Life is very unpredictable.
For example, that night.. my husband hugged me and I went to sleep.
When I opened my eyes the next time, I found my husband still sleeping beside me and circling his arms around me, there was a little difference though.. We were not in our room, we were on a hospital bed instead.
There was an IV drip connected to my arm, looking on top of my head, I saw the saline bottle hanging on the stand.
The first thought I had was that my baby was gone, but before I even started to panic, I felt the baby's movement in my belly so I breathed in relief, as long as he still moved it meant that everything was fine.
I made little movement as I checked on the baby, and that was enough to wake Eliyas up..
The moment he opened his eyes, he quickly uncircled his arms from around me and leaned on them to lift his torso and look at me.
When he saw that I was wide awake and blinking my eyes in confusion while staring at him he didn't wait for the slightest moment before his lips suddenly landed on mine and he started kissing my whole face, neck and shoulders like if he will never have the chance to kiss a woman again.
Being the totally dumbfounded person who only remembers peacefully going to bed, it was only natural that his violent "out of the blue" kissing attack came when I was unprepared, therefore I could only try to push him away in an attempt to stop him, logically, I wanted to know what was happening with me first and why was I admitted to the hospital in my sleep.
But my little resistance only made him nibble my ear and whisper in a husky seductive tone:
_" kiss me .. Please."
Well, this sure electrocuted me, to be precise, it drugged me so much that I forgot where I was and that I was even pregnant, and I obediently kissed him back.
As soon as my lips pecked his neck, it was like I activated the monster mode, not only his movement became very.. very relentless and inadequate with my condition, he quickly took off my clothes as if they were peaces of paper while restlessly moving his whole around all the parts of me and was attempting to go "all the way".
At this point, I hell remembered I was big fat pregnant, so with more determination I tried to push him away while reminding him:
_" Eliyas.. You have to stop."
His movement remarkably slowed down next to this, as he rested his head on my shoulder he panted heavily and whispered:
_" I can't stop.."
Well, after a while, he became much calmer.. As to why he suddenly had the urge to kiss me in the wrong time and place, it shall remain unknown, Nevertheless, I finally had the chance to ask him:
_" what happened when I was asleep? I feel bizarrely weak.."
While lying beside me, he looked at me for a bit before he replied:
_" a little complication, you had to be admitted again to the hospital."
_" complication?.. why do I have no recollection of it though? was I unconscious the whole time? .. What time is it anyways?" I added, and not waiting for his reply, I soon started looking around for my phone and observing my surrounding.
Since the wooden frame of the window was sealed and the lights were on in the room I couldn't tell whether we were in the daytime or at night, after searching with my eyes for a bit, I finally noticed the purple cover of my phone on top of the nightstand beside the bed.
As I extended my arm to reach it, Eliyas started to explain:
_" you and the baby are both safe now, last night while you were asleep, you had a massive bleeding, you probably didn't feel any pain so you didn't wake up.."
When I finally held my phone, I checked the time, and I was very surprised to realize it was 8pm already!
_" I was unconscious for very long!" I commented interrupting his explanation.
I immediately turned to look at Eliyas again, while frantically searching inside his eyes I asked:
_" a massive bleeding sure isn't a minor complication, this is exactly what we were warned about since the start, but if the baby is fine like you say then it's ok, Eliyas.. You must have felt very worried.. I'm sorry I troubled you again."
He shook his head, then as if I said nothing, he simply continued what he was initially saying:
_" they had to give you a blood transfusion this time round, the bleeding fortunately stopped for now"
I only kept looking at him as if he was telling me the condition of someone else, I mean I really felt nothing, only a weird fatigue, besides that it was akin waking up from sleep in a regular day, I felt very weird.
But seeing how tired Eliyas looked, he must have had a really bad day in my sleep, although I truly felt very apologetic, there wasn't anything that I could do for him..
Taking a little pause, he soon took a deep breathe and to my total shock he added:
_"If the bleeding didn't stop, they were about to perform an urgent C section to save you."
The moment he said this, I just froze, then mumbled:
_" what C section?? It's still very early for the baby, we're only at the 31st week now!"
He pensively looked at me, then he suddenly sat down properly on the bed facing me, and he said:
_" the pediatrist was talking with me today, the baby have a chance to survive and have a normal life at the age of 33 weeks, in order to avoid the respiratory complications, they need to give you a certain medication for these two weeks to help him develop his lungs faster."
_" why are you telling me this?" I asked already feeling my heart palpitating.
And that was when he informed me:
_" they already started giving you that drug today, within two weeks if you have no other bleeding, you're scheduled to have a C section."
My brain suddenly went out of thoughts and I just started to tremble violently, I just knew I was terrified to the bones but I didn't even know what scared me the most, Eliyas was like a bless at this time.. He has always been my bless and greatest fortune in life anyways, neglecting him self in the process he just buried me in his embrace and kept reminding me of all the positive things, like the fact I was already able to carry our child until that far in the pregnancy, that the child developed normally despite all the complications, and for the first time we are told that the baby can truly have a chance to be normal.
That everything will certainly be alright..
And that he was the proudest, and most thankful to me..
You see, this was the beginning of hope for us, no one ever told us before that the baby could live normally, that was the very first time..
for those remaining two weeks, I never had the heart to sleep for a whole night, I always made sure to wake up every two hours to check whether I was bleeding massively, Eliyas accompanied me every night, every two hours he would wake up as well only to make sure I woke up to check the bleeding, every 4 hours or so, a medical personal would come too to check the foetal cardiac activity and take my blood pressure as well.
Although I had no appetite, I still forced my self to eat more praying that the baby takes every bit that I ate, I couldn't keep him inside for long enough like other mothers can, so I wanted him to have it all in just two weeks.
And with every day that passed.. My fear was growing bigger, so was my faith.
..........
My surgery went without trouble for most, I understood not a thing what was going on around me, all I knew is that a large team of surgeons were in the room and that they promised to do their best to save both the baby and I, and if possible, my "damaged" uterus as well.
When Ayoub was first born, I couldn't believe I actually heard him crying, since for long months, every doctor that we consulted said that the chances of this happening were close to none..
I cried, very naturally.. In fact I wailed and shivered as if I had no left control over my emotions, and even when I left the surgery room and I was safely installed in the ICU to recover I still cried for no reason, they were probably the tears of joy, Eliyas and all the family could find no explanation for my weird reaction, but later when they were allowed to visit to the NICU and have a look at the little creature I gave birth to, the hospital corridor soon became full of wailing people.
Ayoub was so small at his birth , like officially the smallest human being my eyes ever saw, even the smallest size of diapers was very large on him, since I didn't see a lot of babies in my life before I thought that my judgement was so biased, therefore, while resting him on my chest one day I asked the nurse in charge of his care for her objective opinion of the size of my baby, so she replied honestly:
_" compared to other babies, he is indeed very small."
I remember narrowing my eyes and gazing at Eliyas angrily, this liar, since I couldn't move around a lot because of my surgery I trusted him when he told me that he checked all the other babies and our son was almost as big as them.
Being the cold person that he is, he simply cleared his voice and said:
_" in a couple of weeks, he will catch them up in growth, it's already a bless that he's alive, don't be so greedy."
Ayoub had to be kept in an incubator for very long, we poorly had the chance to hold him and only could observe him from behind the glass, he had so little strength that I couldn't breastfeed him as well, but little by little.. He was indeed growing.
he had a lot of complications, around the second week after his birth for example, his condition worsened so much that once again we were told it would be hard for him to make it, but this boy who only selected the Filladi genes and neglected mine, he miraculously survived.
I refused to go home and leave him behind though I was discharged, I remember looking at Eliyas when he tried to talk me out of my stubborn decision to stay at the hospital and I said:
_" Look, I never asked you to abuse your power but now I'm pleading you, I have to stay here with my son! If I go home I will be choked with concern, I don't care.. I'm staying!"
_" be more logical, even if you stay here you can't be by his side the whole time, you need to rest as well.. The best medical team is taking care of him so let it be, you need to go back home and get stronger, if the distance is a problem then I can manage a nearby residence for us to stay at the moment, but it is out of the question that you stay at the hospital for longer."
Seeing the stubborn expression on my face, Eliyas decided to try another way in convincing me, so he approached my bed slowly.. And as he moved more to more closer to me he looked at me flirtingly and sneakily said:
_" Don't you feel sorry for me? For the past weeks I had to sleep alone without you although you could have been discharged much earlier, don't you miss me?"
I gave him a cold gaze and replied:
_" If you feel that lonely then go find a second wife to marry and keep you company, I'm staying here with my son."
This reply didn't discourage him not even the slightest, on the contrary, that evening I was forced to go home because a certain somebody refused to pay the very expensive bill of that private hospital and said if I wanted to stay there for longer then I should go find a second husband who would provide for me!
We had to wait for a couple of other weeks before we could finally take Ayoub with us.. By the time he was discharged, he was indeed bigger in size and could breathe and eat on his own, though I always had my eyes on him and wanted to know who he resembled, his little face was still swollen so I couldn't tell at all.
I remember the whole family came the day he was discharged to take him back with us, my father in-law for example turned into a very chatty person that day much unlike his usual calm self and he repeatedly gave suggestions like:
_" Noursine, you should rest more.. Let me hold Ayoub for you." .. "Eliyas, you go talk with the doctor and listen to his advice, leave Ayoub for me, I'll carry him until you go back." .. " Souad, how come after raising two children you still don't know how to hold a baby properly? hand Ayoub to me, I'll show you how you do it"
Even when the baby fell asleep between his arms, and I conveniently asked him to put him in the stroller because all the procedures were done and we could go home, he weirdly insisted:
_" then let Ayoub come in the car with me, if he wakes up and starts crying he will trouble you while you're sick and need to rest, don't you worry.. I'll take care of him."
As I was thinking of a way to reject his suggestion because it seemed a bit too much, Eliyas suddenly crossed the little steps that separated us, he leaned near my ear and whispered:
_" it's ok, just let him be.."
Being the new mother that I am, My eyes kept following my father in-law as he happily walked around pushing my son's stroller in front of him, I watched him as he kicked my mother in-law from their car too and forced her to accompany Ines instead, and only allowed Nana to accompany him.
Even when he properly installed him self next to Ayoub inside the car I still tapped on the window frame of his seat, and when he slid down the glass I unnecessary informed him:
_" our car will be following yours."
He was so busy smiling at the sleeping baby to realize that what I meant was:
" If you're planning to kidnap my son, we'll be watching you!"
On the way, naturally, my eyes kept restlessly watching the car right in front of us, whenever the distance grew a little further I would ask the driver:
_" drive faster please, the car in front of us is moving far away."
I was this busy of a person when the man sitting beside me, namely my husband, suddenly started to laugh.
My temper was so short that I immediately started to scold him:
_" What is there to laugh at!"
_" father won't eat your son, you just relax."
_" what is wrong with him though? Since when he liked to talk and liked to hold children?" I complained with a humph.
Eliyas carelessly watched the car in front of us following my gaze, then he said:
_" when Ayoub was born, father insisted on personally whispering el azan to his ear, he attended his first bath as well and prepared a children's room for him at their villa, he has been calling daily to ask about his health and yours, he's just showering his grandchild with his affection Noursine, there's no need to worry."
Seeing the perplexed expression on my face, he could only shake his head and remind me:
_" Your son doesn't only belong to you."
I simply shrugged my shoulders and decided not to talk with him anymore.
Though after little time, I suddenly called:
_"Eliyas.."
He calmly turned to look at me, probably expecting me to further express my displeasure with his family's behavior, this was why he seemed taken aback when he heard me suggest:
_" How about you invite your family to stay at the villa for a couple of days, lately they have been visiting frequently and since we didn't invite them to stay they didn't impose them selves on us, I think you should invite them to stay today."
He only nodded his head with a reserved smile, and didn't mind trying to understand how my thinking process worked.
Just like his family's change in attitude, just like our son coming to life safely against all expectations, and just like our life together.. Some things will sure always remain unpredictable.