Chapter 62: Matt

MATT

“Matt, don’t do this,” Mia says over the phone. “Especially not to Mel. She is already hurt, thinking you are avoiding all of us because of her.”

I sigh. “It’s not like that, Mia,” I say, but it’s exactly like that. I’m avoiding everyone because I can’t hear, don’t ~want~ to hear Melody is happy with her husband.

It’s not that I don’t want her to be happy. Of course I want her to be happy.

However, I am still beating myself up for letting her go, only because I wasn’t sure that she wanted me or wanted what I wanted in our future. I let my insecurity get the best of me.

Never in my life had I thought I would let go of the one person I wanted more than anything. The one I desired. The one I had secretly loved all those years.

“Then prove it. Not to us, but to Mel,” she challenges.

I groan. “It hurts, Mia, to see her with him, so happy and glowing and pregnant.”

Her question is an ice-cold shower. “And who’s to blame?”

“Me. No one but me,” I growl, hitting the wall with my fist. Oddly, the only pain I’m feeling is in my heart. The pain of losing the love of my life.

After a few seconds of silence, she says, “Mel is not telling me, but I hope you will. Why did you break up with her, Matt?”

“She didn’t tell you?” I ask, surprised.

“Not even Dan,” Mia growls, frustrated. I would have laughed if the situation were different. Mia hates it when Melody keeps something from her.

“What?!” I can’t believe that. How is that possible...unless she is trying to save me from his wrath?

Yep, that’s what she is doing. I had been waiting for Dan to show up angrily, ready to kill me, but he never did. Instead, I got his wedding invitation.

“Yeah, we’re all wondering what happened, Matt. You loved her for so long. How can you let her go so easily when she was finally...” She trails off.

Now she has my full attention.

Scared to know the answer, I ask anyway. “Finally what?”

“That doesn’t matter now. Tell me what happened,” she says, dismissing her statement.

“It matters, Mia. Of course it matters to me. Everything matters where Melody is concerned,” I argue.

“First tell me what happened,” she says. “You loved her, Matt. You’ve loved her all your life.” She sniffs.

~Loved?~

I still love her. I always have.

I’d known Melody since we were in kindergarten, but I had really seen her that day. On that special day, I had decided she was mine. Even at the age of seven, I had known she was the one I wanted.

I had been playing with my sister Amy in the park and saw her playing and laughing with her brother Jake.

The next day I went to the same park and saw her helping a kid who had fallen from the swing when she didn’t even know him.

I had instantly been attracted to her, to the softness in her eyes while she wrapped her handkerchief around his knee. I had noticed everything, every action.

I had gone home and told my mom I’d found the girl I was going to marry. She had laughed it off, saying it was too soon, but I had known Melody was the one for me.

I’ve always had a crush on Melody. Every guy at our school did. She was beautiful, smart, funny, and cool.

As time passed, my feelings had grown. And the first time I had seen her in a bikini, I had felt a shift in my lower region.

It had been the most bizarre sensation. One I had definitely never experienced before. I had gotten my first hard-on for Melody.

Mia chuckles, pulling me back from my memories. “Remember I used to have a crush on you?”

I nod with a smile. “I do.”

“I was so angry at you when you said no to being my date for the fall festival.”

“Taking you would have ruined any chance for me with Melody, Mia,” I say softly. “I’m sorry.”

“So please make me understand what made you push Melody away,” she begs.

“You will all hate me, Mia,” I sigh, running my hand over the stubble on my chin.

“We figured it had to be something bad if she wasn’t telling us,” Mia mutters. “Matt...?” She hesitates. “Did she do something so wrong that you broke up with her?”

“God, no, Mia!” I sigh. “It was all me. She was the best fucking girlfriend a man could ever have. I was damn lucky to have her. I felt lucky every damn day with her.”

“Then why did you break up with her?” Her annoyance is palpable in her voice.

“It was a silly situation...”

She cuts me off. “You are kidding, aren’t you? Did you break her heart over silly stuff?”

“Her heart wasn’t involved, Mia,” I snort. “And back then it was a big fucking thing for me,” I snap.

My hand tightens on the phone, squeezing my fingers around it so damn hard I thought it could smash.

“The hell her heart wasn’t involved! She was falling for you, you son of bitch,” Mia growls angrily and hangs up, leaving me stunned.

~Falling for me?!~

If I think back, I had felt a change in the way she started looking at me after coming back from California.

She had wanted to spend more time together. She had planned a date, which she had never done before. I used to plan the dates every time. Every fucking time.

Had she been falling for me all this time and I had missed it? Instead, I had pushed her away.

I have to know. Had I made a mistake breaking up with her?

No matter how much I’ve cursed myself for breaking up with her without giving it a second thought, after hearing from Mia about Mel’s feelings for me, there is a sudden pain in my chest.

It feels like I can’t breathe anymore.

I place one hand over my chest and call Mia a few more times, but she doesn’t pick up my calls.

My throat tightens with emotion. I swallow it down and call Melody, but disconnect the call even before it can ring.

I was at least at peace after talking to Melody in Vegas. I thought everything was clear between us, with nothing left unsaid. Clearly, I was wrong.

How could she hide something so important from me? If she had been falling for me, why had she told me to move on? Why not take me back when I had begged her to?

Grabbing my laptop, I book my ticket for New York.

I hadn’t been sure whether I wanted to go for Dan and Asher’s first wedding anniversary, but now I’ll go and ask her. I have to.

I place my laptop on the bed and open the bedside drawer and glance at the ring I proposed to Melody with.

Almost two years ago, I’d proposed to her in front of the whole world, and she said yes. At first, I couldn’t believe my ears.

I was scared to death thinking she would reject me, but I had taken my chance.

I had never been happier than at that moment. Melody said yes to spending her life with me. To marrying me. To being my wife.

At that moment I had had everything.

Frustrated, I stroll toward the kitchen and grab a cold beer from the fridge. As I pop the cap off, I find my mind wandering back to her. Back to Melody.

Back to where my heart belongs. But her heart belongs to him.

Always had.

She had never said that, but I had always felt something missing between us. Not that we had been unhappy. We were happy together. Even our sex life was awesome. Hell, it was phenomenal.

If she were here with me, instead of drinking beer I would have been deeply buried inside her. Fucking her. Making love to her.

She had always known what she wanted, and she was a dangerous combination of a sinful body and filthy mouth.

God, I miss her.

“Motherfucker!” I snarl, throwing the bottle across the room. If I hadn’t asked her that question that day, we would have been together. Maybe married.

She would have been with me in my bed, in my arms.

Instead of breaking up with her immediately, I should have left and waited until I had my anger under control. I should have waited for her to be ready on her own.

I should have given her time to think, to come to terms with what I wanted for our future.

Like an asshole, I had fucked her before leaving her for good instead of apologizing for hurting her, for not understanding her, even after everything that she went through in the past.

Before I know what I’m doing, I place my phone up to my ear and then I hear her voice, soft and raspy. “Hello?”

“Mel,” I whisper, hoping she can hear the yearning in my voice.

“Matt.” My name falls like a breathless plea from her lips.

“Everything okay, love?” I hear Xavier’s voice, rough and scratchy like he just woke up.

Imagining them in the same bed, I taste bile.

“Yeah,” Melody replies to him. I can hear her opening a door.

“Where are you going? I’ll get it if you want something,” he asks.

“No, you sleep. I'm just going downstairs to get something,” Melody says.

“I’ll wait,” Xavier says.

“It may take time,” she pleads.

“Who’s on the phone?” Yup, he’s suspicious.

“It’s...it’s Matt.”

“What the fuck does he want?” he growls.

~What the fuck?!~

“Is this how he talks to you?!” As I say the words aloud, I can taste the bitterness there.

I’ve never raised my voice at her.

Is she in some kind of abusive relationship? I’ve seen women in this kind of situation. They will suffer silently because of who they love.

I’m no stranger to this. Growing up, I had seen my father beating my mother. She had taken all his punishments because she loved him.

“No!” she replies. “Listen, hold on for a minute. I’m putting your call on mute.”

Without waiting for my reply, she puts me on mute. Here I am waiting, thinking, debating whether I should ask Mia about their relationship.

After a few minutes, I hear her voice again. “M...Matt.” Her voice is shaky.

Something is definitely up. Even through the phone, I can feel it. “Everything okay? Did he say something? I’ll kill him.”

“I missed you, Matt,” she sniffs. “It’s been a year. You avoided me for a whole fucking year.”

She pauses. “We promised nothing would come between our friendship. I know I’m being selfish here, wanting you to pretend nothing happened, but I just missed you.”

“I missed you too, baby, so damn much,” I say truthfully.

“Are you coming tomorrow?” she asks. Before I can reply, she rushes to say, “Please come, Matt. I want to talk to you. It’s important. I need to see you in person.” I can feel the urgency in her voice.

“I want that, too. There’s something you forget to tell me,” I say and hang up.

We still have some unfinished business left.