Chapter 14: Chapter Thirteen

Yay for my mom who’s a nurse and helped me figuring out the medical stuff for this chapter so it makes sense now and will make sense in the future.

Travis’ Point of View

Writing an essay doesn’t bother me much. In fact, I have no problem writing an essay. What I hate is fucking research papers. Research papers don’t allow me to just read a chapter or a paragraph and write, no, I have to go to the library to rent books or go to the schools database to read a shitload of articles. I asked Seth to write it for me and in exchanged I’d do his calculus homework. He laughed at me.

I’m glad I had asked him to go to the mall with me. He hated shopping but he loosened up and had fun. I had no ulterior motive for buying him all that stuff; I really wanted him to have it. The last thing I expected was for my offer to backfire. I’ve never spent so much money on anyone else in my entire life. I’ve bought people expensive gifts and I had a conscious awareness in the back of my head about cost and everything. But with Seth, it’s like I couldn’t stop spending and the happier he got with the more shopping we did the more I wanted to spend.

I’ve kind of dismissed Seth jerking off and moaning my name. If I think about it as what I know it was it will affect my actions. I need the little space I have left in my head clear of all things Seth and sexual. I had enough prior to hearing that. The funny thing about this while thing is that Seth can jerk off to me one night and the next day he doesn’t even get that I’m teasing him about the very action. He went from bad to innocent.

I’m doing so many things at once. Watching The King’s Speech, doing my research paper, and thinking about Seth. Sighing, I closed the recliner, place my laptop on the couch and made my way to the kitchen. Seth made pasta (Yummy, yummy!) before he left for work two hours ago. He’s not supposed to be back for another four hours so imagine my shock when I heard keys jingling in the silence of the house.

Stepping into the hallway that revealed the door, I waited like a crazy person. It could be a serial killer for all I know, oh well. Seth entered and shut the door behind him and walked right pass me.

“Hello to you too,” I said.

“Hey, sorry, I didn’t see you.” The hell? I’m standing in the way how could you not see me. Then I heard him sniffle. “What’s wrong? Why are you home so early?”

“Nothing. I just need some time alone, please,” he pleaded and fanned me off, walking to the direction of his room. His face wasn’t visible to me but from the shaking in his voice he was crying.

Even though I wanted to give him what he asked for, every fiber of my being wanted to go after him and who am I to disagree. I walked to his room and I heard sobbing. I banged on the door and begged him to open it but he wouldn’t listen and he just kept crying. The more I begged the harder he cried and I had no choice but to walk away.

I was so fucking frustrated. He came home early from work and he won’t stop crying. Shit. I’m so close to pulling my fucking hair out. There’s nothing I can think of that would do this to him. He’s always happy about work and him and his coworkers get along just fine, I’ve witnessed it. Shit.

I paced outside his door, not knowing what to do. My lips felt sore from my nibbling on them so hard to prevent myself from saying anything. I slumped to the floor with my arms crossed on top of my knees and my forehead resting on top of them.

Eventually, Seth’s sobs turned into sniffles and I felt a little better stepping away from his room. First I called Nigel but he didn’t pick up. Most of his classes were held in the evenings or afternoons because he’s not a morning person and he is a party person. Bad personality combination.

Finally, I got on my laptop and look up Starbucks locations. I find the one where Seth worked and called them. A female answered the phone and the second I mentioned Seth’s name she went into a worried frenzy.

“Is he alright? He was pretty upset and our manager had to send him home”

“Um, well he’s not alright but I was wondering if you could tell me what happened that made him upset?”

“Oh, his brother called—” Fuck. It’s Friday how could I not remember? “The manager understood and let Seth take the call. From what I understood Seth told him something he didn’t like and they were just yelling at each other. His brother was pretty pissed, the phone wasn’t even on speaker and I could hear him yelling.” Fuck. “It really broke his heart—I have to go but can you tell Seth that Brianna’s only a phone call away”

“I will, thanks.” She hung up and I started pacing again. How could his brother be mad at him for that? It’s not Seth fault that his father was a prick and used him as his punching back. He needs to get his anger in check and direct it towards the right person. Asshole.

One step was all I took to go talk to Seth then my phone started ringing. The number seemed foreign. I thought it was my mom or dad so I answered it.

“It’s Hunter, Seth’s brother.” Good, I thought, my anger boiling.

“How did you get my number?” I asked him.

“I have friends in high places. Can I speak with my brother please? He’s not answering his phone”

I scoffed. “Why do you think he isn’t? You fucking yelled at him when you’re supposed to be on his side and be there for him now more than ever. Two people who were supposed to be there for him and protect him betrayed him now. But, no, you yelled at him and then you call my phone to talk to him. Even if he was letting me in his room right now I wouldn’t even think about it!”

“I know that!” He barked at me. “I’m pissed because he lied to me. I asked him over and over and he told me no.”

“You’re a fucking idiot if you thought he was going to tell you something that would worry you. I’m not stupid. You’re really mad at yourself and you’re blaming yourself. You shouldn’t have taken your anger out on him. He has been through a lot and you just made it worst! He zones out all the time thinking about God knows what on the brink of tears and he doesn’t even know it! Get over yourself and I don’t care what you have to do, call him tomorrow and fucking apologize! As far as I know you’re the only family he has left and he needs you.”

“I know. You’re right and that’s why I was calling.” I could feel myself calming down again. “He doesn’t just need me, you know,” he said softly. He had calmed down too. “He needs you too but he’d never say it. And he needs your forgiveness. Tell him I called.” The line went dead, leaving me with those five words echoing in my head. And he needs your forgiveness.

Why does everyone love me today? I thought, rolling my eyes when my phone vibrated again.  I froze. It was Seth. “I opened the door but I really tired so I’m going to take a nap and I’ll talk to you after.” I read aloud.

I switched my phone to landscape and texted: If I’m sleeping when you wake up don’t hesitate to wake me up. I’ll check on you throughout.

He didn’t answer so I assumed he had already fallen asleep. Just to make sure, I went to check the door; he did fall asleep. I started working on my paper again but the only thing I could think of was Seth and what his brother said. I have forgiven him…well, to a certain extent. I was hurt for a very long time and as much as I want to I can’t control my feelings. I can’t make myself feel the way I want to.

For once in a long time I shut everything off and lie down on the couch to think. Somewhere in the middle of thinking I thought I heard yelling and crying. I listened carefully but the sound faded into nothing. I decided that this was a good time to check on Seth. I had been lying down a long time. The sun had disappeared from the sky and the moon casted a beautiful glow through the window for I had raised the blinds a little.

Walking down the all in a groggy state, I heard Seth mumbling but his voice was loud. I hurried to his room as his voice got louder. Seth was tossing on bed.

“You’re lying!”

“Seth wake up!” I begged, shaking him.

“You’re a liar!” He cried. “She wouldn’t do that! Stop lying to me!” I was in tears by now. He was in so much from his dream and it hurt so bad to see him like this. This wasn’t fair.

“Seth, wake up! Please,” I begged. I shook him one more time and he woke up gasping. He looked at me with puffy eyes, his lips quivered and he started bawling. At first I didn’t know what to do, then my instinct kicked in and I climbed onto the bed and kneeled next to his sitting form and put my arms around him.

“My phone woke me up when you were sleeping,” he whispered, sniffling or hiccupping between words. I knew what he was referring to. “My brother was home on leave then. He was the one calling. We were losing our house at the time and I didn’t even know. My mom lost her job because she was stressing and messing up. I didn’t know that either. That day she went to pick up Amelia from school. I guess the stress and everything got to her and she tried to drive the car off of a bridge but it collided with a truck instead.” He started crying again and I held him tighter.

“Shhh, you don’t have to say anything,” I said. It was for both of our sake I said that. It was killing me to hear it and I know it was ripping him apart and it’s going to rip him apart.

“My mom wasn’t healthy so a judge ordered that she was placed in a mental institution and the only thing keeping Amelia alive is her feeding tube.” The tears flowed down my cheeks in great abundance.

“Seth,” I croaked.

“I’m a terrible person,” he cried. “I saw them once at the hospital and I haven’t been to see them. It’s just so much and I can’t handle it. I didn’t want it to be real. I wanted it to be a bad memory. I’m selfish and I’m a horrible human being.” A sob broke past my lips and we both collapsed on the bed.

“You’re human. Just human,” I whispered in his hair. He continued to cry in my chest. He barely slept through the night and so did I. He cried and I held him.

Well, guys. *Shrug*

This chapter drained me and now I’m sad.