The men who knew my father told their stories. They talked about how my father would look for men who were good enough for me in his branch, and a few of them were in the house. I was so glad I wasn't there at the time, because it would've been extremely awkward. I only listened, a headache and a throbbing nose.
Charlie texted me, asking if I was alright. I knew he'd know if I was lying, so I replied truthfully.
I don't know
He snuck upstairs, where I was leaning against the blocking wall. He froze, seeing me there the way I was, and sighed, grabbing my face when kneeling down. He kissed me. "I've needed that for a while." I told him softly when he pulled away.
"Me, too." He kissed my forehead and tugged me up, we walked back into my room.
"What are you doing?" I asked in confusion while he unzipped my dress.
"Taking this thing off you."
"But I like it." I shouldn't of said that, as he spun me around, tugging my dress down.
"I don't like you wearing this expensive thing that he probably wanted to take off of you."
I blushed, stilling his hands. I couldn't tell him it didn't mean anything, because it did. I felt so sad at the reminder of how terrible I was. "Don't say things like that." I begged sadly.
"I can't help it, do you know how much it kills me thinking of you with him? Loving him?"
That done it, and I broke into terrible tears again. I honestly could not wait to find my strength again and stop crying like an unstable idiot. I know what he meant, and I had every reason to feel as terrible as I did. I deserved the pain. But what I did to him and Andy really was unforgivable. Even if they both forgave me.
"I'm... I'm sorry, Diana." He said in apology, regret, hugging me close.
I pulled away, shaking my head. "No, you didn't do anything wrong."
"I keep bringing it up-"
"It keeps coming up, Charlie. It won't leave me alone, this fact that I'm a stupid whore." I cried harder while he tugged me back to him.
"No, you're not a whore. Don't say that-"
"But you know it's true," I whined, trying out of his hold. He got more firm, trying hard to hold me in my place. When I continued to be stubborn he picked me up and dropped me on my bed, slipping the rest of the dress of and dropping it.
"You are not a whore. Please don't ever say that. ...And you do look beautiful with it on," He began, climbing over me to bathe me in kisses. Warm ones. Intimate ones. I felt my entire body flush with excitement- nerves. At my house, where everyone else was? With my brothers downstairs, and their families, and my dad's family and- god- Charlie's family? I couldn't find it in me to stop him. Especially in that suit of his.
"But you look even more beautiful like this," He said, tugging away my undergarments, and leaving me in nothing.
It was a great way to take my mind off things, I'll say that.
...
He had to go back downstairs a few minutes after he dressed himself. I acted like it was fine, because he had to, but I missed him. I don't know if he knew it or not, but I did.
I stared at the discarded dress in front of my bed. The silk shining beautifully, just ruffled up in a careless ball. I felt terrible for wearing it, but then I also felt terrible for feeling terrible for wearing it. Charlie texted me.
I'm sorry I had to leave
It was sweet, and meaningful. I didn't reply, tired and exhausted from doing things. Talking, crying, laughing, loving. I got dressed again, hearing as someone was coming up the stairs.
Cole and Connor burst into my room as soon as I finished zipping up my dress. "Hey, are you okay?"
I sighed, sitting back down on my bed.
"Yeah, you've been up here for hours." Cole added.
"I'm fine. I'm just... sad."
They both sat beside me, friendly arms around me. "I remember your dad. Kind of." Connor said.
"I remember what he looked like." Cole said after.
"I love you guys." I said suddenly, hugging the two of them close to me, feeling so thankful for them at the moment.
We talked about things other than my dad, and I was soon back to laughing. Connor talked about his mistaken one-night-stand the other night, and how he escaped the quickest he ever had. Cole talked about his cannabis spells, the stupid things he wondered while being high. They were stupid, and immature, and my best friends. It was night- seven-thirty. My brothers called me down after some people left, and I was properly introduced to my dad's friends.
It was a bit less dramatic, me going down to confront everybody. It was nice, how they didn't notice me as much as I expected. I liked the feeling.
One of the men I met, he blushed when I gave him a smile, and another one of my dad's friends laughed. "This was your daddy's pick, y'know that?" The man told me, having the man I just met elbow him in embarrassment.
I laughed, doing well on looking passive and unfazed. "This one?"
Eli crossed his arms uncomfortably, but nodded. "It was- uh- more of a joke..."
"Now you and I both know that's not true, don't we?" The other man nudged him, having him turn amused.
"I'm sorry." Eli apologized sweetly to me. I saw what my father liked. The kindness, it was easy to identify in people like him. Like Andy. Although, with Andy, very few people could see what I saw. Eli's strength, his stance, he was in the military, after all. He looked proud and comfortable with himself. I missed Andy.
"It's alright. You seem nice."
Eli's suddenly chuckled and nervously looked around. I looked around, too, casually. Charlie was next to Claire, and she was talking, seeming kind like always. I did well in looking away, but wondered what they were talking about. "He spoke very highly of you."
"Did he?"
Eli nodded.
"Of course he did." I laughed, and he laughed with me, seeming like a genuine guy. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-three."
He was only a couple years younger than Andy.
"Your dad told me you can paint."
A spark ignited in me, the memories of my art. Of trees, of faces. I nodded, not having talked about the subject with anyone in what felt like too long. It seemed no one really cared.
"What do you paint?"
I perked. "Can I show you?"
He seemed entertained, genuinely happy with agreeing to see my work. "Yeah, that'd be awesome."
I dragged him into the garage, where no one was, and the lights flicked on, having the very first painting be Andy Carl's beautiful face. I blushed. "Oh, uh, this was while he and I- uh-"
He chuckled kindly again, approaching the painting. "No, I know. This is... amazing, wow. Did he see it?"
I nodded shyly.
"Did he fall in love with you then?" He joked, and I chuckled along, slowing to a stop when remembering that day.
"Actually, that was the day he first told me he loved me."
Eli raised an eyebrow. "Huh. You loved him back, right?"
I nodded again, feeling it go easy to talk to him.
"What's he like? I mean, I only see him on tv and stuff. He seems so serious."
I smiled, normally wanting to shut down at the conversation, but feeling comfortable with saying his name. "Andy... was... well, he's nice, like you. He's a genuinely good guy. Everything about him... even to this day I can't find a flaw on that man." I laughed, looking back at my painting, his happy handsome face. The eyes that lit up with love. "He'd change his schedule for me anytime. He'd take me places... He knew not to give me too many things because I felt cheap when he did."
"Did you tell him that?"
I smiled. "No. I didn't have to tell him things like that. He knew. He always knew. He didn't have to do much to make me happy, and he made it seem like... it was his job to make me happy. He came by yesterday, knowing he shouldn't have..."
"Do you mind me asking what.. happened to the two of you? I mean, is it true you broke up with him?"
I sat on the stool in front of my easel, and sighed. "Yeah, I did."
He looked incredulous at me. "Wh-what, why?"
"Since he was born he had a wife. That sounds weird, I know, but their families were supposed to merge together to combine businesses. They'd live happily ever after. Andy said he wasn't going to marry her."
"For you." He finished for me.
I sighed sadly, touching the painting. "For me." I agreed.
"You ended things... so he could marry her." He figured out on his own.
I nodded. "I'm not that heartless, I swear."
Eli just looked at me. "Actually, you're not heartless at all."
I looked back at him. "Why did he come by yesterday?"
"He wanted to... y'know, see me. Talk." A silence filled me, like tears wanted to just thinking about him. "He asked if he made me happy. He told me that he wanted to be sure Charlie-" I froze, catching my mistake and rubbing my forehead in frustration at myself. Eli was just so damn easy to talk to. I didn't know him, either. He made it so simple.
"Charlie is...?"
I blushed deeply, looking down. "He wanted to be sure Charlie was making me happy. I-" I started to cry stupidly in front of this stranger. "I cheated on Andy. And someone else."
"This Charlie guy," He added in calmly, stepping forward.
I nodded.
"And he knew?"
"I told him."
There I went, telling Eli about my unfaithfulness. I told him how I ended things with Charlie first, then told Andy, and how Andy took it, how I was in love with Charlie, how he said he didn't believe in love. He was an excellent listener. I told him about Andy and I's moment the previous day. I cried the entire time, surprised I still had tears left. He simply comforted me with a touch on the shoulder, and it was the most meaningful friendly gesture I've ever felt.
When I finished, he told me what I had was difficult- loving two people, having them love me back. I told him about Claire, not adding her name. Then I begged him not to say a thing to anyone.
"I understand. But... you said he's here?"
I nodded. "And so is... Her name is Claire."
His brows furrowed in thought, seeming to try hard to think of who I was talking about. I understood if he had trouble. There were many people at the funeral. The other thing was how Eli had been carrying my father's dead body along with Charlie.
"I don't think I saw anyone named Charlie." He said thoughtfully.
I laughed softly. "No, actually I'm the only one who calls him that."
"Oh." He said in understanding.
We talked again, casual this time. I apologized to him for explaining my stupid love issues to him and he embraced me- making me feel like family. Like I was hugging... a part of my father. I didn't want to let go, as freaking weird as it sounds. He let go and told me that he was glad to be a source of comfort. He told me he was sorry for how I must feel about myself.
I asked him how he knew.
"I can hear it in your voice. You think you really hurt them."
"I- I did."
"They did it to themselves." I was confused. "They really expected to be the only ones to love you like they do. That was stupid of them. But Andy really did love you enough to have you let him go. Just like you loved him enough to let him go. You're not selfish, Diana."
It was one of the times I didn't feel like... well, a whore. I felt not selfish. I felt thankful for having Andy in my life at one point. Thankful I had Charlie. "Thank you." I told him, meaning it more than ever.
He became a good friend of mine at that moment. The subject dissolved sweetly, and we looked at my other artwork, laughed over the terrible drawings I had stored away from when I was little.
It grew late, and I realized we had escaped for hours, and joined the party again. My brothers looked suspiciously at me and I shoved Austin over in offence, but they were only joking.
I left Eli for a second, being caught with the familiar eyes of a sweet old man, and a kind woman. Andy's driver, and housekeeper. Mr. Jim was my favorite. He gave me a big grin, wearing his usual suit, but seemed to forget he still had on his employer tag that said, Carl Businesses: Chauffeur. He was always proud of that cute little name tag of his, and I could tell it caught some attention. "Miss Apollo," He greeted as he usually did with a polite small bow of his head.
"I told you to call me Diana, remember?" I smiled, seeming his eyes go back in time to remember, once he did he apologized, and I gave him a hug. "Thank you for coming."
"Mr. Carl didn't have to do much convincing- I was honored. I'm sorry for your loss." He pat my back kindly, and I released him. He looked so kind, and genuinely fond of Andy. Of course he did, he knew him. Anyone who truly knew Andy Carl loved him. That was the truth.
"Thank you." I told him, realizing I would miss him. He was nice, sometimes picking me up and dropping me off. Sometimes we spoke casually, sometimes in silence- but a comfortable silence. One day he told me, "thank you." And I was so confused. "For making Mr. Carl happy. You two remind me of myself and my wife when we were in love. True love." He was an incredible man.
Although I didn't know Andy's housekeeper well, she still spoke to me openly, saying she was going to miss washing my clothes and making them smell like roses. She was a strange woman, but I could tell it was because I was a girl as well. I assumed she never had a daughter, or a sister. She always liked to go out and buy me hair care products and such. The woman wasn't too loud, but the fact that I practically lived with Andy did not go unspoken of around my home. I said I'd miss her as well.
They had to leave at the time, and I didn't like how it felt like the last I'd see of them.
Back with Eli, he seemed to understand my solemn.
"So I am one of the few who...-" He casually looked around as we were into casual conversation, walking around the house, then whispered in my ear, "Know."
I smiled at his joking discreetness. "Yes, you are."
"Hmm," he crossed his arms as his eyes scanned the place. "Which one is the lucky guy..." he asked himself.
"Lemme give you a hint-"
"I know."
"You know?"
"He's the guy who seems to already hate me. And he is 'handsome.'"
I looked over, seeming Charlie was, indeed, shooting terrifying glares at Eli. I knew how it must've looked, and turned away in embarrassment. "I was gonna say he was the one you carried the casket with, but yeah. There's that, too."
Eli just gave me a look.
"Sorry." I apologized. "He's a bit... possessive."
"Well, he doesn't seem like a psycho. That's good."
I nodded in amusement. "That's what you think."
He laughed at me, making me join. He was good at telling when I was joking. "You really do remind me of your dad."
I grinned at him. "Really?" When I thought deeply about it, I couldn't recall being compared to my father much. Ever, actually. It was always only my mother.
"Excuse me, sorry, I came to offer my condolences." Suddenly Charlie's mom appeared in front of me, and I flushed, feeling put on a pedestal. Yes, this was what I feared. What if I screwed something up?
"I'm truly sorry for your loss. He sounded like a great man." Karla told me, embracing me tightly. While she was close to my ear she whispered, "I'm proud to welcome you in my family."
I suddenly blushed again, laughing quietly, nervously. "Thank you so much, Karla." I whispered back.
She released me with a sweet smile. I felt her admiring me, and I just wanted to talk to her at night with pajamas on, leaning on her as if she was my mom, tell her I made a friend named Eli. "We're about to leave. The service was beautiful."
After she walked away, Eli looked curiously at me. "That was his mom." I told him softly.
He looked back and forth, then nodded. "She likes you now."
I smiled. "She does."
"Eli, I've been looking everywhere for you, we gotta go, bud." One of my dad's friends said, giving me a friendly hug. "I'm sorry for your loss, sweetheart." He said, feeling like a father. I hugged him back.
"I'm sorry for yours as well." He gave me a squeeze, then released me. "You're welcome anytime."
"Thank you."
I turned to Eli, and we embraced like old friends. "I really liked talking to you." I told him.
"I liked talking to you, too. I'm honored to have known your father."
We let go and I smiled at him. "Thanks. For listening, too."
He told me I was always welcome, and that he would be there to talk anytime after giving me his phone number. I wasn't happy, seeing him walk away.
Claire was suddenly by my side. "I'm sorry for your loss, Diana." She told me genuinely, standing with her hands to herself. I knew she thought it was respectful not to hug me or something, but I felt her kindness and loved it so much I hugged her tightly, catching her by surprise. I felt her smile.
"Thank you so much for coming. You really are one of the nicest people I've met." It was the truth. She was nice, like Andy.
She chuckled softly. "Thank you, really it means a lot from you. I think it's sweet to see how close you and your father were."
I liked her even more.
We said goodbyes, released each other like friends, and I watched her and Karla leave. Charlie's cousin gave me a side hug. "I'm sorry for your loss." He said while I was gathered next to James and Tyler and Charlie.
I thanked him, and next was James who gave me a big loving- in my opinion, brotherly- hug. "Hector was a cool guy. Your speech was adorable by the way."
I pushed him away in embarrassment. "Shut up."
"No I mean it," He, Tyler, and Charlie's cousin, Harry laughed. Charlie was just unhappy with James. "It was great. I like how you called out Austin."
"Yeah, Diana, what the hell was that for?" Austin shot from the kitchen, but in a joking away.
I just laughed. "I'm not good with crowds."
"Andy Carl should've taught you some things about public speaking, then." Tyler added on. I flushed uncomfortably. He apologized sheepishly. "I'm sorry. It's just, he's so smooth. Opposite really do attract, huh?"
I hit his arm hard and he just laughed at me. "Sorry, sorry."
More people came by to give condolences. Connor and Cole had to leave. Erin did too unfortunately. The guys wives left reluctantly with exhaustion, Janette with Lily, then Chris' girlfriend.
Soon around midnight, the only ones left were the guys and Charlie's cousin, Harry. He fit in quite well in their friend group.
The guys began to drink, and Bailey started to tease me. "So Diana," He was already partly drunk having had so much alcohol directly after the burial. He was sprawled along the long couch with Chris. "You and that Eli guy were gone for a while, am I right?"
Chris groaned, giving him a kick. "Shut up, I'm tired of these old guys being attracted to her, she's just a little girl." He said loudly, beginning to get drunk as well.
Harry gave Charlie a discreet look of amusement and Charlie elbowed him roughly.
"No, it's not like that. We were just talking." I said with a chuckle at Chris, sitting alone on the other couch.
Austin nodded with a beer in his hand, giving me a point. "Good answer."
"What the hell are you thinking?" I demanded.
Chris sighed. "It's perfectly normal to have... uh- needs after a loss-"
"Don't shrink me, asshole." I shot at the psychologist, and he raised his hands while Austin told me not to swear. "He's a nice guy, we were just talking about things other than this dreadful day."
"Like what?" James asked, plopping beside me.
"None of your concern, leave me alone." I stood, entering the kitchen to explore the looks of chocolate covered strawberries someone brought. Messy as hell, but delicious as well.
That rhymes.
"God I'm starving."
"You weren't smoking weed with Cole, were you?" Tyler asked suspiciously.
"Dammit, he had weed?" I joked. Austin scolded me again for swearing. I rolled my eyes, locking eyes with Charlie who had an expression telling me to watch my mouth. I loved him. "No, I just haven't eaten all day."
"Yeah, well, you need real food." Bailey told me.
"Then get me some."
"He's drunk, that wouldn't be the best idea." Charlie added in, his voice sending me in circles.
"Are you volunteering?" I joked, seeing him light up a bit.
"Yeah, go get us some food, Chance." Barely-sober-Chris said.
"Diana, go with him so you can make him buy it." Harry said.
Bailey laughed while Tyler and Austin raided the fridge together. "I bet that's so weird, being in a car with your teacher."
Harry suddenly choked on his beer and casually recovered, coughing a bit. He looked at Charlie. "You're her teacher?"
Charlie just rubbed his head, probably feeling as uncomfortable as me.
"I mean, not really. He took me to Austin's house before, remember?" I added in with casualty while Harry gaped at his cousin.
James nodded. "I remember that. That was the night after we all got drunk and passed out in here."
I ate my strawberries silently.
"Hey, I'm not drunk yet, what do you want to eat, Diana?" James asked kindly, standing.
"I'm not drunk either." Charlie said back- the grump.
"You're old." Was James comeback. I made the mistake of laughing.
"I'm not old." He grumbled.
"It's alright, we have food here." I said, saving myself from more uncomfort. Harry was still gaping between Charlie and I.
"That was a lot of people." I added on in thought after a silence.
Austin came around and sat down while the rest of the guys did as well, taking up space on the floor while I sat by James again. Harry and Charlie and Tyler sat on another couch across from the one I sat on. They all had beers in their hands. "Sure was." Austin agreed tiredly. "Dad had a lot of friends."
"Yeah, I felt so famous knowing him." James chuckled.
Thoughts of the new friend I had floated in my mind. His words, his smile, his genuine eyes. "He said I reminded him of dad." I suddenly said.
They looked at me. "Who?"
"Eli. He said I reminded him of dad."
Tyler grinned. "What else did he say?"
"Oh shut up." I threw a pillow at him.
"No, I'm serious, isn't he the one your dad wanted you to be with?"
I flushed. "He's nice, that's all."
"Do you like him?"
"Idiot, she just got out of a relationship with Andy Carl, it's way too early for her to be liking someone else." James said, sounding like Austin.
I rolled my eyes, but on the outside feeling awkward with the guy I'm in love with in front of me. I looked at James. "Stop talking, you're beginning to sound like Austin."
"Actually, that's something Chris would say." Austin defended.
"True." Chris added.
I said nothing for the sake of my irritation. And, of course, Charlie's as well. It was pointless.
"Claire looked hot." Tyler said, nudging Charlie, but not in a suggestive way, more in a somber 'you should listen to what I'm saying' way. Charlie replied with nothing, a glare on his face, directed at the floor. I felt embarrassed for him.
Austin released a thick sigh, looking truly concerned for his friend- for my teacher. "Come on, Chance, she's such a nice girl, and really beautiful. And she still digs you, why did you end things like that?"
I held in a laugh, not very successful, "Did you just say digs? How old are you, fifteen?"
He ignored me, James laughed lightly.
"I don't like her, goddammit, it's not a big deal." Charlie snapped.
"Why were you so angry when you were with her? Honestly, any guy would be lucky to even have Claire look their way." James said beside me.
He was so right, though.
Austin leaned forward, "Yeah, I don't get it, you were... you were strangely happy before getting back together with her. And then-"
"I don't like Claire, what don't you fucking understand about that?" He barked angrily, and they took it all in casualty- as of they were used to it. They probably were.
Everyone went quiet. Harry looked nervous, but I was fine. I liked Claire, and I saw her perfection. Just like Charlie, I was getting questioned about my decision with Andy. Only, I had feelings for the sweet man.
"It's someone else isn't it?" James leaned forward with a playful nod, looking sneaky woth his narrowed eyes and smirk. I held in a blush.
"Holy shit, it is," Bailey perked up in excitement.
"Who, Chance?" Tyler asked quickly, as all the guys leaned into him to wait to hear a name.
The silence was nerve-wracking, and short. Short- thanks to me. "Oh my god, it's already one in the morning?" I stood casually, "I need to go to bed."
"'Night, Dye." James said, and Harry seemed to let out a breath he was holding. He was a nice guy. Sarcastic- but nice.
"See you later." I told him. "Good night guys!" I said in nonchalance, already heading up the stairs. They mumbled goodbyes, but still focused on Charlie, the poor mean man. My man.