Setting down my bag I carry to work, I feel pressure on my shoulders as I realize that I really need to figure what to say to make Azrael come to Texas with me. I want to spend time with him this Christmas. But Christmas is about two weeks away, and soon I might have to fly back home and if he's not there I'd be devastated.
But today, I brought a little secret weapon. Pulling out a little package wrapped in Christmas themed red, I smile to myself. My plan is simple: give this present to him, and say it's an early Christmas gift, and then say that I want to invite him to Texas again for the holidays. It's perfect. And for now, I'm pretty sure this will work. Knowing Azrael, he's not the type to decline such a polite and inviting gesture. And, from what I know, he enjoyed his time in Texas. That combined with other pieces of information substantiate every hopeful statistic I create in my head for him to come with me.
I take a deep breath, nod once to myself, then walk over to Azrael's office through my own office door. Knocking, I enter after he answers.
Inside, Azrael is at his desk as usual, and he turns to see me and smile.
"Good morning, Hogarth," he says as I walk over, "how are you doing?"
"I'm alright. Trying to bear the chilly air of D.C since I'm from Texas and it's hardly as cold," I answer.
"I see," says Azrael with a chuckle, "I don't think being cold is that fun if you don't like it."
"But," I say as I start to go through my plan, remembering myself talking in the bathroom mirror yesterday night, as well as a few other nights before that one, "I think I can somewhat fix that, if you don't like the cold, since I have this."
I hand him the red package, and Azrael takes it with two hands.
"My, what is this?" he asks, his eyes curious.
"Well," I say, and taking a page out of Jane's book sit on Azrael's desk, "it's just a little early Christmas gift for you."
"Oh, well, thank you, Hogarth," says Azrael with a bright smile and looking at the package, then back to me, "do you mind if I open this now?"
"Sure, go ahead," I encourage.
Azrael smiles before carefully unwrapping the package. The package itself is not that big, and it fits between hands with the edges poking out a bit. Azrael carefully pulls off the red paper, and underneath the box for the wireless headphones I got him is visible now.
"Wow," says Azrael as he angles the box so he can read the label, "wireless headphones."
He looks up at me with a smile.
"You got these for me?" he asks with a smile.
"I sure did," I say as I smile myself.
"Oh, Hogarth, you're so sweet," says Azrael as he looks down happily at the headphones, and opens the box.
The ones I got him are actually the same type as mine, but red. Mine are black, but in my mind I liked the red, so gave that to him. After I went home, I recalled that and then proceeded to research for the best headphones, which are same that I bought. Not only is the fact that I want Azrael to be happy invested in this little gift, but also how he is important to me, and I'm supposed to take care of him. It is officially my job, to ensure he is healthy enough while maintaining a balance between life and work, so all the factors add up to this little gift being not just proper, but in my favor as well.
"Do you like it?" I ask, hanging on his every word.
"I do, I really do," says Azrael happily, not excitedly, but with genuine joy, "I'm so happy you got this for me."
"It was no problem at all," I say, "it's something I wanted to do."
Now to transfer over to inviting him to Texas...
"Well," says Azrael before I can talk again, "I have something for you as well, though it's not as nice."
Azrael closes the box in front of him and slides it slightly to the side, before looking up at me.
"The thing is," says Azrael, "I have decided...that...I will go back to Alaska this Christmas, to see my family."
He stops and catches his breath, before continuing, saying, "And...I was wondering, if...and you don't have to...you'd like to visit my home this time. I went to your family's house, so I thought maybe it would be fair to invite you to mine."
Azrael looks up at me, and I sit and process what he said.
Okay, my plan for taking him back to Texas just flew out the window. It's dead and buried. Azrael probably already built plans for his trip, and can't cancel it. All the practice I made a habit for about a week has been dashed.
But, instead I get to go to Azrael's family house in Alaska. I get to spend time with him there. If I accept, I get a certified seat with him on his plane, in the house he sleeps him, and just to be near him. It's not a date, and certainly I haven't asked him out yet.
However, what Jane said does ring in my head, where if I want to be involved with him, I need to know the 'secret'. I had my own thinking about it, and I couldn't help but guess that it's got to do with his family. So, if I do go to his house maybe I can find out what the exact things that Jane knows is. There is something distinctly odd about him, and the fact Jane knows it tells me I can find it out too. What it is though is another difficult piece of information to pin down. I don't know what I don't know, really. It's a circuitous description of the reality I'm in, but it still is difficult all the plan.
Though for now, I'm just focusing on the current situation. Azrael asked me to go to Alaska. So, my original plan is gone, but this new plan is here. Is it as good? Probably.
No, it's better. Far better, and that causes a mountain of fireworks to go off inside me, making a smile blast out onto my face and my voice.
"Yes!! Of course!" I almost shout as I smile as Azrael is shocked by my jubilant answer.
"Really?" asks Azrael bewildered.
"Yes!" I say happily, "I'd love to go!"
"But," says Azrael, "aren't you going to spend time at home in Texas?"
"I think its fine," I say with a wave of his hand, "my family will understand when I explain it to them."
Right now, I just want to be near you!
"It's really okay?" asks Azrael again.
"Yes, I can assure you that it's okay," I say with a smile.
"Well," says Azrael with his own smile ad turning to his computer, where I see emails open, "I'll let my family know that I'm bringing a guest."
"When are we departing?" I ask, still excited to my toes that I'm spending time with Azrael over Christmas.
"We're departing six days before Christmas," answers Azrael as he looks at his watch and the date, "we leave in three days."
"Wow," I breathe out, and I half say it to myself, thinking that I can be with Azrael all day in three days.
"Oh, don't worry about the plane ticket," says Azrael as he turns back to me, "we'll be flying in my jet again. The least I can provide."
"Thank you," I say, though I mean to thank him for inviting me.
"Oh, but just to let you know," says Azrael as looks back at his computer and he pulls up a tab that says 'Alaska weather network', then looking back at me, "I suggest you go home tonight and pack a bag. If there's a blizzard we might have to fly out sooner than in three days."
"Really?" I ask, the thought of the time I can spend with Azrael expanding and getting closer exciting me, "We could fly out tomorrow for Alaska?"
"We certainly could," says Azrael, glancing over his shoulder at the computer, "it's definitely a possibility."
"Wow..."
"Wait," says Azrael as he looks at his computer, then pulling the phone on his desk and dialing it, "I'm going to chat with Levi and then Jane about the situation. While I do that, you should step out of my office and talk to your family on the phone, letting them know that your plans have changed."
"And I didn't mean that as if I didn't want you here," clarifies Azrael, "it's just, that came out weird."
"Don't worry, I'm not offended," I say as I walk toward the door, "and I'll call them now, as you suggested."
Azrael nods and then starts talking to Levi. Closing the door to his office, I walk over to mine and then close my office door. Walking over to my desk, I sit down and then pump the air with my fist.
I'm going to Azrael's house!! Over Christmas! I'm hanging out with Azrael!! Woo-hoo!
I guess being in love sends you higher than anything else in life. It's magical.
But then, I have things I have to do. I don't know if Dad is at work or not, but it's best to try and call him now.
Dialing him, I lean back and wait for him to pick up. After about three, he does, which is good.
"Hello?" says Dad.
"Hey, Dad," I say.
"Hey, Hogarth! How are you?" says Dad.
"I'm alright. Great, actually," I say.
"Really? Well, did something happen?" asks Dad curiously.
"Something did," I say excitedly, "I'm going to Alaska this Christmas with Azrael."
"Really?" asks Dad, also slightly excited, and I hear Mom in the background ask what the excitement is, "That's good!'
"Yeah," I say, "I'm past the moon."
"I can tell," says Dad with a chuckle, and then Mom comes on after Dad tells her the news.
"Really? You're going to Alaska?" asks Mom.
"Yeah."
"It's cold," says Mom as she laughs, "you might want to be careful of that."
"I will," I say with my own chuckle, "I'll take my own coat."
"Though I'm a little sad you won't be here for Christmas," says Mom a little sadly.
"Ah! He and Azrael will be fine," says Dad, "kids gotta grow up and get out in the world."
"I guess," says Mom.
"And besides," says Dad as he directs his words to me now, "I take it that you'll bring him to Texas next Christmas, right?"
I laugh, thinking how I wish to have that much success and progress between us.
"You bet!"
"But when you do go," says Mom, "you really gotta pack warm. It's snowy, and you need to make sure you have enough clothes."
"Don't you have the seat in Azrael's private jet?" asks Dad.
"Yes," I reply, "he said we'll be flying in that."
"Then don't worry about luggage," says Dad, "your boyfriend can bring everything you own in the plane of yours."
"Probably," I agree with a smirk.
"He's technically not Hogarth's boyfriend yet," points out Mom.
"Well," replies Dad and I can hear the smile in his voice, "I trust our boy's capable of changing that reality."
"I am too," says Mom.
"Well," says Dad, addressing me, "we're going to let you go now so you can start to get ready for that trip of yours. When are you going?"
"The plan for now is that in three days we're going to fly out. But Azrael says that we might have to fly earlier if a blizzard shows up. So I think I'm going to go home tonight and pack," I reply and also give an explanation.
"Alright, well, have fun in Alaska. I've never been," says Dad.
"I will."
"Love you."
"Love you too."
Hanging up, I set my phone on my desk, and I feel a rosy smile bloom on my face. It's happening. I'm going to be with Azrael during the next week, and we'll spend time together.
I can't forget what Jane said though. I really need to know that secret of Azrael's if I want to get to know Azrael more. But if I were to start a relationship then find the secret out, I don't really think it'd be too bad. It's not as if the secret in question is that bad, is it?
Unless, Azrael is so uncomfortable with the secret himself that he needs somebody who is aware of it and fine to ask him out. The person who asks him out has to be aware ad comfortable with the secret that he's detests himself.
Though, if Azrael can't even come to terms with that hidden aspect of himself, would it be alright that I know about it? Jane somehow figured it out and then indicated the existence of it to me. If I knew it, wouldn't that intrude into Azrael's life too much? I'd maybe break into his life and he'd be completely torn apart from that.
But...if I care about somebody enough and want to be there for them, I can't help but think I should know what is happening. Isn't that what there is to be with a person is when you love them? To support them? I can't reach out to hold him if I don't even know the dire secret that pushes down on Azrael. I can't help and understand him if I'm not aware. So I need to know.
Looking at the calendar that hangs next to my calendar, I note how I'll have some time to spend with Azrael. This secret...I need to figure it out. There'll be time for bein with Azrael, but there's still the need to figure out the secret. So I have my schedule filled for the coming days, which should be fun.