I had forgotten all about my mother's issue, being a daughter who was abandoned for so many years and a woman who had gotten used to an independent life style i had totally forgotten her matter while leading my busy life.
Still, a certain someone's sharp memory and big brain can't compare to my single thought oriented intellect, Eliyas didn't forget about her at all.
Within a week he not only had reached her, but had arranged for her to come to Algeria and made her set an appointment to meet me when she was ready, naturally, he only told me about the meeting in the eve of the due date.
If my estimations are correct: counting the time needed for my mother to work her papers, to come to Algeria, to rest and think for days before meeting me, i bet that husband of mine had already found her within hours after i asked him to!
I didn't of course think of how terrifyingly powerful he was.. I was busy throwing my emotions all over the place and thanking him vigorously for finding that woman.
My mother.
I was so nervous about meeting her, i wanted to look proper so i dragged Eliyas with me to the mall and made him choose an outfit for me to wear since he had a better taste in this aspect, he needed to wear sunglasses of course as a disguise to accompany me because, after all, he was famous among the public.
He rarely appeared in interviews so people could only recognize him from the pictures in the magazines, luckily, putting just sunglasses made this task of recognizing him rather hard, and the people who looked our way while we walked inside the crowded mall didn't particularly focus on his face because there were much more "distracting visuals" about him:
like how tall he was, how straight his stand was, how exquisite his manners were. He was very eye-catching that i had already regretted my decision of taking him to such a crowded mall before i even reached the store i wanted to visit.
_"why are you smiling? Are you happy that all people are looking at you?" I asked displeased while we were taking the extremely crowded escalator.
He looked at me and answered:
_" i had just remembered how you used to take me to places around your small town when we were younger and tricked me into buying you all sorts of stuff"
As for these particular events he was referring to, they had truly happened many years ago when i was a child.. Precisely 8 years old.
Eliyas who is 4 years older than me and who was 12 years old at the time suddenly caught a severe case of respiratory allergy so the doctors had advised his family to take him live in the fresh air of the countryside. His father .. Mr belguassem filladi, being the busy man that he was, simply decided to throw his sickly son in front of our door saying that they couldn't possibly accompany their son to live in a countryside since they had to stay in D city, that they can't as well let him live alone so the only option that they had was to bring him to live with his uncle who they trusted.
Even though we didn't live in a countryside, but a small town's air was still better than that of a big city.
Initially i had objected to him living with us, especially when my room was taken away from me to donate it to his highness. I had yelled and caused chaos for days before i finally calmed down when one night he had a severe breathing difficulty and my father and I ended up accompanying him to the hospital.
The 12 years old Eliyas wasn't at all as tough as the older him, he was such a crying baby, He cried awfully because he couldn't breathe, he cried even more when the oxygen mask he was wearing made his head feel drowsy.
While observing him in such a condition i decided that it was my responsibility to help him restore his health back, so i patted on his hair and trying to motivate him i said:
_"cousin, don't cry anymore.. Make sure that you get your health back very soon, i'm going to take you to amazing places"
My words worked like magic, not only that brat was healed from his breathing crisis and we left the hospital.. He even woke me up so early in the next morning saying:
_" it's the day already, now take me to these amazing places you spoke about"
In the days that he had earlier spent with us he noticed that i came back home every day dirtied with mud or wet to the bones from playing in the river, so this wealthy family's pretty boy who haven't experienced a much of funny childhood had anticipated with shining eyes me taking him to places our parents would punish us if they know we visited.
Being the generous little girl that i was i had satisfied this hidden desire of his, i even introduced him to my friends and we strolled in the muddy streets and green wheat fields from sunrise to sunset, But of course nothing comes for free in life, knowing that he came from a rich family i had often taken him to stores and made him buy me all sorts of sweets and toys.
In the end when he left our house when school started i was the one who wept his departure like no one else did, The reason for that being that i was young and naive.
I felt so annoyed because he spoke about that period in my dark past, i gazed at him very displeased and said:
_"such a stingy man, don't you worry .. I will be paying for my clothes! You're just here for sight seeing"
He looked at me pensively and then said:
_"when i was younger, I promised my self that I too will take you to the most amazing of places when you come to our house. I searched all over D city for places you'd definitely enjoy.. I wanted to brag about my hometown as well, surprisingly .. You never visited."
_" you took me nowhere even when we married .. So don't you dare blame that on me" i replied while searching with my eyes for less crowded area in the mall.
The man who was trying to keep up with my pace suddenly said:
_"when we married i just wanted to protect you, i thought i was doing my best to protect you .. In the end it was I who hurt you the most"
I did not want to think about the past, i didn't want to be reminded of how this man had harmed me .. Not even the tiniest bit, so i ignored what he said.
Choosing clothes was not an easy task eventually, i had objections on every piece that he chose for me, in the end i said that i will turn a blind eye and that i will have an absolute trust in whatever he'll choose next, And this is how i ended up buying a sapphire coat with a matching black attire underneath it, Eliyas had insisted on the fact that i looked mature in it.
Since i had a mature set of clothes i wanted to couple that with a mature hair style as well, so I sent him away, and then i visited a famous hair salon, i cut my shoulder length hair to a long edgy bob that slightly swayed around the top of my shoulders when i moved around, i further dyed it dark brown.
I looked very mature in the day when i was going to meet her.
I was thankful to that, because my outer confident look hided how nervous i was from the inside. I had no idea how my mother will look like or what she will say after such a long time, i wondered if she was scared that i will blame her for leaving me behind or that she thought i wanted to take advantage of her, because my mother always had such pessimistic and narrow line of thinking: to her everyone and even the Jin (ghosts) around her are either jealous of her beauty or want to harm her.
If you wonder whether such way of thinking is a sign of paranoia i'd like to tell you that no.. It is not the case, she was just an overly conceited and self-centered person. Such people who illogically believe that the world turns around them are annoyingly abundant in my surrounding, take my in-laws as an example of that.. Each and everyone of them including mr buelguassem Filladi himself, and my mother of course.
My only purpose of meeting her was to simply see her, not more and not less.. I just wanted to see my mother.
_"are you ok?" Eliyas asked while driving us to the restaurant where she was waiting for us to come.
_"i'm nervous" i admitted.
He looked calmly at the street ahead of us, drove accordingly with every law that had ever been set for driving. After a while he added:
_" there's nothing to be nervous about, you're just going to show this lady that you have grown into a mature and beautiful woman, that you did just fine without her for years and won't need her for the years to come as well, and i will be there with you if ever you felt emotional so you don't have to worry"
I looked at him feeling grateful for long minutes.. It was indeed very relaxing that he accompanied me, very reassuring.
When we finally reached the restaurant Eliyas who apparently was very familiar with that high end fancy place walked unhurriedly inside, he made sure that he kept up with my pace with precision that whenever i sped up or slowed down my steps amid the turmoil of my emotions he would always be walking perfectly beside me.
His steps finally came to a halt when we reached a certain private section inside that restaurant, the waitress who led the way all along opened the door towards that room and gestured for us to walk in.
I looked at Eliyas for a split second before fixating my eyes on the door trying to master my courage, after taking a deep breath i walked in there.
Inside the beautifully decorated room there were two people sitting around the table and looking with anticipation towards the door:
The first was a man probably in his early thirties, who slightly resembled the lawyer my mother ran away with but was definitely not him.
As for the second person, it was a woman .. the most beautiful mother the one can have, although her face was no longer as youthful as it was in my memory but she was undeniably a beauty, she had the longest fair hair .. She simply braided it and let her bangs loose all over her face, she wore a simple dress, put on a light makeup but her lipstick was eye-catchingly red.
She looked so beautiful that I, her younger daughter, was compared to a shadow in face of the light.
I surprisingly didn't feel emotional at all initially, especially after seeing the indifferent stare that she casted me.
Such reaction of mine can only be explained by the complicated nature of a human being, although in my heart i just wanted to meet her to make sure that she was alive and healthy, but after seeing her leading what it seemed like a perfect life where she kept her beauty i still felt somehow displeased, because deep inside me -from a corner where all the bad intentions come- i wished that i would meet an old looking thin woman who was treated mercilessly by the time and people and who regretted leaving me.. Calling it the worst decision that she took in her life.
Seeing how good she was doing without me i felt angry because if not for my strong surviver will i wouldn't become what i had become without her around, i wouldn't have had the chance to meet her again in this lifetime and she wouldn't even have cared about that.
_"bonjour" (good day)Â my mother greeted once Eliyas and I were settled in our seats in front of her.
Bonjour!! Since when did that woman start to speak French! The last time i saw her she thought that "shishwaar" was the accurate way a "hair dryer" is pronounced in French and argued with me for a day about it! ( the dryer is called "séchoir" in French, it's pronounced the way you read "seshwar").
After dry greetings between us she pointed to the man sitting beside her and introduced him:
_"this is Nadir Ghemmari, my nephew"
_" where's your husband?" Eliyas interrupted her introduction coldly.
She looked at him cautiously and explained:
_" my husband has an important case in court this week, he couldn't accompany me so my nephew__"
Not even giving her the chance to finish her words, Eliyas ruthlessly interrupted her again:
_"we are all busy people mrs Ghemmari, when i contacted you i had insisted that your husband comes.. i didn't ask for your nephew, should i consider this as disrespect to my regard?"
_" No.. He will definitely come after his court, he will introduce himself properly to Noursine"
Hearing her speak one word after another in perfect French with no interval of Arabic, seeing how scared she was from Eliyas and how little she looked at me in comparison, i felt so regretful that i had contacted this strange lady .. She was not my mother.
_"Noursine?" Eliyas suddenly called my name concerned.
I turned to look at him, that man's warm eyes were looking at me .. With worry and care inside them,
I realised that he was indeed my only family after all.
I lived all sorts of stuff with that man.. Together we reached what was far beyond the point of no return, yet he still refused to go.. Still pushed himself inside my life and constantly reminded me that a marriage is not a bound that should be broken on a whim. Isn't this how a family should be kept?
Wasn't he truly and undoubtedly my only family?
No matter how i resented Eliyas i will always hold a great respect to him, Because he truly acted as per the responsibility a marriage holds.
I smiled to him and i whispered:
_" i'm ok"
_" i'm relieved that your uncle took the responsibility of raising you up, seeing how dearly your cousin is treating you i can see that you were surrounded with love with them, you didn't need me around after all, my decision was right.. we both led a happy separated life eventually" my mother suddenly commented with a smile.
_"i'm not her cousin.. I never was, she's my wife" Eliyas corrected while staring at her in disgust.
I looked at her not believing she was so apathetic as to say these words to me, i felt like an important nerve was cut inside my head, this important nerve must have been in control of my rationality.
Although i initially had no intention of speaking ill to her, but that woman was insupportably heartless.
I laughed mockingly throwing all my emotions and longing in the trash, and then i coldly said to her:
_" relieved? Surrounded with love? are you trying to laugh at your self or trying to laugh at me? I grew up like an orphan although i had a living mother, and now you have the heart to say such words? I feel that i should correct your retorted logic, the person who ought to feel relieved is only the person who was burdened with something, how can you say you feel relieved when your conscience was never burdened to begin with? You never thought about me.. If i was thrown to the dogs in the street you wouldn't care.. You never did."
After i said these words, well.. My tears were already dropping on the back of my hands. And at some point in the middle of my speech i was so hurt by her sight that i bowed my head and finished speaking while looking at my wet with tears hands above my thighs.
To an anonymous observer i would look like a girl who started speaking like a storm and ended her speech with a choked whisper, who looked at her mother confidently and angrily at the beginning and who shrunk her little existence, bowed, cried and trembled like a weak bird.
No matter how strong i got with the passing of days.. I will always remain that young girl who hadn't yet seen much of life when she was abandoned by her mother, and i shall always remain that same girl who cried for continuous days wondering what mistake has she done for her mother to simply leave her behind.
It's exactly as the saying goes: no matter how you resemble a stone.. Your heart is still a piece of soft meat.
When i was in that chaos, crying awfully while trying to suppress my tears at the same time, Eliyas gently wrapped his arms around my shoulders and hugged me to his chest.
He patted on my back .. And caressed my hair while whispering in my ear:
_" you were brave today, just finish what you have to say and we'll go back home"
_"i'm done" i replied.
He hugged me even tighter and then he said addressing the lady and her nephew.
_"you may show yourselves to the door now, as for you Mrs Ghemmari i suggest you contact your husband and tell him that today's disrespectful manners of his had been noted."
The room was soon empty.. And we were left alone.
That woman .. She just left without looking behind her, without even saying another word, without a goodbye.
There i was, having my heart torn in pain over a woman who treated me like an insignificant wall in the room.
After what seemed like forever i finally said with a muffled voice to Eliyas:
_" i still haven't finished speaking with her, i still have questions to ask"
_"i know.. I have questions for her to answer too" he replied.
He finally raised my face to look at his, he immediately grabbed a napkin from above the table and handed it to me saying:
_"now at least you know she's alive.. whenever you feel the need to confront her you tell me, and however you want to punish her tell me as well."
I nodded.
Although Eliyas ordered food for us i still had no heart to eat, when we went home i just sat in front of the tv for hours and had no heart to do anything else.
This physical impotence extended to the week or so to come.. After meeting my mother i just turned into a lifeless vegetable, Such condition should be explained with another humanly nature.. Called "being sad and heartbroken".
I was simply and immensely sad.
No matter how much work i piled to get my self busy or how many hours i spent staring at the tv -and i mean it.. Staring at the moving images in the Tv and not watching their content-, No matter what i did i still felt that deep emptiness and hurt inside me every time i thought about my mother.. and i thought about her all the time.
I was sleeping comfortably one night when suddenly I started being violently shaken from my shoulders in my dream, when i woke up subsequently i found out that i was not dreaming, rather being shaken in reality to wake up, Eliyas who had been kicked out of the room to sleep on the sofa in the living room ever since the boilers were installed was mysteriously sitting in front of me in the bed, his hands holding my shoulders and shaking them.
_"what are you doing?" I asked once i opened my eyes.
_" you were having a nightmare..i couldn't wake you up until i shook your shoulders" he explained while retreating his hands.
He poured glass of water for me from the bottle i usually leave on the counter beside the bed in case i wake up thirsty in the night, and then he said while looking at me:
_" you were yelling and crying"
Only after i finished drinking water that i noticed i was indeed crying: my cheeks were wet, and i was sweating profusely too.
I looked at him a bit confused and i said:
_"but i don't remember seeing any dream .. What was i saying?"
_" what you were saying is not important" he sighed.
He took the glass of water from my hand, put it on the counter. And then he looked at me pensively for long moments before continuing:
_" Noursine .. I'm worried about you."