"There will have to be a proper wedding ceremony, of course," Mother said, leaning forward slightly in her seat. "Even if it is but a small one, it will need to be done quickly."
She eyed the way that Eli had his arm slung across Elizabeth's shoulder. I knew that Mother hoped to hide the fact that the two of them were wed until we could put on an act of actually wedding them, but she also knew that she could not ask them to hide their affections for one another when they were already joined as one in the eyes of God.
That would not be enough to stop the rumors, though, nor the whispers were Elizabeth to fall pregnant too soon after the public wedding ceremony. If Elizabeth and Eli wished to remain as accepted members within the general society that we all lived in, we would need to act fast.
"You could wear my wedding dress," Susanna suggested, leaning forward intently as she spoke to my sister. "I am only a bit taller than you, Elizabeth- I would not mind if you hemmed it up a bit. The dress will likely need to be altered, anyway, if any future daughters I have wish to wear it."
Elizabeth nodded, and I once again found myself amazed. My sister had spent our childhoods planning out every detail of her wedding- down to the type of frosting she wanted the petals of the flowers on her cake to be decorated with. She had planned out every aspect, every trivial and mundane factor- all that had been left unknown was whom it would be that she married.
And now that Elizabeth had found that final factor- the one she desired to be with- it was like all the rest did not matter. All she wanted now was Eli.
My gaze traveled across the room to my Robin, and as he discreetly met my gaze with a slight smile, I decided that I understood very well what my sister was feeling. It was not the materialistic things that mattered. Not anymore.
Robert suddenly glanced away from me and I frowned. But then I turned to the left and saw that Mother was looking my way, following my gaze towards Robert. It seemed that, in all the commotion of Elizabeth returning, she had forgotten that the Earl was present.
I could tell from the expression on her face what she was going to say before she even opened her mouth to speak.
"Oh, Count Robert, I am so sorry," Mother said. She looked positively mortified as her gaze traveled back to where my sister was perched just beside Eli, looking quite comfortable beside him. "I know Elizabeth was intended to wed you- please understand, none of this was meant as a person slander to you..."
Mother trailed off, suddenly seeming to realize that the wedding ceremony we would be putting on for the benefit of the public eye would mean absolutely nothing if Robert went out and began to tell people of the truth. Perhaps better than anyone, Mother knew how quickly gossip could spread in the noble society.
Very often, she was one of the ones spreading such rumors.
Seeing the horrified look on Mother's face, Robert held up a hand. "Lady Baldwin, please- I take no insult. I actually meant to bring up the very topic of marriage."
I felt my eyes widen in understanding as Robert stood. He did not heed the anxiety in my gaze as he passed me by- he only winked. And then, before my brothers and sister and even my two new siblings-in-law, Robert came to pause before Mother and Father.
My Father paused mid-sentences in his conversation with Eli, looking up at the Earl
My bold Robert only smiled back. "Lord Baldwin- I know this may come as a bit of a surprise. But I have been among you and your relations for a time now, and have come to find peace and happiness to the likes of which I never knew to exist before."
Father smiled back, looking confused, but kind as always. "I am glad to hear as much, Count Robert. Our door is always open to you. I am so sorry about all of this- truly."
Robert nodded in acknowledgement, but still appeared just as determined. Realizing what was happening, Elizabeth looked to me, but my gaze was focused entirely on the conversation between my father and my Robin.
"Lord Baldwin-" Robert tried again, deciding to be more direct this time. "I would like to ask your blessing to marry your daughter."
Father blinked, glancing towards Elizabeth, who was still tucked securely under her new husband's arm.
Noting my Father's confusion, Robert did his best to hide an amused smile at his own poor-wording. "Lady Amelia, that is, Sir. I would like your blessing to take her as my wife."
The whole room had gone quiet now, looking between myself, Father, and Robert. It took a few seconds for Father to process this, and he stood suddenly. For some reason I flinched.
But, of course, Father was not nor had he ever been a violent or temperamental man. He simply took a few steps away as he ran his hand through his hair, then turned back to Robert. "My Lord- please, do not take offense."
My heart dropped and I felt suddenly nauseous. My head went light in a way it had not since I had fainted before, and my brother had needed to catch me before I collided with the metal armor displayed in the frontroom.
Robert's expression did not change. His face remained polite, though I saw how stiff his posture was as he spoke again- he was no longer as confident as he had been, though he put on a good front. "Of course not, Sir. Please, continue. Say what you must."
Father looked past Robert, his eyes meeting mine. The emotions on his face shifted, and suddenly he looked far more uncompromising.
His tone reflected this as he spoke. "Count Robert, I do not doubt that you are a good man- an honorable man. I would like to think myself an honorable man, as well, Sir. But the fact of the matter is, I am a Father first and foremost."
Father came to stand just before Robert then, and he only paused for the briefest of moments before continuing. "Sir, I know that you were promised a Baldwin daughter to wed. But I shall not hand my daughters off as lambs for sale- one is not replaceable with the other. In the eyes of society, Sir, offering you my other daughter would be the honorable thing to do, Sir. But it is the honor of my daughter I must defend first and foremost, you see. And I cannot, in good conscience, simply hand her off to you in exchange for Elizabeth wedding another. It is nothing personal, Sir. I simply cannot hand my daughter off for the sake of propriety."
It was then that I understood- Father had misjudged the fear and anxiousness in my expression. He thought that I feared he would say yes.
He was trying to save me- to avoid the same grief that he had inadvertently put Elizabeth through by forcing suitors upon her. Perhaps he even feared I would run, as well.
Robert seemed to come to the same conclusion as I, for I watched the tenseness in his stance relax a bit. He stepped towards me, and Father watched him like a hawk.
"Sir, I assure you it is not a matter of propriety," Robert said. His hand brushed gently against mine, seeking permission, and I took a breath before taking the plunge and intertwining my fingers with his own as he said the next words. "It is a matter of love."
Father opened his mouth, and then closed it again, gawking first at my hand which connected to the Earl's, and then moving his eyes up to my face. Though I wanted to smile, I could not- I was shaking, my nerves on edge as I waited for Father to give an answer.
My Robin gently rubbed his thumb against the back of my hand, keeping his gaze on my Father.
"It is love, Sir," He repeated, more forcefully this time. Beeseeching.
For several moments, there was utter stillness and silence. The only thing that kept me from going mad was Robert's thumb, still moving reassuringly over the back of my hand.
Finally, Father spoke, still sounding baffled. "I... suppose..."
Robert stepped forward, releasing me and gripping Father's righthand with both of his own. "Your blessing, Sir?"
Father stared at me over Robert's shoulder. I was not certain of what he saw in my face, but slowly- so, so slowly- my Father nodded, bringing his eyes back to Robert. "You have my blessing."
A huge grin spread across Robert's face, and he shook Father's hand with rigor.
I had very little time to process this new development- my shocked gaze had only just fallen on to Elizabeth's gleeful face to see her reaction when hands were suddenly on my shoulders, turning me.
Mother stood before me, keeping her hands on my shoulders as she looked at me. I froze as her gaze locked on mine- she had only gazed at me so intently for a scolding. Surely she was going to ask how Robert and I could have possibly fallen in love when we had never even had an informal conversation.
How would I explain that?
"Mother, I-" I began, no idea where that sentence was leading me. So much time, so much scandal, so much risk- and in my foolishness, I had not thought up so much as a cover story. How could I be so daft?
Mother shook her head at me, her gaze still locked on mine. Her hand moved, and I flinched- though I had been whipped soundly and frequently in childhood, generally for trailing mud in or frightening Elizabeth with snakes, my governess had handled most of the discipline rather than Mother. And never had I been struck in the face by either of them.
But surely whatever conclusion Mother had come to was worse than anything else I had ever done in my early-life. Surely she knew that I must have been alone with the Earl, allowed him to woo me, to precariously juggle my previously untouched honor. And surely, whatever image had come to mind, were not so far off from the truth. Surely they were even less vulgar than sneaking off to an abandoned factory together, me wearing his cloak, happily soaking in all of the time away from prying eyes and listening ears. Surely I deserved the blow to my cheek that was coming.
The slap never met my face. Instead, Mother's hand was gentle as she gripped my chin with two fingers, tapping my face up towards hers.
Her eyes were soft. "This is what you want?"
I swallowed hard, wondering why I suddenly felt like crying. "Yes, Mother."
"You wish to wed the Earl?"
To this, I just nodded, my throat blocked by the sobs I was struggling to keep down. Though formally, my Mother's permission was not required for marriage, it suddenly dawned on me how important that was to me.
I had not always had a Mother, after all. It was a special thing, indeed, even if I did so often butt heads with her. But how I adored having a Mother to do so with- those years of being a motherless orphan, starved from both lack of food and affection, made the rare moments of gentle care from her all the more sweet.
"Mummy, please," I whispered, my voice finally breaking as a tear slipped down my cheek.
Mother pulled me into a tight embrace, and I clung to her in a way I was not sure I ever had before- not even in my youth.
Her shoulders shook- was she crying, as well? "Of course, my Darling- I will do better by you girls. I will never run you off again- I swear it. Everything I have done, I have done out of love. But it was wrong- what I did to Elizabeth. What I would have done for you. I only want the best for you, you see..."
She pulled back, and I saw that, indeed, her face was streaked with tears. Still, she smiled at me, staring into my face and then looking me up and down.
Mother laughed. "My God, look at you. So grown-up. So pretty. That must make me old, then, musn't it?"
I laughed with her, as well, shaking my head. It was true, her hair was graying now, and she had lines near the corner of her mouth. But I did not notice them- I just saw my Mother. The same as she had always been- or, perhaps in the moment, even more dear. "No, Mummy. Not at all."
She sighed, pushing a bit of hair out of my face. She looked towards the crowd of people, but they were all politely and pointedly ignoring us. Only Elizabeth's eyes remained locked on us, a huge grin across her face.
"Now, you go and marry the person you love," Mother told me in a hushed voice, holding my cheeks between her hands. "Life is hard enough as it is- I won't make it any harder for you. I'll just love you through it. I haven't said it nearly enough, Amelia, but you are one of the dearest things in my life. You, your brothers, and your sister. I want nothing at all more than for you all to be happy. So do all that you can to be happy, my love, and I will always be here should you need me. Alright?"
Once again, I found myself speechless. So I just nodded, and hid in my Mother's embrace once more.
How many times had I doubted my ability to fit in within this home and family? How many times had I felt myself to be an outcast- a pauper dressed as a princess? Someone just playing a part? How many times had I doubted my ability to take on this role that I had not been born into, but managed to find through pure luck?
But as I stood wrapped in my Mother's arms, I decided that I had been entirely wrong. Because, in that moment, there was nowhere else that I would have rather been.