CHAPTER FIVE: WALK DOWN MEMORY LANE
May 22nd, 2020
When Gemma told herself two years ago, that she would never see him again, she thought she meant it. When she made the decision her brain did not want to make, but her heart knew was right -- she thought that was the last she would see of him. Never in a million years, did she imagine stumbling upon the brown eyes she'd come to love and the hair she could run her fingers through for hours. Never in a million years, after making such a life changing decision, did Gemma imagine she would see Rowan Taylor again. Especially, not like this.
Though here she was, standing in the middle of Clementine's, with her mouth slightly agape and her eyes noticeably watering. Olivia looked back and forth between Rowan and Gemma, not knowing what the hell to say. What even was there to say? She couldn't help but notice the unphased looks on the faces of her mother and Jax. They sat at the long table, staring at their menus, paying no attention to the shit show that was quickly unfolding before them. Liv couldn't help but wonder why they were paying no attention to the very obvious tension arising in the room.
Marcie, on the other hand, looked back and forth between Avery, Olivia, Gemma, and Rowan âwho she didn't recognize at all. Although, the way he was looking at Gemma, with wide eyes and nothing but shock covering his attractive facial features, gave Marcie the idea that Gemma knew him. The way she was looking at him, with her mouth agape and nearly in tears, told Marcie everything she needed to know in the moment unfolding before her. Gemma had some sort of history with this guy -- history in which she'd never told Marcie about. He had to be the other person that Gemma was so scared of running into, on this trip to Michigan.
"R-Rowan?" Gemma's shaky breath muttered. The more she looked into the brown eyes she once loved more than anything, the more panicked she felt. Only thirty seconds had to have passed since she locked eyes with him, though it felt as if they were staring at each other for much longer. Rowan was the first to break their gaze, as soon as his name fell from his bride to be's lips.
"Row?" Avery interrupted the stare down happening between her fiancé and former friend. Gemma's heart sank as the nickname only she used for him, fell so effortlessly from Avery's lips. "Do you two know each other?"
"We - " Rowan began, though was immediately cut off by Gemma, who was barely fighting back her tears.
"I need a minute," Gemma's quiet voice muttered. Before anyone had the chance to interject, she ripped her arm out of Marcie's grip and took off towards the restroom of Clementine's. Thankfully, Gemma knew exactly where the restrooms were located, given she'd been to this restaurant a million times as a child. She was grateful to find the restroom empty upon entering, not hesitating before she sunk into one of the stalls, with her back pressed up against the wall. It didn't take long before Marcie and Liv busted into the restroom, looking for a distressed Gemma.
"Gems?" Marcie called out, looking underneath the stall doors. Thankfully they were empty -- or else that would have been extremely weird.
"In here," Gemma mumbled, not realizing there was tears streaming down her face. She wiped away the liquid falling from her eyes, though she knew it was no use. Given the scene she made in the dining room, Gemma knew Marcie was going to make her talk about it. Gemma knew that the second she took that walk down memory lane, she was going to break out in a fit of waterworks.
"Hey," Olivia crouched down beside Gemma, lacing her fingers with hers and lifting her up. Liv guided her sister out of the small stall, gulping as she saw the fresh tears streaming down Gemma's face. She knew exactly why her sister was crying, though due to the shock Olivia was also feeling from seeing Rowan Taylor, she had no idea what to say. "So, that was weird."
"Weird? More like unreal," Gemma whispered. "Am I fucking dreaming right now? Is this actually happening?" she gulped, finding it hard to speak due to the rapid tears falling from her eyes. Gemma couldn't stop it, so there was no use in trying.
"Is anyone going to tell me what the hell is going on?" Marcie asked, still extremely confused. The curiosity of who Rowan is, was killing her. "Who the hell was that?" Even though she started connecting some pieces of the puzzle, based on the way Gemma and Rowan were looking at each other, she was still confused.
Standing up against the brick wall of the bathroom with her head in her hands, Gemma sighed. There was no use in trying to stall -- trying to talk about it later, like she wanted. Gemma had no choice but to walk down memory lane, right now, because the universe was not acting in her favor and she had no other options.
"Rowan," she whispered, lifting her head up to see Liv looking at her with sad eyes, while Marcie just looked confused and full of anticipation. "Is my ex boyfriend."
"Ex boyfriend?!" Marcie's jaw dropped. In the two years she'd been best friends with Gemma, never once did she hear about an ex boyfriend. She occasionally heard of Avery, though she never knew more of the story until the sudden trip to Michigan. "How come you never told me about him?"
"Because Gemma broke his heart," Liv chimed in, earning a glare from Gemma. "And she was always too ashamed to talk about it,"
"That's not true," Gemma shook her head, though deep down she knew Olivia was right.
"It kind of is..." Liv shrugged. Gemma groaned, throwing her head back so she was staring at the bright white lights on the ceiling.
"Explain, Gemma?"
Gemma sighed. She wished she was doing anything other than talking about this.
"We met our freshman year, at the University of Michigan," she began, closing her eyes so she could focus, and not have to look at her best friend and sister. "We had our freshman orientation class together, and we were paired up for this project to go around taking pictures of the landmarks on campus."
"They hit it off, really fast." Olivia chimed in, with a laugh. Despite Gemma's past with Rowan, Liv always liked him, and hoped that one day they would get back together, or meet again, somehow. Although, Liv never imagined Gemma would be meeting him again for his wedding, marrying no one other than the devil herself, Avery Nelson.
Gemma ignored her sister, squeezing her eyes tighter as she continued telling the story.
"It was my first time hanging out with him, and although it was just for a class project, I felt like I knew him my entire life," Gemma whispered, her tears only flowing faster as her memory clung onto the first time she ever hung out with Rowan. For each photo, Rowan set his phone on a rock, with a timer placed so the two of them could be in the photo. Though the second the picture was about to take, Rowan quickly jumped out of the shot so only Gemma stood in front of the landmark.
"What are you doing?" Gemma laughed. "We both need to be in the pictures, in order to get full credit."
"Yeah," Rowan sheepishly smiled. "But you look so pretty, and my presence in the photos is distracting that."
Gemma couldn't help but smile at the memory, though she quickly frowned for the painful memories to come. She hated talking about her past, because she could barely hold herself together while doing so.
"We hung out almost everyday after that," Gemma continued, her eyes still glued to the ceiling, but she could feel both Marcie and Olivia's eyes staring into her as she continued her walk down memory lane. She was still in the beginning, and although she wasn't going to give all the details of her relationship with Rowan, she feared for the end of the lane. It was the part she never liked to talk about, and although her family already knew what happened, they never brought it up.
"It was so cute," Liv chimed in, once more. "He was over our house, like, all the time. It became so normal, to the point where we'd always ask where Rowan was if Gemma came back from class without him."
"That's so cute!" Marcie gaped, her eyes lighting up at the cute memory. "So what the hell happened?"
"I'm getting there," Gemma sighed. She wondered if anyone at the table was going to come looking for her, since she left in a hurry. She didn't care though, given all she was currently focused on was her trip to the past.
"He became my best friend in such a short amount of time. The first friend I had since Avery went ghost on me. Without realizing it, I started falling for him, but I thought it was stupid because I never thought he would have liked me back. But then one Friday night at a frat party - "
"They lost their virginities to each other," Olivia interrupted with a grin.
"Really?" Marcie gasped. "You told me you lost your virginity to a guy you really liked! Then when I asked you what happened to that guy, you told me it didn't work out."
"Exactly," Gemma nodded, bringing her eyes down from the ceiling. She rolled her eyes at Marcie's confused expression, though couldn't help but crack a smile at her sister's laughter. "I did lose my virginity to a guy I liked. And it didn't work out, in the end. I just never filled you in on the details in the middle."
"Whatever," Marcie shook her head in disappointment, though her disappointment didn't last long because she was very invested in Gemma's story. "Continue."
"We slept together. And then we both realized how fast we were falling for one another. After that, it just made sense. I didn't want anyone else and neither did he."
"So why the hell are we here, now?" Marcie asked. "Why the hell is he marrying your ex best friend?"
Gemma cringed at Marcie's word choice. The second she saw Rowan, as being introduced as Avery's fiancé, her mind blanked. She'd told Rowan about Avery -- he knew of the downfall of their friendship. So she couldn't answer Marcie's question, because she didn't know the answer, either.
"Him and I broke up,"
"Clearly."
"Because I got into Pratt Institute, my dream school. And he didn't want to come with me. I didn't want to do long distance. End of story."
Gemma bit her lip as soon as she finished, hoping Marcie wouldn't push for more details. Liv knew that wasn't all to the story, and there were a few major details Gemma was leaving out. But for her own sake, Gemma didn't want to explain how exactly their relationship ended, because Liv was right. Gemma was ashamed of how things ended, and for the last two years, she always wondered whether or not she made the right choice. She wondered if one day, she would realize how badly she messed up and run back to Rowan. Though the second she saw him, sitting at the table in Clementine's, being introduced as Avery Nelson's soon-to-be husband, that thought in the back of Gemma's mind disappeared. It was a hopeless thought, anyway. Much time had passed when that thought wandered in the back of Gemma's mind -- she was happy with her life in New York, and wanted to put her past of Michigan behind her. It didn't stop her from missing him, though. She often wondered what he was up to, and any time she had the urge to check his social media accounts or text him -- she stopped herself. He probably hated her, anyway.
"That's it?!" Marcie exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. "That was so anti-climactic!"
"No," Liv rolled her eyes. Gemma hoped her sister wouldn't chime in and make her tell the rest of the story, though she had a feeling Olivia wasn't going to let her off that easy. "There's more. She just hates talking about it."
"Is it really that bad?" Marcie asked. Gemma nodded slowly, knowing she had no other choice, now. The past was coming into light. Gemma knew she couldn't avoid it forever, though she never expected to be talking about it under these circumstances.
"Going to Pratt Institute for film school was always my dream," Gemma sighed. "Ever since I was a kid, ever since I started getting into film. When I applied there during my senior year of high school and didn't get in, I was crushed. But my parents encouraged me to go to the University of Michigan, and maybe apply to Pratt again down the road. So that's exactly what I did. I was dating Rowan at the time, but I still applied to Pratt, not actually thinking I'd get in. But I did. And I chose my dream school, over my relationship with him."
"So how did you break his heart?" Marcie asked, referring to Olivia's words from only a few minutes prior.
"He was upset when I got in, but supported me regardless. But when the time came for me to leave, we were fighting almost everyday about long distance, and how it was going to work - "
"For the record, these two never fought. They had small disagreements but I swear --" Olivia interrupted to make an important point, "Gemma and Rowan didn't start fighting until the last few weeks of their relationship."
"Yeah," Gemma nodded, blinking away the fresh tears forming. The more detail she went into regarding the breakup, the more emotional she felt. Because things were said that could not be taken back, and like Olivia said, Gemma was embarrassed.
"I told him if he really loved me, he'd transfer to a school in New York to be with me. His response was if I really loved him, I wouldn't throw my life away for some dream in New York that I never even told him about."
"Holy shit," Marcie's eyes were the size of golf balls. She was completely invested in the story, fully rooting for Gemma and Rowan. Though she obviously knew they didn't work it out, given the predicament her best friend currently found herself in. "Then what?"
"I told him, we must not really love each other as much as we thought," Gemma whispered. She remembered the look on Rowan's face the second the words fell from her tongue, and she wished she could take it back immediately.
"Are you saying you don't love me?" Rowan asked with tears forming in his angry eyes.
"I guess that's exactly what I'm saying." Gemma responded, though she wished she didn't. Because if she would've just said something different -- or combatted the idea, perhaps she and Rowan would have found a way to work it out.
"And that was it," Gemma concluded her trip down memory lane. "That was my last night in Michigan and the next day, I flew to New York and didn't look back."
Marcie was absolutely speechless by the time Gemma finished her novel length love story. With her mouth slightly agape, and her eyes wide, she genuinely didn't know what to say.
"Well - now what?" Marcie asked, still at a loss for words.
"We go home," Gemma replied. "Now. I don't care if we have to miss my dad's birthday dinner later -- I just want to go home. I don't want anything to do with this stupid wedding."
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a/n: ok listen. I didn't want to end the chapter here but it was already pretty long AND suspenseful af hehehe
how do we feel about gemma... and her backstory with rowan... ;) that was wild to write