I was doing homework on his couch when hearing his door unlock, and he entered. I stood and he froze, staring at me. I tried to keep a straight face, but it was honestly impossible as I broke into a smile, and jumped onto him in a hug and squealed. "Chris! It was- He- He- Oh, I love you, Charlie," I laughed in happiness as he carried me, hugging me back in shock and confusion, because I tried to explain to him that things were okay. That I could see him without being hated from someone, and that I gained permission. I wanted to tell him all of it, but I was on happiness overload, I couldn't speak.
"What? What's going on, Diana? How'd you get here?"
"Chris." I finally spoke calmly when he set me down, and he grabbed my face, reading my happiness and looking like he was ready to feel the same. "Chris- he- he said he's okay with us. Well, he said he thinks it's really weird, but he confronted Austin right in front of me, and told him that they shouldn't be keeping us from each other."
"Took the asshole long enough." Charlie muttered, and I hit his arm, having him apologize. Charlie then looked confused, as if he didn't believe what I was saying. But it was the truth, and his shock seemed to overwhelm him, much like the day he probably had. I wanted to know what happened with his father, but he and I were in a different situation.
He kissed me.
Old fashioned, hair gripping, classic dipping me over kiss, and he was definitely as happy as I was.
Charlie's phone rang, and I laughed, telling him to go ahead. He checked the caller ID and answered carelessly, "I can't talk right now dad, call me in about an hour." And he ended the call, picking me up and rushing over to his room.
"Dad? An hour? Jesus, what are you doing to me?" I laughed as he threw me onto his bed and undressed me.
Charlie was right- with all that excitement, an hour was definitely needed.
...
"You know that with your GPA, how late you send your applications won't matter too much." Connor told me when we were at his house the next day, talking about college.
Right as I was about to reply, Cole burst through the door, throwing his stuff on the ground as if he lived there, and looked at us all. "You won't believe what a shit day I've had."
"My day was great." I said back, seeing him flatly look at me, but a smile betrayed his irritation with me. "What happened?"
He groaned loudly, and Erin threw him the expensive wine she had and he looked at it. "Not strong enough." And he threw it back, going to fetch something stronger from Connor's parents' liquor cabinet, coming back as he took a painful looking gulp and plopped beside Erin on the floor. "So, I was going to apply to Stanford, right?"
"I thought you did apply to Stanford?" Connor interjected, and Cole told him to shut the fuck up and let him talk, so Connor rolled his eyes and took the liquor from his friend.
"My counselor called me in today to tell me I got expected into Sanford."
"That's great, Cole!" Erin began, but Cole cut her off with true irritation.
"Not Stanford. Sanford. I forgot the fucking T."
The three of us went quiet, trying to process what he had just said, and Erin was the first to burst into laughter. "Oh my god, you fucking idiot."
I couldn't help it, I laughed, too. Along with Connor, who continuously accused Cole of being a dumbass. Cole was pissed, so I crawled over to him and gave him a hug, but couldn't control my laughter at the same time. He didn't hug me back. "I'm so so- so sorry, Cole." I said between heavy breaths of laughter, and he glared, taking the liquor back from Connor and taking another burning gulp. I laughed, feeling light and happy again. My poor friend's situation was hilarious. Erin hugged him as well, and Cole just sat bored and annoyed.
"It's not fucking funny."
"That really sucks, though." Connor said, wiping laughter tears from his face. I was still laughing. "No more wine for Diana." Connor said.
And we did our usual. We talked like teenagers who had no idea what they wanted with their lives and got really, really drunk.
...
Months passed. And when graduation day came, I was afraid to even look at Charlie.
Because that was the day I decided I would tell him.
I would tell him that I had applied to a liberal arts school in New Jersey, and that I got accepted. I would tell him that I would be moving halfway across the country for four- maybe more- years. I had known for a while prior to that day. April 23rd. Charlie introduced me to his father that day.
Him and his father were not close. There would always be tension; one that would just sit in the air as if it were to not even attempt to make itself comfortable. A tension that nothing could erase. But his father made an effort, and Charlie was suspicious.
"Daniella?" His father had greeted me with a hand out.
"Diana." I corrected with a smile, and took his hand. His father was tall, like Charlie. Held a bold voice, like Charlie. His father had the same glare just like Charlie, but most if all what I could see- something Charlie never would- was that his father held remorse. Self hatred. Like Charlie once had. I'm not sure whether this man's self-hatred was inflicted by the fact that he was absent most of his only son's depressing life, or maybe the fact that his had abandoned. The idea of that in itself hurt me.
Charlie's father had dinner with us, talked with me most of the time. Charlie spoke little.
But when his father was almost out the door he turned to his son and said, "I like her. She's a good girl."
And that, I felt, was the first time Charlie's dad saw his eyes light up, and a small smile reach his lips. His smile of pride. He was proud he kept me, and proud his father was recognizing that. "You did good, Chance. Don't screw it up." And his father was out the door, and I was in Charlie's arms.
"I'm gonna try to call Austin, today."
"Why?" I asked, confused to why he had to break our moment by telling me that.
"To set things right. I want to be with you, Diana. I want Austin to see that."
I agreed, but Austin didn't. That night we drove separately back to my house, and my brothers were hosting their family dinner at my house. Charlie wasn't invited(under Austin's command) but Charlie said it was urgent.
I'll never forget, the moment we stepped into my house- my oldest brother looked up, and I held Charlie's hand.
We all waited. We waited for Austin to say something, to react, for Charlie to apologize. But all that happened was Charlie leaving my side to stand right in front of Austin, both sharing a glare that was the way one would look off into a sunset too bright while staring out at the calmness of waves. It was a serene moment, but still. When Austin set his hand on Charlie's shoulder, they both stood strong, and Charlie did it back.
Then they hugged.
James came over to me and threw an arm around my shoulders. "Diana Apollo, always attracting the old men." And I elbowed him in the ribs.
"You don't hurt her, alright? That's all I have to say." Austin said. "If I so much as hear you've made her cry over the pettiest argument, I'll fuck you up."
I rolled my eyes, seeing Charlie agree.
It was that night they all caught up with Charlie, and played a long game of Catan and drank wine. It was during when all the guys were talking like the old friends they were, when I walked out to get the mail, and stood. Stood shocked when seeing the college letter from Drew University stacked on top of bills and junk mail, and I read it. Immediately, I read it to hear my acception letter, and I cried. Only for a minute, of course, because I still had to get back in the house, and pretend nothing happened.
All of that night was difficult. First of all, I had no idea I even had a chance to go to that college, but I did. Even if it was extremely expensive, I knew this would take the whole of my parents money left for me. I'd need to get an apartment, I'd need to get books, I'd need to pay for the education of course, but I also knew that I was going to get a few scholarships to help me out. The planning was taking over my mind, and I was so nervous. I just couldn't believe it. Part of me felt I would end up going- the furthest- to UT Austin, because I had a full ride, but this private liberal arts school is exclusive. It was expensive just to apply, and I believed it was a long shot. That entire night I kept asking myself if it was possible. If it was real. It was.
That night I walked Charlie to my door before he left and he gave me a casual smile. "This is perfect, Diana." He had said.
I nodded. "Goodnight, Charlie."
And he leaned in to kiss me. It was long and cozy, with the feeling of summer creeping in between the both of us. It was the feeling of the world saying it was okay for us to be in love.
Then came graduation.
The thing was, when I went to Eli to ask if this was the right thing, and he told me whatever results in my happiness as well as success is the right thing. He asked who this benefited, I told him both of us would be benefited. We'd get a better place, we'd have better things, I'd have a better education. He told me that I needed to do it- because in his eyes it was an amazing opportunity.
"Hey, relax, it'll be okay." Charlie told me when I was standing, slightly restless and uneasy in line for our graduation seating.
"I am relaxed, why are you telling me that?" I forced out in irritation.
"Hey," he said, trying to be discreet and not sound like he was overstepping the teacher-student boundary. "I know you're nervous. You'll be fine, just breathe."
"Mr. Grant," A teacher called. "We need you." He gave me a small smile of strength, and left to help the other teachers.
I don't know why I was so nervous. Maybe it was because the co-valedictorian had the flu on graduation night so I had to step in and say my own speech. Last minute, so I had nothing written.
When the time came, I was to step up and talk. I had no idea what to say, but there were so many people. My school was pretty big, so when I looked out to see thousands and thousands of people in the stands, like family and graduates, so I froze. Then I saw Erin, and she gave me a proud grin.
Then I began.
I began with smiles coming from all over the crowd, I began with hearing the soft chatter of people telling people to shut up. I began with a joke.
A joke so stupid, everyone laughed.
I went on to smoothly connect it with my intro, my intro I made in my head right at that moment, and after that everything about my school's pride and beauty went pouring out. I said, "We did it!" Because we had.
I laughed when I realized I had said something stupid, and they laughed along. In the end I ended with a happy goodbye to the life of a teenager. It was beautiful while it lasted.
...
"Aw Diana, that was such a good speech." Janette said to me when the ceremony was over. I had my black graduation gown on my arm, wearing a simple white dress under and decided to be done with pictures. "Can we go?" I asked. "I think I've gone blind from all the camera flash."
Janette laughed at me, but just in that moment there were hundreds of flashes in our school stadium, and I heard the questions that once had given me a nightmare. Consistent, prying, aggressive, "Diana Apollo!" "-with Andy Carl?" "Why the sudden...-" "Was it because...-" "-loved someone else?"
They were everywhere, and I was just standing there, trying to hide behind Janette when my brothers came around and pulled me back, while teachers shouted at the photographers that they needed to leave.
I wondered where Charlie was. Then I as Bailey was dragging me to the outside of the stadium, I ran into Toby, who was harshly speaking to someone beside him.
"Andy, get out of here- oh, Diana? Are you okay?" Toby said.
The voices of the photographers grew louder. But I wasn't listening to them, or Toby, or Bailey. I stood in front of Andy, and watched his eyes light up staring back into mine, and he made a move to reach out to touch me, maybe caress my cheek, or brush my hair back, god wasn't it so wrong how I wanted to kiss him? The moment was interrupted by Toby, who shoved him back and pulled him to safety somewhere else, but not before calling, "Sorry, Dye, great speech by the way!"
And Andy's eyes still hadn't left mine as I whispered his name, waiting for him to speak mine, but it was too late. Bailey had pulled me away as well and we were sprinting to my car.
When we safely arrived back at my home, we sat in my car, not saying a word.
"You still love each other." He simply said.
"I haven't seen him since the family gathering before the funeral." I said defensively.
"I know."
Then we were silent, as the rest of the family pulled up and soon Charlie was there too, and Bailey squeezed my shoulder, as if saying it's time to face reality. Too bad I also needed to figure out how I was going to tell Charlie I was leaving in a month.
"Diana, are you okay?" Charlie ran over to examine me and I rolled my eyes.
"I'm fine, I wasn't touched, idiot." I smiled at him, and he released a breath.
"You scared me, just sprinting off like that."
"I was almost blind, I had to."
He shook off his worry it seemed like, and he kissed me lovingly, and then it erased the memory of Andy's sweet eyes longingly watching me, and my eyes that were probably the same to him. Charlie was the one brushing my hair back as he leaned down to take over my lips.
"Alright, that's disgusting, you guys come in soon." Chris said as they went into the house, and Bailey muttered, "I'm gonna throw-up."
We released each other and he pressed his forehead to mine. God how I wanted to stay like that forever, but I couldn't.
This was the perfect opportunity to tell him- so I took it.
"Charlie," I started off, deep breath, and took his hands. "I'm going away for a while."
What is this, am I a father leaving his child to go into hiding? It sounded stupid, and I wasn't straight forward enough.
His eyes watched me in question. "I'll- uh, I'll explain to everyone else." Was what I said instead, and went inside.
"Guys," I called to them. "I have an announcement."
My brothers and their girlfriends gathered around, Austin's daughter, Connor, Cole, and Erin were there, alone with James and Tyler, and then Charlie who stood beside me, confused.
It was time. "I'm going to college!" Said simply. I knew I needed to explain after a silence passed. I released a huge sigh. "I got accepted into Drew University in New Jersey. It's a private school for liberal arts." More silence. "And I'm going."
That was when my supportive family embraced me tightly and Austin kissed my head, Bailey ruffled my hair and Chris squeezed me way too tight. My friends, in shock because they knew how difficult it was to get into that school, they hugged me simultaneously and said how proud they were.
Then I looked at Charlie, who was already out the door. Then it was silent.
This is what I was afraid of.
And I excused myself, and followed him to the apartment.
"Charlie," I called in almost exhaustion when I was chasing him up the stairs and into his house.
He turned, and it was really difficult to read his expression. "You're leaving me?"
Oh my god.
"No. Jesus, no, I'm just going to college." I said in frustration, throwing my hands up as if he was being completely ridiculous. Because he was.
"Halfway across the goddamn country!" He shouted at me, and I rubbed my head, knowing this was going to come soon.
"Idiot, I love you, you really think I'm leaving to be away from you?"
"It doesn't matter, because you're still leaving." He growled back, turning around and looking like he needed to hit the wall. I didn't care, and wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him with everything I had.
"But I'm coming back."
"You swore you'd never leave me again."
"My god, I'm coming back!" I shouted in frustration.
"For how long?" He shouted back at me. "How long until you find someone else?"
"Charlie, are you serious?" I marveled in shock as I slammed his apartment door shut. "I've told you before, no amount of miles or money or love from anybody else can change the fact that I love you more than anybody. And that's never going to change."
I had tried to keep hold of his hands as he pulled away from me, but he yanked himself free easily and stomped around, "You can't go."
"But I am, and it's for a good reason! I'll be back sooner than you know."
Ignoring my pleads, his temper snapped like a twig, "If you go, I won't hesitate to date Claire again."
I froze, staring at him in disbelief. "Charlie, don't you dare play with that nice woman's feelings like that. That's cruel."
"And even more cruel that you're here playing with mine." He shouted, throwing something, and collapsing onto the couch, sitting forward with his hands buried in his face. I didn't say anything, and sat beside him to gently brush through his hair. "I just can't fathom it, Diana." He told me. "You leave and when I'm with Claire, all you care about is her feelings? What about mine? Can't you see how in love with you I am?"
I wrapped my arms around one of his arms and leaned onto him. "I need you to understand I'm leaving for a wonderful reason. I'm going to get a degree, so I can make something of myself. I'll visit more than once a year, and we'll have the best I-miss-you-sex anyone could imagine. I'll come back and get a job, and we can either stay in this cozy apartment, or get something else. We'll get a dog, too." I told him, completely convincing myself that this was totally going to work. He was silent. "Or a fish, if you want." But he didn't find my comments funny.
He shook me off of him, and it hurt. I don't think he's ever done that before, peel me off him as if I held some terrible disease. He put a mean space between the two of us. "Diana, if you leave." He began in such a serious tone, I worried for out relationship at that moment. "Know that I won't want to hear from or see you again."
I stared at his face while he stared away from mine. "You don't mean that," I said softly, as if trying to tell myself he was lying, but the longer I watched him, the more I realized how stubborn he was, and that he truly was not planning on seeing me at all. "Charlie?" I said, horse enough to realize I was on the verge of crying.
Shit. I thought. I thought I was done crying.
"Is that really what you want?" My face tickled with running tears.
"It is." He said back, and I released a breath, and didn't know what to do, so I sprinted to my car and sped to Erin's house as quick as I could.