"Oh my god." I sighed long and hard, hearing as my brothers fought off the photographers.
This sudden exposure was surreal. I didn't know what to do, but I knew I wanted to talk to someone. Charlie couldn't quite be an option, so I told myself, but also I had no urge to reach out to Erin. Andy was for sure a no, but how I wanted his advice, because he knew what to do in situations like these. He lives in this life of fame, and I was suddenly a pawn in the tabloids to lure in all these nosy, boring people.
I was beginning to feel I would never be able to glue myself back together.
...
I couldn't go to school that Friday, my brothers wouldn't let me.
The photographers were camped out in front of my house as if that were legal, and my brother's tried calling the police, but they said to give it time, unless they were causing physical harm.
I had no way of contacting Charlie to let him know why I wouldn't be coming in that days, nor could I inform my friends, so I stayed. I was locked inside as there was a faint chatter of photographers in my front yard, and I was angry at all of them. I had a reason to be, as well, but I was mostly mad they were blocking my way to Charlie. That Friday passed on as I slept the whole day.
They left. One by one, the photographers were gone, but I couldn't be so sure.
My brother's had told Tyler what was going on, and Tyler told Cole, who told Mr. Grant, I had hoped. But what I knew was Toby was told by Cole, and told Tyler to tell me to be very careful, because those nosy journalists were never gone. They were always somewhere, so Bailey told me not to go anywhere for a while.
This killed me when Sunday came along.
I wondered all day, what was he doing? Was he getting ready to meet his father? What was he wearing? Oh god, I knew he was freaking out. He'd usually be coming to me for advice on what to do, or ranting on how stupid he was being for seeing this man in the first place. I just wanted to be some source of comfort to him, but this was difficult.
It began to be so difficult for me, I had to go to Chris.
"I need to call Charlie- I mean Chance." I said when I went into the office Chris used for his side work when he was sorting through files.
He stopped and looked up at me in shock, then he rubbed his ears, and asked me what it was I had said. I repeated myself.
"Are you crazy, Diana? Why would I let you call Chance?"
"Because I need to talk to him."
"You're not allowed to, and you know that."
I went over to his organized desk and pulled up a leg rest to sit and look seriously into his eyes. "Please."
He just looked really confused. I knew Chris didn't hate me for loving his friend, but he knew he shouldn't let me speak with him unless for a valid reason, I assumed. "Why?"
"Do you know what he's got planned for today?" I said, feeling he'd know.
"We don't talk to Chance, anymore, Diana, why would I know?"
This, I didn't know. "He's going to see his father. And he's probably freaking out right now because he has no one to talk to about it. You know he wouldn't dare call his mom about this."
I saw as I spoke, Chris looked a little worried, but mostly shocked, as if it wasn't believable. Then he shook his head. "How do you know this?"
"Because he told me."
"When?"
"Thursday."
"You're not allowed to be talking to him, Diana, how did he tell you?" He demanded, but not in a demanding way. Chris used his psychologist skills to sound calm and at ease, but he was my brother. And I knew he was not happy about the fact that I spoke to Charlie when I wasn't allowed to.
"We're still able to talk during lunch, idiot. And after school."
Chris looked frustrated. "What is the matter with the two of you?-"
"It doesn't matter that we talked, Chris, think about him. He's your friend."
"He's not my friend, and you know that."
"He was."
"That was before he was sneaking around with you, and that's weird. So no, he's not my friend."
"You're supposed to be a reasonable man. Don't you see how ridiculous it is that you won't even talk to him?" I knew what I was saying was getting to him. I was glad, too, because Chris was closest to me at the time and I was beginning to convince him to allow me to talk to Charlie. "He doesn't have anyone if you take away his friends, too."
Chris was silent for a while, and I saw that his mind was feeling for Charlie. He seemed to be thinking of an alternative to how he was treating his old friend, and I knew it bothered him. Finally, he spoke. "Is he really planning on seeing his father?"
"That's what he told me. He was also not sure if he was going, but I told him to. Now that he doesn't have anyone to talk to, I have no idea what he's planning on doing."
My brother groaned loudly, rubbing his head. "Dammit, the guys are going to kill me for this..." He grabbed his phone and dialed. "You stay in here, and put it on speaker."
I jumped up when he went to grab his phone and I hugged him tightly, thanking him repeatedly, and he only pushed me back like a brother would. "Wait," My expression turned to confusion. "Why do you have to monitor our conversation? He's not selling me drugs or anything."
"Don't ask questions, be happy I'm letting you talk to the creep."
"I am happy, thank you. But he's not a creep."
Chris ignored me and turned the phone on speaker.
"What." That curt voice brought goosebumps to me, and I missed him so much, the giddy feeling in me wanted to hug that angry man and feel him warm beside me.
"What's with you?" I said with a hint of sarcasm, as if he knew he was talking to me, and I heard as the tension lessened. I loved that about us.
"Diana," He breathed out in strong relief. "God, it feels so good to hear your voice. Cole told me about the journalists, are you okay? I wanted to go over there, but I didn't want to risk anything."
I smiled. "Yes, I'm fine. I don't think they're here anymore but I can't be too sure. I called because I wanted to see if you're doing okay."
"When am I ever doing okay without you?" He flatly asked.
I rolled my eyes at him. "I mean because you're going to see you dad, right?"
He cursed on the other line. "I don't know what I'm going to do about that..."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know what to wear, or what to say, or how to fucking feel. I'm a mess without you here to make stupid jokes that you think are funny when they aren't, or do that thing where you pet me like a dog and it's degrading, but I still really like it for some reason. Or when you tell me things I don't want to hear but they're true, like how I need to see my dad even if I don't want to and shit. Man, I miss you."
I was going to say I missed him, too, but I chose with ignoring that part. "Did you say my jokes aren't funny?"
He chuckled suddenly, and I felt it had been so long since I heard that from him, although it was only a few days prior. "I'm only kidding."
I knew he wasn't, but didn't care. "So you're going to see him?"
He breathed deeply. "I don't know, Diana... It's gonna be awkward as fuck."
"Well you're an awkward, guy." I joked.
"Y'know, you really got me fucked up if I missed you making fun of me."
"That's called love, Charles." I joked once more.
"Don't call me that, you sound like my grandma."
I laughed at him, feeling lighter than I had in so long. "Hi Chance." Chris suddenly spoke, and I was reminded that he was in the same room, listening to our conversation. I flushed, realizing we probably sounded like stupid children.
"Chris?" Charlie's deep voice spoke in confusion. "Where'd Diana go?"
"I'm still here." I said, feeling like I was patting a child's hand to let him know I wasn't going anywhere.
"You're on speaker. You doin alright?" Chris asked, casually. Kindly, but still with a hint of hardness that said he only asked because it was right.
"I'm fine." He told Chris as if it were a usual response to that question, but he was always honest with me.
"Diana said you're going to see your dad?"
I knew Charlie was annoyed that I told him in that moment. "Of course she did..." He muttered. "Uh, yeah. I am."
"I'm glad to hear that, man. Good for you."
"Yeah. Can I talk to Diana alone?"
"No."
I rolled my eyes. "It's fine, Charlie, forget he's here."
"No, it's weird."
That stubborn man was being so... stubborn. I saw that coming, but was quite irritated with Chris for having to say something like the idiot he was. "Stop being difficult, this is the only way we can talk to each other."
He sighed deeply, and eased up on me immediately. "I'm sorry."
"It's fine. When and where are you going to see him?"
"I should be on my way now, but-"
"Jesus, Charlie."
"But he deserves to wait. I was planning on being late, anyway. I want him to think I'm not really gonna come because he's a pathetic asshole."
"What are you wearing?"
"Diana, don't get kinky with me right now, your brother is here." He joked as well, and I had to laugh at him, knowing that Chris knew he was joking, too.
"You're an idiot."
"I didn't know what to wear, so I'm going in that plain green shirt."
"Wear the white polo, it brings out your eyes." I half joked, because it really did bring out his creamy coffee eyes.
I could see him rolling his eyes at me, but listening anyway. "No, mom."
"You say no, but I know you're looking for it in your closet right now."
"Shut up." He told me.
From the office with Chris, I heard the front door open and slam shut, and heard Austin shout that he was here. Chris looked at me, telling me to bring the conversation to an end before Austin came up.
"Are you good now, Charlie?" I said, wrapping up our conversation.
Charlie's voice went worried and he seemed to be alert. "Where are you going? Don't leave me now, I have no idea what I'm gonna do."
My heart ached in guilt at his helpless voice and Chris rubbed his forehead roughly as he was wondering what was the right thing to do. Austin shouted that he was there, and I heard as he dropped his keys in a random spot as always, and was probably about to get his water. Soon he'd be trudging up the stairs to see if I was there.
"I- I'm sorry, I have to go. Austin just got here-"
"I'll be fine." He breathed out, luckily not irritated with me, but with the situation. I still felt bad.
"I really am sorry. I hope everything goes alright, please just stay calm and be nice."
"Be nice?" Charlie repeated in almost ironic confusion.
Austin was drinking his glass of water.
"Yes, be nice. I know you're capable."
"Maybe to you."
"I'll see you soon, you big dumby." I told him, feeling slightly childish but not caring the slightest.
Austin began up the stairs.
"I hope so. Bye baby, thanks for finding a way to talk to me."
I smiled at his calm. "No problem."
"I love you."
Austin was down the hall.
"I love you, bye."
And I ended the call.
"That was fucking weird." Chris grumbled.
"What was?" Austin's voice made me jump in shock. My face probably matched Chris', because while our complexion was the same, we often both turned red when put in uncomfortable situations. My cheeks felt on fire. "What's going on?" Austin stepped in, looking at the phone placed between Chris and I.
My favorite brother at the time and I were both silent.
Austin's patience shortened. "Hey," He snapped when we shared a glance. I was awaiting for Chris to lie, or for him to admit to Austin that he allowed me to talk to Charlie, and then get angry at me for making him feel bad for me. I was awaiting Chris' anger and hatred for the relationship I shared with his former friend, and I squeezed my eyes shut fearing the moment.
When I opened them, Chris was standing. "Austin," He began, "We can't keep them apart."
My jaw slowly fell open when I looked up at him, because this was no matter of "we can't keep them apart because they'll always find a way" but because "we can't keep them apart because it's wrong to do so." My brother's tone spoke to say that he didn't want to be the bad guy anymore. My heart almost exploded with hope and excitement. And worry. Because Austin turned red as well.
"What?" He seethed, and I squinted my eyes to see if there was truly steam erupting from him ears, because I wouldn't be surprised if it happened.
Chris stepped around me, as if guarding me from my brother's wrath, and I had never felt so protected. "They love each other, Austin." Chris said, as if finally seeing it himself, as if finally comprehending that this was love.
"Yeah, she said she loved Andy Carl, too, but look how easily she trashed him."
Chris advanced a step toward Austin, and I held in the offence from his hurtful words, trying not to care much about it. Hell, why did it always hurt? "She loved him, too, but this is not about Andy Carl. I let her call him just now-"
"Why the fuck did you do that?" Austin shouted, and Chris being the calm psychologist he was, remained strong and held the same tone he had when beginning the conversation.
"Chance is seeing his father today."
"I don't give a shit what Chance it doing today, why did you allow them to speak to each other?"
"They speak to each other regardless of our rules, listen to me. You didn't hear their conversation, I did." Chris spoke as if he was the older brother, as if he held the upper hand in their argument, and Austin listened in fury, and disagreement. "They love each other, Austin-"
"You said that-"
"Don't fucking interrupt me," Chris scolded as if speaking to a child, and Austin quieted down from the power in Chris' tone. I was even a little intimidated. "She calms him. I've never heard Chance so kind to someone, and... happy. They make each other happy. Chance is miserable without her, Audie. I want you to see that there is no harm in them seeing each other. It's actually quite the opposite."
Austin did nothing for a while. He stared, he fumed, his jaw clenched and unclenched about a hundred times. All the while my heart was the only sound I could comprehend. Until my oldest brother spoke. "Chance can go to hell." And he turned and whirled open the door, stomping downstairs and leaving the house. I stood and hugged Chris from behind as hard as I could, and he coughed.
"Okay, Diana," He said, trying to pry me off, but I began to cry a little, and laugh at the same time. I squeezed him so hard he tried turning to push me off but all I did was sob with laughter.
"Thank you so much." I brightly laughed, and he sighed, hugging me back.
"It's fucking weird for him, Diana." He began to gently defend Austin immediately, but it was okay. I actually wanted to hear the true feelings behind Austin's hatred between his old friend and I. "It's weird for all of us. We were there when Chance was at his worst. All I can remember of him is his hatred for women, and his disrespect for his mother. We met him the year after his dad left, so he was pretty fucked up. He slept around a lot, and he was the most depressed man I've ever met. And... you're our baby sister. Thinking of you two together just feels wrong, but if you truly say he loves you, and you love him, I won't get in the way of that."
I released him and looked up with a sigh along with tears streaked cheeks, and a smile that came from the depths of my touched heart. "I know it's lame to say, and cliche and overused... but- I don't think I'll love anyone as much as I love him. I love Andy, I do and I always will, but Charlie is the one I don't want to be without. Andy understands that."
Chris stared at me, and soon released an overwhelmed breath, patting my shoulder and saying, "I can't believe I'm letting this happen" to himself, then to me, "My keys are in the kitchen, go surprise him or something."
I laughed again, wiping the tears before they came and gave my brother a big kiss on the cheek, then ran to the door, bumping into Bailey on my way out. He held an expression I could not read, but I did not care at the moment. Permission from one brother, is permission from all. And all is always enough. It didn't make sense, but it was what I said when I was little. Only, normally it was Bailey who'd let me do whatever I wanted. I had no idea what he thought at the moment, but I didn't fucking care.
Just as I was about to push Bailey aside, he grabbed my shoulder to stop me, and his eyes turned shocked as they met with Chris'. Again, I didn't know what would happen. But Bailey's eyes met mine, and he handed me my phone, reluctantly. I screamed as I ran to my room, stripping off my clothes and running through the halls into the shower, shaving and getting pretty, and putting on one of my favorite dresses. I grabbed homework, and ran down to Chris' car and drove to Charlie's apartment, not even caring that my car was at Bailey's house. I didn't have a care in the world. I would see him, and not have to feel wrong about it.