What the hell does this have to do with commitment? We like each other, I don't like Claire."
"Chance, honey," I heard her deep sigh blow against the speaker, "Diana is sweet, but like I said, she doesn't even want to be seen as your girlfriend-"
"It's not like that." He snapped again.
"- And she doesn't work. Don't you think that's a little too much for you? Claire is a doctor. She's successful and she'll give you the life you need."
Even half asleep, my heart was shaking with fear. What was this? She was saying that he should be with Claire? I thought she liked me.
"I thought you liked Diana." I heard him say angrily, and I was relieved we thought the same thing for a second.
"I do. She makes you happy, I see you two together. But if it's just going to be some silly relationship that she doesn't take seriously then you need to consider being with Claire. You don't want to get hurt."
Oh my god.
She had it all wrong, so wrong. No, I wanted nothing more than to have a serious relationship with Charlie, but he didn't feel that way. He's the one who didn't believe in love, it's him not me.
"Fuck this, I shouldn't have answered you. I'm going to bed." He grumbled and hung up on her, and for the first time I was glad he did.
I felt him fall beside me on the bed and I realized how painful it was to think of him with someone else. It made me wonder how happy Claire had made him.
He pulled me close to him, completely unaware that I had been eavesdropping on his painfully irritating conversation with Karla. I loved Charlie, but he didn't love me.
Andy did.
"Diana, you're so beautiful." I heard him tell me quietly. I sighed in his arms and wanted to say something, but just didn't have the energy.
I fell asleep, thinking about him and I together. I didn't work. I was still a kid... And then I thought about Claire. A woman. And Charlie. A man... The two were so beautiful, and I pictured perfectly them being together. I went to sleep with a heavy heart, hurting because Karla might actually have a point.
And Claire was successful.
...
"One day we should just sleep in." He sighed in the morning when I was about to leave, but he didn't want to let go of me. I didn't want him to let go of me.
"I like that idea." I said sleepily, wrapping my legs around him and squeezing him tightly.
He groaned with a groggy chuckle at how tight I hugged him. "Oh Diana, I am about to tie you to this bed and not allow you to leave." He told me lowly and I shivered.
"I like that idea, too."
He chuckled again.
"Well, I should get up. I'm not sure what I'd miss in calculus. My teacher, Mr. Grant, he's just so overwhelming."
I felt him groan in pleasure underneath me. "I know what you're doing. Tease."
I laughed, "I'm not doing anything." I gave him a quick kiss on the lips and rolled off him reluctantly. "I'll see you later." I sighed.
"Or now."
"Lunch is on me, today." I told him and he rubbed his eyes, waking up and smiling at me.
"You're a sweet girl."
"Don't be late to work." I told him as I was leaving, knowing I was the cause of a few of his recent tardies.
At school I sat in art, thinking. I sat in distraction, not being able to get my mind off his conversation with his mom the previous night, and then Andy who said he loved me.
Claire.
I tried to think about her and gather all the information I had. Blonde, beautiful, tall, tan, full on woman. Who was Charlie's age... She was a fucking doctor, and she was obviously extremely modest. How could he not like her? I even found myself thinking she was perfect.
Karla? Sure she liked me, but she thought our relationship was a joke. And I feared, since she had pointed it out, it might be. She had no idea how much I wish he loved me, but when I thought about it, it didn't make a difference. He was a man who needed a woman. That was that.
Andy? Well Andy loved me. He said so himself.
I texted Charlie before lunch.
What do you want?
Knowing he ate a lot, it would be more than one thing.
Chikfila number 1 and 8 piece nuggets with chikfila sauce
Then in another message he sent,
Thanks baby <3
I laughed quietly at his text message, feeling as if I was communicating with a teenage boy. I texted back:
Mhm
And snuck out of class early to get him his lunch. When I got back he was grading papers, one after the other with a very concentrated face. "Funny, ever since you started staying over everyone's grades went up."
I smiled, watching him scribble down paper after paper. I wasn't sure if he knew it, but it was because he was- like he said- happy.
And he could be happier with Claire...-
"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked, making me realize he was looking at me now and I was just staring at the floor.
"Nothing, got lost in thought." That wasn't a lie.
"What were you thinking about?"
"This new art project." That was a lie.
He nodded over to the seat next to him like he often did and I went over to him, handing him his food. His grin was so big and he looked so excited. "You're perfect." He said happily, pulling me in for a kiss.
He sounded so casual, but even if he didn't mean it, it still made me blush. "At least you let me leave the school now." I joked.
He raised an eyebrow at me. "Is that the only reason you're sleeping with me?"
I laughed at him, having him not realize that I wish that was the case. I wish I didn't love him, but he still knew I liked him. And that was the reason why I was sleeping with him. "Definitely."
He shook his head, "Bullshit."
It was.
He finished his food so quickly I felt like I blinked. He was probably still hungry, too. "Let's make out now." He said, pulling toward him.
"Not with your Chikfila breath." I said as he pulled me onto his lap.
"Give me gum then."
"You have gum."
He looked at me in challenge and I leaned over, pulling one of the drawers and finding a pack of Extra, waving it in his face. "See?" I said.
"How did you know where I keep my gum?"
I laughed at him, "You never notice how you pull it out in front of me all the time."
He shook it off, "Just give it to me."
"Oh look at that," I said teasingly, opening the packet and showing it to my hot teacher. "One more piece left."
He narrowed his eyes. "Don't joke with me now," He said. "Give it to me." He demanded, sounding hard and... well demanding.
I laughed again, unwrapping it and slowly dropping the empty pack. He reached for it but I stuck it in my mouth. "Oh, I think I like this." He said, suddenly standing and dropping me on his desk, leaning over my lips and stuck his tongue in my mouth, taking the gum out.
I was so shocked at his reaction, I wasn't expecting it so soon. It made me get goosebumps, and it made me wish we weren't in school. I had a feeling he felt the same way.
When he pressed against me I realized oh he does feel the same way...
"Now, Diana." He growled against my neck, telling me what he wanted. I wanted it too, but what if someone walked in?
It was rare these days, but the more bad things we did the more paranoid I'd get. Which made it feel even more exhilarating.
"Now." I agreed, kissing him.
...
I was rushing two minutes after the lunch bell rang, because I was busy getting redressed and trying to leave his classroom before his next class came in.
But eventually I made it just before class began, and Connor looked at me funny. "Why are you almost late?"
I realized how much I missed Connor. "Lose track of time when reading." I said distractedly, opening my agenda and filling in the week's schedule.
I realized the second semester was flying by, and it was time I started looking at colleges and set some time apart from a special someone.
My phone buzzed.
Oh.
Two special someones. I wanted to just have an emotional breakdown then and there at how irresponsible I've been, and how unfair I've been.
I needed to make my decision, then I'd work on my future so I could concentrate. I already knew I didn't have time to wait until my father came, I'd just fill him in when we had time together, and after he'd meet... Who was I picking?
I hated so much how I sounded like some stupid brat who couldn't decide between two toys, but that's how I was acting.
I was doing my homework at Charlie's the same afternoon in his library when he came by, holding out a paper. "What's that?" I asked him.
He set it in front of me and I read through it, realizing it was a certificate to the ownership of the garden that was called Maven.
"Maven?" I asked curiously.
He shrugged, "The original owner's name."
"When was this?"
"Eighteen-twenty eight."
I stared up at him. "Your ancestor?"
"Yeah." He said passively.
"Charlie, I'm not gonna take this." I said in surprise.
"Don't be difficult, just sign it and it's yours." He stood up straighter and waved his hand around the library. "You earned it, after all."
I didn't know what to say. I felt terrible, but at the same time giddy and flattered, but also terrible. "But... It's your ancestors. How can you so easily just give it away like that?"
He let out a deep sigh and kneeled down in front of me, taking my face in his gentle hands. "Like I said, you deserve it." With a wait he stared at me before speaking again. "And to be honest with you, I was going to give it to you even if you didn't finish the shelves."
My eyes went wide. "Why?"
"Because."
I waited for him to elaborate, but he didn't, so I instead stared at him until he spoke again. "Because?" I said impatiently.
"Because I like seeing you in the garden. You put all those pretty flowers to shame." He pinched my chin affectionately.
I felt my stomach flip and face redden. It was probably one of the sweetest most cheesiest things he'd ever said to me. I laughed and leaned down to press my forehead to his. "Oh Charlie, you silly man." I sighed and he grinned at me.
I must admit, even if he'd been smiling more and more, the feeling and beauty of it never left. Those butterflies refused to leave.