When i woke up the next day i found Eliyas already awake as his habit of waking up early, he was working too per his habit of working all day long.. The only difference was that this silly man was using his phone instead of his laptop to work because i previously said his laptop was prohibited in the bed, when i opened my eyes i found him struggling in his attempt to zoom in and out to read the files.
I felt somehow guilty about it.
_" you're awake?" He asked.
_"hmm.. I'll go have a shower and then i'll go cook us something for breakfast, we only had take outs for days"
He nodded in agreement with a wide smile.
The reason for my sudden generosity being the mentioned above: feeling guilty.
Actually not only that, ever since that man moved in i was free loading on him in the matter of eating, since he has much more budget for food than the one i can afford, the food he ordered daily was exceptionally delicious and nutritious, not to mention that he always ordered 2 meals without asking whether i wanted to eat with him or not, so it was natural of an economic woman such us myself to help him correct this wasting attitude of his by eating the extra box he ordered.
We shared two meals daily: breakfast and dinner, i had noticed that lately the meals he ordered were getting more generous in both quantity and quality, for example the dinner we had the previous day was a compilation of salads, 2 kinds of soups, a large sized main dish that i need two lines to mention all that it contained, and a fruit salad as a desert.
Although the meals were getting big.. My appetite was dropping even bigger ever since i met my mother, the previous day i reached my bottom line.. I casted the generous meal an indifferent look and then i said to him:
_" i won't help you finish the food today.. You eat it alone.. I'm not hungry."
So yes, a part of me was afraid that this wasteful man will end up buying a whole freaking restaurant's content of breakfast in an attempt to compensate the meal that i had skipped, and yes i'm not blind, i had long figured out that the source of his increasing generosity was mainly me.. Because i started to eat poorly lately, he probably thought i was just being picky and didn't like the food so he ordered more kinds of it.
Thereby, the additional reason for my decision to cook was: feeling grateful and indebted.
I soon picked clean pyjamas from the closet and i headed to the bathroom to have a long morning shower since it was a weekend before going to the kitchen to cook, While taking the shower i looked at my self in the mirror, being the woman that i am.. When looking at my reflexion in the mirror i didn't have philosophical questions such as the origins of universe or the primitiveness of the human heart, I only had one question that circled and twisted inside my head:
"Am i not tempting physically as a woman?"
Look at the situation from my perspective, i was living with this man who is lawfully my husband, alone, in a small place, for so many days.. Yet we were still living like a brother and a sister.
Don't get me wrong.. I would kick and push him away if he tried anything, but he usually is from the tricky kind of men who would attempt one thing or another even when refused, he unexpectedly haven't came near me ever since that time when i kissed him and then i told him to forget about it.
Looking at my self in the mirror i truly started to doubt my womanhood, honestly speaking i'm not what's so called "une femme fatale" .. I hardly raise to the category of "attractive" in my best looking way, since i have a baby face with thin features and sun kissed skin -Even my frame is small-, When people look at me they usually call me "cute".. If i wear less mature clothes they might as well call me: "little high school girl".
So yes, i had my reasons to feel a bit insecure in this aspect.
I continued taking my long shower anyways, i was enjoying the relaxing warm water in the bathtub when i suddenly heard a knocking on the bathroom door. Soon after the elegant knocks Eliyas's voice came saying:
_"Noursine.. Someone is calling your phone constantly, i guess the matter is urgent"
_"who is it?"
_"an unregistered number"
Feeling curious and concerned about it, i immediately wrapped my self in a towel and then i opened the bathroom door.
I looked at my ringing phone in Eliyas's palm and i said:
_"can you pick up the call and put it on a loud speaker for m?, my hands are wet"
Soon he did that.. An unfamiliar male voice said from the other end:
_"allo.. Is this Noursine's ?"
My name is pretty rare in Algeria, meaning the light from a mountain, so i hadn't questioned that he meant to call me, i immediately replied:
_" yes, this is her"
_"Bonjour, this is Nadir Ghemmari, your mother's nephew"
I felt so surprised that i only looked at Eliyas in astonishing, he on the other hand kept staring at my phone in his hand with a dark face:
_" you remember me?" Nadir asked.
_"yes.. I do"
_" Noursine i know this is a bit impromptu but i would like to meet with you privately to discuss an urgent matter, you can choose a place you find convenient, i would immensely appreciate it if you agree."
I looked at Eliyas wondering if i should accept or not, well i had figured out immediately that looking at him would rather make me very subjectively refuse to see Nadir, the man standing in front of me had the face of a murderer, had the eyes of a devil.
If i asked his opinion right then i bet he would say:
" if you refuse then he will be saved.. If you accept then you'll meet a dead corpse."
So i had to take action before my courage fades, i immediately said:
_" ok, i'll call you later when i'm free .. I'm busy now__"
I hardly finished talking when the man holding my phone cut the call.
_" i'm going with you " Eliyas calmly commented.
In a manner of " if you dare to go .. Then my foot is on your foot".
I nodded.
He walked away.. Then he came back towards me again and said displeased:
_" you haven't gave them your number still he got it and had the face to ask to see you privately, he dares play with fire .. We'll see about that"
_" it's not like my number is classified information .. Even a regular coworker would hand it to him if he asked" i rightfully corrected him.
Eliyas gazed at me very displeased.. So i decided not to defend anyone anymore. I looked at my improper look and i was about to go back to the bathroom when Eliyas had again spoke:
_" Noursine i think it would be better if i went to see him alone, last time you met with them it was very hard on you.. I'll deal with them alone this time round."
_" he said the matter is urgent."
_" it's the more reason i feel the need to take care of it alone" he said in a decisive manner.
Actually at that very moment i was not thinking about Nadir at all, maybe only the tiniest bit of thinking to keep up with the discussion. Otherwise a silly yet extremely important thought was invading my head, and that was "i'm indeed no longer attractive to this man".
I mean i was very improper looking .. Yet that man was looking at me the way he looks at a brother, i was feeling more and more downcast with every passing moment, at some point i lost track of what he was talking about .. I bluntly interrupted him:
_" Eliyas, let's talk later when i finish my shower"
_"ok" he sighed while pushing his hair off of his face.
When i later went out of the bathroom, i was feeling so down that i went to sit on the sofa like a martyr and i said with a barely heard voice:
_" i changed my mind, i don't feel like cooking anymore .. If you're hungry then order for a take out."
Eliyas who was sitting on the sofa as well working on his laptop suddenly closed the device violently, slammed it on the small table.. Held his phone and stormed off to the balcony.
I felt very confused with his sudden surge of anger, it's not like he was dying to eat the food that i make, i'm not the best chef .. The food i make is just eatable, so i knew he had more on his head.
I followed him to the balcony .. It was the logical thing to do, the moment i opened the door two events happened: the first was a cold freeze which hit me instantly, the second was that i found Eliyas shouting on the phone:
_" you have one hour! you find them in one hour!"
_" Eliyas?" I called his name very concerned, it was very rare to hear him lose his calm and yell.
He cut the call the moment he heard my voice, and he pushed me inside the living room the moment his eyes caught me standing in the balcony.
_"why would you follow me to the balcony with your hair wet!" he scolded right after he slammed shut the balcony door.
He went to the drawer in the living room where i usually put my hair dryer and tried to look for it aimlessly, the reason for that being that my hair dryer was actually above my bed in the bedroom, i threw it there carelessly right in front of Eliyas's watching eyes before i went to the bathroom to take a shower.. So his research was fruitless from the start.
I had a drawer counter in the living room, it had twelve drawers in total which i use to keep all sorts of tools and which was very convenient for me.
Eliyas opened the whole twelve of them in his frustration, not even taking a moment to remember or think that the dryer wasn't actually there.. Not in a single drawer of them, when he finished searching them all, he just sighed desperately.. And then went for a second round of searching in all the drawers again.
Looking at him in that way, my heart started hurting so much unexplainably, there was something wrong with him for sure.. And there was something wrong with me as well while witnessing that.
Seeing someone in such a messy state it comes by nature to think of all the events that led to such a result, we try to think what was wrong from the start.. When was the starting point.
In the little time when i watched Eliyas looking for the hair dryer so desperately i analysed all the events of the previous days and put more contrast on the actualities of that day, no matter how hard i thought about it my memory seemed very blurry.. I hadn't noticed anything at all, i was so preoccupied with my own problems to actually notice him.
As for the new happenings, except for Nadir's sudden call there was nothing special.
Was it some grave problem at work? .. I had no idea.
I walked slowly towards him.. His violence towards the drawers was getting stronger, his expression was so serious .. I felt very confused with his sudden changing and very worried about it.
_"Eliyas" i called his name calmly..
I put my hands on his to stop his actions and i asked:
_"what's wrong?"
He shut his eyes close, and then he said as if he's speaking about the world's biggest misery:
_"i can't find the hair dryer"
Although the situation was serious, still a woman with a poor EQ ( emotional quotient) who has the heart to laugh even in a funeral such as my self couldn't stop the urge to laugh hearing him talking so dramatically about a silly hair dryer.
_" you dare laugh?" He said displeased.. Although he unexpectedly.. Smiled too.
Sometimes the most complicated of things are so simple, take emotions as an example of that, the man who was shouting and acting desperate returned to his calm self just with a slight smile.
_" what is wrong Eliyas? Is there a problem at work?"
_" No"
_" then what is it?" I asked concerned.
He looked at me pensively .. And then he suddenly started to speak like a chatter box:
_" it hurts me to see you so affected with insignificant people, you haven't been eating nor sleeping, and when you sleep you only have nightmares about people abandoning you every day.. And i don't know whether i should wake you up or just let you sleep the little hours that you sleep, i don't know whether i should talk with you about it or just wait for you to get better naturally, i thought you're finally going to get better .. You even smiled today and said you're going to cook, but right after they called, you got worse again, and now i don't know what I should do"
_" you should speak more like this in the future Eliyas" i said with a smile.
I closed the drawers he left open one after the other while speaking:
_" i'm fine .. Really, i didn't mind that call at all, actually the reason i refused to cook for is rather silly.. And you really don't need to know about it not to mention being concerned, If it makes you that happy, i will cook for you"
I stood properly in front of him again.. Then smiled while saying:
_" you silly .. You should just speak with me, don't keep matters to your self and misunderstand"
He looked at me for a bit, then that brat admitted:
_" since we're at it, i have another topic to discuss, Noursine.. Do i seem like a saint to you? Because i'm definitely not, it's already hard to lead a life of a monk while living with my wife, still you dare hang your underwear all over the place, you dare touch me whenever you like and ask me so suggestively to sleep with you on the bed, today .. You walk in front of me wet with just a towel, is this your new way of torture? I promise it's working so you win .. Just stop, i don't want to ruin everything just because i couldn't help acting indecent with you"