Sydney
Leaning against the wooden railing of the deck I took in a deep breath, trying to digest everything I just heard in.
"How are you holding up, Syd?" Mat asked.
I turned my head to catch a glimpse of him leaning in the doorway examining at me.
"As good as one can probably do in this situation I guess...I don't know. How am I supposed to handle the fact that werewolves existed, much less I have been turned into one and all of the chaos that is going on here? How am I supposed to understand why Jaycen did what he did?"
He sighed sympathetically then opened up his arms. "Come here."
Before he even finished his sentence, I was in his arms squeezing him to death. "Mat, what am I supposed to do?"
"Nothing. What has happened is in the past. We have had to acknowledge it, examine and learn from it, and take that forward with us. Right now, you just need to learn to harness and work alongside your wolf. Other than that, the life of a werewolf isn't all that hard or bad."
I pulled away and laughed bitterly at that statement. "Yeah right. What about the fact that I have a mate? That we're essentially not a whole person? And how am I'm supposed to be this 'Luciana' thing to the pack? Mat, I'm going to scrap everything I know and have planned for my life! I don't know if I can handle that. And what am I supposed to do about Aaron and my mom? They don't even know where I am! And what about Meg and Emily and school? And the band?! I mean there's no way in hell I can get into college with this shit going on n-"
Mat squeezed my biceps and repeated. "Syd, Sydney, Calm down.
Doing as he said I unhealed through my nose, out through my mouth.
In through the nose...1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Exhale slowly through the mouth...Nose...Mouth.
"Sydney, we are going to get through this together, okay? You're my best friend, and I'm going to help you like all the times you've helped me. Understand?"
I nodded.
"Good, now go take a shower to relax your body, take a nap if you need. I can't imagine how sore you must be with all the time as a wolf yesterday."
I thought on this and shrugged, "I'm not sore really surprisingly, but I'm in desperate need of a shower. First, I'm going to find Jaci and ask for more clothes."
"Good idea," Mat approved looking me over.
I wore the same shirt from yesterday and some of what I assume are Jay's boxers.
Mmmm. Mate. My wolf cheered.
A sign escaped me, almost disappointedly in my wolf understanding and moving on from what Jay had divulged to us.
While I was glad he was finally honest and had told me everything that happens with Lilly and the two packs, I wasn't sure if I could look at him the same. The thought of fourteen-year-old Jay killing wasn't something I could just overlook despite how difficult it had been not only to confess but how it left a scar on Jay.
I will still give him the chance to grow our friendship, but this will always be something in the back of my head when I look at him.
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After I found Jaci she loaned me some white capris sweatpants that went to my mid-calf. She gave me a larger sports bra of hers and a red Mickey Mouse sweatshirt that fell off my shoulder.
Once I finished getting clothes, I headed off to Jay's bathroom. I was in his room and headed towards the bathroom door when an ominous feeling crept down my next.
The door is half-closed. Imagine someone could hide behind there, ready to grab you.
I tried to shoe away that thought that was previously ingrained in me with my true crime podcasts and my father's publications, but now I had my own reason to even consider that someone could really be lurking.
"Jaycen?" I called out.
"Sydney? Are you okay? Where are you!?" Jay fired out.
I wanted to be annoyed, and while I didn't appreciate the ambush of questions, I knew he was concerned about me. "Chill dude. Yes, I'm okay. No, I'm not hurt, and your bathroom is my destination. That all right?" I tried to ask in a joking tone, but the tone fell flat.
"Sorry, I'm a little on edge with everything. Damn. But, what do you need babe?"
I frowned at this. "Remember bud, we may be mates but we're starting out friends. Especially after..."
I heard him sigh. "I know that Star, but can't a guy call his best friend babe?"
"One, you're not my bestie and two, no, no you cannot!" I could find myself somewhat humored by this.
"Well, I hope that I'll be able to gain your trust and eventually the ability to call you babe."
Heat rushing to my cheeks out how sweet that was.
Get it together Sydney! You're swooning like a silly schoolgirl... I prepped myself.
"We'll see about that, but I was wondering..." I stopped wearily of the fact that I seem like a damsel in distress asking this.
"Wondering what?"
"I know it might make me sound like I'm desperate and that I'm needy, but I really don't want to come off that way, and truly I'm not usually that way, it's just, I was wondering-"
"Spit it out already Star, I won't think of you as desperate and needy, just tell me what's going on."
"Can you check the bathroom for me? I know it sounds silly bu-"
"No, it doesn't sound silly. You are scared and though I don't like you being scared, it's perfectly normal. I'll be there in a moment Love."
I gasped. Love?
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Jay
After our talk, Sydney excused herself to the deck to consider what she was just told.
I sighed, my mood dampened by my mate's distress over this horrendous situation that I got us into.
"She'll be okay Alpha," Ash said sounding sure of himself, but the look in his eyes said otherwise.
Mat rose from the table. "I'm going to go talk to her."
A low growl permeated from me before I even realized it.
His hands snapped up as he surrendered. "Hey, I'm just going to talk to her. I haven't spoken to her since the other day. I just want to see how she's holding up, the way she's always done for me."
Very reluctantly I gave him a nod to tell him to go on, knowing that he could probably help ease my stressed mate. Even though it made nearly every inch of me furious that she needed someone other than me, the reasonable side of me knew that even though it wasn't me comforting Sydney, she would feel better, and in the end that was all that matter to me. Sydney.
The girl I have known for all of three days had been growing on me. And I didn't even spent any real time with her without it getting ruined...If that made any sense.
"Jay, just let her think it out. She's confused that's all. She'll come around."
I gave him a small nod. Standing up I went to the kitchen to find something to distract me. Finding a cloth I started cleaning off the granite kitchen counters like a nut job.
After about five minutes Sydney and Mat came back in from the deck off the side of the kitchen.
Sydney climbed up the stairs without so much as a glance towards me. From the sounds of it, she headed into Jaci's room.
"So?" I probed.
Mat turned and looked at me. "She'll be alright. She was just freaking out about how different her life will be and about her family."
I nodded. "Anything else?"
He hesitated, "Nope, she's going to take a shower and maybe a nap to calm her down. But that's about it."
Taking a deep breath I nodded and told the guys they could leave.
Terrence and Mat got up and moved to the living room and started up a video game. Ash went a plopped down on the couch beside them and started texting someone.
"Jay?" A female voice called in my head.
"Sydney? Are you okay? Where are you!?" My heart started racing and I dropped everything I was doing.
"Chill dude.Yes, I'm okay. No, I'm not hurt, and your bathroom is my destination. That's all right?"
I breathed a sigh of relief. "Sorry, I'm a little on edge with everything. Damn. But, what do you need babe?"
"Remember bud, we may be mates but we're starting out friends. Especially after..."
I sighed remembering she said she wanted to start as friends and earlier I was fine with that. But that was before I realized that the more time I'll spend with her, the more attached I would become.
I sighed.
Now, it will take even longer to gain her trust, let alone catch her eye with knowing my involvement in the death of Lilly.
Despite it looking to be a long and grueling journey, I still needed to try. "I know that Star, but can't a guy call his best friend babe"
"One, you're not my bestie and two, no, no you cannot!"' She tried to joke lightheartedly, but even I could read it was a stretch.
I smiled. Even if she couldn't see me, with the tone I layered into my voice, I hoped she could see while I was flirting with her, that my words were genuine nevertheless. "Well, I hope that I'll be able to gain your trust and eventually the ability to call you babe."
It took her a moment to answer, so I assumed what I said was the right thing. A smile spread across my face knowing that this could be a small victory for me.
When she started to talk again. her voice sounded a little shakier. "Whatever, but I was wondering..."
"Wondering what?" I asked, concern bleeding in my voice.
"I know it might make me sound like I'm desperate and that I'm needy, but I really don't want to come off that way, and truly I'm not usually that way, it's just, I was wondering-"
I truly just wanted her to tell me what's wrong. I wanted her to trust me. "Spit it out already Star, I won't think of you as desperate and needy, just tell me what's going on."
"Can you check the bathroom for me? I know it sounds silly bu-"
"No, it doesn't sound silly. You are scared and though I don't like you being scared, it's perfectly normal. I'll be there in a moment Love."
I slapped my forehead, 'love' really? Way to take it slow and easy. Now I probably scared her off indefinitely.
Scolding myself, I started up the stairs taking them by threes. My heart was still jumping with joy over the fact that Sydney summoned me.
When I entered my room I saw Sydney was standing a few feet away from the bathroom entrance looking very antsy and pacing back and forth sparing the bathroom a glance ever few steps.
Whatever happened the other day must have really got to her, because from the way Mat talked about her-when I didn't know she existed-she sounded strong and brave as well as funny, yet caring and sensitive when needed.
"Hey, you alright?" I asked placing a hand on her back.
She yelped and jumped in the air. When she realized it was me she released a breath she was holding in.
"Damn! You scared me."
I chuckled lightly, "I see that. Are you okay, Star?"
She rapidly nodded. "Yeah. Could you check the place please?"
I nodded and started towards the door until a thought dawned on me.
Turning I faced a skittish Sydney, "In case I don't come back could I get a kiss?" I put on my best innocent look.
She scowled me. "Shut up, and check the place."
"Fine." I huffed.
Going into the bathroom I searched the place top to bottom.
"Finished," I informed her walking out of the bathroom.
Her eyes locked with mine. "Thank you, Jay. I know it was silly-"
"No. Your safety is not silly. It is the most important thing to me now Sydney. You are the most important thing to me Sydney."
Blush flooded her cheeks and she dropped her head.
"Tell you what Sydney, instead of napping away your afternoon, after your shower and take say a thirty-minute or maybe hour-long nap, how about an outing with me."
I turned and started out the door, and right before I left the room I leaned into the doorway, "Oh, and Sydney?" She turned and nodded at me to go on. "I am not taking no as an answer."
Her cheeks lit up. Sydney turned and rushed into the bathroom, but not before I saw the small smile light up giving me just a little hope that maybe I could indeed get her to be more than my friend.
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EDITED JUNE 23 2020