Chapter 39: Chapter 39

^SEVEN YEARS AGO^

MELODY

“What are you doing? You should be resting,” Dan said when he saw me in the kitchen. I turned and showed him a tray full of cookies.

“I made cookies,” I said in a singsong voice. “Wanna taste?” I asked.

I knew I should be resting. I could go into labor any time. Last week, I’d felt small contractions, but the doctor had said I had one more week.

“You baked these cookies?” he asked, looking shocked. “Babe, you should have told me if you wanted cookies.”

“I found a great recipe online,” I said, rubbing my belly. “Owen wanted to eat cookies.” I smiled.

He smiled, shaking his head. He stepped forward and placed his hand on my belly, and Owen kicked again. Dan grinned and placed a light kiss on my belly.

“And I made eggs and toast last evening. You liked it, didn’t you?” I asked with a smirk because he’d eaten it up until the plate was empty.

He nodded, and we ate all the cookies, watching movies.

After the movies, I walked back to the kitchen and started washing dishes. “Mel, I’m going out. Do you need anything, or does Owen want to eat something new?” he teased.

I shook my head.

He looked down and scrunched his nose. “Umm…Mel? Did you pee in your pants?”

I looked down. I couldn’t see due to my huge belly, but I could feel water running down my legs and onto the floor at my feet.

~Fuck!~

~

“I… I’m, well, I think my water broke,” I told him, and he looked like he might fall over.

“Water broke?” He stumbled back.

“Come on. You can’t be serious.” I groaned.

“Fuck!” I cursed and grabbed the counter when the first contraction hit.

“Dan, we need to go to the hospital. You can’t freak out now, especially after you shoved that damn baby book down my throat every day.

“You know everything that’s going to happen. You cannot be surprised by any of this,” I growled.

“Yeah… I’m sorry.” He grabbed me around the waist, then slid his arm under my thighs, lifting me. I screamed and held onto his neck for dear life.

“Is everything okay…?” Mia trailed off, looking horrified. “Your water broke?”

I nodded and dug my nails into Dan’s neck again when another contraction hit. “Fuck! It hurts!” I hissed.

~Why didn’t anyone tell me these contractions would be painful?~

~

“Go get her stuff. I’ll take her to the car,” Dan said to Mia.

“Well, my bag is ready. It’s on the left side of the closet,” I told Mia. She flew to grab my bag, and Dan carried me to his car.

Another contraction hit. It had only been fifteen minutes since the last one. After twenty minutes, we arrived at the hospital.

Dan pulled the car into the emergency loop, parked, and got out to help me out of the car. As I got out, the next contraction almost brought me to my knees.

Mia and Jacob led me to the emergency room, and the nurse checked me in and asked, “Who do you want inside with you?”

I looked at Mia, and she nodded with a smile.

“Okay, you aren’t dilated enough yet. I will come and check on you again,” the nurse said and left.

“Thank God you didn’t ask me,” Dan sighed.

“Dan, I wasn’t going…” I stopped as I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen again. ~Fucking hell.~

~

I had not been expecting that level of pain. The contractions seemed like they were coming faster and more painful each time.

After twenty minutes, the nurse checked me again.

She smiled. “It’s time.”

It had been my choice to go for natural childbirth. Mia stood beside me for the whole time, holding my hand.

I freaked out as I felt pressure between my legs.

~Holy shit. How am I going to push a baby out?~

~

“I’m right here, Mel. I know you can do this,” Mia encouraged me in a low voice.

“Son of—” I screamed as I felt another contraction.

“Try to push, sweetheart,” the doctor said.

“One push only, honey,” the nurse said. I nodded, breathing hard.

I screamed at the top of my lungs as I pushed. “The baby is crowning. Okay, honey. I need you to give me another push,” the nurse said.

After half an hour, I shook my head, panting. “I can’t.” All the energy had drained from my body.

“You can do this, Mel. I know how strong you are,” Mia encouraged me, kissing my head.

I nodded. “Motherfucker!” I cursed out loud when I felt another huge contraction.

“Can the baby hear me?” I asked suddenly.

The doctor’s eyes twinkled, and I knew he was smiling behind his mask.

“Can he?” I asked again.

He nodded.

~Okay, so no more cursing~.~

“Okay, honey. I need you to take a deep breath and give me a big push. On three. One, two, three, push!”

I screamed and pushed hard, biting my lips to stop myself from swearing again. I didn’t want my baby to hear his mother saying bad words.

“Good, Melody. That was very good. I can see hair. One or two more pushes should do it. Ready?”

I nodded.

“One, two, three, push!”

After two pushes, I heard a cry that seemed like music to my ears. My eyes were betraying me. I wanted to see my son, but all I remembered was darkness.

I heard someone calling me, then all voices were fading.

***

When I opened my eyes again, I found that I was in a different room. I was cleaned up and dressed in a hospital gown.

“Mia?” I whispered.

I looked up and found Dan looking down at me. “Hey,” he whispered, kissing my forehead.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Better. How long have I been out?” I asked.

“Two hours,” he answered.

I nodded. “Where is—” I wanted to ask for my baby. I saw Jacob and Mia coming inside the room with a grim expression.

My heart stopped. “Where is Owen?” I asked, looking at Dan, who was wearing the same expression.

“Mel, he’s okay, just a little weak. The child specialist is looking after our Owen.” Dan tried to calm me but I was far from calm.

“Take me to my Owen.” I sat up in bed, removing the sheet from my body.

“Mel?” Mia said.

“Don’t, Mia. Not now.” I held my hands up to stop her. My legs gave up as I tried to stand.

“You’re still weak, baby,” Dan whispered, placing his hand on my waist to hold me.

“I’m fine; let’s go,” I stood, mustering every bit of strength I had left in my body.

He took me to the children’s ward, and we stood outside a large window. “There.” He pointed to the third unit from the left side.

“Why is he in the neonatal intensive care unit?” I shrieked. “Are you going to tell me what happened? Is he okay? I want to hold him,” I whispered as a tear rolled down.

“Mr. Weston, the doctor would like to see you,” the nurse said with sympathy in her eyes.

My stomach dropped. I couldn’t control the cry that escaped my lips. Dan gathered me in his arms. “Shh,” he whispered in my ear. “He’s going to be okay. He’s going to be all right,” he said, crying.

We headed to the doctor’s office, and Dan knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

We walked inside, my heart still hammering inside my chest. The doctor looked up and smiled. “Miss Adam, you should be resting.”

“I’m fine.” We sat on the chairs across from his desk. “How is my baby? Is he okay?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Well, I’m going to be straightforward and honest. Your baby was born with severe anemia. He is very weak.

“Many babies do not need treatment for anemia. But your baby is too weak, and his heart is weak also. All I want to say is he needs a blood transfusion immediately.”

“Then take as much of my blood as you need. Take every drop of my blood; just save my baby,” I cried.

“Miss Adam, your blood doesn’t match. We need AB negative blood, which is very rare, and we don’t have any in our blood bank. We are trying as best as we can.” He sighed.

“Is it possible that if I’m not a match, his father would be?” I asked, because I didn’t know Xavier’s blood type.

“We can try. Sometimes a child’s blood doesn’t match with their parents, and sometimes it does. So call his father and ask.”

“Excuse me,” I said and left the office. As I entered my room, Mia and Jacob stood and looked at me for an answer.

“Where is my phone?” I asked Mia.

Mia dug in her bag and handed me my phone. I quickly tapped on Xavier’s name. “Damn it!” I threw my phone at the wall in front of me. My number was still blocked. “Mia, your phone please.”

I dialed Xavier’s number on Mia’s phone. After four rings, I heard a female voice I knew very well. “Hello?”

I swallowed a lump in my throat. “Lisa, it’s me.”

“What do you want?” she snapped.

“Can…I…please talk to…Xavier? It’s very important, please.”

“Xavier is busy, and no, you can’t talk to him.”

“Please don’t hang up, Lisa! I need him!” I stopped. “Do you know Xavier’s blood type?”

After rustling on the other end followed by a short silence, she said, “AB negative.”

~Thank fuck.~

~

“Lisa, I beg you. Please, I need to talk to him. It’s urgent. Please.”

“Tell me. I’ll tell him if I think it’s important.”

“Lisa, please! Give him the damn phone. I need to talk to him!” I screamed.

“Tell me or I’m hanging up. Our daughter is sick. He’s looking after her.” Pain seized inside my chest from her words.

I lost all control. “His son needs him too. He needs his blood; he’s anemic. Every second is important for me and my son, Lis. Please, I’m begging you. Can I talk to Xavier now?” I cried.

“Your son? You were fucking pregnant?” she hissed.

“Lisa, I promise I won’t come between you two. I just need him to save my son. You are a mother too, Lisa. You can understand what I’m going through. Let me talk to him, please!” I begged.

There was a long strained silence. “Okay, but first promise me you won’t come between us.” There was uncertainty, suspicion, and fear in her voice.

“I promise. I promise, Lisa. I would never come between you two.”

“Xavier is in the nursery. Hold on,” I could hear the sound of a door opening and closing.

“Thank you, Lisa. I will owe you forever.”

“I hate you, Mel. I won’t lie, and I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this because I’m a mother too.” Her voice was softer this time.

“I swear, Lisa. You won’t hear from me after this. I just need him to save my son, that’s all.”

“So you’re saying you don’t love him?” she asked.

When I didn’t answer, she laughed humorlessly. “I guess I got my answer.”

I could hear the sound of a baby crying.

“Um… Baby, you have a call. It’s important.”

“Lisa, not now,” he growled, and the baby started crying louder.

“It’s important. Please take it. I’ll look after Mila.”

“Nothing is more important than Mila, so fuck off,” Xavier hissed. I heard the crying of a baby getting louder.

“Oh, sweetie. Sorry, baby. Daddy is sorry.” I heard him talking to the baby sweetly for a few more minutes. I couldn’t take it anymore. I hung up and fell to my knees.

I left messages and emails with the hope he would read them and call back.

“Mel, I’ve talked to my brother. He’s looking for a donor. Please stay strong for our Owen.” Jacob crouched beside me, pulling me into a side hug.

I nodded on his chest, wiping my eyes. I had to stay strong for my baby. I knew Dan was looking for a donor too.

I stood and called other blood banks. They had only one bag and had given it to some other patient. As time went by, I was starting to lose hope.

Suddenly, a wave of dizziness washed over me, and I had to lean my hand against the nearest wall to stay upright.

“Mel, you need rest. You’re still weak. You lost too much blood during delivery.” Mia was beside me quickly.

Unable to talk, I just shook my head. I couldn’t rest.

How could I, when every second was precious? How could I, when my son was fighting for his life? How could a mother rest when her son was on the brink of life and death?

Mia led me to the bed and sat with me.

“Mel, everything will be fine. Please don’t lose hope. Our Owen is strong, just like you. He’s fighting like a fighter, and you have to fight for him too.”

She was crying too. We cried in each other’s arms.

“Mel!” Jacob walked inside with a smile on his face. “Joshua is AB negative. He’s coming.” I saw the spark of hope in his eyes. I was on my feet in a second.

“Joshua is here?” I asked. Joshua was a friend of Jacob’s from college.

“San Francisco. He’ll be here in three hours.”

“Oh.” I looked down. “And Dan?”

“He’s trying to find a nearby donor.”

I nodded.

“I’m going to see Owen,” I said and walked out. The bad pit wasn’t leaving my stomach.

I looked at him through the large window. I wanted to hold him in my arms. I wanted to see what he looked like.

I wanted to know the color of his eyes, the shape of his nose, his lips.

I saw the nurse walking out the door, and I walked over to him. He looked up. “Can I hold my baby for a minute?” I nearly begged.

“Name?”

“Melody Adam.”

He looked at the chart in his hand, and a look of sorrow crossed his face, making my heart leap. “Okay,” he said.

After I sanitized my hands and put a mask over my face, he led me inside and carefully scooped Owen in his arms, trying not to disturb the tube inserted in his nose, and placed him in my arms.

I took him in my arms for the first time, and tears welled up and rolled down my cheeks when he opened his little eyes. His eyes and hair were just exactly like his father’s. His skin looked pale.

“Hey, baby. I’m your…mommy…” My voice cracked. I told him he was going to be fine soon, and soon we would go home. I looked up at the window. Mia and Jacob were standing there.

After five minutes, I walked out of the room and hugged Mia tightly. “God! Mia, he’s beautiful,” I sniffed.

“Yeah, he’s going to break so many hearts,” Mia said, and we shared a laugh.

It had been two hours. I was pacing the length of the room. Joshua wasn’t here yet. Dan had come back an hour ago. It had been nine hours since Owen had come into this world.

I tried to call Xavier again, but his phone was switched off. I was completely sure it had to be Lisa, because Xavier wouldn’t have done that.

I’d seen the pain in his eyes when he’d told me about his first child. He wouldn’t have done that to his own blood.

Had I done anything to make Lisa hate me this much? For a few seconds, she’d melted and had been ready to tell Xavier. What had changed suddenly?

~Fuck, Lisa! How can you do this to me?~

~

Why didn’t Xavier keep his phone with him? Why had he blocked my number?

~I hate you, Xavier…~

~

~I loved you too much, more than anyone I have ever loved. Now, I only hate you.~

~

I wished I could go back and erase a few days of my life. I wished I hadn’t ever met Xavier. There were many things I wished had been different.

Still, it hurt that he hadn’t come to meet me. If he’d thought I’d wanted to meet him so he could choose me, I wouldn’t have kept him away from his child.

I’d wanted to meet him because I’d wanted answers. Why had he lied to me when I’d asked if there was anything I should know before I talked to Lisa or my family?

He’d lied. He’d fucking lied to me. I’d lost everything I loved, my family.

I’d thought they would give me a chance to explain, but they hadn’t. They’d believed Lisa because she had always been a good girl, and I was altogether the opposite of her.

I had been rebellious, wild, reckless. Why would they have believed me?

I was hurt mostly because of Xavier. If he’d wanted to be with Lisa, I would have respected his decision. At least he could have let me know he was not coming.

Sending one message wouldn’t have hurt him. I had waited until two in the morning.

I shook my head to clear the thought and turned to Jacob. He was sitting in a chair beside my bed. “Where is Joshua?”

“Twenty minutes away,” he said, looking at his phone. I stood and stumbled a bit as I felt dizzy again. “Mel, you need rest, and you haven’t eaten anything yet. At least drink some soup.”

I shook my head and headed toward the nursery. ~Please be okay, baby.~

~

I repeated my silent prayer as I made my way to the neonatal intensive care unit.

As I reached the window, I saw Dan and Dr. Martinez standing near Owen. The look on Dan’s face was sad. I panicked and walked inside.

Dan looked up, and I saw tears in his eyes. In two steps, he took me in his arms and cried—not just cried, he wailed.

I wanted to cry, but suddenly I couldn’t. Oddly, I didn’t feel anything. I felt numb. Everything that had happened in the last two years came rushing back like a fucking tsunami.

I’d fallen hard for Xavier in a mere five days. And when I’d fallen in love, I hadn’t signed up for the kind of pain I’d felt leaving Xavier behind.

But this…this was the worst kind of pain I had ever felt.

The coldness washed over me. I was numb, broken. The lies and betrayal cut through me so deeply that the pain didn’t even register in my mind anymore.

The wound in my chest bled with every beat of my heart, and I hoped for the day when my heart stopped beating.

Suddenly, the monitor stopped, and so did my heart. There was no sound. It was completely, utterly silent.

Black dots started swirling in front of my eyes. I could hear a muffled voice calling my name, but I was unable to react.

I was tired. I was exhausted from everything, from everyone.

I wanted to sleep in peace, where I couldn’t feel anything, I couldn’t remember anyone, I couldn’t remember my heartbreak, I couldn’t remember who I was.

It felt like every decision I’d made about others had led to the place where I was standing now, all alone, no family, no love. Even my baby had left me alone to deal with the cruel world alone.

My eyes closed automatically, and I felt peace. I was in peace with my baby.

***

^PRESENT^

“Ma’am, we’re here,” the cab driver called, pulling me out of my daydream. I looked toward the entrance of the cemetery.

I nodded and hopped out after paying him. “Should I wait for you, ma’am?”

I shook my head.

I took a shaky breath to try and calm myself as I walked the familiar path to Owen’s grave.

I stopped as I reached my destination.

~OWEN MELODY ADAM~

~

~Born and Passed on March 15, 2014~

~

~May you always have an angel by your side.~

~

The pain in my heart was unbearable. I reached out to trace the letters before sweeping the fallen leaves from his grave, my breath coming faster with each one.

I put the white lily on the grass before sitting down. It was so peaceful here. Birds were getting back to their homes as the sun set.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I miss you, Owen,” I whispered.

“I miss you every day with my every breath. Tomorrow is your birthday. We’re going to celebrate together, and I bought your favorite cake.” A tear leaked out of my eye.

“Chocolate chip cake,” I told Owen.

I used to eat chocolate chip cake when I had a craving.

“Okay, now it’s time to tell you everything, and I will, but tell me when you get bored, okay?” I laughed.

I didn’t know how much time had passed. I talked and talked, telling him about everything, “Uncle Danny misses you too, sweetie pie.”

“It’s getting dark, kid. You should go home.”

I looked up and saw a man standing there who looked like he was in his forties or fifties.

I looked away. “I’ll be fine,” I said, hoping he would leave. Instead of leaving, he sat beside me, keeping a proper distance. “This place isn’t safe at this time of day.”

I looked up. It was almost dark. I took out my phone from my purse. I’d switched it off before flying to California and had forgotten to switch it back on.

Everyone would be worried about me. I turned on my phone, then texted them to let them know I was safe and fine and switched it off again.

“I’m really fine. You can go.”

“Whose grave is this?”

“My son.”

“I’m sorry.”

I nodded, unable to form a word.

“Want to talk about it? I’m a very good listener,” he said.

I shook my head. “Why are you here?” I asked, playing with the hem of my top.

“Today is the anniversary of my wife’s death.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. There was too much grief around me.

“Where is the father?” He looked at my engagement ring.

“My fiancé isn’t the father. Owen’s father is with his family.” I told him briefly what had happened.

“So you think he still doesn’t know about his kid?”

“It’s my guess, but who knows? He’s very good at lying and hiding things.” I shrugged.

“Then why do you hate him and blame him for Owen’s death?”

I didn’t answer for a long minute, and he was looking at me intently. “It makes it easier to hate him,” I finally let out. “I want a reason to hate…because…”

“You’re still in love with him.”

I looked down and nodded. I’d never stopped loving him. I still did, but he wasn’t mine to love anymore. He was a husband; he was a father.

“And what about your fiancé?”

“He loves me, and he’s a nice guy. We have good chemistry, compatibility. We understand each other.”

“Do you love him?”

“Love is not everything. I may love him, but what I want in relationships is honesty and loyalty, and we have that in our relationship.”

He nodded and looked like he wanted to say something but shook his head and stood. “Come on, I’ll drive you. You can’t stay here alone.”

“Thank you, but I’m fine. I just need some time alone.”

“Okay, just don’t stay long,” he said and left.

I sighed. Maybe it had been a good idea to talk with a stranger. For the first time in seven years, I felt light, like something had lifted off my chest.

I looked at my watch. We still had a half hour to celebrate Owen’s birthday.